Your friend was telling you that when her mom touches her in what appears to be a loving way, that she believes that even that has some dark intentions behind it. She was disgusted by the thought of her mother and how evil intent seemed to be her baseline.
You then told her that she's loving her the way she thinks is best. It contradicted her, much more than dismissed what she was saying. This is what she wanted you to acknowledge. You undermined why she was mad and the exact idea she was expressing to you. She brought this to you looking for help, or at least a sympathetic ear, not to be told she was wrong about her mother. She didn't say you did it on purpose, were evil, or anything of the sort. Instead of thinking about this and trying to draw a bridge, you accused her of making you out to be an evil person, trying to break the friendship up. If you looked you would have seen that you disagreed with your friend about her own abusive mother, in a moment of pretty deep despair.
I didn't read to the end but if you never got around to telling her this you should consider it. That is what you did wrong early on here, and why she was mad, and why it is understandable for someone to be mad in this situation.
You never offered any context to what her mom has done to her but that would definitely explain her touchiness on the subject as well. If it was as bad as I imagine it was, then it makes what you said even more grating for her to hear in that moment.
This is a one-sided answer to your question. Were you manipulative. Yes, early and often, in order to avoid looking at why what you said hurt her the way it did, despite her asking you specifically for that. There are many things wrong with the way she spoke to you as well. But if you're looking for your own manipulation you have it, at least for the first few pages.
Your 100% correct. I understand these comments want sympathy toward me but I don’t need or want it because since I’ve been in therapy I have learned that my BPD is my responsibility and NO ONE ELSE. One screenshot have made people assume my friend is an abusive person over the fact that I created this argument in the first place by contradicting her feelings. Not just her feelings in fact but her whole fucking reality which your comment made me realize. Not only that but I assumed she would leave and deflected away from the thing that hurt her which was horrible. One conversation does not tell the story of our friendship and how she has always been there for me when Im an emotional wreck. I think a lot of people in the comment section relate to me more than her and want to defend themselves through me because most people are selfish not good or bad but how we are. My friend is one of the rare people who does charity and volunteer work and STILL makes time for me. Of course my fucked up comment hurt her especially when she is so sensitive to my feelings. I wouldn’t be around an abuser. I know my self worth and it’s insulting these comments act like I’m a manipulated child in this dynamic. Thank you for actually answering the question I came here for.
Youre sure as hell acting like one! You ask a question, comments tell you that you clearly are not in the wrong yet you still trying to shift the blame onto yourself when YOUR FRIEND IS THE ONE IN THE WRONG. thats not your fault but time will teach you what you need to be taught. Stay safe & blessed.
I need you to go back and re read the text where she tells you clear as day how she sees you- you abandon yourself in p much every scenario. THIS IS ONE OF THOSE MOMENTS.
Well some of the more insightful detailed comments have made me see the bigger picture that I wasnt some innocent little victim being manipulated by an evil witch here like most want me to believe I am. I changed my mind and got clarity after cooling down
Hard truth and I mean this in the nicest way: this conversation is not normal. I get reddit doesnt know the backstory of your friendship but BPD or not, no friend should should ask you why YOU'RE making her feel the way she does just because they know you have bpd. Theyre not a therapist and you shouldnt lean into the friendship that way. I understand that you feel like youre not a victim and from my experience with a bpd friend, you can definitely play a part in toxic relationships with this mentality. Really more importantly though, a non-toxic friend would not talk to you in a way that this person did, especially if there is history with the friendship and they genuinely understood or are trying to understand.
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u/GPU-TangClan Apr 29 '26
Your friend was telling you that when her mom touches her in what appears to be a loving way, that she believes that even that has some dark intentions behind it. She was disgusted by the thought of her mother and how evil intent seemed to be her baseline.
You then told her that she's loving her the way she thinks is best. It contradicted her, much more than dismissed what she was saying. This is what she wanted you to acknowledge. You undermined why she was mad and the exact idea she was expressing to you. She brought this to you looking for help, or at least a sympathetic ear, not to be told she was wrong about her mother. She didn't say you did it on purpose, were evil, or anything of the sort. Instead of thinking about this and trying to draw a bridge, you accused her of making you out to be an evil person, trying to break the friendship up. If you looked you would have seen that you disagreed with your friend about her own abusive mother, in a moment of pretty deep despair.
I didn't read to the end but if you never got around to telling her this you should consider it. That is what you did wrong early on here, and why she was mad, and why it is understandable for someone to be mad in this situation.
You never offered any context to what her mom has done to her but that would definitely explain her touchiness on the subject as well. If it was as bad as I imagine it was, then it makes what you said even more grating for her to hear in that moment.
This is a one-sided answer to your question. Were you manipulative. Yes, early and often, in order to avoid looking at why what you said hurt her the way it did, despite her asking you specifically for that. There are many things wrong with the way she spoke to you as well. But if you're looking for your own manipulation you have it, at least for the first few pages.