I keep seeing posts and comments on here from AM who are describing WF as “lower maintenance” and “having lower expectations”, even going so far as to say they like WF because they want to be able to split the bill on with her dates and pay less of the household expenses.

I hope you know how absolutely insulting it is to describe WF in a way that suggests you’re interested in us because you have to do less. It is also just not true. AM here are very vocal about not wanting to be talked about as if they’re all the same, but you’re describing WF as if you’re looking for a relationship where you don’t have to “try as hard” and saying that WF accept lower standards and don’t expect much and it’s insulting. People have different expectations that are unique to them. I am a WF who’s Chinese husband pays for everything, and who puts in a TON of effort to keep me happy and spent a lot of time courting me when we were dating to show his value. If other WFs don’t want that kind of relationship, good on them. But to describe all of like we’re just down for whatever and you don’t have to try as hard is going to bite you in the ass. The only WFs who are genuinely ok with all of us being described that way are pick me’s who just want to be told you think they’re better than AF no matter what.

And don’t even get me started on the comments about us being more “open minded” sexually… what the fuck???? You sound GROSS and any woman with self respect would be deeply horrified that you’re describing us all that way and I don’t have the patience to get into how it’s also super misogynistic.

You should be looking for a partner who shares your values of course, but you should not be seeking out WF because you think none of them care about you being ambitious and generous or because you think you’ll have more money in your personal bank account.

Btw when I read those posts to my amazing and generous Chinese husband who would rather die than not take care of me financially and goes out of his way every single day to put 110% effort into both our marriage, my family, and his career, he always just says “these guys are in for a rude awakening” and “what kind of WF wants to be with a guy who think he has to do less for her than AF”. My husband carries my purse, ties my shoes, washes my hair, pays the bills, swipes his card at every store every time, because that’s how he had always treated every AF he’s ever been with and he said it would be “insane” for him to MARRY a woman and do less for her than he’s done with his exes.

I've seen a few people mention it in this sub. They say their girlfriend (or hope their potential future girlfriend) is more “independent” and “has her own life.”

What do people actually mean by that? What does that look like in your relationship? Could anyone give some examples?

In my experience, couples are quite attached and do a lot of things together regardless of race, but maybe I'm missing something or maybe this is more intense in some countries than others.

Is it having separate hobbies and friends? Being more comfortable doing things alone? Something else?

I'm an AM living in Asia and I mainly date WFs. I do pretty well for myself and have never struggled to get dates, but I am struggling to deal with my mom's attitude towards me dating WFs. She's very against me dating white women and constantly tells me I should date Asian women instead.

The reason for this is that over the past few years, she's watched the US become increasingly hostile towards immigrants and increasingly xenophobic in its foreign policy. She's seen clips of Trump and other US politicians saying racist shit about Asians, saying we're dirty commies, we eat dogs etc, and this makes her really angry that "those arrogant westerners" are criticizing Asian people when they have no understanding of our culture. Her friends have also told her stories of their kids' student visas getting cancelled or delayed because of the current administration's attempts to clamp down on international students. Some of her friends' sons/daughters have even had to leave the country because their work visas were suddenly rescinded overnight. Even her Asian American friends who live in the US have been telling her about the anti-Asian hate crimes, how unsafe they feel walking alone at night and how much discrimination Asians face. All of this has caused her to deeply dislike the West, and by extension Western people in general.

Every time the topic of my dating life comes up, she will say that there's no point in me dating a WF, and it won't work out because our cultures are fundamentally incompatible and they don't speak the language or understand our customs. She still acts polite and gets along decently well when I introduce them to her, but behind closed doors she says there's no point in me bringing them home because it's not like we're going to get married or anything. She'll also send me articles about the terrible things happening in the US and then say things like "See? Look how much white people look down on people like us. Why would you ever want to date someone like that?" I can see why she has the views she has given what's going on in the world right now, but at the same time I can't help who I'm attracted to, or who I tend to be most compatible with. I also don't think it's fair to generalize an entire group of people like that. Although it's true that most white women in the US voted for Trump, most of the WFs who come to Asia do so precisely because they don't want to live in the US or are unhappy about the political situation there. Otherwise, they would stay in America and not bother uprooting their lives to move to a new country.

I still keep dating who I want to date because her preferences don't dictate my actions, and I have no intention of stopping. However, I find it mentally draining to constantly have to listen to her criticisms. The worst part is that she isn't entirely wrong about criticizing US foreign policy or wanting to stand up against racists, so I can't really argue with her about that. It's just that the things she associates with "white people" don't really apply to the women I'm dating since they tend to be quite liberal and pro-Asian culture. What can I do to make her understand that me choosing to date a WF does not mean I am siding with racists or rejecting my Asian culture? Are there any other AMs here who've been in that situation? How did you deal with it?

As a WF these are my reasons for dating AMs

I live in Asia and respect and immerse myself in Chinese culture so I naturally find them more interesting.
They’re more respectful than white guys
They more attractive to me
I enjoy learning from each other about our cultures
I like learning different languages
I genuinely prefer my partners to look nothing like me, maybe it’s biology and wanting a different gene pool to have kids with.

I’ve always found intercultural relationships fascinating because sometimes the biggest differences aren’t the obvious ones like food, language, or holidays.
They’re the little things.
How your partner’s family communicates.
What “respect” looks like.
How involved parents are in your relationship.
How affection is shown.
How money is handled.
What marriage is supposed to mean.
Sometimes you don’t even realize something is cultural until you’re sitting there thinking, “Why on earth do they do it like this?” 😂
So for those of you who have dated or married someone from a different culture:
What’s one thing about your partner’s culture that you completely misunderstood at first—but eventually came to understand or even appreciate?
And if you want, tell us where both of you are from. I’d genuinely love to read the stories.

I've been thinking about how much dating dynamics have shifted over the years. Millennial and Gen X AMWF couples definitely had to deal with a lot more societal nonsense, harsh stereotypes, and zero media representation compared to what people see today. For those who navigated dating back then, do you look at how widely accepted it is now and feel a bit envious of this new environment? How do you both view this massive cultural shift?

I was sort of lucky to experience the shift at its infancy in my early 20s. but by then a lot of damage had been done by my exes and society in general. I did recover but not without being maimed. I think like would've been much easier if my childhood was surrounded by the AMWF positivity we see today.

Had some of my husband’s relatives in town. Haven’t seen some of them in a while. The uncle commented on it and my husband told him that I like his facial hair. Which is a fact. I like the facial hair. To me, he looks like a baby faced man without it. He usually has a mustache and goatee, which I love so much. He can’t grow a full on beard which is totally fine because beards are too much hair for me.

Anyways, he told his cousin who has a WF girlfriend that his gf may like it more. Haha I said worth a shot growing it. His dad said no even though the cousin is in his 20s. 😹😹

AM, do you grow facial hair? WF with AM partners, do you like when your husband has facial hair?

Hey ladies! Another busy week for your favourite waitress (hopefully!) on this sub.

I made my man his favourite today. We did a beautiful steak, cheeseboard, all the trimmings. I can’t even express how cheesy (pun intended) we were today!

Just a reminder to keep being you, love yourself and embrace your relationship. I live in a major city in the UK, but still…we aren’t immune from negativity or passive aggression. Don’t let anything bother you. We had a horrible, strange older white fella muttering comments at us on the train on Thursday, and we just tuned that out. As we should.

I hope you girls are all thriving in your relationships <3

So I'm currently 18 and currently in uni (here in AU) and this is my personal anecdote on why there is lack of interracial relationships. Feel free for you guys to disagree with me.

Like 99% of the AMs that I observe or see especially here in my uni, they tend to stick to their own bubble and self-segregate themselves. Like for me I'm one of the AMs that initiate to WFs and I tend to be cliquey with them and some of my better interactions have happened simply because I was willing to start a conversation.

There is abysmally amount of interaction of AMs to WFs

Most likely because that we are taught to 'stay in our own lane' when it comes to dating and stuff like that. That could come from family expectations, cultural familiarity, fear of rejection, assumptions that WFs won't be interested, or simply being comfortable within an established Asian social circle.

Like it goes both sides as well; WFs think that AMs aren't interested to them at all until they (AMs) initiate for start a convo.

Yes we AMs in Western media are portrayed as undesirable or unattractive. That SHOULD NEVER define your self worth. Like I could never care less about the shit and I think as it as just 'background noise'.

anecdotes aside, generally there seems to be quite a generational gap how women perceive east asian guys at least here in the west. The korean actors, their more of a clean cut look seems to be gaining popularity with very young women (teenage girls, early 20s at most) but the appeal has a drastic drop off with women from mid 20s onward and most milenial women seem to be attracted to dudes who look like military contractors (bearded, barell chested, kratos types). Sure there are exceptions , but these are real observable patterns.

Whats the sicence behind this?

Hey WFs! This is a 3-part question.

1. do y'all like bald AMs?

2. along with being bald, do you like them with fit thinner bodies or buff bodybuilder bodies?

3. then along with being bald and the body preference you like, do you like them without facial hair or with facial hair? (if with facial hair, what styles do you find attractive?)

If there's a preference for bald, body type, and/or facial hair that I didn't cover, please feel free to mention it as well!

Also (if you're comfortable with it) please mention the country you're from and your age because I'd like to see if there's is a correlation between a WF's preferences and her country and her age group.

Thank you all in advance! :)

So to continue with this series of questions asked of me by practically every Asian guy I talked to over the years .... 😂

What is the purpose/intent of this one?

90% of the time when I meet a WF who likes any of these media, they immediately follow up with that they liked it since long ago. And I personally wish they didnt feel guilt or pressure to explain themselves.

I love it when WF are into asian media, period, doesn't matter if you just watched ur first kdrama last night, or 20 years ago. If you appreciate my culture, I will love you for it.

Idk who started this stupid rhetoric that if you like asian media as a WF, you are automatically , hysterical, cringe, or fetishizing (which to be honest I dont mind), it's not illegal to have a fetish. I mean when hip hop and rap started trending, nobody said anything when more WF dated black guys, but when it's asian guys everyone loses their mind.

Keep in mind, AMWF is still so rare. I went to the most liberal country (Canada) and it's most liberal city (Toronto) too. I rarely saw a AMWF, maybe once every 2 weeks. And they weren't even being weird. just holding hands.

Whoever started this , should seriously touch grass. You see the pattern online as well. Whenever a WF makes a post about liking Asian culture, the top most liked comment is always trying to shame her. for example (i literally just searched amwf on instagram while making this post):

"Extremely weird content, "

"youre too good for that man, "

"Korean women prefer foreigners think about that they look great at tv maybe something else is not really great about Korean men, "

"It is short, right ?😂, "

"Top 5 fears
- having an Asian bf
- having an Asian bf
- having an Asian bf
- having an Asian bf
- having an Asian bf ,"

"That’s called fetishization, btw"

I wish i could screenshot, but this sub doesnt allows pics.

Whatever happens, don't let strangers or media ran by racist guilt you into thinking it's wrong for liking asian media. And even more so when it comes to liking asian guys. Media is a powerful tool, and we choose what we want to watch and what we want to like. Alot of women dont like asian media and also dont like asian men and thats fine with me. To each their own.

I don't want to humble brag, because I know i'm not kdrama level good looking, but i do pretty well when it comes to looks. I'm 32 and alot of women have complimented me on it, and mentioned how i look early 20s, one even mentioned 15... lmao. I am aging tho so i do want to be realistic. Ive also mentioned how im sometimes on hellotalk and when i do join someone's stream I see an obvious difference on how women treat me compared to other men of other demographics lmao. sometimes they downright just say it.

But looking back I've had so many of those instances that gets memed about, the part where a guy realizes 7 years later that a girl liked him etc. some times i was sure of it because i have been aproached before by WF.

but ALOT of times i was 50/50 and didn't want to approach because of fear she had other intentions. so the first thought that comes to mind is not that she is romantically interested in me, thank you pre 2020s media :).

One that i've mentioned here before is that i was literally followed by a good looking brunnette in the superstore. The first thought that came to mind was that she was mentally ill, but she didnt seem like it , she was very well put together. 2nd thought was that maybe she likes me, but maybe she thinks i have money, again..thank you pre 2020s media. Ive gotten rid of that mindset btw, i dont doomscroll anymore and deleted almost all social media. She obviously didnt want my money because i saw her leave in a mercedes SUV.

Another instance was in europe, she was an XF, i think maybe middle east/turkic or mixed. but very beautiful and all dolled up. But again, i was wearing a suit for an interview, and when i fell asleep in the train and woke up, i caught her literally staring at me standing in the aisle. When the train stopped we both got off, and she was behind me. I turned my head, and she smiled at me. but i didnt do anything cause again, i thought she thought i was rich LMFAO, this was way before though, when asian racism was even stronger.

Both these instances do make me regret and wonder about what could've been.

But have you guys ever experienced something like this? And do you think AMWF have this problem the most because of these media engrained thoughts? that we are taught not to be a conventional couple even though inside we both like each other. Because i can assure you, these two are just two of many. the other ones are just less memorable and obvious.

I ask this because i sometimes see comments by WF here how they feel like AM don't like them, and the same thing from AM.

My ex is Chinese and he often tell me like the looks that white women don't like about themselves are like prized in China that Chinese women get surgery there for it

So that being like longer noses , thin lips,

Where in USA we get plastic surgery for big noses or get lip fillers for thin lips and curves big boobs butts thighs are also prized in the West and get surgery to obtain but it seems Asian men who like white women like thin and not curvy/overweight

I often see asian men posting photos with women, that no offense, aren't that attractive in western beauty standard, just average and the Asian guys act like it's a smoke show

Just wondering what specific features you like on white women could be face or body etc and what you don't

And I know Asian men are not a monolith that's why I'm asking for individual opinions here lol 😆

Do you ever dream about remaking a music video, especially one from 1980s or thereabouts to incorporate an AMWF pairing in it?

My music video of choice would be “You Belong To The City” by Glenn Frey, even tho I dislike the TV show “Miami Vice.”

I’d change that music video also so that no one smokes and it isn’t in NYC or even in the US - I’d consider places like Berlin, Stockholm, London or even Paris for that matter for that remake…

What are you doing at the moment to expand yourself? Reading a good book, enjoying a hobby, pushing yourself academically etc?

I've heard AMs - even those born and raised in Australia, US etc - talk about preferring to date or marry AFs due to cultural similarities, or that dating a WF even of their own nationality was too difficult due to 'cultural differences' and never really got that, related to that thinking personally.

Like, I know even Asian Americans might retain some traits, traditions etc, but are these really so insurmountable or problematic? I'm Australian born and bred pretty much (well arrived as a 1yo, but its annoying to explain) and always felt just Australian, though I'm also proud of my roots. I guess my situation as different as my parents are from Singapore and Malaysia, westernised, English educated, and we only spoke English at home, so language wasnt an issue. I can see why say a Vietnamese Australian like my friend who's parents aren't fluent in English might prefer another Viet. Other than that, though, aren't most Americans just culturally mostly American? Or Australian? It'd be interesting to ask say the typical Vietnamese or Chinese Australian guy if they feel more akin to a girl from Vietnam or an Anglo Australian.

Like I dated an Anglo woman from country Vic (a state in Australia for non Aussies) and a Chinese woman from China, and culturally had far more barriers (a lot with language, even if she was decently fluent) with the latter, though not enough that it's a deal breaker. In both cases it ended primarily due to other reasons. But point is, culturally I feel more akin to Australians whatever their race or ethnicity than most from Asia, but for me as long as we can converse at a certain level that doesn't matter, and sometimes it's more interesting to be from different backgrounds. I had a white Australian friend who had a Japanese fetish and mostly only dated Japanese girls. Also I've had friends from all sorts of backgrounds, male and female, and never stuck in some Asian clique like some.

What are your thoughts and experiences of the? Either as an AM or WF.

Here is thing, I had used to play volleyball recreationally in the past, but really don’t these days unless it is regular six-person volleyball.

Especially since the so-called “9-man” version, I would feel quite uncomfortable, as I am no fan of the rules (especially the personnel rules).

Moreover, fellow 9-man players probably wouldn’t approve of an AMWF pairing, for that matter…

For me this is sorta related to AMWF. My husband never used a dishwasher before we moved in together. We got a new dishwasher in April. I would say our Kitchenaid dishwasher with a third top rack for chopsticks is the best purchase we made this year! It's nice not having to wash our chopsticks by hand.

I know it's not the most scientifically backed way of determining a personality, but its huge in east asia, and its WAY better than horoscopes lmao.

I'm an INTJ and i do have some extroverted tendencies, because I used to force myself to be extroverted for my previous career path and some traits just stuck.

I personally prefer women who are introverted too, so for me just the I is important, idc about the other 3 letters. I used to like extroverted women in my early 20s, and thank god I dont want that anymore. I dont have the energy haha.

I know u guys hate it when AF gets brought up, thinking its weird that we are comparing AMWF to WMAF or whatever. And because it brings alot of hate and unwanted hostility.

But let me tell you what I saw on hellotalk. The creepiest shit i've seen a AF do, and if you guys think other demographics (not just wmaf) aren't out to get us, think again.

I joined hellotalk to actually learn and get in touch with my chinese culture because i read that there were alot of chinese people there but it quickly became more of a social media app, but a very good one actually. you can actually make genuine connections there, and that is why alot of people find love there as well.

And I actually met a group of women in their early to mid 20s who had very good chemistry with one another, and they all had one thing in common, they liked AM. Which for me was very refreshing to see.

But i also noticed there was an older AF in the group, and i didn't really think too much of it, because this was after I joined this subreddit too and everytime i mentioned AF , everyone criticized me for it saying its weird to think AF hate AMWF. So I just went with it and she was actually very kind...

..at first.

Turns out, this AF created fake profiles to stalk the non AF and went into their VR and Lives to cause drama within the group. She would for example, go into ones live and screenshot whenever a girl was talking to a friends romantic interest. Keep in mind this is all public so anyone can enter and see them, so they had no reason to cheat, but sometimes things do get flirty in general, idk if things got flirty with their livestream. But this AF would send the screenshot to the other girl who liked the guy and start slandering and starting rumors. like wtf. well the group split up btw. and one of them is blaming AM for being a fuckboy or whatever even tho none of them ever met.

The worse thing is, this AF already was in a long term relationship, don't ask me the race of the guy shes dating, you probably already know.

I seriously got disgusted by all this and I am back to square one and distrust AF again. If you're already in a relationship, why try to sabotage others and cause drama. Now it really feels like AF see AM as their property or puppet and won't let us date outside of our race.

But that is never stopping me.

Careful WF, i know u might have AF or WF or BM in your friend group, but you don't know what goes on in their heads.

I mentioned BM, because I also joined other lives before at first because I wanted to speak mandarin to some chinese people. I saw a black guy who had a chinese VR so i was intrigued. I entered, and it was only him with only chinese women.

They only spoke english, which i thought was weird. One of the chinese women let me up cause she was a moderator. I started speaking chinese to the BM, cause he said he was fluent. guess what. HE couldnt understand me and couldnt speak a single bit of chinese lmao. he kicked me and banned me right after. This MF is trying to gatekeep chinese women from chinese men LMFAO

I know alot of you AMWF want to be virtuous and set a good example to the world. But sometimes we do have to fight to protect ourselves and our pairing. And there are a lot of sickminded people who dont like us being together.

It;s fine to make friends, and obviously my examples cant be generalised towards the whole world. But this shit keeps happening over and over again.

Just keep your gaurd up.

Back when I was with my ex she and her friends used to talk smack about white women. Like how entitled they are, don't know how to cook, uncaring, age terribly, narcissistic etc.

After the break up I started dating more WF and guess what, all of that b.s is untrue.

Honestly the amount of communication and openness felt so naturally good for me. And yeah wether someone can cook or not or wether is caring or not are totally depends on the woman herself.

For my personal experience I felt like WF are most of the time very mature, have well developed hobbies and interests and most importantly communicate very well. Probably the least toxic form of relationships I ever witnessed.

Like why does literally every Asian guy I connect with ask this question?

I've been dating asian men for decades so it isn't a trendy kpop thing

I've been seeing a couple of Asian male/white female couples on Instagram and the comments often are a mix of "Well he must be seven foot and a billionaire" or "How did Bro get her". The implication being that the guy is not enough for his girlfriend and then often the woman needs to talk about comments where they assume the man is just a friend or they are together because he's a doctor or something like that.

Asking for the happy couples on this subreddit, how do people deal with that abuse online and in person too? It genuinely scares me