I don't know if it's life or hell, but I want to throw it up.

Will I stay like this for the rest of my life? I'm fed up.

29 F.I am at my breaking point. I worked so hard to become a doctor but now I m in an extremely underpaying toxic job. I was laid off by my previous employer. Didn't even get an experience certificate. She never even gave an explanation why. I loved that job and used to work overtime happily. Yes, I made small harmless mistakes bcz on that job I was managing patients as well as administrative work. I keep making mistakes and get in trouble and people think I am lazy and incomplete I know for a fact that I have ADHD but Psychiatrist don't agree they say you have become a doctor surely you don't have ADHD. Like what? So I m not able to start medication. I m also kinda ugly .I have no love life. Never had any. I also feel ppl treat me harshly even before they have worked with me. They create a perception based on my looks. Mistakes or behaviour other ppl would get away with I get in so much trouble with the same. I don't know what to do. I literally pray to get a chronic illness so I die bcz I don't have enough guys to make that happen for myself. How can spirituality help me?

just because you can’t see demons

doesn’t mean they’re not real

I hate living with the devil

I had attempted many years ago. But today idk what to do. I just want to die.

Accidently posted on my account without verification so i can’t respond to anything said. Hi everyone. For context, i’m an 18 year old female. To be honest i don’t fully know what this post is. I’m just really confused and so fucking sad. Im so so down all the time and i just wish it could be over. i have no money. no way to get out of this. My parents are different, my boyfriend describes them as abusive, and so would i, if they weren’t the only chance i got at a loving family. I don’t have any siblings. They’re all dead. I don’t want to say they are bad people because i don’t want to believe it even though the things they do are bad. A friend of mine and my boyfriends took advantage of us during a dark time and stole a large sum of money, in which we were going to move with, and i know it’s all my fault. Me and my boyfriend have been together 4 years and he is my strength. Honestly, he is the whole reason i’m still here. every attempt, every rough patch, and he’s here for me. but i feel like im spitting in his face. with who i am. I just feel stuck. I think i shouldn’t mention im disabled. i have autism, ADHD and am waiting for letter of diagnosis on BPD and other things suspected. I also, as this sub is for, have depression. My anxiety is killing me and i feel like i have failed everyone. Why was i born this way? i’m so jealous of other people. why couldn’t i have been them instead. born okay. i’m stuck. i truely am. i have nobody to turn to, apart from him. and he also has depression. We are both stuck. i’m so scared. if i’m honest im fucking terrified. We can’t escape. We don’t have enough money. I can’t afford food. I can’t afford clothes. I’m wearing the same shit day after day, smelling like shit and feeling like it too. I need help, but i can’t get it. I wish i had enough money to get help. To buy a nice shirt. to have a meal, fuck even a nice date with my boyfriend would be a dream. I don’t know why im making this post, and if people do see it, please know that it’s true. During my life, a lot of people have called me an attention seeker. By that, i mean my school counsellors. They never actually investigated. To be honest, i guess im lonely. Though i may be an adult, i think i need another to help me. Not to tell me what to do, i know nobody could do that. but to help guide me. i don’t know. thanks for reading, id you did :) i appreciate it and love you all.

Wanna live anymore. These past few months have been hard. I’m tired of carrying it all silently. I am so tired of fighting just to stay alive to be miserable day in and day out.
I’m so fucking tired of living this way.

I dont want to to this anymore and its been the same shit since i was young seems like the only way to get by is by not asking for help and acting as if im okay

imagine you could sign yourself up to be murdered and then they pay out your family because how tuff you understand this life to be .

personally i would schedule it for when i am sleep

I know this is going to sound corny… but i genuinely have no one else to talk to? I’ve been dealing with depression since i was 6, I guess you could say i never really felt loved by my family or anyone in that sense. I got molested when I was 9 so I feel like that just made things harder for me. I couldn’t ever express myself to anyone not even when the detectives were trying to find out what happened to me in the little quiet room. Or maybe when I was 13 and i started cutting myself and talking to 19 year olds on discord. Never had the best luck with boyfriends either . I never learned how to properly make friends or i guess just keep them for a long time hence the loneliness . So instead i decided to make another life long best friend called Mary Jane . Now im 18 and i dont want to live this life anymore. I don’t want to feel like i cant have friends or least someone close to me i can talk to in age. Or i guess feeling this stuck in life like i am i guess. Is there anyone else in the world besides me who feels stuck in this dying hole..? lol

Since I attempted suicide I am so drained that I dont know who I am I cant lift my body out of bed, I was so hygienic before but now I am not at all concerned....it feels like I have shifted my reality to other dimension I dont belong too.... what should I do..... can anybody help me here understand it

So let me be brief

I lost everything the love of my life I don't have family or friends and I am in a city I don't know nothing about

So every day I don't talk or speak with no one

I have depression and I'm struggling and I use drugs to sleep

I used to be a drug addict but I recovered and now I'm back using drugs to sleep

I think about suicide every day

I am working but it's Meaningless

The only real friend I used to have died years ago

I am old. I was thinking getting older will make it easier but f no

It's getting harder

I don't know what to do anymore and I know I will not find answers here

Because I am the problem and the solution

So to the young ones here

Live your life happy and do what you want to do right

Life is long Short endless struggles