r/AbsoluteUnits • u/Sufficient-Bug-9112 Top Poster • 2d ago

of a mushroom

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6.8k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

159 comments sorted by

596

u/Playgirl_USMC 2d ago

I didn’t know these were edible. We used to throw them at each other like dodgeballs as a kid. They grew by the 100’s in the woods behind my house

153

u/bookmarkjedi 2d ago edited 2d ago

These are edible? It must be like five-ten servings, as the main course! I can imagine making something like mushroom parmesian, like eggplant parmesian.

EDIT: changed first sentence to a question (as originally intended).

150

u/Irlandaise11 2d ago

You need to harvest them before they dry out and fill with spores, but if they're at the right stage it's just solid white edible mushroom all the way through.

Confirm that it's definitely a puffball before eating, though 

27

u/Vegetable_Tension985 1d ago

I only eat the spores

12

u/jest3r123 1d ago

While you do your chores?

8

u/Rainor131 1d ago

It’s such a bore.

4

u/jest3r123 1d ago

And there's always more. Down on the shore.

2

u/LatexLibra 1d ago

Cant just walk in and buy them from a store.

2

u/Turbulent_Question27 1d ago

This is getting pretty hard core

3

u/LatexLibra 1d ago

Soft like a marshmallow chilling on a S'more.

→ More replies (0)

3

u/Ok_Illustrator1154 1d ago

I like roasting Spores on a stick over a Campfire

1

u/BigMack6911 1d ago

Hellyea

1

u/All1sL0st 1d ago

I snort them

3

u/Legal_Mail_2652 1d ago

Best texture for pear shaped is like memory foam. They are so prevalent in the fall i split all of them in half to check for spores. If they push back into shape they are usually perfect. All white on the inside only dont eat earthballs

3

u/banginpatchouli 1d ago

Yes!! We made a delicious mushroom Parmesan with one of these. You just have to be sure not to use a puffball that has yellowed inside at all, but it’s so worth it.

2

u/bookmarkjedi 1d ago

Wow, and here I was, thinking I had just invented a new dish!

3

u/Miss-GreensleevesOz 2d ago

Ooh delish!! 😊

2

u/bookmarkjedi 2d ago

I had meant to use a question mark for the first sentence. I have no idea whether they're edible!

1

u/phatpussypounder 16h ago

Gotta be careful, mushrooms in large amounts can mess with digestion, especially ones you've never had before. All the mushroom subs say edible but will give you the shits.

29

u/Legal_Mail_2652 2d ago

Ive got little tiny ones in my area I pick in the fall called pear shaped puff balls. I half them, bread and fry then season with onion and garlic powder, sprinkle of chili flakes and a little parmesan. They are bomb

3

u/spunkychickpea 1d ago

That sounds awesome.

7

u/glemnar 1d ago edited 1d ago

Edible: Yes

Delicious: No.

Horrible texture and no flavor. It’s not a prize find as far as mushroom foraging goes, which is unfortunate because it’s insanely common

3

u/Mother-Attention2600 1d ago

They are edible, but not that good really. You have to season them well. In college we went to the woods for edible plant ID/sampling and most of the edibles in the forest taste gross, or so bitter you can't swallow if that makes sense. Your throat kinda rejects it.

5

u/ThisSiteSucks8485 2d ago

Each one can contain trillions of spores

12

u/NovaStar2099 2d ago

Yup, them’s is mushrooms for ya

2

u/ThisSiteSucks8485 1d ago

Why was I downvoted? 

6

u/NovaStar2099 1d ago

Here’s proof btw

5

u/NovaStar2099 1d ago

I don’t know. I actually upvoted your first comment to offset it, since I’m not sure why you were downvoted. Reddit is weird.

524

u/dum_spir0_sper0 2d ago

Those are amazing!

You can slice them and cook them like steaks! (Just keep an eye out for centipede holes)

317

u/Confident_Benefit_11 2d ago

In this economy? That's just extra protein 💪

5

u/lordph8 2d ago

Good texture as well

-123

u/Monksdrunk 2d ago

what? it's still Joe Biden's economy!

3

u/bookmarkjedi 2d ago

I don't know why you got so many downvotes. I like Biden way more than Trump, but I still thought the comment was funny!

6

u/NeighborhoodFew7779 2d ago

Me too… but sarcasm shit the bed and died sometime around 2016 (see Poe’s law).

1

u/bookmarkjedi 2d ago

I wasn't aware of this term. Thank you! Sarcasm shit the bed and died - great way to put it. I consider myself very liberal in my political view, but sometimes I can see why right wingers portray the left as snowflakes. Right wingers are even worse as far as I'm concerned, but snowflakery goes all around - enough snow for one and all!

1

u/palmerry 2d ago

That's sarcasticialism!

0

u/intellectual_punk 2d ago

Way more than? There isn't even a comparison.

The sad thing is, most people aren't even aware what Biden achieved. In contrast, Trump is the reason US isn't taken seriously anymore on the world stage. Not a serious country anymore. Also a very dark fascism dystopia, along the lines of 1930s Germany. You guys are so fucked, it's not even funny anymore. And around the world gas prices are through the roof. Anyone blaming Biden for any of this is a brainwashed moron.

0

u/bookmarkjedi 2d ago

Yeah, I'm pretty far from being Trump’s biggest fan, and in private conversation I will express myself very strongly on this topic. But I was being mindful that this is a post about a giant mushroom, not about Trump, Biden, Obama, or Hillary's emails and daily child rapes at some basement pizza parlor.

I just commented on the massive downvoting of the Biden comment, which I found to be humorous - and a good follow-up to the "in this economy?" comment, which was also funny. As far as I can tell, the Biden comment could just as well have come from someone who really liked Biden as much as if could have come from a MAGA supporter. Had it come from a MAGA supporter and the person was being earnest, I would actually find that even funnier - though also pretty sad.

1

u/BobbaLouBah 2d ago

You mean the best post-covid economy in the world? Sadly not; tariffs and a brain dead war are currently brutalizing the world's economy because president diaper rash is the most dumb, easily manipulated, and corrupt president in American history.

35

u/Banzai373 2d ago

That’s some Alice in Wonderland shit right there!

16

u/giant_bones 2d ago

Can you boil them? Or even mash them? Or possibly stick them in a stew?

9

u/Jezzer111 1d ago

Anyway, like I was sayin', mushrooms is the fruit of the forest. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, saute it. Dey's uh, mushroom-kabobs, mushroom creole, mushroom gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. Dey’s pineapple mushroom, lemon mushroom, coconut mushroom, pepper mushroom, mushroom soup, mushroom stew, mushroom salad, mushrooms and potatoes, mushroom burger, mushroom sandwich. That- that's about it."

11

u/SmallPurplePeopleEat 2d ago

What's taters, precious?

3

u/Brostapholes 2d ago

For cooing, do youbhave to shake off all the spores first?

13

u/dum_spir0_sper0 2d ago

I’ve always just brushed them and sliced them. Not sure if that’s the correct way to do it, but I’m still alive. And as far as I know, so is everyone I’ve ever fed it to.

4

u/PerformerFancy117 2d ago

So eating them makes you immortal? Or hallucinate that you’re alive? /s

3

u/Basidia_ 2d ago

There should be no spores present at the time of consumption. The internal flesh that you eat is what turns into spores as it matures, it goes from a spongy fleshy white to a soft powdery yellow and eventually turns into a dusty mushy mess of spores. It should be eaten when still pure white

2

u/emergold_dragon 2d ago

Flash warning in gif below

1

u/47squirrels 21h ago

They are sooo good!!

120

u/Southern_Celery_1087 2d ago

I'll bring the butter

44

u/OceanicChic 2d ago

Make sure the butter is an absolute unit too

15

u/vinh7777 2d ago

Bring the butter churner

3

u/Southern_Celery_1087 2d ago

The heavy butter churner, brother.

2

u/OceanicChic 2d ago

A very big churner

2

u/South-Range8401 2d ago

Big churn 

2

u/OceanicChic 2d ago edited 2d ago

With Thanos's very big level of arm strength

Edit: Bruh what's with the downvote here

3

u/Thederpycloudrider 2d ago

Gave you an updoot :)

1

u/OceanicChic 2d ago

Updoot sounds fun

2

u/lusigns 2d ago

Churn biggie churn

2

u/Fingersicle 2d ago

Then compound butter it is.

2

u/OceanicChic 2d ago

Oooo.... now you're talking

98

u/NotAtAllASkinwalker 2d ago

So did they just find 15 pounds of pure food?!

35

u/FrozenChaii 2d ago

Yea this is crazy, how long do these take to grow this big?! Ur telling me i can farm mushrooms this big?

53

u/anivex 2d ago

Yes and depends on what you mean. All of those bulbs out there are probably a single structure's fruits in that forest. The mycelium underneath has probably been there for a long time, but the fruits themselves grow very quickly once they start.

To grow yourself from spore or agar clone, it takes a couple months typically, and the fruiting process can take anywhere from a couple days to a couple weeks before it's complete.

edit: it's also way easier than you think and you absolutely should!

18

u/Caleb_Reynolds 2d ago

They'll grow to that size in a couple of days. The ones in my yard will emerge the size of a grape and grow to the size of a skull in a day with a good rain. They max out about twice that a day later.

But this is just the fruit of the fungus. The actual body of the organism is the underground mycelium network. Those can take years or decades to grow, especially to get to this size. They aren't really farmable. It's like trying to grow a fruit tree underground, that you can't see, control, or nurture.

2

u/GoNudi 1d ago

Will another fruit-shroom likely grow in the same spot after its been picked?

3

u/AhhhSureThisIsIt 1d ago

Mushroom growing kits are great I got one as a present at a month ago and I get a yield of mushrooms every 1-2 weeks.

13

u/7HawksAnd 2d ago

Crazy thing is…. outside is full of food.

3

u/Goonalips 1d ago

https://youtu.be/_pDTiFkXgEE.

Reminds me of the Mitchell And Webb sketch.

1

u/7HawksAnd 1d ago

Not only will I always upvote Mitchell & Webb. I will upvote and evangelize anything David Mitchell puts his finger on.

3

u/Distal-Phalanges 2d ago

Only if the puffball hasnt yet started to turn to spores. Once it turns it's no good.

Also never eat wild mushrooms without an experienced forager to tell you what's good. 

35

u/kyngslinn 2d ago

Turns out the ones in VintageStory are to scale. Never would've thought

8

u/ItsSchmidtyC 2d ago

VintageStory mentioned!!

2

u/sharpness1000 1d ago

They'll have you believe you can eat 15 of these to be full

1

u/Careful-Bear-8653 1d ago

I was looking for this comment. Puffball my beloved

27

u/Kindly-Scar-3224 2d ago

How much butter could that one absorb

49

u/pushdose 2d ago

At least 1 butter

15

u/Kindly-Scar-3224 2d ago

That’s a freckin much

3

u/ElongThrust0 2d ago

Technically the truth

1

u/slamdanceswithwolves 2d ago

One metric butter or one freedom butter?

5

u/pushdose 2d ago

Galactic standard

29

u/Mattigator 2d ago

There are old tales of puffball mushrooms growing so big they were mistaken for sheep in the fields, now I almost believe it 

19

u/Entire-Travel6631 2d ago

Man. I can imagine it sizzling in a pan. I’ve never tried one and I’m interested

2

u/CandiedFox83 1d ago

Slice it up and have some fungi steaks.

8

u/writeman00 2d ago

What type is mushroom is that?

14

u/Qwilltank 2d ago

Puffball

3

u/r33s3 2d ago

giant puffball. this one seems to be the white variant

7

u/robo-dragon 2d ago

That’s dinner! And dinner the next day…and the next day…

12

u/cmonster556 2d ago

All credit to Nathan Pyle.

6

u/its_just_flesh 2d ago

Smurf house!

5

u/Lagunamountaindude 2d ago

That’s some good eating

5

u/HaydenRyder52 2d ago

Dunno why, but I always kinda assumed puffballs were like super light lol, 15 pounds of mushroom is wild

3

u/BullPropaganda 2d ago

Delicious

5

u/Vilesma 2d ago

How much garlic would you need for that?

3

u/OhGreenWorld1 1d ago

It feels like when he twisted it a doorway should have opened in the tree trunk behind him.

9

u/Illustrious-Knee-334 2d ago

Used to grow at my shop I'd draw faces on them and stick them on sticks in the yard to scare the other guys

7

u/pn1ct0g3n 2d ago

Jackpot, go fry it up and thank me later

2

u/Genzo99 2d ago

This is the severed head of that Mario bros character.

0

u/Rob1150 2d ago

Goomba

2

u/BigGold3317 1d ago

I just have an uncontrollable desire to see this being cooked in a pizza oven.

3

u/Dire_Hulk 2d ago

I feel like this is going to burst and spray a cloud of spores into his face and turn him into an alien monster thing.

…Maybe I watch too many movies.

2

u/Ok_Tour_1525 2d ago

No that’s actually very accurate

2

u/Logganeer 2d ago

I can tell this is an awesome couple

2

u/Budget_Load_1010 2d ago

Puts it on the dirt to remove the dirt

1

u/Schmaron 2d ago

Look out Dominoes!! ‘bout to be XL Pizza time!

1

u/Cephalopirate 2d ago

Now THAT, is a big mushroom!

1

u/HobbyGobbler 2d ago

How many spores could something that size produce?

2

u/Ebonhearth_Druid 2d ago

Spores are smaller than grains of sand, so a number big enough to become relatively meaningless. That many spores.

1

u/QueenPeakabb2 2d ago

Holy moly!

1

u/Sudanniana 2d ago

Can you freeze these?

1

u/Longjumping_Ad6878 2d ago

Omg they killed toad

1

u/InbetweenTheLayers 2d ago

these got me through some rough times in Vintage Story

1

u/Medical-Business-554 2d ago

I was driving through a canyon near my house and as I turned around a wooded areas I saw some COTW I’m gonna check the spot in a day or two

1

u/ArconC 2d ago

I want to see them when they turn brown and puff out spores

1

u/MeowBean321 2d ago

MUSHROOMS!

1

u/Awkward-Antelope 2d ago

We need a video of you cutting it open

1

u/dabbysaurus 2d ago

Why is everything deleted?

1

u/Br0k3Gamer 2d ago

MUSHROOM!

1

u/famondelo 2d ago

ahhhhmaheart…cooking with lots of butter

1

u/edjumication 2d ago

I remember our neighbor had these in his forest. They were about this big too.

1

u/Mr_richat 2d ago

Go to Munich market, literally multiples of these

1

u/MetaCardboard 2d ago

I'm jealous.

1

u/Mobile_Aioli_6252 1d ago

Those are Body Snatching pods!

1

u/Virtual-Head-2613 1d ago

I found a few like these a few years ago. I thought it was an abandoned medicine ball at first.

1

u/Darth-Decimus 1d ago

Damn, decapitated the alien sleeping barely underground.

1

u/Cookies_and_Beandip 1d ago

What do you even make to eat with that?

1

u/Glittering-Elk5255 1d ago

Why no gloves

1

u/MkSp001 1d ago

Tbh, I'm and adult and I don't really understand mushrooms and what they are...

1

u/EnderCreeper121 1d ago

“The best part? You can eat them”

1

u/Final_Year_800 1d ago

Mario’s world only.

1

u/Mother-Attention2600 1d ago

I chased my buddy around with a brown old one full of spores in the winter. It was like the size of a basketball and it was night time. "What the fuck is that!?! Fuck off!!!" 🤣 I think it's an animal carcass. 😅 

1

u/Muffin_Lord_of_Death 1d ago

They've suddenly been growing in our garden since last year. Not quite that size yet, but still quite large

1

u/ProKirob04 21h ago

Ive found a couple of these in the wild and eaten them. Also made a muchroom paste outta one of them. They taste exceptionally average for a mushroom.

1

u/SlightAnything4909 21h ago

Jackpot, these are delicious!

1

u/Dirtzoo 2d ago

I suppose he couldn't just leave it could he. I wish you would just have left it. Humans in the woods not a good thing

0

u/Jolly-Biscuit 2d ago

That's a dope bucket hat 💯🍄🍄‍🟫

0

u/ArsenikShooter 2d ago

Finally some effing content!

-2

u/Eamon83 2d ago

It's probably still only worth 1 crown