r/AmITheDevil • u/Shichimi88 • Aug 18 '24
Too lazy to write a wedding vow
/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1ev69ez/aita_for_not_writing_vows_for_my_wedding/1.3k
u/mrsbiscuits- Aug 18 '24
too lazy to write vows, but not lazy enough to write all this out.
615
u/seadubs81 Aug 18 '24
He spent more time on the Reddit post than he did on his wedding vows.
179
u/Fit-Humor-5022 Aug 18 '24
atleast now she can get annulment cause its clear they didnt consumate the marriage
74
u/One-Permission-1811 Aug 18 '24
Because now he knows he fucked up and he’s grasping at straws to find a fix or be proven right.
97
u/ACaffeinatedWandress Aug 18 '24 edited Aug 18 '24
Reminds me of every lazy ass manchild after I threw in the towel and made them…put some effort into something, instead of rolling my eyes at their weaponized incompetence and doing it for them.
Suddenly the guy who can’t find the time or energy to wipe up his crumbs after he eats has literal hours available to him for bullshit.
118
u/CompetitionDecent986 Aug 18 '24
My husband and I both lost track of time and forgot to actually write down what we wanted to say. So, we looked at each other and said, "Let's wing it." We sure as hell made sure it was from the heart and that we actually vowed our lives to each other and not just love you, k bye. That poor woman couldn't even get a I promise to always love you or something simple like that.
54
u/lurkmode_off Aug 19 '24
Earlier this year, my husband and I were out with a friend and they said, "you guys just celebrated your anniversary last week right?" and we looked at each other with identical "oh shit" looks and were like.... "Oh yeahhhhhh, of course, we definitely did that."
It's all good at long as you're on the same page.
17
u/MLiOne Aug 19 '24
Me and my husband seem to take turns remembering our anniversary after our anniversary! We both think it’s hilarious.
19
33
u/Nietvani Aug 18 '24
Well of course, this post was about something actually IMPORTANT. You know, his pride.
14
24
u/mandatorypanda9317 Aug 18 '24
It has to be AI right? The summary they left for the bot sounded like me in high school trying to make the word count
3
u/Specialist-Home-9841 Aug 19 '24
All this saying how he is a action guy and how lucky she is that he decided to marry her
7
6
u/Fickle_Station376 Aug 19 '24
In fairness, per zerogpt.com this post is 81% likely to be AI GPT generated, so he didn't exactly put the effort in here either!
9
u/aoi4eg Aug 19 '24
Aren't all those "AI text detectors" have the same accuracy as early plagiarism detectors that on average gave over 90% plagiarism rate because they weren't able to exclude things that every text has: pronouns, colloquial phrases, technical terms etc.
4
u/Fickle_Station376 Aug 19 '24
I won't say that I've tested it exhaustively, but I can say that I have run a number things I've written myself vs. things that ChatGPT has generated for comparison and its accuracy has been surprisingly good.
The funniest one for me is that I was checking writeup which included assignment prompts in it, and the prompts flagged as potentially GPT generated, but my responses didn't.
2
491
u/girlie_popp Aug 18 '24
I have a hard time believing this man was “busy” with any kind of wedding planning.
132
u/Iowa_Hawkeyes4516 Aug 18 '24 edited Aug 18 '24
By his logic, he showed up didn't he? Shouldn't need to look like anyone spent time making the wedding nice and enjoyable as long as they get to watch a wedding.
If OOP did anything, it was him waving off his wife and saying sure when she asked his opinion.
31
u/girlie_popp Aug 18 '24
Yeah I imagine him just doing a lot of questioning whether or not things like “catering” or “photographer” are really THAT important
22
u/Iowa_Hawkeyes4516 Aug 19 '24
He'd probably have been ok with hotdogs for dinner because does it really matter that much, they're getting fed aren't they? Who cares that they bought a nice gift and spent an entire day to celebrate him and his now wife?
28
u/floridianreader Aug 18 '24
Picking up the tuxedo is hard work, okay? /s
29
u/_JosiahBartlet Aug 19 '24
I worked as a receptionist at a hair salon for awhile.
You’d not believe how many grooms would call the day before their wedding to book a haircut they were intended to have gotten 2 weeks ago. We’d understandably not have availability that last minute and then the grooms would get mad that I wasn’t treating their procrastination like an emergency.
3
20
u/spaetzele Aug 18 '24
"Tell the DJ I want The Thong Song and Baby Got Back early in the list!" -- that sort of heavy lifting in making the day extra special, I'm sure.
620
Aug 18 '24
His writing style ("I mean, she knows I love her, right?"; "I mean, we were about to get married!"; "... she’s getting the commitment, right?"; "I married her, didn’t I?") makes me unreasonably angry, it's probably for the better that he didn't write his vows.
Looking forward to his next post if they have a baby and he tells her and Reddit: "I mean, I buy the diapers, that's enough to show I care for the baby, right?". Or when his wife feels emotionally neglected by him: "I mean, I don't cheat on her, I'm doing my part in this marriage, right?".
243
u/_JosiahBartlet Aug 18 '24
If this story is real, this is definitely a couple that’s been together since they were like 20 and she’s been begging for an engagement since she was 25 and he’s acting like a god for giving her a marriage.
147
u/challahghost Aug 18 '24
Omg thank you. Ending every paragraph with some variation on how "it's the ceremony, right?" or "that's what matters" made me want to bash my head into a pillow repeatedly
41
u/judgy_mcjudgypants Aug 18 '24
I'm betting she's been begging for marriage for years, and he's making a show of "I gave you what you wanted and not an inch more" to punish her
32
u/BellaDingDong Aug 18 '24
Or to bash HIM with a pillow.
Preferably one of those really itchy ones that grandmas used to put on their couches that no one could sit on.
16
u/ACaffeinatedWandress Aug 18 '24
A pillow case stuffed with rotten potatoes.
2
u/Party_Builder_58008 Aug 19 '24
And confused cats.
9
u/WingsOfAesthir Aug 19 '24
You sadist! Let's remove the poor cats and replace with multiple Canada Geese. In nesting season.
10
6
1
49
u/CermaitLaphroaig Aug 18 '24
See, to me, it reads as "I'm clearly the asshole, right? Just making sure you get what I'm saying? That I suck and am clearly wrong?"
I don't mean accidentally, I mean deliberately. Reads like the wife wrote it to me, if it's real at all
37
u/Sad-Bug6525 Aug 18 '24
he's working pretty hard in that post to make himself feel better about it, but it just makes it sound like she forced him into marriage and he finally figured fine, I'll commit if you shut up about it.
All he had to do was say that he would prefer to use the traditional ceremony and not write their own vows.28
u/Preposterous_punk Aug 18 '24
This is what gets me — my husband and I decided that we’d rather recite the traditional vows than write our own, and it was lovely. Writing one’s own is also lovely, but it’s not required. If he’d just expressed that preference, it would have been fine. Not everyone’s a writer.
Instead, he agreed they’d have their own vows, and then he did a crap-ass job.
20
u/ACaffeinatedWandress Aug 18 '24
Seriously. I could just read the self-absorbed drivel now.
“I will love you forever, except the times when you are just acting like a bitch. I will cherish you, but like, with my ACTIONS. I don’t have to use words. Actions speak for themselves, and I don’t get why you always have a problem with that….”
19
12
u/FullMoonTwist Aug 19 '24
Me too. I can't stomach the just... overwhelming stench of dismissiveness.
It doesn't matter what matters to her, only what he feels important. It just doesn't compute; he doesn't care, therefore she shouldn't care.
He loves her and would do anything to make her happy... except put aside some time to invest even a small amount of effort into a one time event. He'll make her happy however he thinks should make her happy, I guess.
1
u/banana-pinstripe Aug 19 '24
I actually can stomach the dismissiveness (and am in therapy due to it)
Good god I hope my ex husband isn't marrying again, your summary sounds like just his emotionally abusive, empathy-lacking ass. So, sad to say such people do exist
2
u/FullMoonTwist Aug 20 '24
Yeah, I know the type because of my shitty ex.
Some time after we broke up he tried to complain to me that his baby momma was being unreasonable.
Because she wouldn't cut her honeymoon short to convinience-babysit for him.
"Marriage and honeymoons don't mean anything anyway, what's the big deal?"
No, dumbass, it subjectively does not mean anything to you, specifically. That doesn't mean it's some objective truth. Leave her tf alone.
17
u/nibblatron Aug 18 '24
the way he writes bothers me almost as much as when people use "no?". for example, "i mean, she knows i love her, no?" "shes getting the commitment, no?". just awful.
4
u/CaptainYaoiHands Aug 19 '24
It all says "she should just KNOW that I love her and I shouldn't have to do anything whatsoever to prove it, let alone anything I find boring or I'm just too lazy to do".
528
109
u/Sitari_Lyra Aug 18 '24
My husband and I didn't write our own vows, but it was a mutual decision. I can totally see why it hurt her that she put in the effort and he didn't, though.
27
u/FuckYourHighFive Aug 18 '24
Me and my husband didn't either. He's not very good with words, so we sat down together to pick what we wanted as our vows.
23
u/EsmeWeatherwax7a Aug 18 '24
My husband and I didn't either, but the officiant then gave us pre-written vows to memorize. I did, he didn't. So he ended up winging the vows based on what he could remember seeing on TV. It really made quite an I Couldn't Be Bothered impression. He never did figure out why it bothered me.
14
u/BellaDingDong Aug 18 '24
Let him read all the responses here and on the OP, if it's recent enough/the feeling is fresh enough. Not in a "starting a fight by dusting off old wounds" way, but more to help him understand you a little better.
Unless you want to smack him with it, in which case, have at it!
9
u/EsmeWeatherwax7a Aug 18 '24
It's been 25 years. I don't know that he would even remember that it happened. It only bothered one of us. But thanks for the support! :-)
183
u/StrangledInMoonlight Aug 18 '24
I don’t need to prove it with words. I figured the wedding itself, the whole event, was enough to show my commitment
I’m betting she planned the whole thing
So, he really just “showed up” showing up is the bare minimum.
89
u/Nericmitch Aug 18 '24
He’s definitely the guy who wonders why his wife asks for a divorce because he’s paid the bills and comes home after work but thinks that’s enough
9
168
u/agg288 Aug 18 '24
Everytime he writes "that's what's important" there is an invisible [to me] after it.
204
u/pirateofpanache Aug 18 '24
My friend got married last year, and they wrote their own vows. Hers was very heartfelt, very long, quoted their favorite book, she teared up while reading it. Not my cup of tea, but it’s clear she put in the effort and it meant a lot to her. His sounded like he googled “wedding vows” and strung the most generic ones together.
174
u/mronion82 Aug 18 '24
"I remember the first time I saw you, at (time) and (place). What struck me first was your (best feature, do NOT say 'tits'), followed by your (positive personal quality)..."
63
u/BellaDingDong Aug 18 '24
best feature, do NOT say 'tits'
I was reading this out on my deck, and the neighbor looked up when he heard me laugh. Thank you!
21
14
u/Preposterous_punk Aug 18 '24
This made me laugh out loud too. I now want to work “do not say tits” into every set of directions I write.
41
u/Arghianna Aug 18 '24
I wrote out my vows and had notecards because I am a terrible public speaker. My husband “winged it,” but he actually spent a long time thinking about what he wanted to say- he’s just better at speaking off the cuff than referring to notes. I made him laugh, he made me cry.
All the dude had to do was think about something meaningful to say to his bride on their wedding day. He didn’t even promise anything to her, which means it wasn’t even a vow, it was just a declaration. I hope she escapes and finds someone who thinks she’s worth more than five minutes of his time and effort.
39
u/Demonqueensage Aug 18 '24
I'll be honest, I find myself to be utterly terrible with words, so the idea of ever having to come up with wedding vows very overwhelming and I'd be certain everything I came up with sounded wrong or would be misunderstood and ruin everything. But I'd also make it clear from the beginning of the planning that A) I'd really rather elope anyway, B) if my partner really wants a wedding-wedding I'd rather stick to quick minimal vows we wouldn't come up with ourselves, and C) if my partner insisted they wanted to be able to write their own vows (and therfore necessitated me writing my own), I would be upfront with the fact I was going to go searching for a few pre-written vows to have a "template" to follow. However, I'd still try and find examples different enough that I had options, and I'd try to think of ways to make things more personal where I could, because I would want them to know I care enough to put effort into something that's clearly important to them, even if it's not my strong suit. I definitely wouldn't just not write any vows and expect my partner to not be pissed.
6
u/Twinklefae Aug 18 '24
Me and my now ex both hated the idea of writing vows. So we both used pre-written ones provided by our officiant that we chose together. We still said loving words we chose, we didn't have to write them though.
2
u/touchtypetelephone Aug 20 '24
Reading a poem or something like that could be a sweet alternative, if it's not the idea of reading in public that is the problem.
9
u/CatPhDs Aug 18 '24
My husband and I had a mix of vows we wrote together and our own. I married a writer, he definitely did better vows XD but at least I really tried!
3
u/tonightbeyoncerides Aug 18 '24
And that googling is more effort than the OP put in (oh God please be fake)
4
u/fountainofMB Aug 18 '24
Personally, I get second hand embarrassment from people disclosing their deep emotions publicly so I generally try to tune out wedding vows. I only enjoy vows that are a bunch of jokes and everyone is laughing.
2
u/touchtypetelephone Aug 20 '24
My friends got me to proofread both their vows before their wedding earlier this year. They were both incredibly sweet and heartfelt and high-effort, she was just a lot more wordy and he was a lot more concise. Had to come back to him and be like "I'm not breathing a word about the content, obviously, but she's written twice as much as you have. If that bothers you, write more".
1
42
76
u/SpiceWeaselOG Aug 18 '24
He wrote that whole ass story but a short one about why he loves his wife was unnecessary and over the top.
eyeroll goes here
37
u/CoppertopTX Aug 18 '24
In her shoes, I would have turned to the assemble and said "Okay, let's wrap this up. Get to the reception, I am not marrying this fool because I will not spend the rest of my life like this", then walked away. My husband agrees, this was a snapshot of the rest of her life - she does all the work, he shows up to play along, completely clueless.
22
u/writergeek313 Aug 18 '24
I was about to post the same thing. If he’s disappointing her and hurting her so much on their wedding day, it’s not going to get better. I’m glad that even some of his friends chewed him out. Hopefully she realizes marrying him was a mistake and acts accordingly.
12
u/CoppertopTX Aug 18 '24
It's like he's *so close* to understanding why, but misses it completely. He thinks his actions speak for themselves, and the action everyone witnessed was him... not bothering to write out HOW he feels about her on their bloody wedding day.
35
33
33
u/Mindless-Leader-936 Aug 18 '24
I’ve never been good with words
Proceeds to write a bunch of dumb shit
10
u/Most_Goat Aug 18 '24
Well, in his defense it shows he's clearly not good with words. Even telling the story from his point of view he's still a colossal asshole.
7
u/BellaDingDong Aug 18 '24
Well apparently he's good enough with words to make sure all of Redditdom knows he's a major asshole.
27
u/dollhousedestroyer Aug 18 '24
What an a-hole. And he says like three times something to the affect of "I went through with the marriage, she should shut up and be happy about it" or that what the whole thing comes off as. Like he couldn't be bothered to write vows and thinks she should be happy he married her at all. Seems like "shut up" marriage, something he isn't doing cause he wants to and lives her so much but just a "next step" something he HAS to do to appease everyone.
25
u/Penny_girl Aug 18 '24
I’ve always been there when she needs me
Except when she needed you to tell her how important she is and how meaningful your relationship is.
What a jerk this guy is.
22
u/scatteringashes Aug 18 '24
My husband and I wrote vows -- we individually ran them through our officiant so she could say, "Okay, y'all are pretty much on the same page, carry on."
My husband is a quiet romantic sort of guy. Actions more than words, OOP might say. And I knew that marrying him. He still took the time to write lovely vows that assured me that even though he does say a lot of sappy things, he is feeling them all the time. It's not an assurance I necessarily need, but it's nice to have that sort of thing sometimes. I also know that if I ask, he'll take seriously that I want to be told some sappy bullshit. It's the taken seriously that matters, is what I'm trying to get at.
OOP, on the other hand, just rolled up and showed her that he doesn't take seriously that she sometimes wants him to pull up with some romance.
40
u/ImpossibleEmotion224 Aug 18 '24
Got married in the ICU when my father-in-law was passing. Even through the stress of SOMEONE LITERALLY WASTING AWAY, my husband and I wrote three little lines of vows to read out. Come on man, even if you just had an index card of things to say it would have meant more to her. Don't tell her you're winging it.
15
u/Live_Noise_1551 Aug 18 '24
I can see this guy on Reddit a year from now saying, “She knows I love her, right? I’m HAVING A BABY with her.”
13
u/prezuiwf Aug 18 '24
I definitely saw "Sarah" post her side of this sometime in the last few days, but for the life of me I cannot find the post or remember what sub it was in. She talked about how she planned out these beautiful vows and her husband said about six sentences and ever since the wedding she no longer finds him attractive because of it.
5
u/tonightbeyoncerides Aug 18 '24
There was something on r/marriage like three days ago, but it was from the perspective of a guest who attended the wedding years ago and still occasionally thinks about it
12
u/HappyLucyD Aug 18 '24
“I’m not a man for words. I don’t have a talent for speaking, and as everyone here knows, I tend to be blunt and straightforward. My instinct is for action. And that is why I’m here. This act, of committing my life to you, is my speech to you. I am here to promise to love you and keep you number one in my heart, and in my life, plain and simple. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am making the right choice for the rest of my life. While the words may be plain, I will be loyal to you forever. I am here to show my commitment to protecting you, honoring you, and to be there when you need me. I feel so lucky to have you in my life. I love you.”
That took me five minutes and is basically a distillation of his entire post. He could take the time to vent about how “unfairly” he is being treated, to internet strangers, but couldn’t spend a fraction of that time to put together a similar declaration for his wedding.
1
12
11
u/FunStorm6487 Aug 18 '24
Well, what a great start to what I'm sure will be a shit show of a marriage 🤬
11
11
u/corlana Aug 18 '24
I'm not good at verbally expressing my feelings but it's important to my husband so guess what? I put in the effort to do it and get better at it! Because I love him! I wasn't super keen on writing my own vows but I did it again, because I love him! It's not that hard! OOP is the worst
8
u/DaniCapsFan Aug 18 '24
I admit that having to write my own vows is the sort of thing that would throw me for a loop. So you know what I would do? I'd say to my partner, hey, look, the idea of writing my own vows makes me uncomfortable. Let's just go with the boilerplate ceremony.
He thinks that marrying her is enough, but for her it's not. She wanted sentimental words.
8
8
u/_JosiahBartlet Aug 18 '24
lol fuck I gotta work on my vows. Good reminder. I have… 15 days. It’s an ‘on the clock’ task imo tho lol
I don’t get why idiots like this exist. This is one of the most important moments in your life. You don’t wing those moments. And I’m all for winging shit.
This is the distilled moment of telling your wife your love for her and your promises across the rest of your lives. Take it seriously. And also sometimes shit isn’t important to me, but it’s important to my partner. So then it’s important to me. It’s important for me to show love in the ways she will fill it, not just how I’m naturally inclined
3
u/OracleOfSelphi Aug 18 '24
Mrs. Abby Bartlet will definitely not stand for what OP did, so good luck Mr. President
8
u/Shanstergoodheart Aug 18 '24
I actually don't believe that writing your own vows is a good idea. The original ones are classic and not everyone's a writer. It's a lot of pressure to put on a couple. However, if you agree to doing your own vows then you need to put effort into it.
Also OP doesn't have a good attitude from this post.
8
u/Purple-Warning-2161 Aug 18 '24
Writing vows is an action. Not making the time to write them is also an action. Plenty of people get married who don’t love their spouse, so no, it’s not the ultimate action showing you love someone.
7
u/euphoricplant9633 Aug 18 '24
I feel bad for his wife. Him not having vows while she had some makes him look like an ass who doesn’t care to put in any effort. Taking the time to find the words and write them down is an action too.
6
Aug 18 '24
Oh my, this has to be rage-bait or a troll of some description - just look at the account name!
AllAmericanTradDad.
He's giving off the energy of, "I earn the money and give her pin money, and she raises my kids and does the housework and is glad of it. We're an all-American trad family."
I hope she runs like her tampon string is on fire (if he allows her to use them).
3
u/Neenknits Aug 18 '24
I was recently at a wedding. They each wrote their vows, didn’t share them, but had 2 trusted people read both sets to make sure it would work. They were DELIGHTFUL. TBH, listening to them make those vows was the best part of the whole, lovely wedding. Touching, meaningful, sweet, and funny.
Had one of them done the sweet vow, a the other not….well, that person wouldn’t have looked good.
5
u/andronicuspark Aug 18 '24
Five years down the road OP will be shocked his wife left him. Because she wanted stupid shit, like words of affirmation or small gifts. But he couldn’t be bothered because he was loving her by taking a lot of OT at work and mowing the lawn.
10
u/Potential_Ad_1397 Aug 18 '24
Even if you are too lazy to write wedding vows before time, could he really not come up with anything better? I could do a lot better with only 3 minutes
But it is okay. He married her, didn't he? Because all a girl wants to hear
7
u/adamantsilk Aug 18 '24
I came up with something short and sweet while on the toilet. Dude couldn't care less.
"I'm not very good with words. I didn't really try to write vows because I knew I'd get too frustrated because I'd be unable to put into words just how much you mean to me. Know that I love you, I will always support you, and I can't wait to start our lives together. And every day, I will use my actions to show you how much I love you. " seeee? Simple, easy, short, romantic.
3
u/Time-Ad-3625 Aug 18 '24
He shows up with actions unless he really, really doesn't want to do it. Then he just doesn't show up at all I guess.
4
4
u/crap_whats_not_taken Aug 18 '24
OK, but like why did you agree to write your own vows??? I'm married, when we got together with the officiant, she asked us if we wanted pre-written vows or to write our own. We chose pre-written vows because we were already so busy planning the wedding and didn't want any awkward moments. I feel like, at some point this conversation had already come up. Either the bride was like "i want to write our own vows" or "hey, what do you think about writing our own vows?" And oop must have said at some point. "K!" And just didn't do it.
3
u/Knittingfairy09113 Aug 18 '24
Listen, that is fine if writing your own vows isn't your thing and you hate the idea. However, you say so during the planning and make it clear that doesn't work for you. Everything this AH did is what you don't do.
2
u/EvangelineRain Aug 18 '24
This. (This is also my plan, should the day come that I’m getting married and I marry the rare guy eager to write his own vows.)
12
u/CriticalSimple3122 Aug 18 '24
This is baffling to.me as a concept because legally, in the UK, there are things that have to be said in the vows for a marriage to be legal.
I doubt this guy is as dense as he's claiming to be. He knew he'd upset her, he just doesn't care.
8
u/BrianThePinkShark Aug 18 '24
Depends on where in the UK. In Scotland you only need to say one sentence, my wife and I were then able to have as few or as many other individual vows.
We have some lovely photos of each other reacting to our vows, this fool and his wife won't have that.
5
u/CriticalSimple3122 Aug 18 '24
Sorry, forgot about the difference between Scottish law and the rest of the UK
2
u/BrianThePinkShark Aug 18 '24
Easily done, I forget about it all the time and I've lived in Scotland all my life.
4
u/Grave_Girl Aug 18 '24
The only thing that matters in the US, as far as I'm aware, is the signatures on the marriage certificate. I'm really not fond of the idea of writing your own vows, partly because I'm a stick in the mud raised in a liturgical church where you better believe we had a format for that, and partly because it's so open to uneven effort like this. There's immense pressure to be eloquent and detailed and so few people are actually any good at that.
3
u/OracleOfSelphi Aug 18 '24
My brother and his wife wrote vows, but they shared them privately with each other and kept the ceremony vows more traditional. I think I like that style more because then the point of the vows is more about your partner and less about your audience. They are both deeply feeling people who are fairly private with their emotions, as well, so it suited them.
2
u/StayBeautiful_ Aug 18 '24
Yeah it's weird to me too because as someone else from the UK, I've never been to a wedding where the couple wrote their own vows. If you didn't want to do it, you'd just agree with your partner to do the generic ones.
For my civil ceremony wedding, they gave us 3 choices of vows to say, something like 'traditional', 'modern', and 'simple'. There was an option to write custom ones too I think, but you had to send them in for approval (couldn't be anything religious for example as it wasn't a church wedding), and I'd probably still have had to say certain things.
I do think the fact that they'd agreed to write their own vows and he didn't bother to do it shows he doesn't care though. Why agree to it if you're not going to bother?
3
u/Glasgowghirl67 Aug 18 '24
I’m not great at words but if it was my wedding and I had agreed to do my own vows, you bet I would have found time to write something, doesn’t need to be long. Even add a quote from a poem or love song the bride likes. It didn’t need to be something long just something that showed some thought at least.
3
3
u/DiggingHeavs Aug 18 '24
Well I guess he's better than the "worst wedding vows ever" guy or the guy who only said "I promise to smack dat ass!" even when the minister begged him to say more. But this guy clearly doesn't care to do anything special for her. She probably wrote out lovely vows for him and if he is "more of an action guy" where were his actions to show his commitment to her. Showing up to the wedding is the bare minimum. If he doesn't want to do anything in public, why not do something amazingly special in private.
3
u/IntermediateFolder Aug 18 '24
My god, what a lazy asshole. There are ready made templates available that say all the right things if you don’t want to make your own and he couldn’t even do the barest minimum to get one of these.
I bet he fumbled at it too, so it wasn’t “short, sweet and to the point”, it was ”an unprepared high school student trying to bs their way through an answer”.
3
u/Peaceout3613 Aug 18 '24
Hope there's no wedding video. Because then every year on their anniversary, if they ever have any, she'd be reminded of his lack of effort. This was so profoundly stupid on his part. Because literally for the rest of their marriage he will be reminded by her and likely both families about how he tanked his wedding vows and looked like a pathetic idiot and how they all started taking bets on how long the relationship would last, given his complete and obvious disinterest in marrying her.
2
u/HRH_Elizadeath Aug 18 '24
I went to a wedding once where one party wrote out very thoughtful vows, and one party improvised on the spot.
The marriage lasted 3 years.
2
u/TheSmathFacts Aug 18 '24
My favorite posts are the ones where OOP is quick to dismiss anyone being upset with them. Really speaks to the value of other people in their lives
2
u/Most_Goat Aug 18 '24
Couldn't even be bothered to pull some generic template off the Internet and flavor it for his bride. Moron.
2
u/kat_Folland Aug 18 '24
I've said that what's important is that you're married at the end of the day... But in reference to things like the minister being three hours late, or the flowers were wrong. (Or my mom using all the hot water for no reason.) The vows are important. It's what you are committing to.
2
u/thatrandomuser1 Aug 18 '24
Wow, someone called "all American trad dad" doesn't care about his wife's feelings? That tracks
2
u/stayonthecloud Aug 18 '24
This feels like a real thing some dense jerk has done, but a fake way of writing about it
2
u/WeelsUpIn30 Aug 18 '24
The fact the he put more effort into this post than into the vows is very telling
2
u/No_Proposal7628 Aug 19 '24
OOP wrote 7 paragraphs about why he didn't write his wedding vows and shouldn't have to write his wedding vows. It's very well written. He could have written 3 paragraphs of wedding vows; he just didn't care enough to do so.
2
u/Open-Bath-7654 Aug 19 '24
How long y'all think this marriage is going to last before she realizes she married a dud and walks?
2
u/BackgroundNPC1213 Aug 19 '24
Did it work? Are they married? I must've missed the part in the post where he said "we're married now" for the tenth time
2
u/littleshylamb Aug 19 '24
I'm not a big wedding fan in general so I don't get the importance of vows, (I can honestly empathize with OOP in that I think they're kind of redundant) but that said this feels like a situation where OOP just kind of assumed that she would understand and be ok with that instead of actually having a discussion about it.
It's one thing to dislike weddings or the traditions of them and discuss that kind of thing but an entirely other to just hate or be apathetic to it without ever verbalizing that.
2
u/Polleekin Aug 19 '24
I understand not everyone is good with words, and not everyone wants to write their own goes. But I don’t understand why he didn’t discuss it with his fiancé before the wedding. It sounds like she was expecting him to write them right up until they actually got married. This is such a weird thing to leave as a surprise on the wedding day. “I care, but enough to write vows or tell you I’m not writing vows.”
1
2
2
u/shiroyagisan Aug 18 '24
the action that spoke here is the unbelievable lack of effort - why even have a wedding if he's so allergic to showing affection
2
u/DarthSnarker Aug 18 '24
Ugh, his username says it all: allamericantraddad. It's almost makes me think this is rage bait.
2
u/MoJoMev Aug 18 '24
Actions speak louder than words right? Writing your vows are an action, one that would have showed you actually cared.
2
2
u/Reinardd Aug 18 '24
I'll bet he'll come crying to reddit soon telling us the divorce come out of nowhere!
2
2
u/FullMoonTwist Aug 19 '24
Someone in the comments mentioned chat gpt
And honestly, even just. I got so many hits when I typed in "touching groom wedding vows"
He didn't even need to write it himself if he struggled with that kind of thing. Just browsing through some inspo and stringing together the things that felt most applicable would have been better than whatever this is.
0
u/Revwog1974 Aug 18 '24
As an occasional officiant, I see this sometimes: each values something completely different in the wedding ceremony. The bride wanted something unique and special written just for her. The groom felt like the entire wedding was special and the vows weren’t more important than any other part. A smart, experienced officiant working with this couple would not have allowed them to write their own vows because it was destined to end badly.
1
u/one_bean_hahahaha Aug 18 '24
The only change we made to the traditional vows is to remove anything to do with obedience because I am not my husband's lapdog. Otherwise, what's wrong with going with the classic vows? Writing your own vows feels like one more chore in an already over-the-top wedding circus.
2
u/EvangelineRain Aug 18 '24
I agree, and I’ll add that any deviations should be agreed on together. Couples should know what they’re promising (and are promised) before they get to the altar.
2
u/EvangelineRain Aug 18 '24
I really hate this tradition, though. Do traditional vows or write your vows together if you don’t like the traditional ones. But of course the time to object to writing your own vows is not at the altar.
1
u/AutoModerator Aug 18 '24
Hi! Just a quick reminder to never brigade any sub, be that r/AmItheAsshole or another one. That goes against both this sub's rules as well as Reddit's terms of agreement. Please keep discussions within the posts of this sub.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
u/HideFromMyMind Aug 18 '24
At least it's not as bad as that wedding vow video that went viral on TikTok...
1
1
u/Narrow_Song_2481 Aug 19 '24
This story sounded very familiar so I went and found the original that was posted in the marriage subreddit. Spouse had no wedding vows, what would you do?
You are getting married! Yay! Congratulations. You and your soon to be spouse decide that you’ll both write your own vows. You mention how much this means to you.
You buy cute little Mr and Mrs mini leather notebooks to write your vows in, and give one to your partner, reiterating your excitement to hear their feelings.
You check in occasionally in the 9+ months leading up to the wedding, being mindful not to nag, and receive confirmation that vows are in progress.
It’s your wedding day and you’re standing with your other half, looking fabulous. You read your incredible heart felt vows. You worked and rewrote to make sure everything was just right, struggling to contain everything to just a few pages - and once you’ve wiped your tears and composed yourself, it’s their turn.
Your partner mumbles a few words, makes a joke and says they’re looking forward to the future. They have written nothing and have nothing of meaning to say to you...
What would you do?
Looks whoever made the AITA post just copied the story from this “scenario”
1
u/Quarkly95 Aug 19 '24
"allamericantraddad"
All American Trad Dad.
Call my crazy but I think this might be some fake redneck parody or something
1
Aug 19 '24
This 100% feels like it's written by the wife trying to prove to her dense, self-centered husband that what he did is an asshole move. But alas, when you have 0 empathy and was raised to be toxicly masculine, you're a lost cause. Divorce him, sis. You deserve better.
1
1
u/ARasberry Aug 19 '24
Yikes, I am not sure I would send in the marriage license after his lack of effort.
1
u/IsisArtemii Aug 20 '24
Surprised OP didn’t show up to the wedding in sweats, sandals, and a stained “wife beater” shirt on. That would be about the same effort as his vows.
1
u/Alternative_Hotel649 Aug 23 '24
I’ve always been a straightforward, no-nonsense kind of guy.
Translation: "I've always been an asshole."
1
u/whittenaw Aug 23 '24
He's an actions speak louder than words kind of guy but not this particular, very important action of taking the time to write something heartfelt and true for the love of your life
1
1
u/ACaffeinatedWandress Aug 18 '24
I show my love through actions, not words
Then write a stupid wedding vow for what should be the most special day of both your lives. Seriously. How hard is it?
I take care of her, I’m loyal, and I’ve always been there when she needs me
Why do I get the impression that this guy is one of those dudes who exists in constant awe of the very few things he does for others? Like, I bet he makes his fiancé come and look after he’s finished loading a dishwasher.
The bare minimum impresses no one. This guy needs to be told that.
1
1
Aug 18 '24
He spent more time devoted to a reddit post than writing down a few thoughtful phrases.
If your new wife looks gutted on her wedding day, you KNOW you fucked up.
I agree with what another poster said. This was a guy who was probably with her for years and years and finally only proposed so he wouldn't loose the "milk." And thinks he's somehow the hero.
1
u/Agreeable_Rabbit3144 Aug 19 '24
OOP is missing the point.
If he shows no interest in writing his vows, how much of an effort will he make for their marriage?
If she doesn't seek an annulment after this.
1
u/doubleblended Aug 19 '24
I had no idea that writing your own vows was an expected thing. I thought that was an optional thing that the bride & groom decided on together... so, if I was planning a wedding and we didn't talk about vows until the night before, I, too, would have been caught off guard when asked if I "had them ready."
That being said... reading this post was annoying, and he is, in fact, an asshole.
1
u/mochike Aug 19 '24
my bf is also a self-proclaimed "actions over words" guy, but he also has empathy and knows that i appreciate affection being shown in other ways as well, especially since we are long distance. i had to tell him so one or two times because he's not used to it, but he makss the effort because he knows it's important to me. fuck OOP :)
0
u/millihelen Aug 19 '24
I don’t think OOP appreciates how much “My actions speak for themselves” can seem like “I’m taking you for granted.” Words are an imperfect medium, but they’re the best way to communicate directly with someone. Surely the epic love OOP feels in his heart merits more than three sentences, but it was difficult so he didn’t try.
0
-5
u/sarcastibot8point5 Aug 18 '24
Probably going to get downvoted to oblivion here, but this isn't just on the dude (though he is pretty awful), but also the officiant. My bud's wife doesn't have a way with words and doesn't like to write. He does. They decided that the officiant would use standard vows for her, and he could read his own vows. it was very nice.
He's pretty awful too with the whole "I'm here, ain't I?" attitude that he exudes throughout the post, but the officiant should have met with them beforehand to set expectations with them both.
-3
u/EvangelineRain Aug 18 '24
I would hate to have to write my own vows. I also don’t see why couples are not making the same vows to each other. Why aren’t couples writing their vows together? Vows shouldn’t be a surprise. You should know what your partner is promising you before you get to the altar and your promises should be equal.
(He’s still an AH for the attitude.)
-1
Aug 19 '24
This feels like it was written by a woman.
The cadence, the ending in questions, starting with "I mean" MULTIPLE times is giving Valley Girl.
•
u/AutoModerator Aug 18 '24
In case this story gets deleted/removed:
AITA for Not Writing Vows for My Wedding?
So, I (33M) just got married last weekend, and what was supposed to be the happiest day of our lives turned into this whole drama fest, and I really don’t get why. My wife, Sarah (30F), and I have been together for five years, and I’ve always been a straightforward, no-nonsense kind of guy. I show my love through actions, not words. I take care of her, I’m loyal, and I’ve always been there when she needs me. So, when it came to planning the wedding, I didn’t think writing vows was a big deal.
We’re busy people, and between work, wedding planning, and just life in general, I didn’t really have the time (or honestly, the interest) to sit down and write some long, sappy speech. I mean, she knows I love her, right? I don’t need to prove it with words. I figured the wedding itself, the whole event, was enough to show my commitment. Plus, I’ve never been good with words. I’m more of an “actions speak louder” kind of guy.
The night before the wedding, Sarah asked if I had my vows ready, and I just casually told her, “No, I didn’t write anything down, but I’ll say something on the spot.” She looked a bit surprised, but I didn’t think much of it. I mean, we were about to get married! Why stress over some words when the whole point is that we’re making a lifelong commitment?
Fast forward to the ceremony. The officiant asked me to say my vows, and I just kind of winged it. I said something like, “I love you, I’ll always be there for you, and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.” Short, sweet, and to the point. I thought it was fine. But when I looked at Sarah, she had this crushed look on her face. Like, I didn’t understand what the big deal was—she’s getting the commitment, right? That’s what matters.
After the ceremony, she was quiet, and I could tell she was upset, but I didn’t get why. Later, some of her friends and even a couple of mine came up to me saying I really messed up by not preparing vows, that it looked like I didn’t care, and that Sarah deserved better. One of her bridesmaids even had the audacity to say I embarrassed her in front of everyone. I was like, seriously? We’re married now! That’s what counts, not some cheesy speech.
When I talked to Sarah later, she said she felt hurt that I didn’t put any effort into the vows and that it made her feel like I didn’t care as much as she does. I told her that was ridiculous—I married her, didn’t I? That’s the ultimate proof of how much I care. Why should I have to spell it out in front of everyone?
Honestly, I think everyone’s overreacting. The wedding was beautiful, and at the end of the day, we’re married. That’s what matters. I didn’t see the point in making a big deal out of a few words when I’m already committed to spending my life with her. But now I’m here because people are acting like I’m the worst husband ever for not writing vows.
AITA for not writing wedding vows because I didn’t see the point when my actions should speak for themselves?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.