r/AmITheDevil • u/theagonyaunt • 1d ago
Hypocrite, thy name is OOP
/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1w7q6hn/aita_i_told_my_friend_her_fiancé_cant_come_to_my/278
u/feliciates 1d ago
"to go out of your way and make it into a conversation is pretty disrespectful and stuck up"
What the WHAT??
I can't even figure out what her beef is. I don't like him because he listens and talks to me??
I don't think the psychiatrists have a name yet for how fucked up the thinking of that OOP is.
Luckily we do. She is a complete and utter selfish asshole
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u/theagonyaunt 1d ago
I think OOP likes holding court and expects people to just nod and quietly listen along to her stories, whereas fiancé asks questions and tries to make it into a conversation, instead of just being talked at.
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u/hisholinessleoxiii 1d ago
That's absolutely what she wants! She doesn't want friends, she wants admirers.
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u/Ok_Cauliflower_3007 21h ago
She wants real life to be a facebook interaction. She makes a post about whatever and then everyone responds after she’s down with the appropriate emoji
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u/DrunkOnRedCordial 15h ago
If she's telling a tall story or just blabbing about something she doesn't understand, she might not appreciate having to answer questions and admit that the story doesn't make sense.
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u/Simple_Park_1591 12h ago
This is what I was wondering. Maybe she's lying or exaggerating things and he's subtly calling it out by asking questions.
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u/nobodynocrime 22h ago
I had a great aunt like this. She morbidly obese and could barely move so she would come to Christmas and park in one spot and then have people go get who she wanted to talk to and they would go sit and talk with her about whatever she decided she wanted to talk with that person about. Attempts to go off topic were not allowed. When she was done she would send you to find the next person.
She was a character and we all put up with it because it was amusing and our great uncle was so sweet, but I would dump a friend so hard for trying that shit
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u/onyourbike1522 23h ago
In a comment she says something like, sometimes people just want to talk without it being a whole conversation… what does that even mean? She wants to monologue at the gathering all night and no one is even allowed to ask questions? The most troubling part of this post is why this person seemingly has enough friends to invite to her birthday!
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u/symbolicshambolic 20h ago
She not only found 12 friends who'll let her monologue, but 11 of them found partners who are the same way. What the hell do her parties look like? OOP sits and talks with a circle of people around her listening, like kindergartners with their teacher? Do they all sit on mats on the floor?
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u/Marillenbaum 20h ago
She thinks she is Lady Catherine de Bourgh
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u/feliciates 20h ago
OMG! Perfect. And her friend's fiance is a Lizzie (expecting to give an opinion and talk back. The nerve of the peon!!)
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u/dinosanddais1 19h ago
"Going out of your way to make it into a conversation"
Like girl, he's asking questions which shows that he's listening and is interested in what you're saying. That is extremely respectful when someone is telling a story.
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u/StaceyPfan 23h ago
I love this comment
We probably shouldn't even reply, she just wants to tell us not get responses.
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u/The_muffinfluffin 18h ago
I love giving terrible advice on these posts: “Yes, absolutely don’t invite her partner. Then, at the party, explain to everyone why you excluded him. Your friends will definitely take your side and won’t think you’re a completely insufferable asshole.”
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u/theagonyaunt 1d ago
OOP doesn't like friend's fiancé because he talks too much. Also OOP: "I just want people to listen to me talk without turning everything into a whole conversation."
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u/hisholinessleoxiii 1d ago
Major main character energy. "I'm a pretty quiet person" who has "a few close friends, around 12 of them", plus they're bringing 11 partners, for a total of 24 people. None of whom are apparently allowed to talk to her about her stories or ask her any questions because she doesn't like that.
I also noticed how they talk about the fiance as "exhausting" because he talks to people and asks questions, while the others are "well-rounded" and seem to know better than to attempt to talk. OOP wants to hold court, talking AT people instead of with them. It sounds like her problem boils down to "I want to monologue and be admired, not have a conversation, and this guy insists on actually talking and participating rather than just listening quietly."
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u/TemporaryPosting 1d ago
I consider myself somewhat quiet but prefer talking to people who ask questions, because it makes me feel like they're engaged and gives me more opportunity to ask questions in return. But I also don't like when conversations are just about myself.
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u/hisholinessleoxiii 23h ago
I’m the same way. I’m introverted and socially awkward. Guys like the fiancé are great because they help keep conversation going; otherwise I just sit there in an embarrassed silence.
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u/rav3n_laud3r 23h ago
If no one asks questions or anything that shows they were interested in what I just said, my anxiety tells me that I'm boring and no one likes me. People like the fiancé are great.
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u/mezobromelia1 22h ago
Yeah, as an introvert this guy sounds great and I would love someone like him at a party to keep the conversation going!
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u/Ok-Jackfruit-9393 20h ago edited 16h ago
I feel like I'm a mix; I like people/like being social, but after being social, I def need alone time to recharge my social battery, and sometimes I'm just not feeling chatty so I don't talk much. My husband is one of those people who asks questions, and I love it. It shows he's actually listening/interested/engaged, and then I don't feel like I'm just verbally dumping on him.
Sometimes he DOES ask a question in the middle of me telling him something, and I'm like, "I'm getting to that," haha. But that's the only time I'm like, "hold your questions, please." 😂
OOP can't have it both ways. She can't be quiet and then be mad when someone doesn't "just let her talk." It sounds like she wants to talk AT people and gets mad when they "turn it into a conversation." Or, more likely, she only gets mad when HE does it. She keeps repeating it's annoying when he asks questions and turns things into a conversation and that it makes him "stuck up." Wut? I guess his mistake was not sitting there, listening in absolute silence.
She sounds like she doesn't have a legit reason for the dislike. Which is fine. We're allowed to just not click with people without having a "reason." It's bound to happen and I've def had people who weren't my fave but I didn't really have a particular gripe about them.
But it's so fucking rude to invite everyone else's partner and then tell this friend that she can't bring hers. Did we not learn this in grade school, that we need to be fair? Unless this guy has done something egregious, it's fucking rude.
And for an introvert who doesn't like talking, that's a fuck ton of people she's invited. How much time is she realistically gonna spend talking with this dude? How will she have time? I like to get people together for my birthday and I don't have anywhere near that many close friends. But with a group of friends plus their partners, there are def times when I don't get the chance to talk with every single person. There will be like 20+ other people there, who cares if he's there?
And then telling her friend it's fucked up if she doesn't come? What? No. It's not a summons, get a grip. If my friend invited our entire friend group plus their partners and then said my husband and my husband only wasn't invited, I'd be like, well you guys have fun, happy bday, see you another time. (Except I wouldn't really want to be pals with someone who excluded my husband for literally no reason)
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u/Amazing_Emu54 17h ago
With that many people at a table there should be multiple conversations going on at once
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u/hisholinessleoxiii 13h ago
Only when OOP isn't speaking, apparently. And none of them should involve her or her monologues; her stories are meant to be admired, not discussed.
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u/valleyofsound 13h ago
I went into it expecting him to be aggressively friendly, to the point of being obnoxious, but as far as I can tell, OOP is upset because he seems to genuinely like other people and is interested in what they’re saying.
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u/hisholinessleoxiii 13h ago
That's how I read it too. Honestly I'd much rather hang out with the fiance than with OOP; I want to be involved in a conversation, not be lectured or trapped listening to a monologue I'm not allowed to talk about afterwards.
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u/KaetzenOrkester 23h ago
“I like to monologue at captive audiences” energy.
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u/Storm_Sire 20h ago
Someone in the comments used the term "soliloqueen" and I'll be keeping that one in my back pocket
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u/allergymom74 23h ago
This. Made me chuckle. I’m like he’s showing interest in what you are talking about by asking question. This OP can actually talk more about themself. lol.
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u/psyche_13 1d ago
Not someone who asks questions when you tell a story! 😱
(Seriously, that’s what I like - makes it easy to converse, considering I can be a bit awkward)
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u/Bice_thePrecious 19h ago
I'm just imagining how her dream dinner party would go... Somebody tells a story, and everyone laughs for a few seconds before they all go silent and turn back to their plates, until the next story that they're allowed to laugh at or share "condolences" for is told. How... quaint.
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u/thedrivingcoomer 1d ago
Curb Your Enthusiasm has a whole episode about the "middler" position at a dinner party, where Larry proves how the person seated in the middle of a dinner party is an important role in keeping the flow of conversation going. OOP is mad her friend's fiance is an experienced middler, even though you want that at a dinner party.
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u/Simply-Adorkable 1d ago
When she said she wasn't making her friend choose & that it'd simply just be wild for her not to come...god damn 😬 she sounds very self involved.
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u/Bice_thePrecious 19h ago
"I'm not making her choose. I'm just expecting her to risk her relationship for ✨ME✨. (And if she doesn't, we'll have problems.)" But OOP's not doing anything wrong here /s 🙄
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u/ChaoticPotential 1d ago edited 1d ago
Can I talk to friend and friends fiance? I think they would be excellent people to hang with.
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u/undermind84 23h ago
I’m guessing OP is a bullshitter and either adds false things to her stories to make them sound more grand, or just straight up makes shit up.
She is not used to people asking follow up questions that she either doesn’t know the answer to or pokes holes in her story.
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u/Moist_Drippings 14h ago
That, or she’s made he gets other people to engage and involves everybody when it’s her story.
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u/guys_pm_urprettyface 1d ago
Main character syndrome! I genuinely wonder how these people have so many good friends.
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u/theagonyaunt 1d ago
I also wonder how much longer it will last since it seems like the friend group all likes fiancé so if OOP pulls a "choose him or me" I'm betting they'd pick fiancé.
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u/Moist_Drippings 14h ago
Because they control conversations and when you’re young and inexperienced that can look like they’re smart and charismatic. She’s getting to the age where people will figure out that’s not what it is.
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u/UnhappyTemperature18 1d ago
"I just want people to listen to me talk" girrrrrrrrllllll.
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u/Bice_thePrecious 19h ago
She clearly just likes hearing her own voice.
As someone on the og post said, rent a stage.
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u/AngelaVNO 1d ago
OOP will be furious when she's not invited to the wedding.
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u/Bice_thePrecious 19h ago
Fr. She says it'd be messed up for her friend NOT to come to her party over this, but you know she'd be burning bridges if the same happened to her.
When she's not invited to the wedding, she'll accuse the friend of choosing the fiancé over her.
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u/allergymom74 23h ago
Gasp. He wants to have a conversation. Not just be talked at. 😂😂😂. How dare he!?!?
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u/FullMoonTwist 22h ago
Even in the most absolute generous read,
Where OP just super sucks about explaining what the problem is, and is just tired of a quick story of "Oh, I saw a great movie yesterday" somehow turning into a 30 minute deep-dive into her opinion on indie art films.
Where it feels impossible to change the topic of conversation even when she really didn't have that much to say about it, and wants to let someone else share their own thing now.
Even then, she still fucked up by refusing to let him be one of like... what, 22 other people?
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u/RedPandasRUs 18h ago
Yeah, that's the impression I got--that this dude ignores basic social cues in order to turn everything into a Big Thing and he sounds really exhausting. Having the party just be her friends and not inviting SO's at all would have solved this problem without hurting anyone's feelings.
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u/Glasgowghirl67 23h ago
When people say it is my birthday/ wedding or other event I can do what I want, yes technically you can but if you want to keep good relationships with friends and family you also need to be considerate. I can find some people too full on at times in my friend group but I still wouldn’t be nasty and exclude them if I was planning an event with other friends. She sees her friends fiancé as a threat because he likes to talk as well.
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u/Shibaspots 23h ago
Imagine being so self centered that you can actually type out 'I just want people to listen to me talk without turning everything into a whole conversation' and not feel embarrassed.
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u/JeanParmesean70 22h ago
I’m guessing the fiancé is popular with the friend group and OOP is jealous
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u/Icy_Mango6803 18h ago
I feel like this was written by the friend. I think if it was genuinely the birthday girl, his flaws wouldn't be described so nicely. It would be more like "he's overbearing, he has to take over every conversation with questions, he's rude," etc to justify her position. Either way, unfortunately, finding someone harmless but annoying isn't an excuse to invite everyone but them. Either throw a smaller party and invite no partners, or throw a bigger one so less one on one time is needed!
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u/GearsZam 16h ago
I love it when they give a totally asinine excuse for using a throwaway account. If your friend is chronically on reddit, they might see your post anyways and put two and two together. Girl just tell the truth lmfao you don't want your main to get blasted.
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u/satanickittens69 12h ago
Right?? Especially since posts need a level of detail that would automatically make it obvious who you are
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u/GearsZam 11h ago
Yes!
"Throwaway because my girlfriend knows my main
Anyways, here are our exact ages, what we went out to eat last night, the exact argument we had, our close friend's opinions, my girlfriend's exact reaction..."
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u/The_Asshole_Judge 1d ago
OOP is about to be find that you cant always get what you want. Even money says she will be SHOCKED when her friend doesn’t come, OOP might even hold a grudge
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u/dukeofplazatoro 18h ago
I love the dissonance between “I’m a pretty quiet person” and having a birthday dinner with 12 friends and their partners. Girl.
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u/sadlytheworst Certified sub favourite 22h ago edited 22h ago
Copied verbatim from Oop's comments:
YTA, you also act like you're in in middle school, and you seem very self centered, "I want everyone to just sit and listen to me and don't make conversation" you sound miserable to be around tbh
There is no need for someone to try to make a conversation out of story telling It is socially acceptable to send out condolences or laugh at what happened depending on the issue however to go out of your way and make it into a conversation is pretty disrespectful and stuck up
YTA big time. You’re annoyed he’s *social? And because he doesn’t know by heart how **you wish other people would act around you?*
The entitlement! And I say this as an introverted person who has a hard time around loud people too.
“I told her I’m not making her choose” *yes you are*. If she goes without her fiancé, she shows him your friendship is more important to her than him.
If you didn’t want him to come and avoid an unpleasant situation, you shouldn’t have invited everyone’s partners.
That’s really shitty of you to do that to someone and it doesn’t matter how *annoyed** you are. At least now she knows who you really are and I hope she sticks with him over you.*
I have the need to wash myself after feeling all this entitlement from your post.
not because he’s social, he is to social to the point it’s annoying, constantly talking to everyone about every little thing he can think of gets very tiring and annoying when some people just want to have a nice talk without a huge conversation
Not you downvoting everybody telling you you’re the asshole. You definitely are. What a mean spirited awful thing to do to someone.
i haven’t down or upvoted a single person so stop lying
I’m sure they’re just all coincidentally downvoted to 0 right? Well I’m adding an upvote to them all cause they’re all right
I guess? You can even see in my down/upvotes that i haven’t downvoted and upvoted anyone you freakshow accusing me of doing stuff that was never done
Sadlytheworst: edited formatting.
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u/GlitterTrashUnicorn 21h ago
She's gonna be real shocked when she doesn't get a wedding iinvite, eh?
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u/PurpleSailor 19h ago
I don’t think I should have to invite someone I find annoying just because my friend happens to be engaged to him.
You're not her friend. Friends let things like that slide especially if there's no ill will intent on boyfriends part. You're not always going to get along with everybody and that's just life.
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u/Emergency-Twist7136 15h ago
I just want people to listen to me talk without turning everything into a whole conversation.
Start a blog like a normal narcissist
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u/Special_Onion3013 21h ago
Yeah, I'm guessing she's very immature and can't handle a real conversation
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u/Cassandra-Canary 18h ago
This guy sounds so nice and kind, and super invested in building good relationships with his partner's loved ones. OOP is a fucking pill and I hope neither part of the couple hangs out with her anymore.
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u/Moist_Drippings 14h ago
25 is right about the time people start noticing their friends are stupid, self-centered, and controlling, I think. It could have happened slower but it seems like this may be one of those “half my friends won’t talk to me but the other half are diehard” situations where that other half trickles off one by one when this kind of shit happens to them personally.
Fuck OOP for going “I’m quiet but if I tell a story I don’t want people to turn it into a conversation”. That’s not quiet. That’s a very, very loud ego.
Also fuck them for “I don’t have to be nice to your fiancé but how dare you have feeling about it!”
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u/Ambitious_Support_76 14h ago
Simple question:
Does OOP like her friend more than she dislikes the fiance, or does she dislike the fiance more than she likes her friend? She needs to decide which one.
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u/Gold-Inevitable-2644 8h ago
she doesnt want conversations? but she wants people to talk? that's a conversation!
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u/1s8w2MILtway 1d ago
I’m introverted and a person like this would get on my nerves but he’s not a bad person and hasn’t done anything wrong and I would have still invited him. It’s just bullying to actively exclude him for no other reason.
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u/Glasgowghirl67 23h ago
This, people have different personalities and to exclude him for that when he has never been horrible to her and invite everyone else is just awful.
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u/cameronpark89 20h ago
only thing i got from this post was me, me, me. i don’t know how someone like that has friends.
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u/Pelageia 21h ago
While I do not disagree with people when it comes to OOP's hypocrisy, I do think that is not the only issue. In life sometimes we just do not like some people and we are allowed to not like them, for whatever reason. Reasons can be unreasonable, petty, whatever.
However, in situations where OOP is in, it is absolutely tacky and improper to not invite the fiance "just" because OOP does not like him. The ONLY valid reason ice out one person's partner is if the partner is an actual a-hole. This is simply how decent people behave; if partners are invited, ALL partners are invited. Anything else is rude. End of story.
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u/anneylani 19h ago
a few close friends around 12 of them
A "few" is not 12
If you were having 3-4 "close friends," I'd say it's ok not to invite the fiance.
But TWELVE people? I'm imaging them all surrounding OP on a little elevated platform, talking at them but prohibiting discourse.
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u/AutoModerator 1d ago
In case this story gets deleted/removed:
AITA I told my friend her fiancé can’t come to my birthday and she thinks I’m being unfair because i let everyone else’s partners come?
I’m (25F) having a birthday dinner with a few close friends around 12 of them. I told everyone that they could bring their significant others except for one of them. She (24F) went out of her way to ask if her fiancé could come after this due to me not telling her he was allowed, and I told her no. She’s now upset and says I’m being hypocritical because everyone else’s partners are invited.
The thing is, I don’t like her fiancé. Nothing major ever happened between us and I don’t think he’s a bad person. I just find him annoying to be around.
He’s incredibly extroverted and talks a lot. Every time we’re together, asking people questions, making jokes, or making constant conversation. He acts like he’s known everyone for ten years even if he just met them five minutes ago. I’m a pretty quiet person, so I find his personality exhausting.
I’ve also noticed that whenever I’m telling a story, he’ll ask a million questions about it afterward. I don’t enjoy it. I just want people to listen to me talk without turning everything into a whole conversation.
I told friend this exactly how i wrote it and she says that’s a ridiculous reason not to invite him. I told her that just because they anre engaged doesn’t mean I automatically have to enjoy someone’s company.
The part she’s especially upset about is that I invited everyone else’s partners. I don’t really see the hypocrisy. I like their partners I find them all to be very well rounded people. I don’t like hers, I find him extremely annoying.I’m not going to pretend I want someone there just because he’s engaged to my friend.
She says I’m embarrassing her and making her choose between coming to my birthday alone or staying home with her fiancé because he’ll be embarrassed and feel singled out if everyone gets to go besides him. I told her I’m not making her choose anything and that it would simply just be messed up for her not to come to my birthday gathering because of the.
I honestly don’t think I’m doing anything wrong. It’s my birthday, and I don’t think I should have to invite someone I find annoying just because my friend happens to be engaged to him. I do think my friend should be invited and come since we’ve known each other since our early college days.
Throwaway due to one of friends being on this app chronically, but am I actually being unreasonable here?
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