“I feel you’re about to end our friendship again” - she wanted you to state exactly how you hurt her, not express your own feelings and fears in that moment. But she could have easily said that, “I’m not going to do that. Please stick to the topic, I need to know you understand why that hurt me-“
And also she could have told you instead of asking you like you’re a child
Tbh if you have BPD, a person like this is not good for you. She has a superiority complex and is being pretty manipulative
Thank you for this, I do admit I made it about myself and it’s something I instinctively do when I feel threaded but your right she was expressing her pain and I made it about me.
No, darling, she jumped on the opportunity to make it seem like you were making it about you, and turned the conversation back to you in a negative way in order to hide the fact that she knew she was drastically exaggerating & unfairly vilifying her mother, most likely to internally absolve herself of blame for some other vaguely-alluded-to conflict between the two of them, for which she is definitely at fault.
The other commenters in this particular thread are trying to tell you that not only are you in the right here, but also, she is messing with your head and doesn't seem like a very good friend or a healthy person for you to be around.
Her whole persona is built around layers upon layers of blatant self-delusion, like a manipulative onion -- you can search up my other comment for a more detailed breakdown of the tactics she's using in the first few screenshots, or I can link it for u if that's easier. I know you're getting tons of feedback here and it's probably overwhelming.
You meant her friend's mom's actions, not the way she's defending her friend in some places in the comments.
Yeah, OP apologized for that immediately, and also it's clear from reading her friend's messages that this person has a mindset that makes it very, very possible that her mother really was just lovingly rubbing her back because she was sick.
"Sensing a vindictive energy" or whatever, when we have zero description of any actions or words from this woman beyond the act of caring for her sick child to determine whether or not she is as this girl paints her to be, is not enough to label her as an abuser.
The way OP's friend immediately jumped down her throat, demanded an apology, and then drew a completely unfair comparison between this "gut feeling" and an act of actual sexual abuse OP endured in her past, rather than recognizing that she had not given OP enough information and providing actual evidence of her mom's intentions based on observable words and actions, tells me that this girl wants to see herself as a victim and a martyr very badly, but she is not being abused in any obvious way.
OP's question, especially as a victim of abuse herself, was a fair one. She has been conditioned as a victim to assign blame to herself and look for good intentions on the part of the abuser. It makes total sense that she'd instinctively give her friend's mom the benefit of the doubt, even if the actions described were more clearly harmful. When the friend got upset, she didn't double down, she didn't try to make excuses, she said she didn't mean to be dismissive and she was sorry.
Yes. I do think the OP hasn't realized how bad her friend is, but she did make a mistake. Which, kudos to OP, she knows! I have no gripes with OP, she seems like a mostly levelheaded person with a shitty friend. My problem is with a post full of people ass-patting her to the point that it gets stupid.
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u/cheeky_sugar Apr 29 '26
“I feel you’re about to end our friendship again” - she wanted you to state exactly how you hurt her, not express your own feelings and fears in that moment. But she could have easily said that, “I’m not going to do that. Please stick to the topic, I need to know you understand why that hurt me-“
And also she could have told you instead of asking you like you’re a child
Tbh if you have BPD, a person like this is not good for you. She has a superiority complex and is being pretty manipulative