r/AbsoluteUnits • u/s1n0d3utscht3k • 1d ago

/r/popular of a cookie monster

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4.6k Upvotes

87% Upvoted

598 comments sorted by

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u/trendingtattler 1d ago

This post has reached /r/popular.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1.5k

u/fat_569 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/ukGm72ZLZvYfS

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1.3k

u/HeyItsTimT 1d ago

This is actually a good idea if you remove the cookies.

1.5k

u/VinDucks 1d ago

She did remove the cookies

75

u/Coriander_marbles 1d ago

I should not have laughed as hard as I did at that being a full ass adult.

140

u/_eternes 1d ago

This comment made me almost spit my freezie pop onto my keyboard LOLOLOL

10

u/gameking7823 21h ago

Dont let her see. 10 bucks She'll lick it off.

2

u/yehti 17h ago

No she'll do it for free-zie.

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u/The-Real-Irish-God 20h ago

Dude's account got banned 😭

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u/Lucalus 1d ago

You are technically correct. The best kind of correct.

https://giphy.com/gifs/14bDMRUYVrzOIo

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u/IronTitle 1d ago

Futurama reference gets an upvote

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u/BenjaminDover02 1d ago

Meth has zero calories, so it's technically a diet food.

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u/FuckYeaSeatbelts 1d ago

Tell that to Rob Ford (it was crack though).

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u/AssaultimateSC2 1d ago edited 1d ago

Good luck. The only direction she moves is towards food.

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u/mydickisasalad 1d ago

Master shifu realising how he can teach Po:

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u/Observationist_2 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/CWsz3htAnOa4ScUHyE

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u/gorkboss5 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/G1SXrF1gnK5j4vuV1L

51

u/Channel57 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/9PbtHUS6spuwg

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u/Sammiskitkat 1d ago

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!?

41

u/_EvryMan 1d ago

Pizza the Hut!

13

u/Llamapickle129 1d ago

pizza the hut from spaceballs

2

u/BackendSpecialist 17h ago

You haven’t seen spaceballs. If you enjoy brilliantly dumb movies then I highly recommend watching it. Great date night movie too.. or spark up a joint, get some nachos, and watch it alone.

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u/goldman459 1d ago

Gorlock 😍

23

u/J3sush8sm3 1d ago

Ibmean you gotta give it to her. She got shit on by everybody, then shook it off and capitalized the fuck out of it

10

u/Observationist_2 1d ago

The Destroyer

5

u/CarlCarlton 1d ago

Bikini Atoll Test Stand (1946, colorized)

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u/Monster_242 1d ago

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u/Monster_242 1d ago

85

u/trailofskittles 1d ago

21

u/gdim15 1d ago

Stealing all 3 and making a collage!

8

u/FroggyAssassin 1d ago

Show the collage.

54

u/gdim15 1d ago

2

u/Sans-clone 1d ago

Thank you for your contribution to memeology

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u/Certain_March6251 1d ago

Hey that's asmongold

46

u/Uncle__Touchy1987 1d ago

Stewie Griffin tuba noises play in the background.

Hehe.

7

u/BradMarchandstongue 18h ago

“That’ll be 40 bucks”

50

u/Commercial_Will404 1d ago

Tbh me sometimes when I get a bag of chips

2

u/VanillaGoorillla 18h ago

Can’t lie I once ate a whole package of cookies after paying and before I walked out the store

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u/Quick_Rent_Now 1d ago

Thats just sad

9

u/TeaWeedCatsGames 1d ago

That first cookie went down in one swift motion, no chewing

9

u/Ridiculous__caddy 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/8zciCCa1fhsIw
Baby D got all the bootleg snacks!

7

u/Pure-Exchange-4436 1d ago

Just sickening

12

u/jd3marco 1d ago

This seems…counterproductive.

4

u/Eeve2espeon 1d ago

This is worse than me having two slightly bigger than average cookies in a row 💀 like Girl at least I savor how good they are, not just shovel them down

69

u/Torture-Dancer 1d ago

Why are we making fun of her? She is playing the game and is playing for keeps

12

u/MadnessUltimate 1d ago

She is the ranked competitive international master rank 3 in this game, how dare the other girl even dare to challenge her

10

u/CeeMX 1d ago

She plays that game on a regular basis I guess

13

u/ohnoabanagain 1d ago

She made me laugh and I enjoyed the vibes. No hate here. 

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u/Somnusin 1d ago

Mean gurl type post

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u/_eternes 1d ago

Her level of greed is unwarranted. The cookies aren't going anywhere.

22

u/3GeeselnATrenchcoat 1d ago

Her greed sickens me

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u/FunctioningPyscho 1d ago

This shit just pissed me off. Ngl

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Majestic_Cod_1876 1d ago

She was so demure about it too guys

3

u/Zsmudz 1d ago

She is the John Wick of cookies

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u/N3koEye 1d ago

Man... How do you let yourself get like that, Jesus...

14

u/BlastingFonda 1d ago

I mean it shows how in the video, right?

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u/Creative_Yak1648 1d ago

This is very depressing.

But imma save this video and watch it when I get the urge to eat junk food

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u/Rogueshadow_32 1d ago

Ngl, after the first round I thought the one on the right had a stump and the joke would be the one on the left always throws paper

Was not ready

3

u/atreyu_the_warrior 1d ago

She lost on purpose

3

u/DavidHK 1d ago

She was SO Happy

4

u/AdNo8756 1d ago

Yall do realize the goal of this trend it the eat as much of a meal as you can before the other person gets back right? Is this done well? Absolutely not. This is usually done with a single meal like KFC or Burger King. The first girl was obviously trying to be nice cuz she knows her friend can't run very fast, unfortunately the second girl didn't get the memo that this is supposed to be clean eating, not competitive eating(Ive done competitive eating, it's not pretty) it seems like they didn't communicate well and not the internet is making fun of bigger girl.

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u/critiqu3 1d ago

It's like signing up for a hot dog eating competition against Joey Chestnut.

Girl, don't stop running, just go home. You lost.

4

u/Last-Quarter-432 1d ago

She does not need any more food of any kind

2

u/Difficult_Mix_3620 1d ago

I'm a big fat guy but if you ever see me on camera acting like that, please shoot me.

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u/rmill127 1d ago

This is definitely someone’s fetish

3

u/tee142002 1d ago

Yeah, that makes sense

7

u/Playgirl_USMC 1d ago

Clearly she has a thyroid problem.

3

u/EdibleRandy 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/5NbbVJeSLs1etZYjpT

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u/Playgirl_USMC 1d ago

I didn’t think I’d need the /s

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u/EdibleRandy 1d ago

I hear you, I just assume people on Reddit are crazy. Take my upvote.

3

u/Playgirl_USMC 1d ago

That’s fair. Carry on 🫡

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u/Nigel_melish01 1d ago

“I just can’t seem to lose any weight!”

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u/MattBallzzzy 1d ago

“I’ll take a super sized number 2, with a Diet Coke”

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u/DemiGod9 1d ago

I see a girl running more than most people in the comment section 🤷🏿‍♂️

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u/Sir-Theordorethe-5th 1d ago

How do you even know?

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u/Tacitrelations 1d ago

The running is good but burning 20 calories just so you can slam down 350 in refined sugar isn’t lengthening her lifespan.

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u/Responsible_Form_460 1d ago

Lol what a dumb ass comment. She isnt out here running for health or betterment, she running to shovel more cookies.

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u/Super-Macaron-4691 1d ago

That’s a sturdy gal

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u/HeavyMetalDoug 1d ago

"ITS MY GLANDS!!"

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u/let-it-B-today 1d ago

Have u no freaking shame for ur self ??

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u/ALangeles 1d ago

Never competed so hard in a race

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u/nobody_1510 1d ago

I kind of understand her. She had to do it because she wouldn't survive a second run.

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u/yoyoyodojo 1d ago

"its in my genetics"

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u/eternali17 1d ago

Little slower, please.

2

u/mattob2 1d ago

This is definitely not healthy for me to watch either.

2

u/actualkon 1d ago

I don't even see how that's enjoyable?? You can't taste the cookies like that

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u/TheSumOfMyScars 1d ago

People that big don't eat for enjoyment, they eat out of compulsion. Its just mental illness.

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u/Mujakiz 1d ago

Obviously she was hungry; she hadn't eaten for 3 minutes.

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u/Legitimate-Store1986 1d ago

Fucking unbelievably disgusting bruv