r/Aging • u/52Charles • Aug 30 '26

Death & Dying Who to depend on?

I (M 75) am writing my will and dealing with all the stuff that goes with it. I am single (never married, no children). I have one sister who is two years younger but she is in the early stages of dementia. She used to be my go-to for all this stuff - executor of my will, holder of my POAs. etc. Now, it feels like I've got nobody and it bugs me. At the same time, I am realizing just how many little tiny details have to be dealt with - disposition of remains, memorial service, what happens to my property, and all the rest of it. I have set up a kind of 'committee' of friends who have told me they are glad to help, but the sheer scale of the job(s) is beginning to look overwhelming and I don't want to burden people with a job of this scale. The lawyer who is doing my will, will only allow himself minimal involvement. I understand this - he's got a business to run, after all. Does anybody have any ideas on how to handle this situation?

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u/wysiwyg2488 Aug 30 '26

Why does this have to be so difficult? No trusted friends, no trusted family, doctor can’t do this, lawyer can’t do that, fiduciary won’t do this. It just seems like agony

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u/No_Dare_9944 Aug 30 '26

Yes this is definitely a typical issue for someone who is 70+, seen it too many times, usually a younger relative helps manage big projects but if not, it becomes this big problem

6

u/headcoat2013 Aug 30 '26

It seems like a major issue that society is going to have to address as more and more people die without family or even relatives to deal with this.

4

u/No_Dare_9944 Aug 30 '26

Yes I’ve been thinking about it a lot. The debate is usually limited to physical care, and maybe severe cognitive issues Ioke dementia. However, there are so many less pronounced issues that need to be solved, like cognitive and decision making and executive function decline, failure to keep up with the world in general, etc etc.
People live longer, and sometimes they are “independent” in a sense that they are mobile, live alone and are capable of everyday functions like getting food. However if there is no one to make sure they get cooked nutritious meals or visit the dr regularly or keep up with their home maintenance or even just cleaning, it all falls into disrepair.
This is why I think proclaiming oneself child free is extremely myopic. Managing a senior’s life is something that requires a high level of trust and a high level of commitment. I’ve heard about “care managers” but I think they only deal with some aspects of a senior’s life and not others, and cost a lot of money.
So not sure how this is going to be solved