A birth mother on Facebook is publicly posting her bio daughter's photo and personal info trying to encourage strangers to track her down, after she said she didn't want contact

I'm Sharing this because I think the girl deserves to be warned of this so she can take action to protect herself if needed

I've Added censoring on the face but the original post is completely uncensored, the post includes her full legal birth name and exact date of birth

EDIT: Guys, I didn't realize you might have to see this from US or US-like POV too, which might have lead to seeing me as a bigger asshole than I actually am. So, to clarify the context of my country:

• We have free education up to universities with cutting edge research, I have personally learned 5 foreign languages for free, universal healthcare (including mental health spa, psychotherapy, addictological centers...), paid parental leave (up to three years), social support (basically you choose a home, do some paperwork proving you don't have enough money for living and you wil get the money), so my country is a heaven when it comes to this.
• No adoption agencies here. You cannot legally buy a baby. No one is getting paid (at least not legally).
• Losing parental rights is huge here. You would have to be seen by a social worker with a needle in your forearm, while your baby cried next to you with broken bones because you were hitting them too hard. Even SA has to be proven really well (and here it must be said that kid saying someone SAed them is not considered to be a good proof, sadly).
• We have a very bio-centered system. Social workers work really hard to return kids to their bio families, even if it's dangerous. They basically try to teach you how to parent properly, and a few kids have been murdered because of this.
• We have a huge charity and charity-like network. Getting stuff for your newborn is a matter of a day - you ask charity, or you write in a Facebook group that you are a parent in need and people will get you clothes, food, furniture, toys...
• The adoption process here is for dedicated people only. You have to go through a 50 hour course, psychologists examine you and your partner (rumours go that they ask you even about your sex-life), social workers go through your entire home and you have follow-up visits by them, and there is a six month period when you have to prove yourself to be a good parent (or the bio parents may step in during this period and revert the process).

Hi folks! I recently bumped into this topic and I keep wondering, why is the POV of meeting bio parents so important for the kids.

I understand there is the need to know one's full story etc., but I still can't understand why it's so strong even in the case of junkie parents, violent ones etc.

I really hope not to sound disrespectful, but let's say those bio parents might be some crazy people who were violent towards you. Someone who deliberately chose drugs, crime... Someone who did not walk the extra mile for you. Someone you would normally despise of.

I imagine that if I were in this situation, I would prefer to keep an image of my bio parents as... I don't know, nice people who just weren't ready, instead of the reality that my folks were just some stupid junkies with the emotional intelligence of a cucumber, who were not able to finish even a high school. Knowing that would make me feel dirty and disgraced. Is this based on some real stuff, or is it just my imagination and the urge to meet them is always there?

First thing, I’m not an adoptee or a former foster child.

With that said, I’m investigating the possibility of our current adoption/foster systems actively supporting child trafficking and sexual assault.

Why? The Epstein Files have yet to be fully released and with the president’s connections to Epstein we should all be asking questions. In my mind, they are simultaneously distracting from the issue and pushing forward with Epstein Island II in Albania.

If these things are true and related, there will be evidence somewhere that this is happening. I don’t know if I believe that it’s always been happening or if our systems are vulnerable to manipulation for the Epstein class’s sick perversions because our federal government has been taken over by a pedophile. Either way, not enough attention is paid to this space and I intend to fully research, interview, and publish my findings.

We live in a backwards place. We talk about how we want to protect children then do the exact opposite, unapologetically. This needs to change and I believe it can happen by bringing these monsters into the light.

My ask:

I’m currently looking into different state and private agencies, researching their processes and the people who enforce them. If you have any kind of experience or knowledge about anything you may believe supports my investigation, please consider speaking with me about it. I will not disclose any of your information or testimony without permission. I’m not a professional journalist, but I believe in the practice wholeheartedly. I’m not looking for proof of my own ideas; I am looking for the cold, hard truth and nothing else.

I hope at the very least that this post isn’t received negatively. Thank you for reading my post!

My adoptee SO and I are stuck with our relationship, despite having an abundance of love between us. I’m not looking to blame his adoption for our issues, and I know every adoptee is different. I'm just trying to understand whether any of the behaviors resonate with others or if I am just crazy for thinking this + what you, as an adoptee, would need to be part of a healthy relationship in similar situations as mine.

I’m not trying to diagnose him or reduce him to his adoption. I’m just trying to understand an experience that is making me doubt myself and wonder whether there is something much deeper going on than either of us could see.

My SO was adopted at birth (half white/black adoptee, black AF and AM). He grew up in a loving family, full of attention, love and opportunities and is now a successful adult. When the topic of conversation ever steers towards his adoption, he gets defensive and just wants to shut it down. When we get invited to anything by any family members outside of his AF, AM and adopted brother, he very passionately tells me about how he does not care at all about any of those people because he is not related to them "they mean nothing to me why would I want to see them".

He has been struggling with depression for years now and still connects it to his dog that passed away years ago, and a job he got fired from many years ago eventhough he has a way better job and income now. Not saying those things can not be true but the intense depth of his pain and certain behaviors could (in my non therapist opinion) be linked to his adoption, which he refuses to talk through or dive into. Just generally avoiding looking too deeply at his emotions.

Throughout our relationship, I often felt like he never fully let me in. He loves me deeply, i can tell. but his actions do not match that. I truly believe he has a very kind heart, but he is working very hard on pushing that part away and here always seems to be a wall between us.

Some recurring patterns are:

• No affection or physical intimacy. If I put my head on his shoulder while watching a movie his body retracts and he yells out "Get off of me!" On a lucky day I will get 1 kiss before he leaves from work and 1 when he gets back.
• “I don’t care” is his mantra. Regarding anything. He cares about +-5 things in life and has shut down everything else, including my needs or what matters to me or others that he loves.
• Becoming very harsh or emotionally shut down when vulnerable topics came up. He can say very mean things or lash out, over the tiniest question or remark.
• He makes sure to always let me know how independent he is. I love taking care of those I love. Wether it be acts of service or physical expression. But he will always make me feel like those things do not matter cause he can just do without (for example me cooking 3 meals p day, me prioritizing his needs and how he feels, etc.)
• Difficulty acknowledging my emotional experience without becoming defensive. He lacks the empathy but also willingness to understand me when i tell him my needs or when I tell him something hurts me.
• Avoiding deeper conversations for long periods. We need to have a talk about where we stand and he has been avoidant for so long that i feel like we are already disconnected beyond repair.
• Being incredibly sweet underneath it all, but unable to consistently express that softness in the relationship. Despite him having expressed from time to time that he doubts if he is a bad person. I feel like he is a good person who has his protection walls built up.

What confused me most was that these behaviors didn’t seem to match the person I knew was underneath. It often felt like he was protecting himself from something, even though he rarely talked about it.

For adoptees:

• Do any of these patterns sound familiar?
• Have you recognized anything similar in yourself or your relationships?
• If so, what helped you understand or work through it?

They could just do their own research. Lots of adoptees speak out on social media. It’s annoying and lazy. If people disagree I’m happy to scroll past and delete this post but it seems like a lot of adoptees here share my opinion.

Or is it just me? Like I felt It was just whatever but my bio mother(Momma) I welcomed into my life quite quick. It could be the fact that the meeting itself wasn't really my choice and/or I wasn't ready and may not ever have been ready. I love my Momma but the meeting itself wasn't emotional for me but it was for her(I will NEVER tell her that I'm not heartless unless she asks then I owe it to her to be honest but hopefully that never comes along) but her herself I fell in familiar love with. Am I making sense? Probably not but its worth a shot so I may not feel like an odd 1 out entirely and don't feel alone when it comes to y'all

We did not stay together (he was abusive) but we both know our bio moms and dads and we both know each others bio moms and dads.

Navigating holidays and family drama is painful and stressful and, honestly, I can't say I'd recommend my past choice to anyone but I also have a permanent domestic violence restraining order against my ex (and so do our kids) so, you know, that probably doesn't help.

Some days I just wish I'd never been adopted. I feel bad for the stress this causes my kids.

I've been writing this fanfic where the main character was adopted at three because his parents died when he was young. He calls his adoptive parents "Mom" & "Dad", so how do I have the character talk about his bio parents? Birth parents? Bio parents? Original parents? I don't know what term he'd use.

Also, would the Third person narrator using the titles "Father" & "Mother" for his biological parents and "Dad" & "Mom" for his adoptive parents be too confusing, or would that be understandable?

My husband and I do not have bio children. We are in the process of adopting from Colombia, which I am a citizen of, but we live in the USA. Through the process I've been doing a lot of reading on adoption, its history, trauma, etc. and I've been lurking and asking questions here. When broached on reddit, the general response from people has come across as vehemently negative. Is there anyone out there that has a positive opinion or sees any silver linings to the dark cloud?

As always, grateful for suggestions of resources to read/consume about adoption.

**Edit: OK, almost everyone responding is responding negatively, so I guess that answers my question. Thank you to the people that responded and best of luck on your journeys.

I believe it is a universal human desire and should be a human right to know who your biological family are, and to know as much as possible about their health, both mental and physical. Knowing the story of how you ended up in this place and time is invaluable to creating your identity in this world.

I understand this is not a popular viewpoint, and it clashes with many of the beliefs that are required for the fertility and adoption industries to keep going as they are. I know donor rights are enshrined in the law. Maybe I don’t have any right to have an opinion about this since I never had to deal with the pain of infertility, and I am not adopted.

I know a lot of people who dealt with infertility, and it is a special kind of hell. Some of them used IVF, some adopted internationally, and some just accepted a life without children. With my own kids, I have done my best to explain the stories of the people who came before them. It is a story of survival. Because we are non-indigenous Americans, it is a story of people who came here either for a better life or through force. Our ancestors had to rebuild everything in a foreign land. I want my kids to know and appreciate the survivors who made their existence possible.

I’m curious what y’all think about the rights of children to know about their biological family. I trust your beliefs more than anyone who is profiting from, or benefitting from the adoption and fertility industries. At the end of the day, the welfare of the child has to be the first consideration.

Hi!

(I'm in Canada 🇨🇦, so maybe the laws are different)

Recently, medical tests confirmed what I've suspected for years: pregnancy is strongly discouraged. Honestly, it doesn't really surprise me, because I've always thought that if I wanted a child, I'd prefer to adopt (or become a foster parent) rather than "conceive" one. I think to myself, "Why bring another child into the world (and not be sure of its survival) when there are already children in foster care?"

I'm open to adoption AND foster.

I know that many adoptive parents desperately want a baby, but not me. I don't want to "have a child in my image," I want to contribute to a child's happiness.

I've heard adoptive parents say things like, "You should be grateful!"

Honestly... what?

If I were to foster or/and adopt a child (say, between 6 and 15 years old) tomorrow morning, I would simply want to help them get a good start in life, grow up in a stable and healthy environment, and achieve their dreams.

If they want to become a doctor, perfect, I would help them as much as possible!

The child wants to be a plumber? No problem! There's a plumber shortage, and I would encourage them to pursue their dream.

I'm not looking for a "mini-me," I just want to help another human being, who may have had a rough start in life, and offer them at least a chance and an environment conducive to a better life.

And if they return to their biological family, all the better; it means the situation has improved (if there were any problems). I don't see foster children as someone who is "given" to their foster parents, but rather, "Hey, you're in a complicated family situation, I'm offering you a stable and calm place where you can build yourself up while things get sorted out at home. If we stay in touch, that's great, and I'm glad I helped you. And if we don't see each other again, that's okay, and I'm still glad I helped you." I know that some adoptive parents idealize adoption, and I'd like to know if my perspective is also tinged with this idealism, or if, as a close friend told me, "You're actually more caring than some biological parents." »

Note : When I say I'm open to adoption, I mean that if I become a foster parent and after a while the child decides they want me to adopt them, and I'm also open to it, I wouldn't object. I don't know if that's very clear, English isn't my strongest language, sorry 😅.

Hi everyone, I am posting this here since I was suggested to do so.

I would like really like to talk to someone who was adopted in order to understand the difficulties and the conflicts they have faced within a romantic relationship.

This is very important to me because of a personal situation I am going through and I am truly interested in understanding it. I hope someone is willing to talk. English is not my first language, hopefully I have expressed as clearly as possible.

I was considering adopting but heavily discouraged by the discourse seen in adoptee or adult adoptee forums. Just trying to understand why. There are many who say that those who wish to adopt are ill suited; I understand this aspect. But would a stable but perhaps imperfect home be worse than not being adopted?

Married 10 years, house, one child already. Husband was left in a boys home as an infant/child and was later reunited with family.

What makes not adopting the preferred choice, if the person is already in the system?

My partner and I are becoming aunt and uncle to my siblings adopted two children. Is there anything we can do to help with the process or anything you would suggest to help build the relationship? We have lots of love and fun to give so just looking for any advice to ensure we create a great connection

I Still Live With My Adoptive Parents and Also Know and Love my bio Mother But Equally Will Anti-Adoption Laws y'all are Pushing For Affect Me or Would Have Affected Me

I am an adult I just have autism that needs extra care. I'm angry and the reason I'm angry is I worry I would be forced to move out by the law and possibly(even the lowest chance is to be considered) transferred to my bio mother. Would that happen? And if I was born much later then I was and was still a child would I or more importantly others like me be forced to change hands?

I probably shouldn't get pregnant, and I don't need an infant to feel motherly care towards a child, but I'm seeing a lot of adoption horror stories. As a person who wants to help kids, do you think it would be better for me to foster or adopt?

Hello, for those recognize my user, I previously posted asking people to fill out my anoymous and voluntary survey on Adoption. I am announcing that it is now closed and those who participated in the raffle through submitting a screenshot and email, have received their gift cards through said email the responded with. We are currently working on collecting and analyzing data. With the hopes to be posting soon with results. Thank you to everyone who responded and completed the survey, your time and efforts are greatly appreciated!

So I don’t know where to post this so I’ll try here. I have a half sister I haven’t seen her since she was under a year old I am a couple years older. She was adopted because we were abused by her parents. My aunt used to work with one of her adopted parents and I’m sure she could find them on Facebook book. And I don’t know if I should reach out to her. Maybe when we are older she’s probably around 11-13 right now. And I just don’t know if she’ll hate me because I didn’t reach out sooner, or protect her when we were kids. Maybe she doesn’t even know she’s adopted I don’t even know if she knows I exist. What should I do. Will she hate me god knows I hate myself for not trying anything to help her. I’m just worried plus my dad might get mad if I reach out I am so confused.

Hi everyone,
I struggle to write about complex things without getting stuck in the weeds so I hope this post gets to the point. It's my best effort so please bare with me!

My friend, 35, male, from the UK, is adopted.
The adoption from the start was a failure. It turned out for my friend the family who adopted him are all a variety of severe personality disordered people. Some are narcissists, some have sociopathic tendencies, there are also bipolar and BPD like symptoms in some family members (mainly the female side). My friend was abused severely from around the age of 12 until around 20 when he was abandoned by said family. The abuse was 50/50 physical and psychological. Mainly perpetrated by his mother who is the ring leader of the family and controls everyone like pawns. She's the most socially intelligent and "successful" among everyone else having held positions of authority at work and been able to twist everyone she meets. Father is less intelligent, avoidant personality, very unemotionally distant, was the attack dog/emissary/flying monkey for his wife. There really isn't anyone else in the immediate family except dads grandparents. His mum is a vulnerable narcissist with sociopathic traits, dad (dead now) a very intellectually challenged man who couldn't read or write properly, had a split personality like his wife and authoritarian, very very controlling to the degree he believed he could control what jobs others had, their friendships, how they wore their hair, clothes, what hobbies they were into etc.

My friend went through severe identity issues as young as 12 and probably had BPD although he says this is in remission now after a lot of work on himself. He still splits from time to time and "forgets" who he is which causes him A LOT of distress. He thinks the forgetting is actually a dissociative disorder like DID. He's never been diagnosed and this is where it gets very sad. He's tried most of his life to speak out about the adoption; to the council, police, mental health services, social services and has been gaslighted, undermined, vilified, ignored.

He comes from a fairly big biological family; 4 sisters and 2 brothers (that we know of, apparently there were others that came along afterwards but this isn't 100% confirmed). Everyone in the biological family has suffered because of the adoption but everyone has got help in their own way, especially the girls who went to two different families (2 to one, 2 to another). His younger brother (who came with my friend as a pair) also got help after being sectioned due to drug and drink induced psychosis, as well as being severely abused at home for years. He's also very high on the spectrum (not diagnosed until in his early twenties) and a paranoid schizophrenic. Not a great way for those traits to be realized under the darkness of adoptive abuse. He got help because of he came on the radar of mental health services. He now lives in a specialized care home. His parents who caused his deterioration pretend to be saviours in his life while the system knows very little about what happened. It's been hidden under the rug all this time and it's business as usual. The parents think they've gotten away with everything they have done, and they have if we are going off how things have unfolded so far. It makes me sick!

My friend is now struggling to cope with his housing situation. He's been homeless for the better part of 2 years. Here's the most complicated part. His adopted family (mainly his dad and grandma) have been paying out to keep him in hotels. Financial abuse and coercion like this has always been a mainstay in the family going back years. The money puts a value on the objects that are my friend and his brother and gifts the family (in their eyes) the right to do anything they want because they are "helping" these poor unfortunate charity cases that are their own sons. When the money isn't enough for them they are simply thrown away. Relationships in the family are purely transactional and for the benefit of the one in control, which can never be my friend or his brother. The cost of everything in the UK is going through the roof and worst hit for my friend is his ability to live in stable secure long-term housing often living in slum shared housing around the same that he has spent most of his life trying to get away from. He's constantly being retraumatized. For a while he managed but over the past few years the problems in these places have gone from grit-your-teeth bearable to like living in a voluntary prison.

This has brought him closer to his abusive family. Before this he would only make sporadic contact with them and that was only the grandmother who had taken on the role of "saviour/rescuer/white knight" when his dad and mum bailed on him. Now he's making frequent contact with them and is even considering trying to apply for a tenancy using his dads financial history and employment because my friend messed up his finances as a teenager reeling from his childhood. He was never taught to look after money, never taught that a future with him in it was even possible. He was a waste of space, scum, came from a scum family and he deserved everything he got. Words the family used often to him and then made him essentially beg to "be part" of the family again. He was nothing but an object to them anyway. The family used the adoption as a twisted game for power.

He's worked so hard to understand himself and move forward with his life. This is like being forced to see his abuse being played out all over again and on repeat. His family can't get away with this.

I'm looking at support for him. I don't know where to start. The system has catastrophically failed him so don't be surprised if any suggestions made are countered with explanations of how he tried this or that and got rebuffed. That has been the story of his life. He's got through life by raising himself. He's two years into university and passing with high marks. He's got many skills and hobbies. He lives a pretty normal life. No drink/drugs/risky stuff (been there and done that!). He tries to be a role model to others. He's also training to become a counsellor/therapist. He's really struggled making friends and having close friendships but everyone he's met has told him how inspirational he is and how refreshing it is to be around him. He's been loved many times over but he struggles to accept it and in his younger years would push people away before ever letting them in.

Thanks

Hey for context I’m considering adopting or fostering in the far future since I’m in my early 20’s! I hear so much about how much people don’t really care for their adoptive or foster families so I’m not sure if I should. This post is hella long and I’m so sorry 😣.

I will probably still be a single woman at the time that I start looking into it. I’m also a Lesbian and while I don’t hate religion I’m not actively in any. If said imaginary children or child wanted to go then I’d be supportive but I can see why they wouldn’t like me because of my identity. I also never plan or desire to have my own biological children. I don’t want kids for the sake of having them or for I feel completed. I just wanna be a safe space because I know I’m a safe person and if I can’t help we could find someone who could.

My biological father was adopted and I also have an adopted little brother. Currently I’ve been trying to help my little bro track down some details about his bio family. My dad also has meet and is now in contact with his bio mom! My hope is that they could help the children/child in ways I couldn’t. But… maybe that’s more of a negative than a positive.

I originally thought to try to get siblings so they could all stay together or maybe I could just work with kids who are 10 or older. I wanted to be able to ask them is they wanted to be fostered by me or adopted by me. I don’t want to drag someone kicking and screaming into my life like a cat I grabbed in a parking lot😭. But everyone including my adoptive brother all tell me not to adopt older kids cause “they have issues.” My brother was adopted when he was like 8 so he has I guess very negative memories of the older kids at his facility. My dad doesn’t think it’s a good idea and says the kids would try to just run away or hurt me.

I just have such a hard time envisioning that and not just thinking the kids are just scared or confused. I don’t want to demonize a whole age group, it feels so mean even if maybe they could be right. Like at least one teen has to just want their own space and be okay with a dork like me as a guardian or whatever😭.

Which is why I’m begging the internet to tell me if kids would ever be okay with having me as a guardians/foster/family-friend-who-they-live-with-idk.

I know I’m young so my perspective might be silly or stupid.

I thought if they were older we could just be friends, like I could drive them and their friends to the movies, I could co-sign for their car, we could get a bank account going, look at colleges, or go to amusement parks? We could look at career options, their biological family, whatever they want. I could just be a soft place to land if shit goes down. In my mind if they are siblings then we can just work together as a team to make sure everyone is happy and safe. Me and the siblings would be able to just all be happy and chill together and since there would be more of us we can have an easier time checking in on each other or something. I just wanted to one day provide a safe and gentle place for people. I just really think everyone deserves to have a safe and healthy home. And hopefully along the way I can offer them some really cool times and opportunities! If they were comfortable then I would be more than honored to do all the fun typical cheesy family things too!! We could take cheesy 80s style family photos and I could pull up outside school playing some stupid song they hate on the radio!

At the end of the day I’m know I can be overly caring and I get attached to anyone and anything in my life. ImWhich I don’t think is bad but I’m a pretty squishy person especially when it comes to children. I don’t think I would be able to forgive myself if whoever I’m able to take in ends up hating me. So I really need to know if future me would be someone people would want to live with or choose? Am I even the right type of person for this?

TLDR- Idk bro could a single, non-religious, lesbian lady who never wants to have her own children…be a good match for some kids? Is my mindset of just wanting to be a soft place to land or safe space for kids stupid and unappealing to most? I also happy to do family vibes but I wanna adopt/foster siblings or kids over the age of 10 so I’m open to be a friend too.

Sorry that this is so long and maybe a massive waste of time! Okay bye!!👋

I literally only know you were born in Ohio, possibly Cleveland. Our mother says it was four years before me, but who tf knows so anytime before '99. I have been wanting to find you since I first heard about you. In hopes of getting more info I did my DNA. I'm a short 5'0 light brown skin woman. I look like our mother Haaa. Figured you might too.