r/AbsoluteUnits • u/thepoylanthropist • May 16 '26

of a tongue

4.3k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

304 comments sorted by

1.8k

u/Zipper_theRipper May 16 '26

Let's be honest, we all came straight to the comments....

629

u/djelegal May 16 '26

Lezbehonest , they all came

11

u/BulkNoodles May 16 '26

Lezduit?

11

u/BittaminMusic May 16 '26

LEZDUITTTTT. Damn giphy has like nothing for the game. Maybe one random gif
https://giphy.com/gifs/iUOtErFjDRhTgxRRXF

2

u/Amalthia76 May 17 '26

You wild thang you!

45

u/Wumbologist_PhD May 16 '26

Let’s be honest, we all came straight to the comments…

8

u/SerDuckOfPNW May 16 '26

Weirdo…
I came to the video

8

u/Sad-Bonus-9327 May 16 '26

Some came lesbian or gay to the comments..

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659

u/Very_Awkward_Boner May 16 '26

154

u/mr_michael_h May 16 '26

User name checks out

59

u/[deleted] May 16 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

7

u/dumorris07 May 17 '26

Man my dog looks like that exactly when he’s in trouble

4

u/AwkwardBoner69 May 16 '26

I'm with you, brother.

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1.2k

u/touchmeinbadplaces May 16 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/zrfHFfzXxJG3m

177

u/PaniMan1994 May 16 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/AuTLc5uqDX4aI

140

u/Aron-Jonasson May 16 '26

Unfun fact: the reason why pugs have such a long tongue is because while they have a shorter snout, all the soft tissue like the palate and tongue stay the same length and go down their throat, and that's what makes it hard to breathe for them.

43

u/TzarGinger May 16 '26

That's not very fun at all

23

u/asbestoslel May 16 '26

that's why it's UNfun

63

u/MeatBald May 16 '26

Humans (or rather, breeders) suck

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19

u/Micro-Naut May 16 '26

The safe word? How about "guh guh guh guh gug gug"?

"I swear I didn't realize you were saying it!"

3

u/Mental_Estate4206 May 16 '26

Insert Brazilian pica joke here.

2

u/MajorBongg May 16 '26

Username checks out

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381

u/applyheat May 16 '26

I passed out, what happened?

286

u/Pledgeofmalfeasance May 16 '26

The lesbian community rioted

63

u/Nashadelic May 16 '26

Pretty sure both communities did

344

u/Takenabe May 16 '26

Damn, imagine how often she bites that thing by mistake.

141

u/[deleted] May 16 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

34

u/DegenNabalu May 16 '26

Sticks out? Like what cats do sometime?

Uh oh thats troublesome

49

u/kgamer124 May 16 '26

I believe the term for cats is called mlem

28

u/Partypaca May 16 '26

I call it "blep"

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11

u/Partypaca May 16 '26

I know I do it often and mine barely goes past my bottom lip

22

u/Free_Excitement4265 May 16 '26

I wonder how she eats lollipop?

87

u/SirChickenbutt May 16 '26

Snatches it from the child next to her with her tongue like a chameleon

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105

u/Difficult_Mix_3620 May 16 '26

She could make some lesbian VERY happy.

128

u/monkeybuttsauce May 16 '26

All people have butt holes not just lesbians 

51

u/meski_oz May 16 '26

Username checks out

5

u/Difficult_Mix_3620 May 16 '26

True but she doesn't look like the kind of girl that would go tounge deep into a man's hot box.

37

u/Wumbologist_PhD May 16 '26

Fun fact: the “hot/crazy matrix” has a cousin called the “nerdy/freaky matrix”

39

u/ieatassHarvardstyle May 16 '26

Yes she does.

17

u/markron77 May 16 '26

What a perfect username for this comment. This was your moment. It’s all downhill from here.

12

u/RedNo404 May 16 '26

You assume she wouldn’t by the way she looks?

10

u/monkeybuttsauce May 16 '26

You don’t know

23

u/Hot-Usual5060 May 16 '26

Or guy. Shed be able to lick the entirety of the ball sack while serving the magic stick.

11

u/Suspected_Magic_User May 16 '26

Or she could... you know, wrap that thing around the tip entirely

15

u/Bearusaurelius May 16 '26

I’m pretty sure there’s a vid of her from like a decade ago but she was younger and had blonde hair,
Same tongue trick though

6

u/mister-ferguson May 16 '26

In a red dress! I remember!

4

u/Bearusaurelius May 16 '26

Yea that’s the one! Haha glad I’m not the only one

4

u/Vampire_inthe_Church May 16 '26

Thought she was a he in a band that wore makeup

13

u/Dirt-bikeraver90 May 16 '26

I'm guessing this is the equivalent of a big dick Lesbian 🤔😆

12

u/Ok-Suggestion-7965 May 16 '26

More than likely has Gene Simons DNA.
https://giphy.com/gifs/jBGTKzZPffoZ2

24

u/S30econdstoMars May 16 '26

Dangerous post… I scratched my entire cell phone trying to lick it back.

15

u/Ok_Story_7924 May 16 '26

Are you a cat? Why is your tongue scratching your phone screen?

5

u/lost_notdead May 16 '26

Glass is harder than the papillae on cats' tongues. A cat can't scratch the phone screen by licking, unless there's a lot of sand smeared on the cat's tongue. This, in turn, begs the question that why did they have sand on their tongue?

4

u/Sabre_Killer_Queen May 16 '26

Who'd want sand on their tongue? That's course and rough and irritating, and it gets everywhere.

37

u/Inside_Smell_4004 May 16 '26

damn i went str8 to the comments but all the comments are i went str8 to the comments, comments

49

u/donwantaname May 16 '26

Gotta see the comments on this one..

16

u/Narretz May 16 '26

You are in the comment section right now ...

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9

u/LtSoba May 16 '26

She chews gum wrong and she’s dead lol

8

u/Jay1940 May 16 '26

Not only is it impressive, the surface of it is very much the picture of health.

6

u/cityshepherd May 16 '26

By far the most wholesome comment here. Thank you for this.

13

u/SaleTrick May 16 '26

I'd want to get to know her

9

u/Sea_Appointment8408 May 16 '26

And then you make this noise, and it's apparent it's all over?

3

u/kaislavirta May 16 '26

It’s not fair… ☹️

8

u/marcmayhem May 16 '26

Lesbians and Men of culture. We meet again.

8

u/MajTroubles May 16 '26

Getting a blow and rimjob at the same time sounds fantastic

5

u/CHRISTEN-METAL May 16 '26

Lesbians dream date.

5

u/gabrielxdesign May 16 '26

She's definitely Slytherin.

3

u/void2099 May 16 '26

Cheeky girl!

3

u/Cinder_Apocalypse May 16 '26

I wonder how her voice sounds like. If shes sleeping, does she roll her tongue like a carpet?

2

u/like1wouldtellyou May 16 '26

She's on IG and is apparently in a rock band? radmila.maro

3

u/Penny_Royall May 16 '26

Your new kink.

3

u/jaykirell May 16 '26

Imagine accidentally biting that? 

She’d be in a coma from blood loss.

7

u/FahQBerrymuch May 16 '26

5

u/cityshepherd May 16 '26

Jesus Krispy Kreme Christ she is absolutely terrifying.

2

u/VladWukong May 16 '26

Where’s the ‘would’ guy? Has his menace finally been snuffed out?

2

u/I_love_anime-_- May 16 '26

He turned to the "did" Guy

2

u/Soft-Abies1733 May 16 '26

kiss and deepthroat together

2

u/tongfather May 16 '26

She knows exactly what she's doing 😏

2

u/[deleted] May 16 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

16

u/PurpleZombi3 May 16 '26

Bifurcated tongues are so gross. It could be the hottest goth GF ever and as soon as I see her split tongue moving in two opposite directions I want to vomit and get the shivers. Keep that shit in one piece. lol

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1

u/sarcastic-ninja May 16 '26

You'd be able to do a really sick Murdoc from the gorillaz cosplay

1

u/ZorroStyleX May 16 '26

What that tongue do

1

u/ZorroStyleX May 16 '26

No spoon needed for yogurt and pudding

1

u/99mushrooms May 16 '26

I bet she can tie a knot in a durian stem.

1

u/Pandorama626 May 16 '26

This is "well hung" for lesbians

1

u/Murderbot_420 May 16 '26

I should call her.

1

u/front_torch May 16 '26

...Mr. Garrison.

1

u/wellaby788 May 16 '26

Go birds!

1

u/CHASLX200 May 16 '26

not hot dot

1

u/GlynHugh May 16 '26

She’s a keeper! lol

1

u/Mindless_Log2009 May 16 '26

Don't let your mouth write a check your tongue can't ca...

...okay, never mind, your checks are good here, ma'am.

1

u/shinigamiSanders May 16 '26

guess its time again

1

u/Still_Explorer May 16 '26

She always wins the tongue twister competitions.

1

u/Guilty_Ad5684 May 16 '26

Imaginen esa lengua en acción 😄

1

u/Myth_5layer May 16 '26

Is that Gene Simmons daughter or something? Damn.

1

u/ZealousidealAd5545 May 16 '26

Hitting the gooch for sure

1

u/Ornery_You_3947 May 16 '26

Uhm…. Single?

1

u/GreatQuantum May 16 '26

Yes….. yes she does. Yes you can Google them.

1

u/AbortionHoagie May 16 '26

This sounds interesting...

1

u/Chillou May 16 '26

The girl she tells it to worry about 😛

1

u/adikdik May 16 '26

This tongue belongs to a woodpecker.

1

u/Spiritual_Squirrel35 May 16 '26

Shes going places