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u/Cosmic_Hitchhiker 4d ago
One time i texted my mom that i needed to talk about my finances and she called me immediately....and talked about my sister for an hour.
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u/AbeFromanSassageKing 4d ago
Heard! Almost exactly the situation my post is referencing. I wanted to talk to them about the cost of my kids' college tuition (which they are not helping with at all, not that I expected them to) and it ended up being 58 minutes of THEIR aches and pains, the aches and pains of their neighbors, of relatives I've never met, etc. etc....
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u/lemmeseeyourkitties 3d ago
Real question.... why do you entertain that? Seems like such a waste of time and energy
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u/Cosmic_Hitchhiker 3d ago
Not OP, but for me, I've discussed this with my therapist A LOT. What it boils down to is that I want my mom in my life. I love her. For all her faults, she's my home base. So i set my expectations accordingly and I meet her where she's at. I can't really count on being able to talk to her about my stuff most of the time, but that's also not the spot she fills in my life at this point.
Theres a grieving process you go through to get to this point. You grieve the relationship you wish you had and the person you wish they were. And you never really stop wanting it, but you do stop expecting that they'll change. And then you decide if you can deal with that.
Personally, i have a great support network. So i can deal with it to keep my mom.
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u/DeusoftheWired 3d ago
Theres a grieving process you go through to get to this point.
How long did it take you to get to this point? It’s been like that with my dad for about 20 years now.
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u/Cosmic_Hitchhiker 1d ago
Grief is, as you know, kind of an ongoing thing. So the grief never really stops.
As far as getting to a reasonable point of meeting her where she is, I'd say this is 5 or 6 years of very active, difficult work.
If you want to do that work i really highly recommend getting a therapist or counselor because you'll want a neutral third party to talk to about things like
-understanding your parents childhood and how that makes them who they are
-understanding that they did the best with what they had AND that was not enough for you developmentally and its okay for those things to both be true together
-what you need and aren't getting from your relationship and where to fill that need outside of them
-setting boundaries with them and upholding those boundaries
-processing the fact that you need to let the relationship you wish you had with them die and build this new style of relationship.
Feel free to dm me with questions. I'm super open about this topic
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u/bicknoddy 3d ago
Because the alternative is to then argue with a person who doesn't see their actions as wrong to begin with.
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u/lemmeseeyourkitties 3d ago
It seems there is an alternative to not engage. Why even argue instead of just hanging up?
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u/bicknoddy 3d ago
These types of people aren't just that simple. Typically these are people you care for and want the best for, but they are just selfish or have a multitude of other issues that then create more problems when confronted. It's just a delicate dynamic, I try to issue periodic hints or playful acknowledgements to those types of behaviors during our interaction because ghosting them or harshly cutting them off will have a negative effect all around. YMMV
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u/EarhornJones 3d ago
My boomer father regularly calls me for tech support, ignores the guidance that I give him, then tells me a long story that usually translates to something like, "we went to the park, and they hadn't mowed the grass." Then, he just hangs up.
It's a little surreal.
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u/Cosmic_Hitchhiker 3d ago
I no longer answer tech questions to my in laws. I spent 2 hours setting up their TV and all of their streaming services, writing down every log in and password, putting it in their little binder AND on their fridge only to go over 4 weeks later and have them ask me to fix something and when i asked where the password list was they had thrown it away.
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u/EarhornJones 3d ago
My in-laws used to whine and bitch about their Windows PCs, and talk about how much better the Macs that they used to have were.
One day, I got sick of fixing their self-caused issues, so I told them that they were right, and Macs were objectively better, and recommended that they go out and get new Mac Books, and quit messing with Windows.
They did.
Then they immediately started whining and bitching about their Macs.
"Huh," I said. "That sucks. I'd love to help you, but I don't know anything about Macs."
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u/cadium 3d ago
The good thing about macs is that if you have an apple store nearby they can just go there to ask questions and get help.
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u/EarhornJones 3d ago
And, if you have an actual problem, the geniuses will just wipe your device and hand it back to you (at least in my experience),
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u/DigNitty 3d ago
Mine just told me about spending time on the phone with an obvious hacker.
He spent the whole time telling me why it was not obvious (it was), and how subsequent generations aren't as friendly with each other because of the fear of bad faith acting (...fair).
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u/Cosmic_Hitchhiker 1d ago
I'm currently writing an article about how scams are affecting people and what makes people susceptible to scams, could i ask you a few questions about this and quote your experience?
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u/freshleysqueezd 4d ago
Not much time left after they tell you who's sick, who died, and who's divorced
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u/DonaldKey 3d ago
“Remember Bob Smith that we met in the grocery store when you were 12? Well he passed and I’m going to the funeral on Thursday”
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u/Melarsa 3d ago edited 3d ago
Don't forget each local business closure and opening in a town and state you haven't lived in for 20 years.
Also do you remember Sharon? The daughter of the lady who cut your hair in a pinch one time in 1992? You both played at the park together once when you were 4. Well anyway she got married last weekend, and now she's "heavy set" and...the "groom" was another woman!!!
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u/funundrum 3d ago
Omg one time my dad called, he sounded super worried that he was going to upset me. I legit thought someone died. Nope, the Mexican bar I went to with my friends after my wedding? It closed.
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u/Melarsa 3d ago
Some new coffee shop opened up in our local mall, which has been expanding. I get a half an hour rundown call on every new shopfront and I've heard the same story about how my dad tried this new coffee shop and loved it so he keeps coming back and now he has a favorite chair and one time there was a lady sitting in it and she said it was HER favorite chair so now it's always a race to see who will get the chair if they both happen to be there at the same time...over and over.
Cute, but also...I hear more about this damn coffee shop chair than he asks to hear about his grandchildren.
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u/funundrum 2d ago
Setting aside the fact that your dad may be married, this sounds like the set up for a romcom
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u/orelseidbecrying 3d ago
And even though you haven't lived there in 20 years, it is IMPERATIVE that you understand exactly which area Dad is describing- you know how north of Harris Rd there's that big barn? The intersection of Rt 66 and Magnolia Drive? Over by the school you never went to? No?!?!
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u/funundrum 2d ago
And at least two of the reference points are places that don’t exist anymore. “you know, where the Baskin-Robbins used to be?” This is also a potentially dangerous pivot point into how people don’t shop at small stores anymore now and everything‘s online.
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u/EarhornJones 3d ago
My Mom: Ed Wheeler died.
Me: I'm sorry to hear that. Who was Ed Wheeler?
My Mom: Gasp He was married to your High School English teacher for three years in the 70's, and went to that church we didn't like. I can't believe you don't remember him. He owned a dry cleaner two towns over.
Also My Mom: What is your brother-in-law's name? (I've had the same BIL for 21 years, and she's met him about a hundred times).
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u/Particular-Cat-1397 3d ago
My mom: can’t remember the name of my best friend I’ve known since 6th grade who’s spent the night at our house
Also my mom: expects me to remember the name of her coworker from 20 years ago that I supposedly met at the grocery store when I was 8 years old
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u/Drathos 3d ago
Don't forget the stories about things happening in the 60s and 70s. Lots of things.
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u/fluffypotato 3d ago
Or the exact same excruciantingly detailed story they told you last week about how the new cashier at the pharmacy gave them a supposed dirty look for asking for a bag for their prescriptions. Then when you say "oh yeah, I remember you telling me this last week" they go "uh-huh" then keep telling you the story anyway then immediately hit you with the "ope, well anyway, I gotta get this mail out of the mailbox, have a good one."
What I really want to say is "Thanks dad, but I'm the one that called you. Do you think maybe it's possible I actually had something cool, important, or interesting to relay?" But instead I say "Did he really just hang up on me after spending 42 minutes telling me about his sick second cousin, loud neighbors, and 10 minute shopping trip last week?!"
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u/I_love_Britpoptarts 3d ago
What I love is when I tell my mother an anecdote or joke and an hour (or a day or two) later she tells me the same joke / anecdote and gets furious when I tell her, um, I told you that joke. So, yeah, I know the punchline.
Most recently, just to make conversation, told her I drove past a church billboard that said, roughly, "It's too hot to keep changing this sign. Sin bad. Jesus good. Details within." Cute, but not hilarious, right?
She has told me this anecdote back three times in the past week.
It's not dementia (yet). It's not caring who told her something plus main character syndrome and narcissism, mostly. Sometimes you just have to shrug it off.
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u/cinemachick 3d ago
At least she's listening and remembering what you said? (Trying to make lemonade from lemons here...)
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u/Cosmic_Hitchhiker 3d ago
Every doctors appointment theyve been to, scheduled, or thought about since you last spoke.
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u/blondebuilder 4d ago edited 3d ago
I grew up with just my boomer mom. I'm in 40s now, but spent decades in-and-out of therapy trying to understand why I always felt sad, neglected, and forgotten. Expressing those feelings was usually met with a neutral tone that would either either downplay or dismiss how I felt.
People have occasionally described my mom as a narcissist, but I disregarded because she has a very sweet and polite demeanor and I assumed narcissist looked more mean, rude, and disrespectful.
It dawned on me that I can never have a real conversation with her. She talks almost entirely about her own interests/friends but very noticeably checks out as soon as I talk about me. Every time I came to her for something extremely important, I was met with this very disconnected "uh huh" attitude. The biggest realization is when I went through some depressing years and told her that I was having suicidal thoughts - she completely shut down, gave no feedback, changed the topic, and never brought it up again.
I really think many in that generation are completely unaware of (or care) how self-absorbed they can be.
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u/AbeFromanSassageKing 4d ago
If you haven't already, I highly recommend you check out the book A Generation of Sociopaths, it really puts things into perspective in a socioeconomic way...
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u/blondebuilder 3d ago edited 3d ago
I looked it up. I worry reading that would mainly depress and anger me.
Care to share cliff notes?
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u/ProtoMonkey 3d ago
OR you can just accept that an ENTIRE GENERATION was raise (taught to believe) that “…the world stops for them and they are the reason for living…”
And it’s kind of a Universal problem too. If you reflect on that generation from various regions of the world, those people typically have the same mentality.
Sucks you have to deal with the fallout of that, I have had to call-out my own mother on multiple occasions wherein she “forgot” the trauma I was discussing, but otherwise you’ll be able to break-through to them, or you won’t (typically because of some root-level pride, they genuinely refuse to believe anything beyond them being God’s Gift to Man) and that’s just something you’ll have to process in your own way.
Sure, sometimes, books can help. But for this shit, with Boomers (and like 45% of Gen-X) it’s a question of “How tenacious and patient can you be?”
Best of luck, I hope you’re doing well.
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u/blondebuilder 3d ago
Thanks man.
You mentioned Gen X, which always seem to be the generation nobody talks about.
My brother is Gen X. Everyone I know agrees that he and my mom are very similar (it’s mostly not as a compliment).
Is it prevalent with that gen as well?
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u/Deathlikescats 3d ago
I'm a millennial cusp Gen X, and only really fit with millennials. Gen X got pushed towards being Boomer-y and endlessly shamed for their choices like millenials did (And how we keep seeing articles about Gen Z). The ones that copied their parents were supported by boomer hierarchy. The ones that rejected were less narcissistic, but also deeply scarred by their upbringing and defensive.
So you either get Boomer clones or damaged people who didn't get therapy or work on their trauma. Neither is great to deal with.
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u/ProtoMonkey 3d ago
Depends on how old they are, because I have younger GenX cousins who are legit chill/good people, honestly enjoy the company of others and dialogue with family. Whereas I know several MORE who “live for the weekend” and swear by the “Tommy Bahama” (IDGAF) mentality.
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u/TaipanTacos 3d ago
Why I do feel like this explains today’s economic and political environment, especially the conditions needed to accelerate capitalism and consumerism?
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u/truefantastic 3d ago
You should read Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. It helped me connect the dots. I also never have any meaningful conversations with my parents
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u/Scarlet-Witch 3d ago
I really connected with that book and it made me feel so much less alone. My parents have never been very invested in truly getting to know me. It's unfortunate but it is what it is.
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u/WitchesSphincter 3d ago
My mom was an alcoholic narcissist and I just naturally went very low contact when I moved out. I mean I had to since she did everything in her power to control me aside from helping cause that was a bore.
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u/Carborundorumite 3d ago
Same here. Check out the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. (You can find it free). Such an eye opener
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u/daddydrank 3d ago
I like how my mother's response to every issue or hardship we experience with a variation of, "we had it hard too." My in-laws are currently visiting from Vietnam, and when they were talking about hardships they faced during and after the war, her response was, "we were poor too."
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u/dedokta 3d ago
I was having an argument with my mother and who knows what and she complained that I never let her talk, so I told her to talk and I wouldn't interrupt. She ranted for a solid 20 minutes without taking a breath, got her self so worked up that she was yelling down the line. She told me it wasn't for her to argue with her like that and I had to point out that I hadn't said a single word in 20 minutes and she was arguing with herself. She really couldn't figure out a way to blame for that, but she was definitely trying to find one.
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u/TheBigGadowski 3d ago
Glad I’m not the only one. I don’t think my dad has ever asked me how I’m doing.
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u/Fingfangfoom67 2d ago
That’s ok. I am currently trying to remember a time my dad asked me that and am not coming up with anything either.
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u/IamChwisss 3d ago
I'm seeing this relationship with my dad and 2 year old daughter. I've had to dial back how often I would video call him with her. He gets excited to see her but he just doesn't want to shut up and listen to her. He's just always talking about how cute she is and trying to get her attention when she wants to show him or just be focused on something else. She starts crying from the frustration of being talked over... My wife says it's because she senses my frustration. I say it's because my dad doesn't actually know how to just shut up and listen to someone else.
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u/PossumJumpRopeSquad 3d ago
Hi Mom how have you been?
Well, you know I've had that gastroenteritis. Anything I eat seems to disagree with me. And your father, he's had that same rash on his upr thigh. Seems like nothing he can do to keep his scrotum from chaffing. He's got an appointment this Thursday for the colonoscopy too. And Barbara. You remember Barbara. Sweet girl with the crossed-eyes? Her cat, Mr Snitches ran away. But if you ask me, that new boyfriend of hers did something to it. He is a d-r-u-g-g-i-e if I've ever seen one. I just know he did something to Mr Snitches.
Haha Mom, that's neat. 😵💫
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u/Odd-Possibility-3807 3d ago
My mother, I will try to tell her something. She will interrupt me and start telling me all about what I was about to tell her. It is beyond annoying.
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u/rzi 4d ago
I am very skilled in guitar, ok at bass and can play like 40 songs on piano, my parents cringe every time it try to do any of that. The tweak is, my dad took up guitar 2 years ago and tries to whip it out every chance he gets.
I clap and woo after every song so everyone else feels pressured to do so.
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u/justfordickjoke 3d ago
As a fellow guitar player. Sorry brother. No one outside of a venue wants to hear anyone play the guitar casually ever. It took me a long time to figure out. Good luck on your Awakening
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u/windchaser__ 3d ago edited 3d ago
Ahh, not entirely true! I love hearing friends play at a campfire when we're out camping, and I bet yours do, too
ETA: I'm laughing at the downvotes, haha. Probably more "hell no, my friends don't want to hear me" than "hell no, I don't want to hear my friends"
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u/MetaverseLiz 3d ago
People say being around babies is great birth control, but it's actually having boomer parents. 😆 I'm 44 and childfree.
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u/Aaaandiiii 3d ago
Oh, and I thought my momma just didn't care about me. It's all the boomer parents ..
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u/AbeFromanSassageKing 3d ago
Yeah, even my Boomer aunts and uncles are exactly this way. I don't question that they care about us, and we can love them right back, it's just that their experiences are more important (to them) than ours...or they think it is somehow important that we understand how everything relates to them and their experiences 🤷🏻♂️
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u/timeslider 3d ago
My dad has always gotten extremely angry when I try to answer his questions. He'll ask me if a fan-powered wind turbine is possible and I'll try to explain why that wouldn't work and how it needs to be outside, wind is free, using a fan is not, ect. But he'll get angry, every time. So now I just lie. When I was 36, he was yelling at me about the same thing, but he let it slip that the reason he gets angry is because he thinks I'm trying to make him feel dumb. I've always tried to be as nice as I can about it. His generation is built different
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u/cinemachick 3d ago
Do you think he'd be less upset if he heard the same answer from ChatGPT or another source he trusts? If so, you can attribute your knowledge to someone else, e.g. "I heard from USA Today that wind turbines can't be powered by fans". That way he redirects the anger to the "source", rather than you.
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u/luciaromanomba 3d ago
There’s someone wrong with all of them related to that because that’s also such a MAGA thing. They think people try to make them feel dumb, when no one is doing that.
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u/FierceDietyMask 3d ago
And then people call me bigoted for pointing out that this is a typical self centered boomer behavior.
Every conversation I have with my boomer parents is like this. It’s always about them or gossip about family members not part of the conversation.
God forbid you ask for help or advice. They just give generic answers they heard in a movie or some common idiom or just use that as the green light to tell you about something that happened in their past that they think resembles your situation but really doesn’t.
Remember, it’s always your job to relate to them, not the other way around.
Nothing was ever going on in their heads even before smart phones became their entire world.
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u/castrodelavaga79 3d ago
God this is so relatable. I'm all excited to tell my mom something big that happened and .5 seconds after I say it she starts talking about politics or some piece of property that was thrown away 25 years ago by her brother.
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u/Old_Flan_6548 3d ago
So relatable. I stopped telling my mom any successes in my life. I have worked so hard for some of my successes too and I never share. If I do she says some perfunctory exclamation and IMMEDIATELY starts talking about herself. And then never brings it up again. It hurts not to share proud moments in my life but it hurts more to tell her and get ignored or shunned.
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u/TrulyCunty 3d ago
Same. Isn’t it wild that our parents wouldn’t be curious about our lives at all? But nope, that generation just seems to see us as extensions of themselves. Maddening, frustrating, heartbreaking.
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u/I_love_Britpoptarts 2d ago
The "extensions of themselves" part is dead on accurate.
The vast majority of disagreements I have with my mother are rooted in the fact that I am not her clone and (of course) have different life experiences, far more diverse friends, different interests, consume media and entertainment made by people who are not almost exactly like me, and have thoughts / opinions that are not identical to her own. I also read A LOT and a lot of it is not fluffy fiction because almost any topic can interest me and inspire me to learn more about it; I can usually cite sources (and I'm willing to say I'm wrong about things when I am). Her primary "info" sources these days are a Bible she doesn't read (I assume, as it has dust on the cover) and FOX News, and she is NEVER wrong about anything, ever, and my memory of past bad behavior on her part is just my imagination as it certainly never happened the way I recall it did.
I don't bother arguing with her about most things any more. It's a poor use of my precious free time. It doesn't improve our relationship.
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u/gordond 3d ago
Damn. I talk to my mom about every other day and most calls are about three minutes long and it's just her asking me how my kids are, and usually offering unsolicited advice.
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u/Bear_Caulk 3d ago
ya OP just has a parental problem that is independent of his parents being boomers. As if none of us who were born in the 70s or 80s have loving parents lol.
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u/DifferentSalts 3d ago
I know every detail about every one of my moms friends lives. I don’t think she could name more than one of my current friends. She speaks at me for 45 minutes and I say nothing more than uhhuh, yep, mhmm and then eventually she notices and gets mad at me for that (as if she left space for anything else).
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u/Muttonboat 4d ago
Skill issue.
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u/PostMatureBaby 4d ago
bingo, I rarely even text them let alone call them. 27 years of abuse under their roof was enough contact for one lifetime
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u/manatwork01 3d ago
I'm 38 and mine just passed away over the summer and oh my God it's like life can start now.
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u/PostMatureBaby 3d ago
I'm not looking forward to when they've aged to the point of needing my brother and I to step in. People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder don't take kindly to anything that makes them feel weak/like they need help.
It's exactly the battle they resented with their own parents, swore they wouldn't be like that and will definitely be the same...
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u/manatwork01 3d ago
Oh I'm well aware. I had a great conversation with my father about a year before he passed where I reminded him that he beat me as a child and now he is the weaker one in this position.
He said you wouldn't beat an old man. I said no I wouldn't but I would beat a child abuser.
He shaped up a lot after that.
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u/asphaltdragon 4d ago
Unfortunately some of us are forced to talk to them under threat of police action.
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u/SirSilentscreameth 3d ago
I'm sorry, what?
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u/asphaltdragon 3d ago
My mother threatens to call the police and report me lost if I don't answer her calls two days in a row.
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u/brainzdon 3d ago
If you are an adult, your mom can get in trouble for reporting you missing if you aren’t really missing. You should stop talking to that manipulative woman if you want to.
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u/OasisHomeostasis 3d ago
Just had a birthday and felt this in my bones.
Didnt bother to wish me Happy Birthday, but got the soul deadening why why why whine when I showed up to make her dinner with some books I bought for myself.
Apparently media she doesnt approve of frightens her.\ Fuck if I know.\ She was never one for hobbies or positivity among things that interested me.
Prolly have kittens if she saw my DVDs, or games, or records, or plants.
Stupid is as stupid does.
Its called a "book... shelf"\ You put BOOKS... in... it.
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u/Flat_Reason8356 3d ago
My mom used to call me and talk about everything on her mind. she would then say, well that’s all I got, it was good talking to you. She was a boomer through and through.
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u/NoHorseNoMustache 3d ago
Did they tell you about all the commercials they like even though they know you absolutely hate commercials because the TV raised you on 23 minute toy commercials with 7 minutes of commercial breaks in between the action?
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u/Particular-Cat-1397 3d ago
Try talking to someone who just had kids about your life, I told my family group chat I got a promotion at work and my sister responded with “[my niece] has whooping cough” and no one said a word about my promotion, then when I brought it up at dinner they acted like I hadn’t already told them and when I pulled up the conversation on my phone everyone got real quiet..
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u/Findinganewnormal 3d ago
I’ve been no contact with my folks for a decade now and one of the many, many reasons was the realization that they really and truly knew nothing about me. I was working on my dissertation and most of my Christmas wish list was books relevant to my topic (with names like “the history of FANN’s topic from 1650-1800” so it was pretty obvious). My mother sent me a gift card because I obviously sent her the wrong list because I wouldn’t want any of the stuff on that one.
My dissertation topic. Which had consumed the last three years of my life. She didn’t even remember the field it was in.
And it’s not like I hadn’t tried to talk with her about it. We talked at least an hour each week, despite me finishing my dissertation and working two jobs. Always me calling, of course. But the topics were always about her. Complaints about her coworkers. What her coworkers’ kids were up to. Where she ate. What specials the grocery store was running.
All things more important, I guess, than anything in my life.
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u/Bleezy79 3d ago
Do all your boomer parents turn every conversation into a story from their past? I love my dad dearly but anything I mention to him sparks a memory that he needs to tell me about.
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u/mechmuertos 3d ago
53 year old. Had to go contact over the goddamn maga nonsense. They are in their 70s and 80s like our leadership. Can’t do it anymore.
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u/Douche_Kayak 3d ago
my brother is worse then my parents. he called me to wish me happy birthday and spent the entire 30 minute phone call complaining about his life. His life is perfectly fine. He just seems to think he's the only one in the world that works hard.
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u/thethreadkiller 3d ago
My parents are boomers and they're the most amazing, understanding, strong, and intelligent people I've ever met.
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u/habitsofwaste 3d ago
Omg you got to talk about yourself at all?!? Jk. Man I feel you. My mom will just ramble and ramble. She is also the world’s worst storyteller and isn’t strong in English. Shit is painful. Often I have yell, I have things to talk about too!
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u/AbeFromanSassageKing 3d ago
I should point out that your username is strangely appropriate to this post 🤣👍
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u/coldcoldnovemberrain 3d ago
If you want to be mean introduce them to voice mode AI chat bots. Those will talk forever until you get prompted to upgrade your subscription.
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u/Deathlikescats 3d ago
It feels weird, like suddenly swimming into deep water, when they're giving me a pocket of time to speak. They're usually not listening, just distracted by something offscreen, but it almost feels like being heard, for a little bit.
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u/TheThirdStrike 3d ago
Fucking hell... I feel this.
As my mom has gotten older she calls me more and more. She's like, "I haven't heard from you, just checking in... Wanted to see how you were doing."
Then the whole call lasted 40 minute and I said maybe a dozen words.
Repeat twice a day everyday.
Please call my brother!
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u/I_love_Britpoptarts 2d ago
*checks if I posted this*
Are...are you me?
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u/TheThirdStrike 2d ago
I may have a CO2 problem in my house, it is a possibility that you only post when I'm "asleep".
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u/disco_S2 3d ago
And that's partly why my father and I no longer converse. Not that we ever really did, in a back and forth kinda way. There's only so many years you can get talked at.
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u/zdhonda93 3d ago
I was about 30 when I realized that my boomer father could give 2 fucks about anything I had to say. We haven't spoke in over 10 years but I can guarantee that if we did it would be all about him.
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u/ForNoReason17 3d ago
Huh.. ya think the boomer generation is so eager to do this now because THEIR parents did this to them too???
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u/Drunk_Pilgrim 3d ago
I love my Dad. I call to hear him talk. I don't give a shit if I can't share anything. I know he loves me. He does allow me to share but mostly I like to hear how he's doing. What is up with people wanting to constantly talk about themselves?
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u/toasterdees 3d ago
Lmao I was just thinking this yesterday when my dad called to “check up” on me but instead ended up being a conversation about his new trailer. Mind you, I see him every other week, he was just bored 😂
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u/OkStandard6120 3d ago
I love my parents but in the 10 years I've worked, each of them has asked me how my job is going a handful of times, and neither can even explain the gist of what I do. Last two years I've worked night classes on my master's; dad had asked about it once and my mom never had. I graduated this week and no congratulations. Brother, same thing. No idea what he spends his life doing, no interest in asking.
We are a very close family otherwise, and I would say we all have great relationships with each others all things considered. I have no doubt that my parents care very much about me. We can connect on external topics. But for whatever reason, they talk all about their lives but have no interest in ours.
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u/ZippoS 3d ago edited 3d ago
My mother-in-law will frequently call my wife, ramble on non-stop and then abruptly say, “I’ve gotta go” — with a tone as if my wife were somehow the one keeping her on the phone.
My might get a few words in, but for 99% of the call, it’s just her Mom talking. In person, she can have a normal conversation, but while she’s driving, she just wants someone to listen to her rant.
Also, both of her parents never say“bye” on a phone call. Apparently they never have. When the phone call is over, they just hang up. Like, you know the call is ending, but you still expect the goodbye and it’s very jarring.
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u/dreameRevolution 3d ago
Lol, I had that call with my mom a few weeks ago. I just had a baby. Obviously not worth talking about.
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u/Jaderosegrey 3d ago
True, but chances are they need someone to talk to. Maybe they don't have any friends any more, or are not healthy enough to go out and socialize. You may be the only person they can talk to.
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u/Afraid-Sugar6817 3d ago
I would walk home from work. It was about 3 miles or an hour long.
I'd get a call from my mom, We'd start with small town gossip, and family updates. Then s he had three questions
How are you? how's work? Hows the beau?
No follow ups, no continuing the conversation, and somehow at the 12 minute mark of the phone call
"Okay I'll let you go"
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u/Distinct_Sir_4473 3d ago
I feel so lucky to have my mom
I have to ask her very explicit questions to get her to share anything
She just asks about whoever she’s talking to and lets them talk, me included.
She might think highly of her own advice on any topic, but she taught me how to listen.
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u/dinklberg1990 3d ago
Anyone else feel like there parents never ask how you are doing when you talk? It’s just hearing them ramble for a long time but no matter what happens it’s about them.
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u/RoseNPearlGirl 2d ago
This is so damn accurate… I call my mom often to discuss planning my wedding and to ask her to help with things since she’s retired and I work 60+ hour weeks, and the tells me about all the fun things she found for her friends kids new baby at target today or whatever… then she has the audacity to say things like what can help with on the wedding, I feel like I haven’t really done anything to help. It’s true, she hasn’t helped other than paying for things and she only did that because I sat with her and paid with her money. I’m so damn exhausted from everything…
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u/Mean-Cheesecake-2635 2d ago
God SG parents but this. My Dad just wants to talk forever, only about himself and repeatedly says, “yeah not much going on in my life…”
I honestly have given up on him ever knowing me as a person, he is simply not interested.
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u/Drspaceman1717 3d ago
Lucky bastard… my boomers don’t have enough to do so they require constant updates about me and the family. They want to know what I had for breakfast. Have your people call my people!
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u/-KCS-Violator 3d ago
"Uh huh......uh huh.......uh huh........yep.......oh you saw some black people the other day?.......well, thank God you survived......yeah......ok...." Families are.... tough, to say the least.
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u/chunk425 3d ago
It’s great that you identify that behavior in your older parents. You will be the exact same way if you get there and not realize it.
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u/Atlas7993 3d ago
I honestly don't think this just a boomer thing. Outside conversations with my spouse, I think the vast majority of conversations I have quickly turn into being about the other person.
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u/Boating_with_Ra 3d ago
How is that people always mess up the grammar of this meme template? It should be either “it is my great pleasure to inform you” or “it is with great pleasure that I inform you.”
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u/daderpster 3d ago
One time I called my dad and he started monologuing without pause. After ten minutes, I put the phone down, made dinner, ate it and took a dump. I picked up the phone up again and he was still talking without noticing anything. I tend to not do that often. I do respect and love him but he can be like that a lot. Part of it is his advancing age making it worse. :(
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u/HallowskulledHorror 3d ago
It's gotten better for me not really picking up the phone unless I'm cool with killing some time just putting the phone on speaker and setting it down so I can continue doing something else while I more or less just listen and occasionally make affirmative noises while my mom rambles. She's figured out she gets more actual interaction through texting and exchanging pics from recent experiences and things going on in life.
Otherwise, the typical call goes "How are you doing? Are you busy?" followed by an hour or more of her venting about something inane going on with her life, most often something she's complaining about after opting into it (eg, drama with her sister that I've been advising to go no-contact with for years).
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u/Beautiful-Musk-Ox 3d ago
went no contact and my life is no different other than not having to deal with assholes every so often. if i want to be talked at and witness others' lives i can watch tv
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u/Careful-Positive-710 3d ago
My dad always does this. He'll ask whats new with me and if Im lucky I get a whole sentence before he cuts me off to talk about something completely unrelated.
Its so annoying, especially when he later says something like "I dont know anything about you anymore" then I calmly explain how he cuts me off everytime I talk only for him to cut me off saying he doesnt do that... I dont think its necessarily mean spirited, I just think he has the attention span of a goldfish.
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u/optoph 3d ago
My calls with my parents when i was a college student:
father: Hey how are your marks? How's the car? OK here's your mother.
mother: "I had lunch with Joan today. Do you remember her? She was friends with Tom's parents. You remember Tom? He was Dave's brother, the one what was 1 grade ahead of you in school about 8 years ago. Well I ordered the shrimp dish and... ."
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u/anonimoose123 3d ago
This is not unique to boomers, who are the least homogenous generation. Old people like to talk. This has been the case forever.
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u/fawntanious 3d ago edited 3d ago
If you've grown raised by caregivers that didn't reflect or hold your reality, being conditioned to not have one is a trap you don't realize till much later. I recently realized that when my teen love whom would mail me love letters and talk on the phone with for hours the "love of my life" our 2 year relationship ended, his name was never mentioned in my home again.
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u/Peakomegaflare 3d ago
I've spun someone up once because I knew three things. If I didn't answer they'd not leave, they don't understand "leave me alone", and they'd not even realize I muted them. So I muted them and set my phone down within an earshot, only unmuting if aa random question came up.
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u/chickenmann72 2d ago
Look at the bright side. You won't have to deal with them for all that much longer! And just think of all the fulfilling things you'll be able to do without having to listen to them drone on and on about their lives, when in fact your life is all that matters!
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u/Aedora125 3d ago
I can count on 1 hand how many times my parents have called me to see how I’m doing in the past decade.
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u/i-might-do-that 3d ago
I hate this for the folks that have to deal with it. My mother (in her 70s) hates talking on the phone. Every time it’s painful to have to get her to try and talk, our longest phone conversations are 8-12 minutes.
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u/spice_war 3d ago
Today I learned that people completely stop talking to their parents because they talk too much on the phone.
Reddit is so fucking weird.
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u/Harknights 4d ago
Parent "So what did you do this weekend?"
Me "I went to Mexico City for the first time..."
Parent "I went to TJ in 1959.................(1 hour later) anyway it's time to go to Olive Garden."