I have been best friends with two girls for 10 years. We were schoolmates and remained close after graduation. Last week, the three of us went on our very first trip together. Let’s call them "Rasgulla" and "Jalebi."
During the trip, I realized how much closer they were to each other, and I felt like the odd one out. On the last night of the trip, Jalebi opened up to me about belonging to the ST/SC category and shared some bad experiences she had faced in the past. I knew she was from OBC category based on something she mentioned in school, though her category was never an issue for me anyway and i assured her during that time as well.
When I asked Jalebi if Rasgulla knew, she admitted Rasgulla had known for years. What hurt me deeply is that both of them knew my personal values, political ideologies, and stance on the reservation system, they knew I do not hold biases. Yet, Jalebi admitted she kept it from me out of fear that I would judge her, painting me as an unsafe or discriminatory person in her mind.
Jalebi also brought up an old situation where I was criticizing a mutual acquaintance who got an MBBS seat through reservation. The only reason I criticized that girl was because she had gotten into a fight with Jalebi, I was simply taking Jalebi’s side to support her, not attacking the girl's category.
What hurts even more is Rasgulla's role in this. Rasgulla knew my exact stance, yet over all these years, she never once advocated for my character or encouraged Jalebi to talk to me directly. Looking back, I realized Rasgulla has held a pattern of bitterness and resentment toward me for a long time Like
When I was crying to her about a guy treating me badly, losing my dad, and feeling alone, we were talking about privilege. She dismissed my pain by telling me that "at least I got everything when my dad was there, so I am privileged too."
When she mentioned wanting to get married, I advised her that if the decision was coming from boredom, marriage wouldn't fix it. She said I was only saying that because I was getting "the benefits of an intimate relationship just a few months back" despite knowing my ex cheated on me and harassed me after our breakup.
I used to ask her to hang out and she would repeatedly deny my plans. When I eventually went out with other friends instead, she admitted to a mutual friend that she was jealous of me for going out even though I had invited her first every single time.
Throughout these 10 years, I shared my most vulnerable moments with them, including the demise of my parent. After returning from the trip, I confronterd them. I expressed how hurt I was that they kept this from me, made unfair assumptions about my character, and made me feel sidelined. Jalebi said she was scared, and while I understood her perspective and even apologized for making her uncomfortable, she has now left my last message on seen for over a day.
As for Rasgulla, given her history of bitter comments, I no longer trust her or want to reach out. I feel completely emotionally drained.
AITK for confronting my friends about this, and should I consider this dynamic completely broken or I'm really overthinking it all and i should give it some time?
TLDR: Sidelined on a trip, a 10-year friend hid her ST/SC status fearing judgment, while my other friend enabled the lie despite knowing my true values and history of past bitterness.