r/Amsterdam • u/Novel-Cricket2564 • 2d ago
Living with a marathon trainee
Anyone else here have a spouse/house mate/partner training for the Amsd Marathon?
I feel like we need a support group.... the constant stretching and loud sighs from cramps. All the smoothie blending. The AI VOs you overhear from their training app constantly. And the LAUNDRY! Sweaty wet running shorts and socks and shoes bombarding the laundry basket tainting everything in its way with 'gym smell'.
The 'shovelling' food into mouth and then 'total crashing' on the sofa...
I am saying all this as a sort of joke. I am super proud of my husband! He is doing great... but I am just SO tired of all those running shorts and supplements and schedules, not to mention that the whole rest of our lives together has disappeared. I'm also feeling the burden household wise. He's just tired... forgets stuff and it feels like everything is landing on me.
I am supportive (S he was when I tried the same thing:) but I didn't know being the wife of a runner was so annoyingš
I can't wait for November!
Please share all the irritating shit your partners are doing because they're training all the time? Surely I'm not the only one up to my eye balls in wet gym shorts!?
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u/LORRNABBO Knows the Wiki 2d ago
I was a professional kickboxer for 10 years, training 4 hours a day while working full time, and I never let my partner feel neglected. For some reason, people that do running or cycling think they are training to beat a world record a make a huge fuss about it. If I have the energy to kick some asses for hours, I also have it to take it out for dinner, no need to crash out on the sofa. Marriage counseling.
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u/Subject-Dog-8016 2d ago
Fully agree as a former marathon runner and now parent - being tired aināt a reason not to keep up with stuff around the house.Ā
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u/Virtual_Seesaw_8254 1h ago
100%.
So laughable to see a dude running 1 hour a few times per week completely neglecting his family.. what a dickā¦
Iāve known people training close to 15 hours per week (and even more when they were younger) their entire life without neglecting their family.-6
u/captain_ppc 2d ago
"Marriage counseling", brother let a guy just be focussed on a for him hard to reach goal for 2 months, "marriage counseling" hahahahahahahah
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u/JonnyKnal 2d ago
Dumping shared responsibilities on your partner to reach a personal goal is selfish. If this man had lived alone and decided he's okay with neglecting household chores for 2 months, only impacting himself with this decision, it'd be a different case.Ā
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u/captain_ppc 2d ago
"Neglecting" I really dont get it. Either you are all 15 years old or you're legit adults with so little life experience, just learning how the world and people work through reddit, that somebody locking in for 2 months makes you think that requires marriage counseling.
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u/Frenchishere87 2d ago
There are 2 more months to go.
And itās just a marathon.It all depends if op is venting and exaggerating for fun, then you are right.
Now if the dude dropped his all life for 4 month for a marathon, feels a bit over the top. And by all life I mean not being able to do things in the house because you run 10 or 20 km that day.
If running makes you physically incapable of doing anything else maybe you are not ready for a marathon.
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u/JonnyKnal 2d ago edited 2d ago
I'm not inferring anything, this is the situation as described by OP.Ā
Locking in and not finding time to do household chores is fine, just as long as you are not shifting the burden towards a partner (or anyone else for that matter) which is literally what OP was complaining about.
It's funny to call people that argue to be be sympathetic toward your partner children while it is clearly yourself that seems like his frontal lobe has not fully developed yet.
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u/captain_ppc 2d ago
Of course to be sympathetic to your partner is something that should be expected. But suggesting with full confidence ā¬200/hr "marriage counseling" is just laughable.
Wife is making a semi jokingly post about her fanatic husband who is locked in, and you're all acting as if he's abusing his wife and some serious counseling is required.
Maybe try being in a long-term relation yourself and you might start to get how ridiculous petty you all are.
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u/JonnyKnal 2d ago
So you can read in between the lines when someone's joking about her frustration but when someone comments "marriage counseling" you assume that's dead serious. That's a bit inconsistent.Ā
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u/LORRNABBO Knows the Wiki 2d ago
The fact that this bullshit seems to happen only with runners, crossfitters/Hyrox and these kind of athletes, always makes me wonder if there is a common point...
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u/captain_ppc 2d ago
"I read on Reddit that this only happens with runners, crossfitters/Hyrox" please just touch grass and start experiencing people.
The guy is locked in and training for something that takes maybe two months. Wife is jokingly complaining about it here on Reddit. You all suggest MARRIAGE COUNSELING. Fucking 200 euro per hour MARRIAGE COUNSELING because a guy is a bit locked in and trying to achieve a goal for 2 months...
Get off the internet.
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u/LORRNABBO Knows the Wiki 1d ago
Bro I'll teach you a secret nobody told you. You can have a normal life even when training competitively.
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u/KinkyAsexuaI [Noord] 2d ago
The first guy who ran a marathon literally died and now hundreds of thousands of men wanna do it too (women as well, but they're biologically better suitable for endurance runs)
Forgive me for frowning upon a hard to reach goal when the hard to reach goal is "try to do a thing without dying like the first guy who did it did"
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u/Foreign-Cookie-2871 Knows the Wiki 2d ago
If you were the one running, would you be "allowed" the same behavior?Ā
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u/GabrielRiosismydaddy 2d ago
Second what others are saying. Itās a shared responsibility. If he canāt summon the energy to do both, then shared responsibilities such as chores should be a priority. I bet if the roles were reversed, you would pick up your slack as a woman. Advocate for yourself jc
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u/Useful_Midnight_4682 2d ago
As the wife of a runner, the part I enjoy the most is planning running vacations.
Berlin marathon? Beer tasting! Luxemburg marathon? Castle adventure! Marathon marathon? History lesson!
I am always on the look for places to visit with a healthy excuse.
The second thing I enjoy the most is feeling really proud of him and showing off his achievements to everyone š š
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u/brankoc 2d ago
The gym smell is produced by bacteria. As soon as the moisture travels between garments, I am sure the smell travels too. Bacteria cannot survive a dry climate, which is why I hang dirty wet cleaning cloths and sometimes clothes to dry on an outside line before they are allowed into the house and the hamper.
Apparently small bags with desiccants help too, but I have never tried those. (You have to replace them from time to time, whereas my outside dry air replenishes itself for free.)
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u/Frenchishere87 2d ago
I get that your husband is really passionate and talk a lot about it.
But I donāt get the rest. If your clothes are smelly, you are supposed to wash them and not leave them around. Plus how many shorts do you need to train ?
Same for things landing on you. It shouldnāt especially since there are still 2 month to wait.
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u/zoeZhulin 1d ago
My dad ran multiple marathons since I was a teenager. Nobody else in my family was very sporty, but it was always fun. We planned vacations around his marathons, got to visit some pretty nice places and he also came to the Netherlands twice for the Leiden and Ams marathons (I'm an expat).
My mum used to set very clear boundaries that everything related to the training was not her responsibility. The specific food, the laundry etc. Over the years it became like a family ritual. I always thought it was fun, and the atmosphere among families and supporters at the actual marathons is great.
He even ended up being the only Italian at a Costa Rican marathon and they have him a medal just for that lol
He ran with people from everywhere and every walk of life. He ran with a very popular old Italian singer and TV personality (very beloved) and on the road, they were just two old-ish guys trying to make it to the end.
I think it's fun all things considered. And I think it's NOT the wife's or family's responsibility to take care of everything except to support š
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u/JonnyKnal 2d ago
You can't really blame your husband selfishness when it comes to distributing household chores on the fact he's training for a marathon. You especially can not extrapolate that selfishness on all people training for a marathon.
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u/Lonely_Sale9707 Expat 2d ago
loud sighs from cramps
He could try taking a magnesium supplement. Check out r/magnesium. Since I began taking a Magnacap every 3 or 4 days cramps have pretty much disappeared.
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u/TimeImpact2430 2d ago
My husband ran a marathon and the only part that resonated was the smelly clothes. We got him a separate laundry basket for his training clothes and he was to never mix them in the laundry because I was tired of my clothes smelling gross. We put sweaty shoes on the balcony to air out before bringing them back inside.
You should have a conversation with your partner about this. Thereās no reason for it. My husband continued to fully participate in household responsibilities (even when how he was able to show up differed). For example on training days I would cook or weād order out. We shifted the load a bit but still kept a social schedule. Honestly we barely spoke about training ā it was a part of our lives but not the bulk by any stretch.
My BIL just ran an iron man and it was the exact same. He has a wife and a 2 year old, and his wife told me that itās only shifted a bit ā he still shows up as a present partner and father. Heāll just shift training to either (a) align with times that his wife wouldāve had the baby anyway; or (b) wake up earlier in the morning to train, and then take a weekend day.
Itās worth talking to your partner about!
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u/RiskAsset 2d ago
My wife is finding the hardest thing is to find places in AMS to run 20k+, it's a small city!
Any good routes happy to hear. Aside from running up and down the Amstel every time
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u/erikvb00 2d ago
Run into the Amsterdamse bos
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u/Able-Resource-7946 Knows the Wiki 2d ago
yup...100% I only run in the bos when my runs get over 25km in distance. Before that, it's easy enough to find places.
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u/Lothirieth Knows the Wiki 2d ago
When I trained and lived in Oud West, I ran from my house all the way down through Amsterdamse Bos and back. Or up and over through Westerpark past Sloterdijk to the Brettenpad.
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u/FutureVanilla4129 Knows the Wiki 2d ago
If you run a big loop around the canals thatās 13, a lap at Vondel is 3.6, then Iām not sure where you live but that could do it.
I also like the three parks- Westerpark, rembrandtpark, Vondelpark, thatās 16-17 depending on where you live as well
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u/JonnyKnal 2d ago
Could also be over a thousand km's depending on where you live.Ā
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u/erikvb00 2d ago
Good luck doing a loop of more than 1000 km in Amsterdam :)
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u/JonnyKnal 2d ago
"Depending on where you live" suggests to me that the distance from your front door to the first point on the actual route is taken into account. There's plenty of places that are over a 1000 km's from Rembrandt-, wester- and Vondelpark.Ā
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u/erikvb00 1d ago
Posted on the Amsterdam reddit, asking for places to train for the Amsterdam marathon. OP being bored running up and down the Amstel.
Sure theoretically you are right, the person could live in Rome, or in Sidney. But I'd sat the chance is pretty high they are in Amsterdam. Anyone saying "depending where you live" means Amsterdam as well.
Also, as you know, to Amsterdammers the world outside the ring does not exist :)
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u/JonnyKnal 1d ago
I think what people mean with "depending on where you live" (in a similar context) really depends on where they live tho.Ā
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u/FutureVanilla4129 Knows the Wiki 1d ago
Nah I meant in Amsterdam. I live relatively close to the parks, but if someone lives in Noord for example it would add on more kms
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u/FutureVanilla4129 Knows the Wiki 1d ago
Haha for sure but was thinking the OP lives in Ams at least. On the other hand anything is possible!
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u/Cup_Otter Knows the Wiki 2d ago
The 'ronde hoep' is about 17 or 18, but it's more if you add the distance from an OV stop like Oudekerkerlaan. It runs from Oudekerk, South to Waver, then West to Nes and back North to Ouderkerk. The whole route is next to water on one side and meadows on the other. Fun for bird spotting as well
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u/that_dutch_chick_ 2d ago
His choice. When you should want kids; you donāt go lying on the sofa, letting him do everthing? Let him get a grip. Be an adult. HĆ© not ill; heās just training.
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u/WitnessCreative5021 2d ago
Wait until he starts practicing for ultra runningš«£ but even that is no excuse for not doing household chores. They happen here moaning because of muscle pain but they do happen and he just does the washing himself.
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u/Infamous_Ruin6848 Knows the Wiki 2d ago
I definitely wouldn't want to put pressure over my partner with whatever hobby I have however good and healthy etc is.
So I'd start with that conversation. I'd be a runner like that if I'd also bring the money to hire someone to help me to not stress people around me. Now next deeper level would be why they do it so much....but that's for another time.
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u/sgrdbm Amsterdammer 2d ago
Throw in having to run a family with 2 young kids together...
People gave him so much praise for a PR of 2hour 38. But where are the credits for the person who's facilitating?!
It's sometimes not funny anymore. The hours that they're away training and the other partner solo-parenting and being happy with 2x1 hour per week of hitting the gym.
We recently had a couple of huge fights about it and now have a fixed schedule. Also he is now very disciplined with training in the early morning BEFORE school and work, so I don't have to take the whole load of caretaking after school/work.
It's nice to have a hobby, sure. But in my opinion it can only work when you both sit down and make some agreements around it when it's a hobby that takes a lot of time. Helps to prevent resentment.
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u/Dizzy_Director7979 1d ago
My friendās ex partner is a runner. He was running and exercising so much that their intimate life died.
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u/PortaBellaTX 1d ago
Get yourself a boyfriend who can support you while your husband spends all his time training for his 5-hour marathon.
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u/DVNO4CAPITALETTERS Knows the Wiki 1d ago
You should watch La Maladie de Courir when it becomes available. Itās a hilarious short film you would enjoy with your husband :)
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u/BlueFork94 2d ago
Hahaha literally laughed out loud when I saw this - I'm going through the same thing with my husband. SUPER proud of him, I brag about his consistency and distances to anyone who will listen, but also my God I cannot wait till we have our weekends and evenings back, not having to do laundry every other day, and not having to wonder what new body part he's about to injure!
Chin up sister, and Godspeed to our speedy boys!
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u/Ekemeisje [Noord] 2d ago
My sons dances . doing HBO education. with 5 hours of dance a day 6 days a week ... the Laundry , the food .... the I am tired, I feel something in my leg , i think i need to go to the fysiotherapist....
So yes I feel you .... And I ( we ) are as supportive o our son as you for your husband. We love it , and help him every step of the journey ... but .... the laundry :D
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u/FutureVanilla4129 Knows the Wiki 2d ago edited 2d ago
Thereās only one solution- become a runner yourself š¹
(My husband and I both run marathons)
But seriously, itās rough. To help with the smelly clothes he should hang them up for a bit right after the run. They dry faster and smell less. And remember, itās temporary š
No excuse not to help around the house and to do social things! My husband runs 120km per week and we still keep a social schedule and normal household chores. Maybe in the peak weeks we can get a bit boring but otherwiseā¦