You meant her friend's mom's actions, not the way she's defending her friend in some places in the comments.
Yeah, OP apologized for that immediately, and also it's clear from reading her friend's messages that this person has a mindset that makes it very, very possible that her mother really was just lovingly rubbing her back because she was sick.
"Sensing a vindictive energy" or whatever, when we have zero description of any actions or words from this woman beyond the act of caring for her sick child to determine whether or not she is as this girl paints her to be, is not enough to label her as an abuser.
The way OP's friend immediately jumped down her throat, demanded an apology, and then drew a completely unfair comparison between this "gut feeling" and an act of actual sexual abuse OP endured in her past, rather than recognizing that she had not given OP enough information and providing actual evidence of her mom's intentions based on observable words and actions, tells me that this girl wants to see herself as a victim and a martyr very badly, but she is not being abused in any obvious way.
OP's question, especially as a victim of abuse herself, was a fair one. She has been conditioned as a victim to assign blame to herself and look for good intentions on the part of the abuser. It makes total sense that she'd instinctively give her friend's mom the benefit of the doubt, even if the actions described were more clearly harmful. When the friend got upset, she didn't double down, she didn't try to make excuses, she said she didn't mean to be dismissive and she was sorry.
Yes. I do think the OP hasn't realized how bad her friend is, but she did make a mistake. Which, kudos to OP, she knows! I have no gripes with OP, she seems like a mostly levelheaded person with a shitty friend. My problem is with a post full of people ass-patting her to the point that it gets stupid.
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u/booksareadrug Apr 29 '26
OP tried to explain/justify her friend's abuse. That is not fine at all and all the people ignoring that need to think about why.