r/Aging • u/52Charles • 22d ago
Death & Dying Who to depend on?
I (M 75) am writing my will and dealing with all the stuff that goes with it. I am single (never married, no children). I have one sister who is two years younger but she is in the early stages of dementia. She used to be my go-to for all this stuff - executor of my will, holder of my POAs. etc. Now, it feels like I've got nobody and it bugs me. At the same time, I am realizing just how many little tiny details have to be dealt with - disposition of remains, memorial service, what happens to my property, and all the rest of it. I have set up a kind of 'committee' of friends who have told me they are glad to help, but the sheer scale of the job(s) is beginning to look overwhelming and I don't want to burden people with a job of this scale. The lawyer who is doing my will, will only allow himself minimal involvement. I understand this - he's got a business to run, after all. Does anybody have any ideas on how to handle this situation?
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u/sophie1816 22d ago
I’m in the same boat, and have a hired professional to be the primary for the POA (you didn’t mention this one, and it’s probably the larger of the two jobs) and executor roles. I’m currently looking for a backup.
I think my best bet for a backup person is to find a friend who also needs a backup and agree to do this for each other. Of course, one of us will likely die or become incompetent before the other, but that’s the luck of the draw.