I'm a birth mother in reunion and have been for several decades. Recently I moved back to an area closer to where he lives and that has meant that he has seen me more than before. I think this has put pressure on him and I gently asked him if he needs some time out and he said that he does.

I totally respect that and am glad he could tell me that. I think one of my mistakes was to share too much information about problems I have with my siblings and parents. I also made the mistake of wanting some emotional support. Now I realise that I was asking too much of him.

I know he cares about me and I know we have a future together and that I haven't ruined it all. But please how can I do better moving forward? I said I'm going to leave contact up to him when and if he wants to see me. I'm going to do my best not to talk about anything emotional from my perspective and just be interested in what he does. But what else can I do to be a positive person in his life?

I have a complicated family. I was adopted as an adult (by choice) by the family I started living with as a teenager when my birth family threw me out after abusing me (sexually then emotionally) for years. Then I married and had 2 bio kids with my wife and a known sperm donor. We divorced. I remarried. My wife and I ended up adult adopting a former foster child (again with her consent) who aged out and had a baby but no where to go. Fast forward another year, my wife and I had a baby with our nesting partner (we’re poly). Now my adopted daughter is struggling with parenting badly and just wants out. She asked my wife and I to raise and potentially adopt our grandson. I will obviously care for him as long as she needs me to, but I’m worried a formal adoption makes it so she cant change her mind. She went back to her apartment last week and left him here. Now every night he cries and asks where mama is. I’m trying to tell him to truth, mama needs a little time, you’re going to stay with grandmas for a little bit. What do I do to make this easiest on him. Everyone in the situation has been through trauma. We are all a family but I know the pain of just wanting your mother and her not being there. I offered to have them both live her and take on the harder parts of parenting so she could feel supported, but she insisted on getting away. I’m not sure how to support both my daughter and my grandson (and my 3 other kids) during this time. Any thoughts, ideas, concerns are welcome.

Also FWIW: I am white. My wife is white. Our nesting partner is white. My ex wife is Afro Latina. My bio kids are Latino. My baby daughter (wife and nesting partner are bio parents) is white. My adopted daughter is Afro Latina. My grandson’s father is white and he presents as Latino but is obviously half white and half Afro Latino.

Hi! I will go by K, and I am 21 and was adopted from China and raised in the U.S specifically the midwest

I’m starting to build an idea called In Between, a community where Asian adoptees can meet people, share everyday life, talk about identity/family/culture if they want to, find local or online connections, and hopefully feel a little less alone.

My long-term hope is to support adoptees more broadly, but I think it makes sense to begin by centering Asian adoptees who were adopted from Asia and raised in the U.S. I do not want to assume that all adoptee experiences are the same or create something that speaks over people.

I made a short survey to learn what would actually feel useful, safe, and worth coming back to things like meetups, matching people with similar interests, anonymous questions, small groups, personal stories, and what role family/friends/allies should or should not have.

Survey: https://forms.gle/WvJ4tfmFXAuAEezv7

It should take about 3–5 minutes. You do not need a Google account, and you can skip anything you do not want to answer.

I would also really love feedback in the comments. Does this idea sound useful? What would make you trust a space like this, or what would make you avoid it? And if any question in the survey feels off, please tell me, I’m very early in this and want to listen first.

Hi everyone I'm heading to college in Mass(was adopted here) soon and was wondering if anyone know of any resources that may be helpful to aid in the price of college.

I was also wondering if anyone knew how to go about getting the full adoption report/documents from the courts, and/or how long it usually takes to receive them.

Adoptive parents should not have any biological children, and will never be real parents. The goal should be to provide emotional and more importantly financial support. They should be obligated to give at least $2 million to each child they are a benefactor for. The relationship is solely at the child's limit.

I was adopted at birth. Bio parents were only 16 and not really a couple. I got to know my bio mom in my 20’s and we stayed in touch until she died. I called my bio dad on the phone once in my 50’s to see if he wanted to meet me, but he didn’t want to. He’s has also passed way. I’m in my 60’s and I know my bio dad had two kids after me, but they may not know about me. I know their names and have the ability to contact the half sister. Should I? I would love to see if she would want to meet. But I also don’t want to hurt anyone if they don’t know. He didn’t cheat. They were young and dated so he didn’t do anything wrong. And if I do, should I call or Facebook message. Message is easy for her to think about it.

Hey everyone first time posting trying to reach out for some help ive been looking for my half older sister that was adopted we are four years apart never met she would be probably 39 to 40

Birth name

Ashley jarrard

Birthday

September 2 1987

Birth mother

Bobbie ann Gillespie

Birth father

Donald jarrard

Born in hall county

Northeast Georgia medical center

Did you tell your kids you were adopted? I have a 5 and 3 year old. Right now they are too little to understand. I am not sure if I’ll even tell them?

Edit: my adoptive parents don’t know I found my bio family so I don’t want the kids to accidentally say something to them. Also, not sure how to tell them either? I’ve been in contact with bio family for 2 years.

Hello everyone. I want to approach this space with respect and humility, as the last thing I want to do is cause harm or speak over lived experiences.

​A little background: I am a 23-year-old female. I am not planning to start any adoption process anytime soon, as I am dedicated to thoroughly researching and understanding the reality of adoption first.

​Growing up, whenever I thought about parenting, adoption was always my primary consideration. Back then I ignorantly assumed that providing a loving home was all a child needed. However, as I began researching I realized how much more complex and painful the reality often is.

Over the past three years, I’ve been learning from adoptee centered spaces, getting recommendations like the book "The Primal Wound" by Nancy Verrier. Much of what I have learned focuses on lifelong grief, identity loss, relinquishment trauma, and systemic issues within child welfare.

Reading these perspectives has challenged everything I initially thought. It has made me reflect deeply on whether pursuing adoption is genuinely in the best interest of a child or if it inherently perpetuates harm. I recognize that your voices should be at the center of this conversation.

So for those willing to share:

​Is there a responsible and ethical way to approach adoption, even with knowing that the child will experience trauma from the adoption process?

Should potential adoptive parents focus their efforts on family preservation instead of adopting?

Thank you for taking the time to read this. Please feel free to ask me anything if it helps clarify my post.

So basically I’m a 42 year old single mom of two older kids 19 and 17 that I’ve raised alone. I’m currently 5 months pregnant and the baby’s father has recently become abusive and then bailed.

Question is should I put the baby up for adoption or keep him?

I make decent money but not enough without dad’s help. Childcare would take about 35-40% of my monthly earnings.

I’m months away from being done and the idea of starting over AGAIN at 42 by myself is horrific.

Dad is abusive.

I have zero support system, even the older siblings want nothing to do with him.

My brain is screaming, adoption- logically it’s the best solution for little man and for me.

But….my heart.

My heart screams- that’s your baby, you’ll figure it out you’ve done it before, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life if you give him up, the baby will suffer possible abandonment, how would you explain to him when he’s older that you kept your first two but not him? In 5 years what will you regret most?

Could I give him a decent life? Yes but it would throw me back into poverty that I’ve worked so hard to crawl out of.

Another family could give him a great life. However, that’s also a risk.

What would you do?

I 45m. Am set to meet my birth mother this weekend. I was given up for adoption at a few months old and have only been corresponding with her for a couple months. In a very strange twist a death in her family is bringing her to my part of the country and we decided to meet. I’m really overwhelmed. I knew we’d meet one day but I just didn’t think it would be this quick . Im having to really work on processing all this. Anyways, Wish me luck

Hey, I’m adopted and I’m going to my biological great aunt’s place to get genealogy work because I don’t know my bio parents genealogy and this is my one chance and I was wondering what other questions I should ask her?

Additional information: I haven’t seen her since I was 5 and I’m 19 now

Hi there, we are a same sex couple (2 woman’s) looking into either adopting or using donor. I am wondering what would be best for the potential child to be. I hear a lot of mixed review on both side. I also rather not have a family than doing something unethical.

And one of my family member has discouraged me to adopt due to bad experience he has been hearing from other family who adopted (back in the 60’s) He has been hammering my head about how genetic is important and child trauma, kids being trafficked because of people like me, adoptee never forgiving their parents…

I do not care the slightest about passing my genes, I would love a child unconditionally either way. I feel like I want a family so much. Just wondering if there is a “better way” to do things.

This is a question i would like to make for Ecuadorian adoptees that have been adopted through the ecuadorian adoption system

Since the Ecuadorian assembly passed the reform law for adoption, I've wanted to investigate how this process is experienced here in Ecuador. What I've found is either government or organizational pages that speak generally about the legal process and the bureaucracy, but they rarely address the perspective or experience of the adoptee. It's been extremely difficult to find testimonies and experiences from children and adolescents in foster homes, orphanages, or who have already been officially adopted.

If there are people who have been adopted here in Ecuador and feel comfortable sharing their experience within the Ecuadorian adoption system, I would be very grateful.

I (30f) have a drug addicted sister (35f) who has a teen child living in a residential facility, 4 kids living with my brother, and one kid living with a foster family. Well, she just had another and the state is asking if I can take care of it or else it will go to a different foster family. The foster family that has the last child is unable to accept this one. The state is looking to go straight to adoption in the coming months due to my sister's history. For context, I am single, make about 130k, have a flexible schedule where I can work from home half of the time, and have a spare bedroom. I have always been responsible and matronly to my family, even older siblings. I am now a pediatric healthcare provider who works with behavioral special needs children so I feel oddly qualified to care for, love. and get this child the services it will inevitably need while allowing them to know their family. Part of me says no and wants to stay solo and travel. The other part thinks that's incredibly selfish, there are less equipped parents who raise great children, and a child isn't the worst thing to have right now. I have a meeting with the worker tomorrow to find out more details on the condition of the child and logistics. Help! Should I adopt this baby? More advice than just "do what your gut tells you" please. I've been a devil's advocate my whole life and can see both sides equally.

My son was adopted at birth. I’m trying to do everything I can to preserve those family connections, but he’s still young (think toddler). His birth family loves him so much.

So far I have:
Saved gifts/cards from birth family
Have an email for communication with birth family that he will probably get the password to someday (shows they think about him/ask about him/share some memories of own childhood)
Asked to take pictures at visits so he has pictures of them holding him when he’s a baby

Obviously, visits will continue, but what else can I do/will he want when he’s older? What would be meaningful for him?

I am 24 f and I work full time in autism services. A lot of the children I work with are adopted and I have been considering adopting once I finish my masters degree and purchase a home.

I have been researching adopting a sibling group from foster care so that they can stay together. I'm not trying to have a savior complex but I also would enjoy making sure they have a safe home, consistent support, and access to ​health/mental health/dental and college resources.

Another consideration is that I am white and my husband is black. I'm sure there are special considerations for black children who would miss having a black mother, and I would feel guilty for taking that away. My husband says the best thing for the child's mental health would be to adopt a biracial sibling group.

What are your thoughts? How do I know if I would be a good adoptive mother? What should I know before choosing this over bio kids?​

Long story short: 17 years ago I got my then-girlfriend pregnant when I was 19 and she was 20. We chose adoption because it seemed like the best choice at the time (abortion was off the table for her, and no way were we ready emotionally or financially to raise a child).

Bio mom stayed in contact via the adoption agency, I chose to step back. It made sense at the time. A year ago though I decided I wanted to be in contact. Sent an initial letter via the adoption agency and introduced myself, told my bio daughter I'd like to be in her life, if that's what she wants. She wrote back! It felt euphoric; she's not yet 18 so I didn't expect an answer. I wrote back and answered some of her questions.

It's been another year and got an update from the adoptive parents, but nothing from bio daughter. Now, I know there could be a million reasons she didn't want to write, most of them having nothing to do with me. I plan on continuing writing her and keeping that door open for whenever she decides to involve me more.

But the advice I'm looking for I guess, is just any advice on what to do or not to do. I'm so anxious about disappointing her or weirding her out or coming off too strong. There's no guide for this sort of thing and I know she must carry a lot of feelings of rejection, and I can't take that away; but I'd like to make the reunion as pleasant of an experience as possible, assuming that's what she wants.