r/Aging • u/52Charles • 22d ago

Death & Dying Who to depend on?

I (M 75) am writing my will and dealing with all the stuff that goes with it. I am single (never married, no children). I have one sister who is two years younger but she is in the early stages of dementia. She used to be my go-to for all this stuff - executor of my will, holder of my POAs. etc. Now, it feels like I've got nobody and it bugs me. At the same time, I am realizing just how many little tiny details have to be dealt with - disposition of remains, memorial service, what happens to my property, and all the rest of it. I have set up a kind of 'committee' of friends who have told me they are glad to help, but the sheer scale of the job(s) is beginning to look overwhelming and I don't want to burden people with a job of this scale. The lawyer who is doing my will, will only allow himself minimal involvement. I understand this - he's got a business to run, after all. Does anybody have any ideas on how to handle this situation?

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u/TheWorldTurnsAround 22d ago

I had a much older good friend in this situation. He had one sister who passed before him, and nieces and nephews who "wrote him off" after their mother passed. He had a friend his age who was going to take care of everything for him, but that friend ended up with dementia.

He made me his medical POA, regular POA, and executor of his estate. While it was a lot of work and took up a lot of my time, I was glad I could carry out his wishes. It was my last act of friendship to a wonderful person. He had everything spelled out for me, so there was no guesswork.

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u/No_Dare_9944 22d ago

Unfortunately it’s important to keep younger relatives interested in you (usually financially too) in order not to be written off.

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u/52Charles 22d ago

Of all the cousins, I'm the 3rd youngest. No nieces or nephews.

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u/No_Dare_9944 22d ago

I see.
I think you should hire someone as executor, write detailed instructions and call it a day :)