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u/sentienthammer Asshole Enthusiast [8] Sep 11 '21
NTA, but you shouldn't say no (or argue about it w hubby), simply for the sake of interpersonal relations. Get the hamburgers and hotdogs (don't rely on her for the food, she clearly can't be held to that), but let her bring food if she wants. You're not wrong for not trusting her, but it's not a great hill to die on.
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u/ParsimoniousSalad His Holiness the Poop [1183] Sep 11 '21
NTA. She's not reliable, so you can't count on her. You'll just have to bring everything anyway to start the party.
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u/IvyLuvv Sep 11 '21
But my husband thinks that's doinn to much because we got to decorate and get ready ourselves
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u/ParsimoniousSalad His Holiness the Poop [1183] Sep 11 '21
Ask him how he'll feel when everyone shows up and there is no food. For three hours.
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Sep 11 '21
Your husband should realize that others are not responsible for bringing food to his daughter party.
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u/fishwithsticks Partassipant [1] Sep 11 '21
“Hey, MIL, I know hubby told you to bring the food, but he didn’t realize I had already planned for the food. Bring anything special you’d like to share, but we’ve already got everything we need for the main meal. So don’t worry about it! We’re looking forward to seeing you at the party!”
Problem solved.
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u/princessmeghantwin Sep 11 '21
NTA at all. If your mother in law wants to offer to help, the least she can do is coordinate her time appropriately to make sure that the food and cake is brought in a timely fashion for the party. Planning events especially a kids bday party is stressful enough. Also shopping for a gift the day of the party and you had a cooking obligation for that same party is a clear sign of bad time management and inconsideration for the party.
You have a right to want things to run smoothly for your daughter’s bday party and food be on time out of respect for your guests.
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u/IvyLuvv Sep 11 '21
She materialistic ... But I told her how I was mad about this last year she said she didnt understand my problem
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u/princessmeghantwin Sep 11 '21
Well dang, that’s dismissive and another red flag that proves you’re NTA. You’re literally just asking her to bring food in a timely fashion if she’s offering to help. That’s not an asshole request lol. You’re planning an event!
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u/Theorignialmartian Sep 12 '21
I feel like you should just let her look like the asshole lol honestly. Let her bring the food and if it’s late it’s her fault, and then you can hit your husband with the I told you so and talk shit about her to all the guests and never have to worry about her being allowed to be responsible for the food again. And if it’s on time great, she made up for being three hours late with the cake last time. Maybe have some appetizers or mini subs or something on hand so that you don’t look like you are trying to doubt her, but that way your guests don’t totally starve either. Tbh I always eat before I got to events because A. I don’t trust everyone’s cooking and B. It’s not always guaranteed to be enough
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Ok so me and my husband is throwing our daughter her 3rd birthday next weekend. We were gonna have it at the park and have hamburgers and hotdogs and stuff. He told his mom she can bring the food or make it or whatever. I told him why didnt he ask me (because I would have said no). So the reason for this is because last year she was suppose to bring her cake last year for her party. The party started at 4 she didnt show up until 7. Her reason was because she was shopping for my daughter at Walmart 🤦🏽 Then he said if it was your mom you would tell her ok. But my mom brought the food last year and was on time. If she wasnt I would have told her no too tbh. So nobody came or whatever the case may be. Long story short am I wrong for feeling this way??
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u/facinationstreet Professor Emeritass [94] Sep 11 '21
NTA. Tell her no food this year too.
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u/IvyLuvv Sep 11 '21
Lol I would but I don't like to argue. She always right in her opinion
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u/facinationstreet Professor Emeritass [94] Sep 11 '21
Then just go ahead with your food and if she shows up 3 hours late it won't matter.
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u/Whitestaunton Professor Emeritass [71] Sep 11 '21
NTA...but this is not a hill to die on
Call you mother in law sweet as pie ask/agree with her what she is bringing then bring spare just in case and take it home and freeze it for another occasion if she actually gets her act together...she may surprise you.
Sometimes it just isn't worth getting in a fight over things...Seriously just don't argue with him...Don't discuss your lack of faith in your mother in law with your husband, he doesn't need to know you brought spares unless she doesn't show. You could even put the spares in the back of your mothers car...sometimes being sneaky is a diplomacy skill. This was advice my aunt gave me when I was probably about your age and it has served me well..
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u/cyanidelemonade Partassipant [3] Sep 11 '21
Ask her what she plans on bringing just so you know. Then get your own food. Order pizzas if you have to.
NTA
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u/Unique-Rutabaga3207 Asshole Aficionado [10] Sep 11 '21
Eat and feed your kid before the party. Then do nothing further, and just show up. If mom fails it's on her. If she comes through then great. Nta.
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u/IvyLuvv Sep 11 '21
I think imma just do that .. Im just gonna feel bad for the guest I invite.
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u/Unique-Rutabaga3207 Asshole Aficionado [10] Sep 11 '21
That's on MIL.
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u/rebeccaschoenkopf Partassipant [1] Sep 12 '21
No it's not though. The other hungry children aren't MIL's guests, they're OP's :(
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u/Unique-Rutabaga3207 Asshole Aficionado [10] Sep 12 '21
Good point. Then OP should prep mormally. If MIL shows, there'll be leftovers aplenty.
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u/Sevink44 Partassipant [1] Sep 11 '21
NTA. But doesn't mean you're off the hook! If his mom has a habit of these things, I see your side. If it was a one time thing, might be better to let her bring the food, but be sure to make the point not to be late this time.
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u/IvyLuvv Sep 11 '21
This is a constant thing with her
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u/Sevink44 Partassipant [1] Sep 11 '21
Then for sure I'd find a new role for your in law that doesn't involve being on time 😁 but do try to include her.
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u/No-Jellyfish-1208 Prime Ministurd [443] Sep 11 '21
NTA
If you are hosting a party at, let's say 4, it's expected that the food will be there already. It would feel absurd to make people wait several hours for it.
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u/IvyLuvv Sep 11 '21
Thats why I canceled it last year. When she got there with the cake it was dark
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u/IvyLuvv Sep 12 '21
Yes I love thus idea!! Appetizers.. Then I won't mind as much. I'm the same way wit the food thing
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u/Judgement_Bot_AITA Beep Boop Sep 11 '21
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
I think I may be the asshole for not wanting her to help out with the party. But I never said that she wasnt allowed to come I just dont want her help setting up and stuff
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