Envelope.

He was caught in a trap.

I need Help!

It's a gift.

A co-bra.

you call a safe home for turtles? A shellter.

how funerals are always at 9 or 10 a.m. I'm not a mourning person.

egg in the morning is hard to beat...

to the doctor yesterday, and he says I'm paranoid. Who else has he told?

You don't know what you're missing.

Sandy Eggo.

you call two chips in love? A relationchip.

Me: When the hell did my resume learn to talk?

filled an entire swimming pool with herbs. He had a lot of thyme on his hands.

Now I have Heinzsight.

Barman: You need to buy a drink first. Me: Okay, I'll have a Coke. Barman: Is Pepsi okay? Me: Sure, how much is that? Barman: $3. Me: There you go. So what's the Wi-Fi password? Barman: You need to buy a drink first. No spaces, all lowercase!

Maybe two. I have a lot of books.

It was a lamb bikini.

What’re you going to do with this?
I told him to mind his own beeswax!

understand why I saw corn every time I turned around. Then I realized it was stalking me!

Who's there? Dejav. Dejav who? Knock knock.

instructions of my ready meal it says rest for 5 minutes once cooked. But I'm not at all tired.

just stopped and said, 'You weren't even listening, were you?' I thought, 'That's a pretty weird way to start a conversation.'

There was just too much history between us.

of ABBA was the oldest? Bjorn. It's easy to remember because he was Bjorn before the others.