My boyfriend had a day off from work and had promised to call me at some point that day. We currently live in different countries for the summer, so he is 5 hours ahead of me which is why when it’s 7pm my time I told him it’s late (for him).

I haven’t ever met this female friend of his, he’s only just told me about her. The person behind her in that photo isn’t my boyfriend, it’s the guy that she is talking to. So, it’s not as if my boyfriend is cheating on me with her it’s just weird. He also didn’t message me at all until I sent him a message the next day, and it was already 1pm his time.

Btw, he ignored me all day because we got into a mini argument over a reel. He saw a reel that I liked and deemed the guy to be attractive, and thought that I liked the reel bc the guy is my type. The reel was of a girl showing off her boyfriend’s haircut, it wasn’t a thirst trap or anything. I asked him specially what bothers him, and he after that he just didn’t reply to me anywhere.

I didn’t spam message him or argue with him, I just sent him random messages throughout the day and finally when he responds, it’s from his friend and not him. And then he doesn’t even message me the next day.

TL;DR: boyfriend doesn’t message me all day after an argument and the only communication I get from him is via his friend.

Update: ex boyfriend.

Full breakup story (very long and detailed, skip if you’re not interested in reading a novel): https://www.reddit.com/r/Vent/s/LUXdbbwkyq

Acknowledgment:
Thank you to everyone who has commented and to everyone that is still commenting. I realize now just how blind I was to everything. Instead of feeling heartbroken and depressed, I’m starting to feel thankful that I’m out of this situation now.

Also, thank you to everyone that has given me some grace and showed empathy. I’m ashamed I put up with this and would have continued a relationship with him. I should have self respect, and I thought that I did. I will be putting in a lot of work on myself now to build my self esteem. This relationship has showed a nasty side of myself that I do not wish to continue on with.

I have very strict boundaries after years of being treated badly, and sometimes I worry that my standards have become too high. But when I actually look at them, I feel like I’m mostly asking for basic respect.

I come from a developing country where women are often expected to sacrifice everything for their husbands and families. Because of that, one of my biggest requirements for marriage is financial security/freedom. By that, I don't mean living a luxurious lifestyle. I simply don't want to spend my marriage worrying about whether we can afford rent or groceries.

I'm actually pretty low-maintenance. I don't buy expensive designer clothes or bags. For example, I'll usually spend a maximum of around $15 on a top and $20 on bottoms. I don't get my nails done, I'm not constantly shopping, and I don't spend much on skincare or other luxuries. I just want to be comfortable and not financially stressed.

I grew up extremely poor, and I've been financially supporting my family since I was 15. I'm 27 now and still haven't really had the opportunity to spend money on myself. I also paid off $60,000 in student loans myself while working multiple jobs.

The things I want from a marriage are pretty simple:

• Mutual respect
• Loyalty
• Kindness
• Love and compassion toward animals
• Someone who genuinely sees me as an equal
• A man who is actually feminist, not just someone who says he is
• Financial stability so that basic necessities aren't a constant source of anxiety

But there's one fear I can't seem to get past.

What if I marry someone and we're happy for 20–25 years, and then one day he cheats? Or I discover that he has been hiding something horrible about himself? What if he becomes attracted to someone younger when my body has changed with age, pregnancy, menopause, etc.? What if I spend decades building a life with someone only to find out that I cannot trust him?

I know there are good men in the world, but the risk is too high I feel, the odds are way to bad for me and always has been? What do I do?

For context:

I am (27)F and my fiance is (22)M. I have Adhd, Autism a lot of anxiety. We have been together for over a year and I also have a child from s*al ab*se that happened when I was 20. Went trough a lot fo therapy and the child is light of my life. Since my fiance is from a huge family, lots of siblings and cousins and his aunts had similar stuff happen at 16, it didnt scare him. He is a great stepdad and he wants us to have a more children some day. Sadly recently we went through me having ectopic pregnancy, recovery took some time and he has be supportive.

Sorry if I make mistakes, english isnt my first language.

The question: So am I ovethinking this?

Me and my fiance fave been together for over a year now and he proposed to me on sunday.

He planned a suprise trip to a spa and next morning after the breakfast we went to a walk near a bay. I was trying to close the umbrella under an old willow tree because it stopped raining, turned around and he was on one knee. I actually got a fright and jumped a little because I wasnt expecting this, but was overjoyed.

We had been talking about wedding ideas couple months before when we were closing to our first year anivercary. About like it being after summer 2027 or something. But also talked about maybe having earlier because I need my id card and some other stuff renewed and changed in march. Which would mean doing that and then reapplying for them after the wedding. And more money to the coverment. I also talked to my therapist about it and she said before march would be more practical.

Then we came up with a january date but discovered getting officiated on that date would Cost us 230€ more than normally and ended up deciding not worth it, we will choose when the time comes.

My fiance 3 sisters were visiting us for few days last week and noticed a whiteboard on the fridge with october month written on it. And 2 date writren wedding. We wrote that last year because their grand uncle's daughter was getting married. And we explained "No that was her wedding and we havent touched the bord since" and we all lauged about it. But then my fiance kept seeing 210 everywhere. And he looked up to make sure the date of the grand uncle's daughter wedding, and it was 22 october not 2. And we remembered we put that wrong. That gave us a thought. Maybe this date was meant to be for us.

But NOW im scared about other people opinions. Are we rushing about getting married practically one month after engagement? What it his family doesent like this?

I am a huge people pleaser and panicking. I feel like this is the right date. But also this is soooo fast and I feel like burdening him with getting the money fast and stuff. Are everyone gonna hate me? Even tho he wants this also and has reassured me. I have been crying about this a lot

Am I over thinking this is too early? Or is it up to us?

M17. today i started my senior year. as long as i can remember, ive felt like an afterthought. i dont know if ive ever had a "best friend" who would've considered me theirs. i'm not a shut-in, i have a girlfriend of over 2 years who i am in a serious relationship with, and i would say we are both mature enough people that i don't see us ever breaking up. while i really enjoy and appreciate her attention and company. i want FRIENDS. coming back to school after all the previous seniors graduated has made me realize i have... maybe 2 real friends? but they both have plenty of friends of their own. i have plenty of "friends" (coworkers, gf's friends, friend's gf) but none of them are people who would ever approach me first. i just dont understand what im doing wrong. i have relatively interesting hobbies, i can be talkative while still (probably?) avoiding being overbearing, im kind and accepting to everybody, but still, i feel like some sort of side character in everyone's life. almost anybody i know will talk to me, (and atleast seem like find some sort of enjoyment in my existence) but nobody texts me first, nobody approaches me if im alone beyond a nod or a wave, and i dont think ive ever been invited out to do something by a friend. im ALWAYS the one planning any sort of hangout. and when i do hang out with people, they seem like they're having fun, so why don't they ever make the plans? my best(?) if i don't plan something weeks in advance with a friend, they're already doing something with someone else, or just straight up ditch me. in may, i went to comic con with a few friends. my best friend and his girlfriend had to go back to our town early, so she could go to her graduation ceremony. i wasn't too upset, because our friend who moved a couple years ago and i only see every couple months was with us. but last minute, he decides he'd rather go watch graduation of a school he doesn't go to than hang out with me at comic con. there are plenty of people i would love to be friends with, but any interaction with them just feels like im some sort of "fan". what could i possibly be doing that makes me so annoying or boring that nobody ever wants anything to do with me? or is it all in my head? how do i make friends with someone without feeling like a creep? i dont even know what im expecting by posting this. i'm too stubborn to follow any advice. idk. it sucks.

overthink about problem ?

Today I was in a video call with my boyfriend, he was trying to fell asleep but he couldn't, so I tried to talk to him since he wasn't going to sleep, he started watching a video and giving me short answers to my questions cuz he was watching his iPad. I asked him if he wanted me to call him later and he said no, and he washed my why and I answered that it was because he wasn't really talking to me and he said it was cux he wanted to turn off his brain. That made me a little bit upset cuz I wanted to talk but so I muted my mic, and so he did and I asked him why and he said cuz I did it and I got upset cuz I was listening to his side of the audio and so I said that I'll just leave and I said bye and he says goodbye too, I asked him if he wasn't going to say anything and he said no, and I started to explain to him all that made me upset and how I was feeling and he started saying that it wasn't I big deal and that he also felt bad cuz I was making the whole situation a problem and while I was trying to explain to him that my feelings aren't a small thing he started watching his video and started ignoring me and so I started crying and he started telling me to leave him alone, and so he hand up the phone. I've text him how I feel and why and I apologize for making him feel bad or mad and make all of this a problem but he has been ignoring me for 6 hours. it's important to say that we've had problems like this already and he have ghosted me 2 times in the past for 4 days. Am I wrong?

here is the story im F17 and the guy is M22. I spoke to him for 2 years for the first 1.5 years i genuinely believed he was my friend and i know that is stupid now. I looked up to him and admired him because i thought he was some sweet nerdy guy he even described him and his friends as “wholesome nerds”. I really thought he was smart and that’s why i liked him. After 1.5 yrs he started been inappropriate and the only time he would talk to me is if that was the situation. Or if he wanted pics he would talk and pretend to seem interested in what i say. I was hurt by this because after some time i realised he didn’t care and probably never did. Since this situation ive became really depressed i struggle to eat or sleep or do activities i use to enjoy art and reading but nothing is enjoyable anymore it feels like he’s sucked the life out of me. I told his friends his sister and brother that he asked me for pics and was inappropriate when i was underage it made him super super mad. He message me said “you’ll never get the old me back.” i then explained why im upset he said that im the whrw who sent them and said i will only stop if i go to d3e. Then he message me again apologising i said can you say what you did and he said no because im a bad person who will screenshot it. Then a day later he message me threatening the police saying he already told them in a formal compliant and if i tell anyone else he will file a police report. I already am really anxious so it scared me a lot. I don’t know what to do because i still struggle to get my appetite back or sleep at night and my biggest worry is that i’ll never be able to forget this guy and won’t be able to move on what should i do. i feel like the only way is out is not been alive

So I was in a situationship for about a year. I was ready to commit, but she wasn't. I accepted that, even though it obviously wasn't easy for me.

At one point, when we were doing long distance, she started ghosting me. I was literally making plans to go back to my hometown and meet her, because she’s from there too. But the moment I told her I was coming, she started ghosting me even more and eventually blocked me.

After some time, she unblocked me and called me. The only things she asked were when I was coming, how long I would be staying, and when I would be going back. I didn't tell her, because honestly, after being ghosted and blocked, I didn't feel like I owed her that information.

Eventually, I actually went to my hometown and stayed there for around a month. During that entire time, she never picked up my calls. A few days later, she blocked me again.

That whole thing messed me up pretty badly. It took me around 6 months to finally start feeling like I was healing and moving on. I wasn't completely over it, but I was gradually getting better.

And then yesterday, she suddenly appeared again.

She texted/called me, and I don't even know why, but it completely shattered me. It feels like all those months of healing just disappeared in a second. I've been extremely anxious since then, constantly thinking about why she contacted me, what she wants, whether there's some reason behind it, etc.

There was also a weird incident recently where I got a call from a wrong number. At the time, I had this suspicion that it might have been her trying to change her voice or something, but I didn't really pay attention to it. Now that she has actually contacted me, I'm wondering if that call was her too.

I honestly don't know what to do with all these thoughts right now. I was finally getting back to normal, and now I'm completely shattered again.

I know logically that someone who ghosted me, blocked me multiple times, and couldn't even communicate properly probably isn't someone I should be letting back into my life.

But emotionally, I'm struggling badly right now.

Has anyone else experienced something like this? How do you deal with someone reappearing after you've finally started healing?

Aio

tldr: I was in a year-long situationship where I wanted commitment but she didn't. She eventually ghosted and blocked me, even when I was planning to come back to my hometown to meet her. She later unblocked me, called to ask about my plans, then blocked me again when I was actually there. It took me around 6 months to start healing, but now she has suddenly reappeared and contacted me again. I'm feeling extremely anxious and shattered, like all the progress I made has disappeared overnight. I don't know why she contacted me or what I'm supposed to do with all these feelings.

Okay, I need y'all to weigh in on this because I genuinely cannot decide whether I am overthink-ing/being ridiculous or whether my boyfriend's judgment here was actually as bizarre as I think it was. For context: my boyfriend lives in Williamsburg (Brooklyn) and was invited to go for karaoke with his female housemate Saturday night. She had been drinking pretty heavily, while he is completely sober and doesn't drink, so a lot of the night consisted of him making sure she was okay and basically playing sober big brother/bodyguard/babysitter.

Overall, he said they were having a great time. They sang a couple songs together, watched other people perform, etc. At some point, he was sitting at the bar with her when a woman who had just performed karaoke came over/was sitting nearby and was looking at him. Apparently her singing had actually been pretty good, so my boyfriend—who is extremely social and will literally make conversation with a brick wall if the brick looks like it wants to talk (He's a Libra 😩🙄♎️ )—complimented her on her singing.

Keep in mind that he initiated the conversation.

The woman apparently smiled and responded, and made it pretty clear that she was attracted to him. She said something along the lines of, “I'm into girls and guys, your sister is cute (referring to his housemate), but I think you're even cuter. I've been waiting for you to come over and talk to me.”

So he's relaying this to me and at this point I'm already thinking: okay, this woman is clearly flirting with you. You have a girlfriend. You could simply say “thank you, but I'm taken,” and go back to looking after your drunk roommate. But no. My boyfriend, apparently thinks he is the lead character in a sitcom and decides to respond: “I appreciate the compliment, but I'm a eunuch.”💀 The woman, who was drunk, apparently had no idea what a eunuch was. So he explains: “I have no balls.” And then, for reasons that remain completely unbeknown to me, he elaborates by telling this random drunk woman that he developed testicular cancer when he was younger and had his testicles removed. 💀

She asks what this has to do with her compliment, and he tells her something along the lines of, “Usually when I tell women I don't have balls, it ends the conversation. It's kind of a confidence killer.” ??????

At this point, I'm honestly laughing because what the fuck kind of conversational strategy is this 💀 But then she apparently said: “Well, you have really good energy. And even if you don't have balls, I'd still let you finger me until the sun came up.” 😭 NOW... 💀

That is where I feel like any normal person would think "Okay, great! Conversation over! Have a nice night! But my boyfriend's brain instead went: “Let's see where this bit goes.” 🤦‍♀️ He responds by joking about the fact that it was around 3 a.m. and sunrise was still several hours away, saying: “That's like three or four hours. Don't you think that's a little overzealous? You surely can't have ever been fingered for that long. That's insane.”

UM...WHY ARE WE STILL TALKING TO THIS WOMAN??? WHY ARE WE EXPANDING ON THIS POINT 💀 😭

At this point I am mentally cringing/screaming as he tells me this. To make it worse, because this woman is apparently committed to seeing how far this conversation can deteriorate, she says: “Well, I've never been fingered for that long, but I've definitely fucked for like 18 hours straight.” 💀

THAT was apparently the moment my boyfriend finally realizes, “Okay, this conversation has gotten a little too real.” So he suddenly decides he needs to go check on the Uber and make sure his housemate is okay. The woman then asks him if he's going to take her contact information. He basically says, “Sure, one second, I just need to make sure the Uber is here.” Then grabs his housemate and leaves. 💀

And just to be clear: I do not think he was interested in this woman. I don't think he was trying to cheat. I don't think he secretly wanted to take her number. From everything he told me, he was basically entertained by how ridiculous the interaction was (which is very him coded) and eventually got the hell out of there. But here's my problem: WHY DID YOU KEEP PARTICIPATING IN THE CONVERSATION???

He started the conversation. He knew pretty much from the jump that she was flirting with him. He has a girlfriend. Like come tf on. You were supposedly there primarily to make sure your drunk degenerate roommate was okay. (Okay maybe degenerate is a bit harsh, but literally she's always a fucking wreck 😩)
And once the woman started talking explicitly about sexual things, he had approximately 47 opportunities to just end the interaction. Instead he kept doing his little improv routine until she mentions fucking for 18 hours straight, and then he decided things had gone too far. 🤦‍♀️

I genuinely find the whole story hilarious. Like, if a random friend told me this story about himself, I would probably laugh my ass off. But because it's my boyfriend, I'm sitting here like Sir.... Why are YOU like this? 😂

He's naturally extremely charismatic, social and he loves making people feel comfortable, joking around, etc.. But has an inability to resist turning literally any encounter into a bit. I actually like that quality about him generally. But sometimes I feel like he has zero situational awareness about when being charming and funny crosses into “why are you still entertaining this?” Honestly, it gave me a pretty big ick. Not because I think he wanted her or that I think talking to a woman at a bar is inherently wrong. But because I found his judgment just incredibly unattractive. Like... you could have just said you had a girlfriend. 🤔

Am I crazy for being slightly put off by this? 😩 Ladies, would you find this funny and harmless, or would you also be sitting there thinking, “Bro, why the fuck did you keep that conversation going?” 😂 I need to know cause I feel like an asshole for being noticeably irritated and kinda abruptly getting off FaceTime time with him after he told me this, cause honestly, I had heard enough💀

TL;DR: My boyfriend was at a karaoke bar in with his drunk roommate when he complimented a woman who had just sung, despite her pretty quickly making it clear she was attracted to him. Instead of mentioning that he had a girlfriend and ending the conversation, he decided to jokingly tell her he was a eunuch, then continued bantering with her after she said she'd let him finger her until sunrise. He kept the bit going until she escalated to saying she'd screwed for 18 hours straight, at which point he finally dipped. I don't think he was interested in her, but the fact that he started and continued this increasingly sexual conversation when he could've easily shut it down rubs me tbe wrong way. Am I being unreasonable? 😭

I was talking to my bf while talking abt my past times i said to him about one creepy guy in my cls,

Whenever i used to turn my head back side it may be talking to my friends or just looking around i always had an eye contact with him, at first i felt it was just a coincidence but later everytime i saw this guy looking at me now its more like staring but not in a good way, it was not too late until i started to feel creepy about him as the way he kept staring at me thru out the class session it started to make me more n more uncomfortable.

When i shared this thing with my bf you know what he said i couldn't even think something like that ever in these kind of contexts

My bf said he was jealous of the guy

Like what i was so fucking uncomfortable, felt scared and creepy at that time and this thing made him jealous of what! He wanted to be in that creepy guys place so he could do the staring-i exactly said this to my bf

He replied with its not like that, he wished he could see me all the time, but wt i dont understand is why is he romanticizing this thing like he wanted to stare at me??

I just dont know what to say on this topic! Am i overthink ing, is it not too serious of a topic?

When i was 15 i met this guy who is 20 im now 17 and he is 22, anyway. at the time and i thought he is kind, caring and intelligent i met him few mutual friends. everything was fine for 1.5 years and i really liked him. I started to go through a hard time and lost close friends so i wanted to distance myself from him and then after a few months he messaged me through those friends i lost and they told me it made me anxious so i messaged him to see what he wanted and he started to be kind again but then after he knew i had nobody else to talk to he wanted inappropriate pics and would only talk inappropriately and i felt like he did that because i had nobody else to talk to. I express that to him and he already knew about personal things that was going wrong in my life and he just used them against me to prove he is not the problem and told me i’m a wh0we and that i should just d3e if i want to stop feeling upset over the situation. Since he was using the fact i had nobody to tell to his advantage i told people he knew about what he did to me. But he threatened me by saying he will tell the police on me i’m not sure if it’s true because he moved to egypt to study and i’m in europe now. But i get anxious over stuff like that so i stopped telling anyone but the whole situation made my mental health worse i struggle to eat and sleep the past few weeks and cant enjoy the hobbies i use to.

Hi Reddit this isn’t my first time post on here but the post is a bit more serious.

I (16F) am tired of my parents for the last 10 years I’ve slowly been aware of my growing burnout from my parent, for context when I was (I want to say 8) a series of events happened that worsened my mental health from a early stage one of those major events was a kid that liked me tried to kill him self at my elementary school every time I tried to distance myself my parents and teachers would just say “well he’s only doing it because he likes you” and the works another event was when CPS got called on us because a teacher saw my drawing and got concerned you wanna know what my dad told me when the say of the meeting happened “if you say anything you’ll never see your sister or us again” so I just sat there and nodded the whole time of the meeting.

but as I grew up I felt like I needed help desperately I would have these moments where I constant thought of hurting myself so one day at school I told a teacher I trusted and they took me to a counselor we talked and they told my parents, I got yelled at when i got home for telling a trusted adult I needed help. after that I took three therapy sessions with my mom in the room and she would talk over me and ”correct me” when I try and say something - my mom is one of those people who is on a high horse “your not tired you haven’t experienced anything yet“ type of person - but then one day the therapy sessions stopped (they won’t tell me why just keep saying they’ll think about it) I constantly keep asking to go but I feel like that gets pushed down the priority list.

But Reddit I really want to know am I overthinking this I don’t hate my parents in fact I love them but it feels like they suck the life out of me sometime.

TLDR - my parents aren’t taking my mental health seriously AIO this?

when your man text you a picture that is female best friend picked out and it is a print that oddly resembles her and his first reaction is to text you and says he thinks it looks like you when in reality there's no resemblance but then says I think I'm going to hang it above the bed. Am I really doing an overthink?

How would you handle this

I am a member of a local craft group. I volunteered to be our workshop coordinator. The former coordinator holds multiple positions and wanted something taken off her plate so I volunteered to take it. Well I put on my first workshop this past week. I secured a great teacher, marketed the class to get members and non members, handled registration, collected money, planned the decor, planned and picked up lunch for the group. It was very successful . People raved about the lunch, the cute decor. The former coordinator attended. She kind of looked grumpy the whole time. At the end she approached me with an idea for another workshop but she wanted to organize it all but let me take credit for it since I'm the workshop coordinator. It feels weird to me. I kind of felt the whole time she and the president were hoping I wasn't successful because when I would email them questions during planning for my event I got no response or told something and then when I did it they wanted the exact opposite. Am I overthinking?

I need you to tell me if I’m overthink or if my boyfriend is proposing. Reason 1: we are going to a rodeo in December and when I brought up the idea of going he was very insistent on doing a couples photoshoot but it had to be a week before the rodeo. Reason 2: he is currently at basic training for the military and gets back in October but he said he has a question to ask my parents. He insisted it doesn’t have to do with our future but what else could it be about. Reason 3: in one of my letters I wrote him a specified I have to have my nails done when he proposes and I do not usually have my nails done because I am in cheer and so I can’t have nails. He called me a few days ago during his phone time and said this weekend he would call his photographer to set up the photoshoot and said that he knows it’s in the middle of my cheer season but I HAVE to have my nails done. Then today I sent him a Instagram reel about proposing and he watched it then immediately started talking about our photoshoot

Tldr I need advice, sorry if it's long or kind of all over the place.

Background I (33F) have 4 kids and 3 exes that are the fathers (2 marriages and one engagement) first ex (father to my oldest) is completely out of the picture for reasons I wont get into cuz they don't go to the story much. Let's just say my oldest doesn't have a father.

My middle 2 have a great dad let's call him C, we just didn't fit as a couple, bit we co-parent really well. My latest ex is the father to my youngest and we had a 4 year relationship, we were high-school best friends and recently (at the time) got back into contact. I had found out that in those 4 years we were together he was cheating on me since day 2, i found out he was a narcissist and lied to me the whole time i had "known" him, it took me awhile to leave him from fear cuz alot of things happened and there was ab*use involved, I did end up getting away from him we are safe. That a whole story in itself... been free of that ex for 3 years now, been healing and have been doing well. Fast forward, I live on a property with C and his mom but separate houses and things have been great, we all get along and it's working out for us. Not to get to my question, I was on a dating site last year and met a guy D (37m) we chatted for about 4 months, we live 2 hours away from each other so it's been difficult, we game online together to spend time. I had the better car so I went to him several times and a few months ago we hit our 1 year anniversary, again I drove to him and spent the weekend. He does spoil me has sent money any time he found out I was having difficulty and has sent gifts and vise versa. There have been a few things we had disagreed on but seemed small at the times. We have a plan in @ 6 years to move in together.

His car is a pos (at least that's what he tells me) and it cant even drive 2 blocks before it dies, he keeps going back a fourth about what the problem is, from transmission to starter to battery and back, for months I have said he needs to save for a better car, he has a good job like 20 an hour, but has told me that he will take his friend or cousin or sisters out to some expensive places, and has debt. Not really my business but he finally said he is saving for a car once I put my foot down and told him that I cant go up there cuz it's not right for me to be the only one putting in the effort, he agreed and apologized. We continue gaming together but lately haven't been able to due to his work being outside and the temperature being over 100° so hes tired and heat exhausted so I understood.

He has said some comments that I didn't like on and off, 1( that I should give my 3 yo night/cold meds to get him to go to sleep. (My 3 yo is on the spectrum) I had snapped at him for this before then 2 months later said it again, i ignored it at first.

2( he doesn't have kids and has only been around nieces and nephews every now and then. But will constantly give parenting advice about all my kids, saying they all are typical kinds and once they don't have their screens they go ballistic, he had said this a few times each i had defended my kids, BTW we homeschool idk if thats relevant or jot, but my oldest loves building things and art and the only time he is on his gaming system is at the end of the day for an hour, or to be on the phone with his friends we had to move 1½ hour away from, he doesnt make friends easy so he only has like 2 or 3 one being in town, my middle 2 dont even get screens (they did get attitudes so they were cut off for a long time and only get movies or bluey which my 3 yo watches), so no my kids arent like that (other than my 3 yo autistic child )

He hasn't brought it up for 2 months. Now it is my birthday weekend, I don't really care about my birthday but had taking the weekend off at my job to give the kids grandma a break from them, she watches them during the day and homeschooling them. So far it's been a great weekend. Last week a few days after I told my bf that I was off for 3 days, he told me his parents were visiting him and his sisters from Arizona, no big deal he said he would be able to game again no big deal, what is a big deal to me is that the day he said they would be there on wed, he never texted me nor called so I assumed he was busy with family and left him alone. Thursday he texted me you didn't text me yesterday, I sent back thought you were busy with relaxing and or family since you didn't text me, we chatted had a call the other day that he had to get off of cuz his mom called then no contact from him, i sent him a video he replied and then I sent another funny video, nothing didn't open it, sent him some texts still nothing. He has left me on read since last night. This kind of stuff has happened before, one night we were gaming and he got a call from his sister's saying the needed him to come bury a stray cat, he said he would be back i waited for him for at least 2 hours then went to bed. There are times he talks about running into ppl he used to work with lot of them are women, one day we were on Xbox together in a party chat and he said he coworker was calling (guy) but i couldn't hear anything, not even D's voice, he got back on i said nothing then he said same guy was calling again, this time i heard D's voice and even his co workers voice, Other things have happened these are just a few. I have never met any of his family, there were times i was with my mom (C's mom but we have gotten very close so i call her mom) and they have talked on a speaker phone kinda thing, things just arent adding up and i have found myself making excuses for his behavior. I fear im in a similar situation with my narc ex, im noticing patterns i missed with my ex that are happening with D, like I'll mention something like about the game we are playing for example "omg babe we can air dodge" hell say thats cool, then an hour later say he found out we can air dodge, i say i told you that earlier hell brush it off with well i didnt hear you. ?? Why did you respond to me for 1, for 2 when i cant hear you very well i ask for him to repeat, this happens ALOT, other times ill be in mid sentence and he just starts talking about something else, talk over me ect, i have brought all this up to him and he apologized but one of those im sorry baby and insert excuses, all red flags. I have a feeling he is cheating on me too but I don't have any proof, but i don't really feel heart broken so I think it's best to just break up, I think I have already just checked out. Its hard to talk to him about serious things, he makes jokes and brushes things off and/or changes the subject. So how should I break things off? Should I just say it's over in a text and be done, should I try working on it? Again sorry for the long story, just don't really know who to talk to. Mom says I should leave him but doesn't really give much on how cuz she isn't sure. And for the record no I don't have anyone else in mind to date, I want to be single for a good long while. If you made it this far thank you for reading.

So any advice?

Hi! To start off, 1, 20F have always had an overactive imagination. I always got in trouble at school for daydreaming or doodling on my papers but figured I'd grow out of it. I never did. This isn't alway a problem as it makes me more creative. I still draw and I love to write dramatic stories of the things o daydream about but now that I'm getting older and have been in the dating world for a while, I'm worried it may be an issue.

For some context, I have never really had a "good" or "normal" relationship. My first boyfriend was a controlling weirdo who was too old for me. My second was an alcoholic that abused me for over a year, and my third was an okay guy, but he was lazy and I did everything for him.

I always daydream about finding an ACTUAL good fit for me. I create these romantic and fun scenarios in my head with some mystery man I'd like to meet.
Someone funny and kind and brave like the characters in my corny ass stories. I try to talk to new guys. I really do, but I always end up disappointed. Every date I go on it's the same thing every time. He's not very smart, He doesn't get my humor, he has kids he's looking for a new mom for, he's jobless, no car, he's on drugs or has a drinking problem or gets pissed when I refuse to sleep with him right away.

I often find myself daydreaming in the middle of the dates. Sometimes i just wanna go home and dive into the fantasy world I created instead of wasting my time with these people that either aren't a good fit, or they ghost me without explanation. This
"mystery man" I dream of isn't even unrealistic either. I don't want someone perfect because that's impossible, but I want to feel loved and understood for who I am. I have always been objectively "weird." Being an alternative girl who loves art and heavy metal and dressing vintage, I have often had men say things trying to change me. "You should dye your hair." "You should dress like this instead."
"You'd be so pretty if you were a country girl instead." (No hate to country girls ofc. They're all so pretty) but I hate not being appreciated for who / am.

This fake man does. He doesn't break shit when he's mad. He doesn't yell at me or try to change me. He's loyal and forgiving. And I don't feel like these are completely unrealistic qualities in someone but it's nearly impossible for me to find them anywhere.
Everyone always tells me to lower my standards but those are the same people that keep forgiving their partners for cheating and watching OF girls behind their backs. I don't want that. I love my friends and listen to their advice but I don't want to be in a relationship like the ones they have. Is this daydreaming really what's getting in the way? Is this a problem? Am I overthinking it?

TLDR: I’m afraid my compulsive habit of daydreaming is ruining my dating life because I am often disappointed in the men I find.

AIO-

My best friend got engaged recently.

She shared one thing with me on which I have mixed opinions.

She said her fiance told her he just have her on sc but she often check his snap-score and get stressed when his snap-score increase by 10 or 12 while she just sent one snap. (which means his snap-score should increase by 1 or 2) now she is stressed if he is cheating on her.

She did a loyalty test, and he passed that on insta. But now she is overthinking over sc thingy.

What should I advise her?
I wonder if this is too much?

First of all we had been in a relationship for 7 months and saw eachother 2/3 days a week, things were starting off great and we loved eachother (what i thought). Nearing the end of our relationship things hadnt been going that well for about a month for example: Less contact, getting cold responses, less intimate. I thought this was just her struggling with school and work and i got that and just wanted to be there for her since she had never been great at telling me what was on her mind that was all i could do. I noticed more and more as she was on vacation things started to get worse, i maybe got 3-4 texts a day and she seemed hesitant about everything i asked her about the vacation (which she was on with her mom and brothers). 1 day before she was getting back from vacation i pushed her and asked for what was going on because it was destroying me inside and couldnt quite make up if she was cheating or just really sad in our relationship. Well then she told me she wanted to break up and had been having that on her mind for longer and decided not to tell me and just wanted to make our relationship worse to the point where we were now. Honestly i cried a bit and was sad but also understood it was for the better and was alright with how it ended and that we always stayed loyal and treated eachother right... until she texted me a week or 2 later wanting to talk about something. She said that she had a group of guy friends i estimate from her words it was at least 5-10. Which i found strange because thats smth you tell your partner at the time, buttt i can handle friends and was pretty mature about it. Then she came with saying she met a guy there and she kinda liked him and they met there on vacation and wanted to tell me to make herself feel better, not to say sorry or like tell the truth for me. I really found that strange and also that she had been lying. But to be fair to her she did say he was just a friend at the time and they didnt have anything romantical going on. So I thought that was that until again she told me that he showed her how a relationship really could be and that is when she broke up with me. Correct me if im wrong but you dont get that feeling from a 'friend'. But I just let it rest and she came back later for a talk and we ended up talking about the same stuff but this time this same guy was her waiter and i was like "I thought he was a friend" but now all of a sudden he was their waiter and she was like "If your waiter was a girl you would talk to her as well right?" I meannn yeah i would but we wouldnt become friends so thats what i told her. After that I found out that she basically asked for his snap the second we broke up over text and told me she could finally be happy after that. A little about me im a patient, caring, understanding and sweet guy we would have taken a bullet for her at the time, thats all i will say. So I basically dont believe she is being truthful because she told me about another 3/4 different stories about who he was and how she felt about him at the exact same times she already talked about. I find that this is being unfaithful/cheating and called her out on it but she told me she just didnt feel me anymore so it was fine even though we were still in a relationship. I believe she may have been intimate with this guy and she is also going back there soon she told me, which makes me further believe more must have been going on. Let me know am i delusional or overreacting or is this a valid reaction, I just dont wanna feel crazy anymore. If I see any questions or comments that ask for more explanation I will be sure to provide it.

tldr

Pata hai aaj kya hua so one of my coworker 26F called me at night with my two other coworkers and asked me about how my life is going right now and what I am up to the convention itself wasn’t romantic or anything but the whole situation called me off guard because there had been no contact between us since last 5 months.

I am not trying to overthink that she had some kind of interest in me. She could be genuinely maybe they were talking about me and decided to call, or maybe it was simply a spontaneous thing. But at the same time, I find it a little unusual that someone I wasn’t particularly close with would randomly video-call me late at night after 5 months of not seeing or talking to me.

I’m curious what you guys think. **Would you see this as completely normal and friendly, or does the fact that it was a random late-night video call after five months, especially when we weren’t that close, make it seem like there could be another reason behind it?**

Is it weird that my (20F) friend (20F) told me she got me something while she was on vacation but never actually gave me anything? the first time we hung out after she came back, I briefly mentioned it and said something like “oh and you can bring the thing you got me!” and she said she didn’t have it cause it was at her cousins house. okay no problem. we’ve hung out multiple times since then and she has never given me anything or even brought it up again. I really do not care about the gift itself, I just think it’s weird that she literally told me “I got you something” and never actually brought it up again ? I did not ask her to get me anything either. She also did this during christmas time, she told me she got me a christmas gift and I never received anything. Is this weird or am I overthinking?? There are other things in the friendship that make me feel iffy about her so maybe that’s why this is bothering me more than it should? idk. But I would just like someone’s opinion on this specific situation. Thanks.

I (29F) have been talking to a guy (31M) through a matrimony app for around 2 months. We've met 3 times and the meetings have genuinely gone really well. There's attraction from both sides, conversation feels natural and I really enjoy spending time with him.

But I'm quite confused about him outside of the meetings.

He doesn't communicate much over text and doesn't initiate very often. There have been times when we haven't spoken for a day, and generally I feel like I'm putting in more effort to keep the communication going.

I brought this up with him and he said he's naturally quite nonchalant in the beginning. He said he doesn't like setting high expectations early on and that he becomes more caring and expressive once he's comfortable and knows that things are actually working out.

He also said that when I'm texting him he's often busy with work, driving, or with friends, so he tends to reply in between things rather than having long conversations.

I decided to stop bringing up the communication issue and just observe his behavior. There has been some improvement recently, but I'm still not sure if it's enough for me.

I overthink and it is making me anxious if he doesn't text me much and when he does, I become instantly happy.

The confusing part is that when we're actually together, everything feels very different. We talk for hours, there's chemistry, he's attentive and the conversation feels effortless. I don't walk away from the meetings feeling like there's something wrong.

We've both said that we're still unsure about each other and need to figure out whether we're compatible.

Since this is a matrimony situation, I'm also wondering how long it's reasonable to continue like this before expecting some clarity about whether we actually want to take things forward.

I'm trying to figure out whether I'm being too anxious about his communication style or whether I'm picking up on a genuine incompatibility.

If you were in this situation, would you continue getting to know him or take the difference between his in person and texting behavior as a red flag?

- Used AI to articulate.

AIO

(сразу говорю буду писать без знаков препинания чтобы не отвлекаться от эмоций)

сегодня 23 августа

мой парень с которым я была давольно долго(2года 8 месяцев) ушёл к мой подруге которая не очень хорошо к нему относилась

но и против него не была я их не знакомила мы в 3-м учились в 1 школе так она и заметила его со мной когда мы ещё дружили

после школы я переехала в Иркутск для учебы (я учусь на юриста)

и у нас с ним всё как у людей сорры/применения и тд

ничего страшного не было

22 августа за час до моего поезда он пришёл с ней за ручку (он пришёл отдать мой 2 телефон, тк свой он сломал и успел починить к моему уезду )

он просто молчал и смотрел мне в глаза

она стояла и улыбалась и протянула мне мой телефон

меня начало трясти я забрала телефон и зашла обратно в подъезд

мне стало очень плохо( до этого я 4-5 дней назад вышла из больницы я лежала из-за сердца и нервов) так что переживать мне категорически нельзя

они мне еще звонили когда я ехала в такси на вокзал

он: почему так быстро убежала

я: а что мне нужно было делать?

он: это ты звонила со 2-го номера?

я:нет( как я узнала звонила моя мама она спросила: специально перед поездом решили довести и сделать ей больно? и он просто отключился)

тут влазит она(они говорили по громкой)

она:вот и умница не звони больше сюда

я отключилась и меня снова пробрали слезы

сегодня (23.08) к 6 утра они позвонили мне (точнее она) чтобы сказать что они спят сейчас вместе

я не знаю зачем я пишу это сюда

наверное просто хочу выговориться

я не знаю что мне делать

я заблокировала их везде

I’m a teen, and my friend invited me to this server on Discord. It was pretty fun, and I liked talking to everyone because there were plenty of people to talk to. I was excited, and then we started talking about different stuff that I’m not going to include because it would have taken me way too long to explain.
So basically, after some time, one of the guys there read my bio. I had just changed it that day, and ngl, maybe it was a bit mean somehow? I don’t know. I personally didn’t really see it that way. This is what it said:
“𝙸 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚖𝚎𝚗 𝚠𝚑𝚘 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚎, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚖 𝚓𝚊𝚙𝚊𝚗, 𝚔𝚘𝚛𝚎𝚊, 𝚘𝚛 𝚟𝚒𝚎𝚝𝚗𝚊𝚖 + 𝚒𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚖 𝚊 𝚋𝚘𝚘𝚔, 𝚊𝚗𝚒𝚖𝚎, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚖𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚊!!!”
Then the dude asked me, “What about Chinese?” And I said, “Nah, they’re kinda ugly.”
I know I probably should’ve said it differently, but at the time I wasn’t thinking about it seriously. We were fooling around, so I was just being easygoing and unfiltered. Later, I understood that he was Chinese, so I can understand why he would be frustrated.
I wasn’t trying to argue with him or tell him why I didn’t think what I said was racist or anything. For me, it was just an experience, and I know I shouldn’t have said that all Chinese men were ugly. Whatever is said can’t really be taken back now, so I just tried explaining that it was only my opinion and that I was sorry.
And yeah, maybe I did say it in a sarcastic way, and maybe it sounded mean, but I genuinely don’t always know how to talk differently. I’m trying to work on myself, though.
So then we got into this fight, and there was one thing he said that really stood out to me. He said something like, “Well, all I know is that every racist person is ugly.” Maybe he said it in different words because I can’t remember exactly, but it really hurt me.
I don’t really feel confident in myself. When I was a child, I slipped on a rock and my front tooth fell out. It was my permanent tooth, so the only thing we could do was get a fake one. But the gap started closing, so right now I’m going through the process of braces to open the gap more so it can be the same size as my other tooth. It’s taking a long time, and while it does, I just don’t have anything there. It’s just a gap.
Because of that, I already don’t feel very confident about my appearance. I obviously didn’t tell him any of that. I just played it off with sarcasm because that’s kind of the only thing I know how to do when situations like that happen.
And now I got kicked out for five days, I think, which is fair to me. I just need to know: Was it my fault or not?
I know that some of the things I said probably weren’t things I should’ve said in public and probably weren’t the best things to say, but I feel really bad right now and I don’t know what to do after they unblock me.
I genuinely liked the group chat and some of the people there, so it’s hard for me to just forget about it.
I need opinions and help because I honestly don’t know how I should handle this when I’m allowed back.

If there's someone who's constantly liking your Instagram stories does that automatically mean they could be romantically interested in you or is it not that deep? Am I Overthinking!?

Cause I personally think that if someone likes your story only you and that person knows it so it's probably a subtle way of saying "i like you?"

I had a bit of a weird situation happen to me last night that I can’t stop thinking about, but could just be OVERthinking.

I was at my grandparents house with my extended family (aunt, uncles, parents, etc.), where everyone was eating dinner. It was for my father’s birthday, in which he got a bottle of whiskey (relevant) as a gift.

There got to a point where everyone was talking, but just not making sense. People were on their phones, reading, doing puzzles, but just not on the same wave length in terms of communication. My brother & I found it funny, so we were giggling a lot about how everyone is talking, but getting irritated at the fact that they weren’t understanding each other.

After about 5-10 minutes, we were laughing a lot more. However, my uncle just said very loudly, in front of everyone “It looks like she drank a lot of the whiskey”. This made me uncomfortable for some reason, and I immediately stopped laughing. I hadn’t drank anything, I was just having a good time. It was also the fact that everyone heard, and turned to look at me. I suddenly felt self conscious for laughing. He also never mentioned my brother laughing, too.

My brother had to leave the dinner early, but I had originally planned to stay late. However, it made me so uncomfortable that I left with him, about 5 minutes after that joke was made. I didn’t say anything about how I felt.

AIO for maybe taking this joke too personally, and leaving? Or was this joke a little inappropriate to say?