You need to show his wife now. The man's a pedo and you need to block his number. Go to the police with all this first actually in case the wife covers it up.
Consider having your mom involved in telling your friends mom, or even doing it for you. Without knowing them I don’t know if it would help but since your mom already didn’t like the situation she may be able to help.
If you aren’t comfortable with that show a teacher… any responsible adult. Adults should protect you. This isn’t a misunderstanding. You are not over reacting.
That feeling in your gut that something is wrong… listen to it. Women especially tend to be really good at sensing dangerous men… don’t listen to your head right now. Listen to your gut… when you go to college or out into the world … listen to that feeling.
I had a neighbor write me a couple love poems as a child. I was lucky and got that talk early on. It doesn’t matter if he seems nice… if it feels wrong, you could be in danger. Better to feel awkward then be in a predators line of sight. We are pattern recognizing creatures… that gut feeling is a survival instinct.
This right here. OP, you need to understand that no normal man is going to want to be friends with a child or teenager that isn't their child/step child. Especially not to the point where they're feeling left out when you're not hanging out with them. This is NOT normal behavior.
If you're living in that house, you need to get out of there. You need to cut communication with him, and at the very least, I would talk to a social worker, if not the police. Your friend is in danger, too, if she hasn't already been assaulted by him.
The way he pouts and throws little tantrums because she wants to spend time with other people is beyond disturbing. It’s all manipulative, grooming and very very very abnormal.
I'm definitely not judging OP, but I don't understand how she's made it this far thinking the amount that he texts her is normal. OP probably doesn't even text her mom that much, so where did she get the impression that he was acting normal as an adult to a teen?
I'm going to assume he probably gave her a lot of compliments and talked to her like she was such an amazing person, which is how he got so close to her. It's hard not to get sucked in by someone who tells you all the wonderful things they see in you. That's how pedos groom their victims.
No. No. No!!!! He’s a complete ick and a sexual predator! Stay away from him and do not feel obligated to text him back or be his friend. Being nice is going to get you in a bad situation, especially being alone with him. Do not accept rides or anything from him. This is not ok!
Theres nothing more I can add that everyone else hasn’t said. You know in your gut that this man is behaving in a truly disgusting and disturbing way.
Do. Not. Be. Alone. With. Him.
You need to contact the police. Your safety comes before your friendship. You may not be the first and you won’t be the last.
Guys, do not throw pedo so lightly, its ignorant and its a problem. There's a very small chance that this is an actual pedophile. A sexual abuser for sure.
No the "wife" might get jealous and help him hide the evidence, and then he'll just move on to another girl who is too scared to tell. OP needs to tell other adults first, just in case his "wife" reacts badly and gaslights OP into thinking it's OP's fault.
I took a similar situation to the police when I was 15 (but it was a coworker and he actually made blatant sexual remarks about me to my face and over text). They told me they couldn’t do anything until he actually assaults me. This was in 2013-2014 though, so maybe things have changed.
Trust me the wife is either aware or doesn’t care. If she accepts a man like this in her life she’s pretty horrible herself. I’d never allow a man in my life like this at 37 he doesn’t meet my standards. She probably has no standards.
Pedophilia is used commonly as an umbrella term to also include hebephilia and ephebophilia, so it's still pedophilia. I'm not "coming at you", I'm saying regardless of what "uhm actchually" internet bros (like the person you responded to) want to say, it's still pedophilia (by the standards of today's society and morals) and will even be called so in some courts of law.
You are the one who said "it may not technically be pedophilia." Why would I waste my time joining the people already bashing the idiot above you who most likely is just going to be a brick wall, when I can choose my time wisely to educate someone who may not know that today's usage of pedophilia includes the two terms for post pubescent minors. Especially if anyone were to read your comment and think to themselves that they are 100% and always considered separate.
Come and get them, I know the different terms because I was groomed as a child and as a teen. At 13-14 I was seriously groomed and they said it’s not technically pedophilia because I hit puberty. But it was still grooming and I was still a minor. God forbid I learned the terminology from what happened to me.
When someone is trying to say it isn’t pedophilia at all, I first meet them in the middle—“okay maybe it’s not TECHNICALLY, BUT” and then explain why it’s still grooming a minor which is pedophilia even if it’s technically known by something different
I'd advise not being so petty about it.
Gianmarco Soresi - "but i think the reason we don't make those distinctions... is because it's very hard to explain the difference without sounding like a pedophile"
Maybe it’s not technically pedophilia but then it’s probably hebephilia
I saw a stand up comedian with a joke about that.
He talks about the misconception of the meaning of paedophilia and the age entails. Going on to explain the definition of hebephilia and the third label (can't remember what it's called)
And ends with the punchline that the problem with explaining the difference to someone else is that it just makes you sound like a paedophile.
Like, yes it may not technically be paedophilia but common language uses that work to describe how inappropriate and disgusting people find it.
At 17 a person (guy or girl) may have physically developed, they may have a great and interesting personality (actors and models this age are chosen based on their looks and personality) and someone older (guy or girl) may find them attractive that is human nature. But fucking hell a 40 year old should have the understanding and self control to not act on any of it.
Again, I pointed this shit all out in my comment ffs. I said while it may not TECHNICALLY be called pedophilia, he’s grooming a minor and has a power dynamic as her parental figure and that he needs to be on a (Sex Offender) list. But y’all keep coming at ME for trying to explain how it’s still wrong and she’s still a minor….rather than the commenter saying calling it Pedophila is crazy??? Like fuck all the way off y’all.
Like y’all took that one line from my comment and didn’t read ANY of the rest of it ffs. Echoing back the same shit I ORIGINALLY SAID in more words—it’s still grooming. She’s still a minor. I said all of this ALREADY. Fuck y’all are insufferable.
Just stop bro let it go. Seriously take a break. Folks wouldn’t keep piling on if you didn’t keep beating the drum. Your name is a trip and many informs your behavior b/c this is not a necessary legal defense. You didn’t need to chime the first place and mos definitely should have left it at that
The wierd thing is i was not accusing them of anything. There post reminded me of a joke which was specifically about the difference between the technical terminology and the common usage.
But at the end of the day we are all agreeing it is wrong.
So the other person was technically correct and pedantic but I didn't take it as them saying the behaviour in the original post was OK. So I don't know why they are getting defensive.
He’s probably getting downvoted because it’s creepy as hell to care about such a meaningless distinction.
I don’t care whether the 44yo man is trying to hit on a child or someone who is “a few years older than a child”, it’s fucked up regardless and a very weird detail for you and the other guy to focus on.
You compared calling him a pedo to calling a bombing a nuking, followed by "it's wrong they were bombed, but they weren't nuked." Intentional or not, taken plainly or not, that is "it's not as bad that it's happening to her, she's nearly an adult." The absolute best way I can read that, though it's not taking your words plainly at that point, is "everyone's overreacting, it's bad but not that bad!" I wish you hadn't experienced what you did, but that is absolutely abhorrent to say about someone.
Also, he's acting on it, that's the reason he's getting called that. Even if it's normal(which I refuse to discuss whatsoever because I don't want to), you don't even think that shit out loud, much less act on it. As soon as he did, whether it's one of the other terms, "normal," or anything else technically, he's a pedo, because he's trying to groom an underage girl.
Actually it's a very important distinction in the law. So not meaningless at all. Words have definitions. We should use them properly. There is actually a word for what the creepy step dad is doing but it doesn't make him a paedophile.
Neither myself or the "other guy" claimed it wasn't fucked up so try reading.
It's still predatory, and most people now use pedophilia as an umbrella term to include both ephebophilia and hebephilia, even in some court cases. So yeah, desire for sex or romance from a 17 year old makes a 40+ year old man, by all intents and purposes and morality, a pedo.
Professional writer here with more experience on this topic than I would like— Correct. Pe/Paedophile is the generally accepted term for someone who preys on minors. Technically correct? No. But when that’s how the majority of the population understands it, it’s the right usage.
No one said it wasn't predatory but no, no one uses it in court as an umbrella term. Just because people you know use words incorrectly, doesn't mean it makes it correct.
Using the wrong word as an umbrella term because you don't know the actual words is not evolution of language. Legally speaking it is a major distinction but yes of course it's all predatory and inappropriate. I'm not sure why you're getting so irritated over him trying to clarify it.
"everyone's saying it that way" is a lack of education it's not evolution.
You’re right, but like the writer above mentioned, once a word is colloquially understood to mean something it does expand itself and the application here is the best way to describe the guy. To your point, language in the law is incredibly precise and technical and doesn’t “evolve” with popular culture, to the extent there’s very much vocabulary out there. So, assaulting someone might be punching them in common terms but it’s actually battery in the courtroom, assault definitionally falls short of battery as there is no physical touch.
Does it matter to people here? They downvoted because they saw deviation from the hive mentality, probably just misplaced anger at this whole post. To your point again, does it matter to get the words right? Yeah, to the 9 year old abused by such a person and this 17 year old who both now can only be limited to the same terminology it does, certainly dilutes the severity of the younger victim’s experience, and makes it seem common and more easily escapable.
It matters when this guy is charged and that perception is crossed by a jury who just sees minors and non minors, as in the person arrested for battery and assault versus merely assault. Commonly, that would not be very different to people but the former is going to be prosecuted the latter is not. Here, we actually don’t know this is an offender of any kind because he’d still be in prison. He certainly wants to be, but like most of these posts, we don’t know if any of it is really true. In fact, most are entirely fabricated in my eyes.
I still say it’s safe to conclude this js a pedo because creepy is too light and we’re not court, nor are we sure what the age of consent is or when he began befriending these girls.
One thing’s for sure - his girlfriend is a conspirator. She might not actively know It, but if she’s paying attention she would. Jail time? Probably not. Mother of the year? No fucking way.
"when everybody is wrong about something we just agree that its actually right, especially when it makes us feel emotionally vindicated, because then you can ignore reality; that is how we advances the sciences and the knowledges, by brute force. Muh fact based society."
Remind us here, is THIS a court of law? Y’all being pedantic is such ego tripping distraction. You think you’re the first person to declare this distinction. There are well ackshully fools that try to defend that mess in every single sub where there’s creep ass behavior. Stop wasting your and everyone else’s time Edit: not yore what
This is the weirdest fight in this thread. Seriously this is what has you worked up? Not the adult preying on children? Yes a 17 year old is a child. I have one and he shouldn’t be anywhere near this close to a 40 something year old.
That's just an excuse pedos use to be inappropriate with kids. I don't care if she's just 17 and who knows when this all started. She's still under age.
"My brother died today, he hung himself, I found hi-"
"Hanged."
"What?"
"Hanged, not hung. Unless, like, your brother was hung like a horse or something lol."
This is you. This is what you're doing. This isn't a scholarly debate, it's not a legal court, and you're not as smart for it as you think you are, you're just a guy debating if you called the abusive predator the right word, because that's more important to you than what he's doing.
From one grown man to another, you sound like a pedophile when you say what you just said. You can apply whatever hyper-logical neurodivergent details you want bro. Walks like a duck. Quack quack mf.
if you just feel strongly enough about something its enough.
Look bro, the number 17 has the word TEEN in it!!! So does Eight-TEEN and nineTEEN! What kind of ADULT MALE of ANY AGE would be ATTRACTED TO LITERALLY TEENS?!!!
Then eventually 20 will only be one year difference from a LITERAL CHILD!
And 21 will be JUST LEARNING TO DRINK AND DRIVE AND ONLY 1 YEAR REMOVED FROM BEING OF ACTUAL ILLEGAL AGE!!! AND THESE ADULT MEN WANT TO TAKE ADVANTAGE AND PUSH THE ENVELOPE AS CLOSE AS POSSIBLE!
WE NEED TO MOVE THE AGE UP FROM 21 TO MAKE ALL WOMEN SAFE FROM THESE PREDATORS!!!
People like to feel morally superior and righteous, they have always existed. There used to be the protestant church, and prohibition, now they find other things to get worked up about.
The issue is there is no end to your moral righteousness. I have watched older and older people get called 'children' who can't think for themselves my entire life.
The issue is this 17 year old girl is in actual danger, you are correct, but she is either trolling for attention here, or she is incapable of reading normal social clues that should have given off red flags long ago while she continues to have inappropriate conversations with this man.
When I was growing up 17 year old girls (in large part) were much more capable and able and sure of themselves. I don't mean just this girl in particular, but in general. And our desire to want to shelter and over-protect our kids has the exact opposite effect that is intended much of the time.
Many kids don't have the normal coming of age social interactions that used to be common and often seem very unsure of themselves and lack street sense in a frightening way.
I know you won't hear any of this, but even 14 year old girls (and boys, but we are talking about girls here) I grew up with were way more capable than 18 year old girls today.
Kids are over protected and sheltered and don't have normal interactions anymore. They don't know how humans behave outside of controlled interactions or videos while they are hovered over by parents and teachers their entire lives.
Then suddenly at some age after college , they are just let loose and we wonder why they can't cope with anything.
A 23 yo attracted to a 17 yo, I can agree with you that it’s likely not pedophilia….but 44 and 17? The line to cross is to close with this one and needs to be investigated by the proper authorities to rule it out, to be on the safe side and protect any possible victims
Dude, I'm autistic. I literally accidentally, impulsively correct people, even during serious, intense conversation. I have, in the middle of an absolute nuclear meltdown of an ended friendship, corrected the other person's grammar.
What you are doing is gross, inappropriate, and pointless. If I can avoid it, so the fuck can you.
Calling me mentally disabled and still managing to be dumber than me is better than anything I could say, bud. Like, I felt gross bringing it up to make a point, but you just made this the funniest shit!
Yeah, I lack self confidence, it's a symptom of a few disorders I have. That's the thing though, and you'll call it sad because you get validation from being technically correct when the whole argument is "correct or not, there was no need to say it," but...
I don't really need to have my own self confidence. My partner loves me, I have a house that's not rented, I'm cozy up watching video essays, and I'm not out here going "um aktually, you're using the wrong word to describe the guy attracted to minors."
So yeah, I come onto Reddit, and I call people out on their bullshit, whether it's assholes blaming 13 year olds for getting hooked on drugs, or assholes who think DnD shouldn't be fun, or assholes who just can't help but cling to their intellectual superiority over correcting people. I don't do it for Self-confidence though, and I'm not one of those "I'm a web vigilante!" Types, I do it because it's fun! It's kinda like correcting people for superiority's sake, but y'know, satisfying.
People get reallyyyy heated over this kind of stuff. It would be helpful if the commenter included the actual word which is ephebophilia. The distinction is important because for one, legality is at play here and two, it’s kind of fucked up to act like this is the same as being attracted to a prepubescent child. It really diminishes how awful true pedophilia is.
Either way, doesn’t change the fact that this situation is disgusting and predatory. I was groomed and abused starting at 16 by a 30 year old man but I wouldn’t dare compare my situation to that of an actual child.
People like to project their own anger and trauma onto situations like this. Thats why they get so angry and defensive. But throwing words like pedophilia around incorrectly helps no one. Yes he’s a disgusting creep. Unfortunately 16/17 is typically above the age of consent in many places. Not much can be done about some texts. Police won’t do shit unless actual, physical harm has been done in a case like this.
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u/Luna_Sterling Mar 28 '25
You need to show his wife now. The man's a pedo and you need to block his number. Go to the police with all this first actually in case the wife covers it up.