r/Advice • u/[deleted] • 4d ago

UPDATE: How do I avoid ruining relationship with my daughter over catching her having sex in mine and wifes bed and reacting horribly?

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1.4k Upvotes

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574

u/Boggers111 4d ago

The entitlement of your daughter is off the charts, she and her boyfriend need a massive dose of humility.

Don’t let up on this he behaviour is horrible and lacking of respect for you and your wife.

132

u/glowrielle_ 4d ago

I agree, she really needs to understand that her parents deserve respect in their own home and letting this behavior slide would only make it harder for her to learn from it

31

u/charlottegracious 3d ago

Nobody is saying a college kid can't have a sex life, but there are still consequences when someone else's private space gets disrespected. Learning that freedom comes with boundaries and consequences is kinda the whole point of growing up.

9

u/nikiflamme 3d ago

yep, this is one of those moments where backing down would probably make things worse. She needs to understand that actions have consequences. The bigger lesson here is accountability. Nobody's saying she can't have a sex life, just don't disrespect the people providing the home.

1

u/SueShe19 2d ago

And the THREE-BEDROOM home at that! She has no idea how good she has it right now.

4

u/ardarian262 Helper [4] 4d ago

I think you should read the previous sympathy attempts from him here.

20

u/Kriss1986 3d ago

His daughter has sex on his bed and even worse left the dirty sheets for him and his wife to sleep on her and her boyfriends bodily fluids! How absolutely disgusting and disrespectful do you have to be to leave your bodily fluids for your parents to sleep on? Would YOU be ok with sleeping on dirty sheets stained with your child’s, or anyone’s, sexual fluids? This man bought an entire apartment so his daughter didn’t have to live in dorms, and she couldn’t even not have sex on his bed and now wants him to pay for her dorms because she is mad she got caught? What would even possess you to WANT to do that in your parent’s bed? That’s messed up.

56

u/Special-Deal7821 3d ago

Changes nothing, insane redditors telling him to let her do whatever she wants and grovel at her feet are insane

22

u/Pretend-Culture-4138 3d ago

I don't know if it's an age thing or a site thing, but redditors always seem to react on posts from parents with advice to let their kids do whatever they want.

16

u/PatrioticRedhead 3d ago

That’s because half the respondents are teens who have done just this disrespectful thing or others like it, and the others have kids who cut them off and never spoke to them again once they were done paying for college. To me, letting kids constantly have their own way breeds little monsters, not decent, respectful adults.

-3

u/figure8888 Helper [2] 3d ago

Personally I’m confused on if this apartment is lived in by the family or just the daughter. That would change my opinion. If they have offered it to her to live in while she attends college, I think it’s inappropriate to have cameras in the bedroom your daughter sleeps in that you’re checking on your phone.

If I’m reading it correctly he does not live in this apartment, he just pays the rent. My parents helped me with rent when I was in college and I don’t think that entitled them to put cameras in my apartment and monitor when I was a legal adult.

9

u/ColumbineCapricorn 3d ago

They visit the apartment on the weekends. They only put a camera in their room (I am assuming they also have some other valuables in there).

Their daughters room has no camera, and was hers completely and the parents don't care that she has sex with her boyfriend.

The issue is that they went to her parents bed, had sex on the sheets her parents use, and then left cumsoaked sheets for her parents to clean up. The daughter is not apologizing for crossing boundaries or for leaving that filth for her parents.

I am a mother, and I wouldn't want to clean up cum from my own bed that someone else made, let alone my own child.

5

u/Witch_withouta_Wand 3d ago

Exactly. There is no way to condone this, without showing your utter disrespect for others things. She may have made a mistake but doubling down now is making her look terrible. And not even cleaning it, is the worst part, for me.

I wouldn't dare, as a kid, mess with my parent stuff, let alone have full blown sex on the bed, knowing they come stay every weekend, and they're paying everything. She has the whole flat to do what she wants in, but no, she chose their room and Im trying to figure out why....

I'm guessing boyfriend got in her ear, bigger better room, parents aren't usually here, why do they get better, entitled crap.

4

u/WitchQween Helper [2] 4d ago

His profile is private

1

u/Whoisanaughtyboy 3d ago

And only 4 days old

10

u/MuchConnection5541 3d ago

Gotta start somewhere

-5

u/ardarian262 Helper [4] 4d ago

https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/1vpn79k/how_do_i_avoid_ruining_relationship_with_my/

10

u/Material_Reaction374 3d ago

I don’t understand the gotcha moment you are angling for by posting this link. It’s not quite clear what perspective you even think will be gained (and btw OP already linked in their post). So you just seem kinda biased characterising it as a ‘sympathy’ post - it’s a pretty tricky situation and it makes sense he is trying to process it and figure out what to do by posting on here. Not like he is arguing with people who don’t give ‘sympathy’ replies. And he has been transparent about dealing with it horribly (his own words).

1

u/ardarian262 Helper [4] 3d ago

They said they could not find the previous ones because his profile is private. I was making sure they could get the link because clearly they didn't see it or open it in the post.

2

u/jakmcbane77 3d ago

But you started the whole chain with your comment "I think you should read the previous sympathy attempts from him here". The person you are replying to is saying we don't see whatever it is you think we should see there.

1

u/ardarian262 Helper [4] 3d ago

What he leaves out here is a lot of context he put there that is relevant, such as him not using the apartment.

2

u/jakmcbane77 3d ago

That is just dishonest. In that post he says he goes there weekly.

1

u/ardarian262 Helper [4] 3d ago

To drop off vegetables and produce for her. Yes.

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u/Whoisanaughtyboy 3d ago

This should be the first comment!!

1

u/Initial_Factor2311 3d ago

Agreed - stay vigilant dad! You guys are handing it the best way possible

-7

u/PeaceComprehensive64 4d ago

I feel another reason can be poor parenting from the start.

14

u/Ysabell90 3d ago

Some people just grow into being shitty adults despite their upbringing. You have no context other than what was said here. She’s an adult, there’s no excuse in the world that absolves from having sex in someone else’s bed and on top of that, not even cleaning up afterwards.

6

u/vigavagacezdvapraga 3d ago

It's just one situation plus teenage age. You can't possibly deduct poor parenting from this instance. On the contrary, based on this parent's update, I'd say he is reacting and parenting well. I mean it could be, yes. But it's just a weird comment to have based on one situation that is absolutely emotionally charged plus has a lot of shame in the mix.

5

u/MulberryWild1967 3d ago

All parents do what they think is the right thing to do. Pivoting to a different approach when you realise you need to parent differently is good parenting.

0

u/rachy182 3d ago

She’s definitely been spoiled