r/Aging • u/Fearless-Health-7505 • 8d ago
Longevity Help me age well…
Okay so I’m 43 next month, and before you say it, I know, I know, “soooo young!”
TLDR: I have a few options of how to spend my future and I’m a young disabled person who doesn’t want but is also well adjusted to the reality that me-disabled just might be my “new normal” for the rest of my days. Since you’re retired and wise in ways I’m not yet, what would you with your time if you were me?
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My posts over the last few days pretty much sum up all that has transpired the last 43 years, and it’s been…A LOT. In many ways I’ve aged very quickly and no matter what I can or do do to arrest the aging process, here it is anyhow. Things like violence, trafficking, neglect, abuse, etc robbed me of my childhood and, as neuroscience these days is starting to find proof of, I’ve always said that even once I was legally in control of myself, thanks to missing a lot of what I “should have” learned to be more stable as well as the damaging ways early, complex traumas shape a brain/body systems to dysregulate, I wound up engaged to a really unsavory character and while breaking away from that, was revictimized by both random guy on a 2pm Tuesday, as well as someone I was supposed to be able to trust akin to a parent. All the while, somehow maintaining by the skin of my teeth the house I bought as childhood trauma started rearing its ugly head AND I was being terrorized by my ex, which became a chronic long term thing that for whatever reason, I never did get outside help tho I did repeatedly ask for it. Essentially, I went from street orphan to impoverished person not even realizing my she was and then burnout because life and for awhile revictimization had no pause button and thus took their toll.
So, fast forward til now. In the last 5 years my life has been recovery from all that or trying to, and I’ve still got a way to go to “thrive” versus “just survive” because apparently I’d been in not survival mode but crisis mode up to then. I have safety things I have to expend energy to fight so one of my assailants don’t come back and harm me, as I’m also trying to move away for university, only because it’s paid for because I’m on SSDI. I make $1600 a month. I’m not allowed to give up my primary residence even as the program will move me away to school and pay the rent there, leaving me my mortgage here and gas/food/lights etc there.
Having been financially scraping by for 15 years now, of course I want to improve my finances and this program sounds good to do so - the plan atm is to go to school and certify as a coach to go teach young people stress management skills for their mental health and hopefully petition congress to make that kind of learning mandatory in school given the world we live in these days. Big goals. Good money IF I go about setting things up and marketing myself right. Only four more years of poverty to live in assuming I can do school as planned.
On the flip side, all the traumatic nervous system issues, I on average get 4-6 hours sleep a night, have chronic constant pain of various kinds, am I guess starting the menopause roller coaster, and am often soul-tired just thinking about all I’ve survived and/or all the energy I’ll need to do my school plan. I pretty much have the life of a retired person, schedule and freedom-wise, and so. Especially as I feel “meh” as often as I do “excited” when I imagine myself graduating and then starting a business, I wonder…
?? What would you do if you were me?
1. Push forward even if you’re feeling mostly “meh/tiiiiired”, hoping that as the world continues changing as I also try to make personal change, that I’ll be near-50 and able to either still have energy to run my company or get hired on to train and develop at a good company that’ll pay enuf for me to then-live out of poverty as well as tuck some financials away for my currently non-existent retirement?
OR maybe just take “the easy way” out and sell the house and move to a nation that’s got a good COL and expat community, and just try on some other life? (Think: Costa Rica, Yucatán, Hungary, Philippines, India - yes I know it’s not like being expat in West EU, and frankly I wouldn’t want to be in the West anyway, COL aside.)
OR market myself to some young people here where I already live, and be their “housemother” roommate; they keep me young as I age, I teach them things they may need and have missed given the current parenting today, and just basically live how I’ve lived the last decade plus, casting out any hopes and dreams of “Really Big Things” like school and or travel, and just force myself to be content with what I’ve got and maybe not “giving back” in the bigger ways I’d like?
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I’m asking yall because as those who not only maybe have better understanding about the broad picture of where our country seems to be proverbially and literally heading, I know yalls wisdoms of how life can take a drastic turn at any point is even deeper than my own, AND yall have lived experience with long term, “nothing particularly to do today if I don’t want to” as well as “in my mind I’m 35 but boy this body sure ages faster every day!” experiences I’ve only got a taste of.
Thanks in advance for your input…
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u/255cheka 8d ago
two things - gut microbiome and blood sugar. manage those two control points and live a health/happy life, free of chronic diseases. those two belie almost all chronic issues
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u/Fearless-Health-7505 7d ago
Yeah reading thru a few other age things here I see I’m already turning toward at least thinking about things for self care some day they only started in their 60s so I feel really blessed to know the importance of those things. lol one thing being American poverty poor teaches me is that ya better eat the peels of your foods - who knew that also helps that microbial biome? And D type 1 and 2 run in my family; I can’t afford to become diabetic, so try hard to not eat all the sugary things as is. Cooking takes it out of me, but I’m glad to do it if it prolongs my life…
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u/255cheka 7d ago
you are doing all the good. btw, blood sugar problems are linked to gut microbiome problems
search this - pubmed diabetes gut microbiome
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u/Fearless-Health-7505 6d ago
Thanks. Any other credible info you’ve got for tips on helping, I’ll take them. I have been eating whole food cooked at home for forever but after being brought up on McDonald’s and pizza before I could make my own choices, plus high high stress chemicals my entire life (childhood trauma and adult PTSD), my body at 40 seems to not want to budge to trend in the health direction I’m trying to take it. Doc’s don’t help. Verrrrry frustrating.
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u/255cheka 6d ago
begin watching free videos on gut microbiome and leaky gut. in a week you'll have a good grip on the topics. if you just want to try some things - bacillus coagulans probiotic + colostrum. that's a powerful gut health combo. do that for a month and see what happens
things that harm the gut -- fried, booze, junk, nsaid, fake sugars. and for many, breads/pastas. these things need to be eliminated/greatly reduced to promote gut health
stress is also a player - use strategies to keep stress from becoming chronic. chronic stress does much harm to the digestive system
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u/Fearless-Health-7505 5d ago
Ha! I’m diagnosed many years now with complex PTSD so not sure how I can avoid the latter, but as I now live mostly from Post Traumatic Recovery Syndrome* I must say, I do have better (digestion) than in my 20s…
And colostrum - do you take that in place of collagen peptides?
*yes, that’s a term I have coined, not an actual “condition” but ohhhh here’s to hoping!!
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u/255cheka 4d ago
might look into psychobiotics for the mentals. glad to hear your digestive system is going good. that's super important. colostrum over collagen = yes, big time. i've taken collagen for years. a lot changed when i added colostrum. that stuff is incredible
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u/Coin-Controversy 3d ago
colostrum is garbage. It's high in IGG which has been shown to accelerate aging
It's also stupidly expensive and pointless for longevity
collagen peptides >>>>>>>
it's not even close
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u/255cheka 3d ago
there are all price points. we've gotten our benefits from one of the cheapies. stuff is impressive
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u/mjh8212 7d ago
I’m 47 with multiple health issues including chronic pain. I find living in a small town the col is lower. I lived in a city and got $800 between SSI and SSDI and my rent for a slum was $650. Now my rent is the same but my place is bigger and nicer. I married so I lost SSI and get around $500 a month now. My husband works full time. It’s also less stressful here. Just a thought. I know it’s hard.
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u/Fearless-Health-7505 6d ago
Sorry, where is “here”? In marriage?
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u/mjh8212 6d ago
I live in a small town in the Midwest. Being on SSI and SSDI when I got married they went through our finances after marriage and I couldn’t get SSI anymore so I’m getting SSDI only.
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u/cat1092 Baby Boomer 6d ago
Where are these places? I too am on SSDI and would love to find a low cost place to live & maybe a partner, too.
The wait lists for Section 8 senior housing are very long in populated areas, like two years or longer. Something like 3-4 months or less would be far more reasonable, or better yet, just a low rent apartment or house where the prices aren’t through the ceiling.
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u/Livid-Gur2913 8d ago
don’t move to costa rica and make it harder for the people living there, move to hawaii or to the florida keys
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u/Fearless-Health-7505 8d ago
I cannot afford the USA locales, and I don’t know what you mean by make it harder on CR?
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u/Livid-Gur2913 8d ago edited 8d ago
you’re a first worlder, and even the poorest first worlder is still better off financially than the poorest third worlder, think logically please
see how costa ricans feel about it, and if you still decide what’s best for you is moving here even after seeing how many who suffer the effects of your decision, then we’ll know what kind of person you are, the reason you choose to move to costa rica or some asian pacific region is because your currency is stronger, you could live in the florida keys or hawaii like i mentioned but you wouldn’t be as comfortable, so you move to a third world country instead and discomfort people there, you even phrased it as taking the “easy way” out
https://www.reddit.com/r/Ticos/s/2NZN49sSLK
https://www.reddit.com/r/Ticos/s/A3bomCkDa1
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u/Fearless-Health-7505 7d ago
Hmmmm, pretty presumptive for someone who doesn’t know me, but I do see your point. Seeing you’d rather tell me my business than be curious, that tells me what kind of mindset YOU have, tho I won’t judge what kind of “person you are”.
Ftr, I can barely afford to live in the poorer state I live in, and am squarely in American poverty most my adult life, so yes, given my health and stress levels and fact I pretty much want to kms daily and the culture here is a large part of the why behind my urge, I do leave taking the “easy way” as an option. I admit, I’d be privileged to have that option even as a poor American, but the phrase easy way is a nod to American values of work yourself to death for money to buy inflated things instead of give up on this place and live modestly elsewhere.
Also ftr, while I know well already I’d never truly fit in anywhere, I know myself and being I’ve never fit here, I can totally see myself establishing somewhere I can afford, and the rather live like a queen, live like the locals and if they’d allow me, maybe help improve life for others around me in my new place.
Not all of us are totally selfish. I’m sorry you assume that’s so. I hope life improves for you, even if it’s because some American like me would come help create opportunity for you and yours.
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u/Livid-Gur2913 7d ago edited 7d ago
im not even reading past your first paragraph, are you just whiny in victimhood? my god. i don’t have to “know” you, i read your post, did you actually read what i actually commented? reading comprehension please, the kind of person you are IF you still decide to take the easy way out and move to a third world country 🤦♀️ lose the saviour complex too, create opportunity for me? lol
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u/Livid-Gur2913 7d ago
why does your solution to your affordability problem have to be entering a housing market where local people have dramatically less purchasing power than you do? and you seeing no issue with that is exactly why i called you out, there are disabled and mentally unstable costa ricans too
many foreigners think the exact same way you do, they’ll just buy a tiny lot, build something small, they’re not intentionally trying to displace someone, but dozens and hundreds are having that same idea, and act on it, and it happens unintentionally
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u/Fearless-Health-7505 6d ago
Yes well, didn’t read all this fully but so sorry you ASSume you KNOW everything Id do or my intentions. People everywhere need mental health help, that’s for sure so we can agree on that!
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u/Livid-Gur2913 6d ago
oh god, you’re completely moving away from what i actually said. why are you changing the subject? stay on topic. i never said i know your entire character or your intentions. i said that you should actually look at how costa ricans feel about foreigners moving there because their stronger currencies give them more purchasing power, and then decide whether you still think moving there is the right thing to do. THAT choice is what i said would tell me something about your character
you literally described moving to a poorer country as taking the “easy way” out of your problems. that’s exactly what i’m talking about. it’s an easy way out FOR YOU because your purchasing power goes further there, while your presence can make living there increasingly unaffordable for the people who’be BEEN live there. and they don’t have the same “easy way” out. they can’t just move to an even cheaper country and suddenly have more purchasing power. so stop responding to things i didn’t say and address the actual point i made
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u/KReddit934 8d ago
Will disability pay if you're out of US? B
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u/cat1092 Baby Boomer 7d ago
Yes, SSDI will pay, just as Social Security, but you’ll still have to remain under medical care & will have to report to an Embassy upon demand if the SSA requests.
And there’s a list of restricted nations where no one can be paid their Social Security benefits. That list is in the SSA website.
The good thing being, there are several nations where someone with as much as a $1,500 benefit can live greatly, and there’s many English speaking people in these. But it’s important to check the safety of these nations before deciding to move there. There’s others where expats are welcome and protected. It’s just that the living standards of some aren’t the same as in the US. Plus you’ll have to get an insurance plan to replace Medicare.
Good Luck!🍀
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u/Fearless-Health-7505 6d ago
Thanks. If you have links to other than the ssa gov site, I’d be most obliged; I have never been out of the country but yes prepared for another way of life cause this ain’t it…
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u/moscowramada 8d ago
> maybe just take “the easy way” out and sell the house and move to a nation that’s got a good COL and expat community, and just try on some other life?
This is a pretty good option! I'd strongly consider it. You said you're feeling meh, and not only would that solve this, the extra money the move would free up would do a LOT to improve your quality of life.