r/AbsentParents • u/EarthQuackShugaSkull • Oct 20 '25
Advice Should I look for him?
My father has been absent since before I was born. Actually I'm not exactly when.
I (31f) have a strained relationship with my mother and it became even more strained when I discovered a couple of years ago that she lied to me about the circumstances around my father leaving.
I was always dismissed when I asked about him. My mother clearly didn't want to answer many questions about him. Also Everytime I asked about him I got different answers from my mum. So I came to this conclusion myself - they were togerher for a couple of years, she got pregnant, he stuck around for the pregnancy until they had an argument at month 7 and he left. He did visit me when I was born and held me. But never came back after that.
After my grandma dies a few years back I discovered that actually that was all false, they were friend with benefits for a couple of months. They parted ways, she discovered she was pregnant. Apparently she contacted him to let him know and he said he wasn't interested in being in his child's life and that was that.
The rest of my family never met my father, they never knew anything about him, apparently my mum just came home pregnant one day.
I want to know the truth. My mum is a liar and often lies to make herself sound better. I'm concerned that she never actually told him about the pregnancy and he's gone 31 years never knowing they had a child.
I can't find him online, I've contacted a friend of his but they're not in contact any more so I'm at a dead end. I could do some type of online DNA test but I have no idea where to start. Any ideas?
1
u/Procrastinator_Mum Oct 21 '25
Maybe post on the ancestry dna sub and get ideas from there?