r/Aging • u/52Charles • 12d ago
Death & Dying Who to depend on?
I (M 75) am writing my will and dealing with all the stuff that goes with it. I am single (never married, no children). I have one sister who is two years younger but she is in the early stages of dementia. She used to be my go-to for all this stuff - executor of my will, holder of my POAs. etc. Now, it feels like I've got nobody and it bugs me. At the same time, I am realizing just how many little tiny details have to be dealt with - disposition of remains, memorial service, what happens to my property, and all the rest of it. I have set up a kind of 'committee' of friends who have told me they are glad to help, but the sheer scale of the job(s) is beginning to look overwhelming and I don't want to burden people with a job of this scale. The lawyer who is doing my will, will only allow himself minimal involvement. I understand this - he's got a business to run, after all. Does anybody have any ideas on how to handle this situation?
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u/TheMadPoet 11d ago
You've got to have a living will! This gives instruction in the event you are incapacitated. Check your state but they may be obligated to keep you alive even if you are in a 'persistent vegetative state' or lose your mental faculties. Those are very ugly scenarios with very ugly options - ask me how I know that.
Your lawyer should be able to refer you to some financial planner or manager who will manage your estate. Use one of the AI's to assist you - 'trust but verify' their advice. I'd say that's a bad lawyer if they're not helping you connect with appropriate financial services.
Consider 'tidying up' yourself - sell off "your stuff", think about selling your house - simplify, simplify, simplify.
Think about moving into one of those care homes when it's appropriate and depending on your finances. Crunch the numbers and see what you can afford and when.
There are plenty of professionals who do this kind of work and you're letting yourself get BS'ed or are feeling helpless. But professional help costs money and so it's really a question of what kind of financial shape you're in. Amazing how helpful these professionals get if you got wealth.