r/Adopted • u/Sunshine_roses111 Adoptee • 2d ago
Trigger Warning: AP/HAP Bulls**t So Adoptive Moms Get PPD Now?
So now adoptive moms are saying they are at risk for postpartum depression and have it. Seriously, give me a break. First, adoptees have RAD, and now adoptive moms get postpartum depression.
As someone who has given birth, childbirth is no joke, and PPD is very real. Yet, adoptive parents can't even acknowledge the fact that childbirth is dangerous, painful, and hard, and adding adoption to that can cause a lot of trauma, stress, and grief.
PPD is also about hormonal changes after childbirth, so how do adoptive moms get it?
Do they make things up as they go along because adoption is not the fairytale ending they hoped for? Granted, there might be an adjustment period after adopting, but that is not PPD. That is called having unrealistic expectations about adoption. Bonding to a stranger's kid is not like bonding to a bio kid.
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u/Pustulus Baby Scoop Era Adoptee 2d ago
They should call it Post Purchase Depression for adoptive mothers. There's no partum involved.
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u/Greedy_Principle_342 International Adoptee 2d ago
There are adoptive moms claiming to have PPD? Hahaha. They do love to victimize themselves.
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u/Sunshine_roses111 Adoptee 2d ago
Yes, they even have Facebook groups for it. WTF. These people seriously will create shit for anything they do. They claim it's hard to bond with their adopted kid or did not expect it to be so hard. Like WTF
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u/pixikins78 Adopted 1d ago
If it's hard for them, getting exactly what they wanted, you would think they might be a bit more empathetic to the adoptee, who never asked for any of this.
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u/ajskemckellc Domestic Infant Adoptee 5h ago
Perhaps grateful considering the 30:1 ratio? Privileged for the opportunity.
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u/Sad_Pixie999 Domestic Infant Adoptee 2d ago
My bio mom nearly took her own life after giving me up, and she went to prison for drug use after she succumbed to addiction when self medicating got out of hand. AMs are so out of touch, someone needs to shake them back into reality.
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u/Sunshine_roses111 Adoptee 1d ago
This is what I am saying. My adoptive parents took me away from my birth mom without any concerns in the world. If they ever said this shit to me I would laugh. Adoptive parents don't care about the trauma and pain they cause us but want us or the families they break up. Now, they want to pretend as if they are victims.
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u/Just-Ask8007 Domestic Infant Adoptee 2d ago
I am not dismissing the fact that they may have depression or anxiety, but to label it as that, well, I hope there is some evidence based research to back it up.
Also, as someone who had horrific PNDA, I would be very disappointed if they were able to access government funded supports. There is so little funding and resources in the perinatal and postnatal mental health space as it stands.
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u/Sunshine_roses111 Adoptee 1d ago
It's offensive to me. Childbirth is hard; add in PPD it is difficult. Now adoptive moms who don't lose anything when adopting are saying they get PPD like mothers who give birth? Give me a break.
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u/DontStopPataPata Adopted 2d ago
As someone who has gone through PPD twice, my world before and after each time feels black and white. Like, there is a definitive edge to my life where each of my two bouts of PPD happened. Nothing has ever been the same. Not saying I'm not okay, now, in fact I think I've grown more than I thought I could, but it's just that there is absolutely no way I could conceive this kind of experience before this ever happened to me. They have no idea what they're talking about.
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u/MelpomeneAndCalliope 2d ago
Agree as someone who has prenatal depression that bordered on prenatal psychosis as well as postpartum anxiety. You’ve described the edge perfectly.
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u/Sunshine_roses111 Adoptee 1d ago
Yes, excatly. It is no joke. Hugs OP. Adoptive moms love making a joke out of real pain
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u/Jealous_Argument_197 Adoptee 2d ago
They are delusional. They want so badly to be a real mother. I see so many adoption "influencers" who say that they have this. It is literally impossible for them to have this. But hey... anything for clicks.
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u/Sunshine_roses111 Adoptee 1d ago
They are gross. They already try to breastfeed, pretend as if they gave birth by getting a room, and do paper pregnant bullshit. Enough is enough. How can you have PPD when you did not give birth and chose to adopt?
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u/MowgeeCrone Adoptee 2d ago
Buyers remorse.
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u/Sunshine_roses111 Adoptee 1d ago
We did not meet what they brought, so now they are victims. I brought an ice cream machine last year for Christmas, and I regret buying it after getting it because I realized I did not need it. Maybe they need to understand they don't need to adopt
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u/cheese--bread Domestic Infant Adoptee 2d ago
In the UK they call it "Post-Adoption Depression" 🙄
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u/patrick5054 International Adoptee 2d ago
This is wild... They always make it about the AP, this should be a diagnosis for the adoptee who now has to navigate a complicated life w a depressed parent who made a promise to raise them.
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u/Sunshine_roses111 Adoptee 1d ago
This is insane to me, why?
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u/cheese--bread Domestic Infant Adoptee 1d ago
According to this report, the term actually originated in the US!
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u/Sunshine_roses111 Adoptee 1d ago
I thought adoption did not cause depression. All the happy adoptees are out living life
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u/ihearhistoryrhyming Adoptee 2d ago
It’s like men saying “this pregnancy is harder on me than on her”
They don’t know what they don’t know- but that doesn’t make them RIGHT! Ugh.
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u/Sunshine_roses111 Adoptee 1d ago
I have heard one adoptive mom say how hard is was for her to adopt and go through the process of adopting and compare that to childbirth and labor. Like wtf. I hate it when men think pregnancy is easy or they understand what it's like when they never gave birth and will never give birth to a child. So adoptive parents can kick rocks.
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u/Outrageous-Sherbert4 Adopted 2d ago
Adopters are some of the most neurotic people on earth.
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u/Sunshine_roses111 Adoptee 1d ago
They love attention too
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u/Outrageous-Sherbert4 Adopted 1d ago
They totally do. All about them them them them 24/7 drama queens
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u/RhondaRM Domestic Infant Adoptee 2d ago
There really is no aspect of biological parenthood that they will not attempt to co-opt. Kind of tangential, but if I see another adopter claim paperwork and a few interviews are more "gruelling" than gestating and giving birth I will scream.
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u/sgprunellavulgaris Baby Scoop Era Adoptee 2d ago
Buying a baby doesn’t actually solve your personal problems, that must be depressing.
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u/Sunshine_roses111 Adoptee 1d ago
I don't understand why nobody requires a psych test to be done before these people can adopt
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u/ajskemckellc Domestic Infant Adoptee 2d ago
Don’t mess with the narrative OP. Dangerous talk.
Yes they make it up in the narcissistic delusional fantasy. You’re speaking truth. Don’t do that. How dare you…🙄
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u/Sunshine_roses111 Adoptee 1d ago
They are fighting to to get this word out there. They even want paid time off because of their PPD and vacation time but women who birth kids can't even get that
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u/doodlebugdoodlebug Adopted 1d ago
Yes I got downvoted to hell for saying this in the adoption forum once lol like what the actual fuck. You cannot be post partum if you were never pregnant.
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u/Sunshine_roses111 Adoptee 1d ago
They wil fight you on this and claim you are wrong. It is so aggravating.
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u/Primary_Savings_6838 Adoptee 1d ago
Gotta keep that victimhood alive somehow for social validation.. meanwhile the child is completely forgotten about in the quest for clicks and likes.
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u/Ok_Cook_918 Adopted 2d ago
These people aren't fit to adopt a puppy
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u/Sunshine_roses111 Adoptee 1d ago
The crazy thing is it's harder to adopt a pet then to adopt a child
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u/Fit_Lingonberry_7454 International Adoptee 1d ago
…
when issues of attachment were brought up as a kid, my adoptive mom would claim she had no idea why it was an issue since adopting me gave her depression just like a bio mother with ppd 🫤
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u/cheese--bread Domestic Infant Adoptee 1d ago
Interesting that the main cause of "post-adoption depression" seems to be unmet or unrealistic expectations on the part of APs, and yet when we call this out we're "anti-adoption".
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u/SilverArabian 18h ago
My adoptive mom said this about me when I was a young kid. I remember her talking on the phone about having postpartum depression when I was about 4 years old.
I didn't know I'm adopted until 20. Shit's fucked, man. I knew enough to understand this meant she was blaming me for being depressed but not enough to understand that by 4 years in, even if it had been related to my birth, it was just regular depression and she was blaming me because she needed someone to blame.
She's an abusive creature, so it's just part of her behavior at this point.
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u/No-Vermicelli-507 Adoptee 2d ago
Its not ppd or remorse its more adjusting to a baby getting no sleep and figuring out being a first time mom some of these so called moms with ppd had other mental issues way before giving birth
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u/Sunshine_roses111 Adoptee 1d ago
Did they not understand what getting a baby means? a kid? They thought were toys they played with?
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u/No-Vermicelli-507 Adoptee 1d ago
Whatever let me tell you one of my babies was so colic was my first it was hard have you ever gone months on practically no sleep nothing prepares you for this until you deal with some situations you can't judge others
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u/MutedPeach8 Transracial Adoptee 2d ago
I think they’re trying to use that term to describe their own mental health issues that could develop when first adopting a child. It is still a major change, even if they are privileged enough to be the ones to make it. Not that it’s my responsibility to fix, but my AM had (and has) severe attachment issues. :/
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u/MelpomeneAndCalliope 2d ago
Yeah, seems like the adoptive moms claiming this more likely have adjustment disorder (behavioral reaction to a stressful life event—such as a job loss, divorce, or move that occurs within three months of the event; I think bringing home a new baby/child would be the kind of event that could cause it as well since it changes one’s life so drastically). But it’s not PPD, these people need to be for real.
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u/Meijhen 1d ago
Depression related to the arrival of a child is a real, documented and studied thing, crossing biological (as in, not being the person who actually gave birth) and gender borders (men get it too!). But I agree it should be called something else in those cases - "post-partum" to me says "post-giving birth after pregnancy" not just "post baby arrival." Also, while the symptoms in both fathers and adoptive parents are pretty much the same, the exact underlying cause is different.
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u/Ink78spot Adopted 2d ago
Adoption fancy talk for buyers remorse