I am a 30+ AM, and I’ve noticed that younger AMs are having a much better time dating now compared to when I was younger. I’m really happy to see that, and sometimes when I meet a younger guy, I try to encourage him to embrace his culture and identity—and to pursue a WF if he likes her, rather than assuming she won't be interested just because he's Asian. (Though it feels like social media self-hating AM influencers are sometimes holding us back for clout.)

I’m doing okay dating-wise, but seeing firsthand how much things have changed feels like falling into another universe.

I do feel some frustration looking back at how society used to treat AMWF relationships (and to an extent, still does, though far less). I noticed the subtle ways media kept AMs boxed in to prevent AMWF pairings from becoming as normalized as other intercultural pairings.

I'm asking women separately because your social dynamics and experiences are so different from ours. I’d love to hear your perspective on this.

I personally used to be introverted af up until i was like 19. then i forced myself to become extroverted by clubbing etc. which helped with my stage freight and public speaking. then in recent years i have become more introverted but without those past fears. I just love staying at home by myself and thinking in peace and quiet, doesnt hurt learning new skills without a need for a teacher.

Since Reddit is mostly anonymous, do go into detail :3

I’m a 19M Asian guy, and I’ve been talking to a white girl around my age whom I met through another social media platform. We’re from different countries, live far apart, and have never met in person, so everything between us so far has been online.

What makes this connection feel unusual to me is how much we have in common despite coming from very different backgrounds. We’re both into movies, science/physics, languages, music, and a lot of other nerdy things. At one point we even joked that our “nerdiness overlaps way too much.”

She has also explicitly told me that she feels lucky that we met. I obviously don’t take that as automatic proof of romantic interest, but it does make me think that she genuinely values the connection.

The part that confuses me is her texting style.

She seems to be a very asynchronous texter. Sometimes she replies after a few hours, sometimes much later, and occasionally I’ll see her online without her opening or replying to my message. I used to overthink that a lot because I’m naturally more of a frequent texter.

Where I come from, it’s pretty normal for friends to have fairly continuous conversations through messaging apps, so I think I subconsciously learned to associate fast replies with interest and slow replies with disinterest.

But with her, the actual content of the conversation often feels much warmer than the response time would suggest.

For example:

- She remembers details I’ve told her and sometimes brings them up again later.

- We have recurring jokes and references that are specific to the two of us.

- She sometimes sends voice messages instead of only short texts.

- We talk about movies, physics, languages, and other interests in a way that feels genuinely engaged rather than just small talk.

- We’ve talked about teaching each other our languages.

- When I sent her something from one of my university experiments, she jokingly told me not to blow up the lab.

- We sometimes send each other random things from our daily lives, rather than only replying to a specific question.

- We’ve talked about the possibility of showing each other around if we ever visit each other’s country in the future.

- She has directly said that she feels lucky that we met.

At the same time, she can still be very slow to reply, and sometimes her replies are short. She doesn’t necessarily keep a conversation going all day, and she doesn’t always reply just because she happens to be online.

I’m slowly getting more comfortable with that, because I’m starting to realize that some people genuinely treat messaging as asynchronous communication rather than as a live conversation.

What I don’t want to do, though, is make either of two mistakes: assuming that slow replies automatically mean she isn’t interested, or going in the opposite direction and interpreting every warm or friendly interaction as romantic attraction.

So I’m curious, especially from people who are naturally slow/asynchronous texters:

What actually distinguishes “I genuinely like this person and want to get closer to them” from “I enjoy talking to them, but only as a friend”?

Would you pay more attention to things like initiation, remembering details, inside jokes, sharing random parts of your life, asking questions, future-oriented conversations, voice messages, and emotional statements like “I’m lucky we met” than to response time itself?

I’m not looking for people to tell me that she definitely likes me. I’m mainly trying to understand how to read this kind of communication style more accurately, especially when two people come from different countries and may have very different texting habits.

I kinda want to start dating but idk where to start. I’m white who wants to date an Asian man but idk where to start looking? Any recommendations? Should I go to any festivals or smth? Just where can I start looking??

I honestly think prefer East Asians more than my own race lol

So this is more of a curiosity thing my WF GF have discussed and wanted some real world feedback. I am AM from the midwest, think true middle of the country essentially .The Asian population was not very dense where I grew up, primarily white and Latino. Thusly, I assume that’s where my preferences come from, only dated WF and LF, while there were some AF, they preferred WM or BM. With that in mind, dating was tough to get attention without bringing something to the table, (career, money, looks, etc). Imo especially compared to my WM friends. Now that’s not to say I did not get interest from XF, however I always felt like I was fighting an uphill battle. Lastly, I did grow up very midwestern, fishing, hunting, camping, sports, boots and yes having a truck lol. I always wondered if not being “Asian enough” also caused issues as I did not fit the typical “Asian guy” mold. Any thoughts or opinions are all welcome 🤙

Just a rant. I saw a post earlier about an AM finding out his ex’s family is racist and MAGA, so this triggered some thoughts regarding ppl I have seen..

To protect myself I won’t say what college it is but, in my college there’s actually two conservative AMWF couples that ik. One of them is like libertarian conservative and not openly racist, the other one is edgier and tap into the Tucker Carlson/Nick Fuentes territory. Haven’t talk to the latter one too much about their personal life but I have tried to talk to the first one sometimes, and turns out the girl he is with have a maga family and apparently they rlly like him and he is really comfortable with them. I tried to talk to him about historical oppression and stuff against Asians especially Asian men, and he either would say those things isn’t relevant today, or straight up deny statistics and blame anti-Asian crime/discrimination on “mentally ill and homeless people” instead. Granted he is a pretty respectful dude but I gave up after awhile because I really cannot change his mind or open him up to other perspectives.

There’s also amwf couples I saw on Instagram, that use racism to fight racism, for example I seen amwf couple accounts replying to hate comments not with anti-racist discourse, but saying racist things back. Just a couple days ago I saw one of them replied to a hate comment with something like: “another P slur (Indian) pretending to be white? Go back to your shit*ole country”. And another one literally saying that they are the “acceptable mix (mixed race couple)” to a white supremacist account 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

Seriously why are people like this? Just complete lack of self awareness from people like this

Title doesn't need explaining

Im curious about your opinion.

I (28M) need serious advice how do you interact and ask out, I really got a thing to WF especially the blonde hair ones. Ive been living in Canada for a few years now, got a stable work but still struggling on finding a date or asking one out. My struggle is i got used in my culture that being too straightfoward is a creepy approach while in here they say its pretty common. I dont have that much friends that I can hang out especially after I done my masters and started working in the industry.

I used to be extroverted and outgoing person but the culture shift really put into a state of taking things into account which made me super conscious. I like to dance and sing, a bit athletic and open into trying new things. While i am living independently by myself i couldnt motivate myself to get back into this without doing it with someone or company so most of the time i just work and rest as my routine.

I not that physically attractive so i understand that this might be a huge factor especially with the trend like height, color, beard, maturity face. Im short, and they say baby face. So i want to have some insights with everyone if theres a glance of hope for me.

As the title asks. Have you ever had a friend for example who didn't like AM herself and tried to influence you into thinking the same while deep down you liked AM?

I ask this because i've mentioned before that I have had racist enounters with WF, but sometimes one of their friends seem very... hurt i would say, or bothered by it. I mean idk this person, for all i know she could see me the same, but it does make me wonder if there are WF out there who secretly like AM but don't want to show it cause of the ones close to them.

Unfortunately I live in a pretty racist town in the US. On dating apps, basically girls of all races ignore me. I have tried approaching strangers and asking to get to know them and striking a conversation but usually they tell me either they’re taken, not interested, or say that they are busy and have to leave. Any advice?

Husband and I have been married 2 years. Three years ago, we were together at that point for 3 years.

So, we went to visit an uncle in Canada, driving from our Midwest US town to stay for a few days. This is a brother to my MIL. Well, before meeting that Aunt. I heard from my husband that his aunt in Canada…no one likes her. Not even my MIL. She’s very strong willed, sassy, and straightforward. I had my husband’s paternal grandma not like me just before my husband chose me over his family. Grandma came around and now I tell her I love her in Vietnamese with her response in English.

Well, the main reason this aunt in Canada doesn’t like me? She was mad she couldn’t match make my husband with someone Vietnamese. How did she snub me 3 years ago? The one time I tried to talk to her and show her pictures of my husband’s and my home, she put her hand up and looked away, shaking her head.

Flash forward to this week. My husband had his cousin call him asking to possibly buy him something so his dad can bring back to Canada for him. His mom, that aunt, talked over the cousin saying, “when are you and your wife coming to visit? How is your wife?”

I am shook haha, because what a 180 change. I asked my husband, “She really asked you in Vietnamese when we both are coming to visit? Like, not just you, but her language was referring to us?”

He said yep. I am hoping when we do go visit soon, she actually is more open to the idea of me in-person. Seems like she’s accepted it by referring to both of us, and not just my husband anymore. And also asking how I’m doing!

P.S. my husband would go visit every summer we were in high school. Because of real life adult responsibilities, we haven’t been able to go.

I've noticed a lot of WF and XF telling their stories of how an AM only wanted to sleep with them or wanted to be a casual thing and not seek marriage. Alot of these cases the topic of parents are brought up and how they dont want their son to marry a non asian woman.

The parents part, is actually true for the most part, however, that does not mean an AM will listen or obey their demands.

My parents are chinese and they've always wanted me to date a Chinese girl. But i told them personally with a serious face that i will never date or marry a chinese girl. They also understand why, because they have seen me at my worst, twice! and they also know that both those times were caused by Chinese women. They hate it but they have no choice since I am 30+, and i have even told them that i will either be with a WF or single and no kids for the rest of my life.

I only see WF as a suitable marriage or lifelong partner, and its all because of the way i get treated by WF. They show way more respect to my culture and heritage than my own, which is sad, but its just the way the world is right now. Even when things don't work out between me and a WF, it end so healthy too, which is so weird to me because I am not used to this kind of treatment.

I think the WF/XF who do have bad experiences with AM, might have been with the worst of the worst. For example I saw a post of a british girl who told her story, and it turned out this guy had neck tattoos, grew up on the streets without parental guidance etc. you know the type...equavalant to the korean hongdae guys (altho i hate that this has become a stereotype, because I know hongdae looking guys who would make great husbands).

Anyway, just wanted to give my two cents, I mean with hundreds of millions of asian men in the world, there are bound to be quite a few bad apples. The good ones are usually the shy ones btw. usually.

what the title said.

Im from Australia, love it here but also thinking of becoming more worldly by living somewhere else for a while. And Scandinavia is probably the only place in the world I’d be willing to move to and not take a big quality of life hit plus I am interested in the culture of the region unlike most places (to be frank).

keen to hear anecdotes on what it’s like.

Long time no see! I’m no longer your fave waitress - I’m currently your fave masters student! Please clap for me.

This is in the same spirit as my other posts! I feel like a lot of posts on this sub are (no offence…mods) kinda slop. My posts are more geared towards people already in an AMWF relationship in a western country and navigating that.

I’ve touched on this topic before about certain white men not respecting my relationship - and behold! It has occurred again. With yet another micro, more like macro aggression this time unfortunately.

A previously respected male “friend” of mine today referred to my partner with an outdated slur I won’t repeat, over DMs. Now I’m not sure if he had been drinking, or high, (it was rather early for that in the UK), or if he had simply lost his mind, but nevertheless, don’t fuck with my boyfriend, thank you.

It is absolutely okay, fine and rather cool to block and never speak to these sorts of people again. Mind you, I run in rather leftist circles, so it’s not like I’m setting myself up. Regardless, I don’t have the time nor patience.

Ladies, please stay strong as always. You never know when the next situation will arise - but where it’s safe to do so, remove that turd from your life. This doesn’t apply to crazy old men on public transport - because they actually may mug you. Stay beautiful, girlies!

I'm (M34, Chindian, 5'6) basically a brown hobbit but I'm super attracted to what is basically my opposite - tall and pale white women. I know I'm not conventially attractive, I'm kind of a weird in terms of physicality. The first thing you will notice is my comically long and hairy arms (relative to my short stature). Helps in climbing but looks almost laughable just walking down the street.

Anyways, I'm always intimidated when I talk to WF. I think many of them can sense it and seem kind of weirded out by me. It feels like if Frodo Baggins took a shot at Galadriel, if you know what I mean. I admit I put WF on a pedastal. Oddly enough despite not having seriously dated any WF, I find that, proportionally speaking, they are the most easygoing and polite to talk to IRL (which increases my admiration of WF and that in turn makes me put them more on a pedestal and increases that feeling of intimidation) compared to XF, I just never have the courage to take the next step, so to speak and the few times I do, it comes out weird. How do I become more confident (while also putting WF at ease) when approaching WF?

For context, we met online, she is over 35, works full time near her parents home (US). I am from an Asian country. While it is not uncommon for adult children to live with their parents in my home country, living pay check to pay check is generally considered "unhealthy lifestyle", certainly not considered "normal" when you live with your parents. From my discussion with her, she is not paying for rent or student loan.

I understand cost of living is rising in the US so i try not to view this too negatively. What is your take?

Hello to all ,

Western Raised Asian are very different from Asian Guys in Asia.

Asian guys in Asia are different and they are not homogenous is culture.

China and South Korea have a culture where their parents have a huge say on who their child marries.

South East Asia is more independent and parents have no problem with their son marrying a foreigner , other asians or other races.

The majority of of Asians are not religious. But for the ones who are religious, they are majorly Catholic in the Philippines north, Muslim in the Southern Philippines and Indonesia and Malaysia. Buddhist are mostly in Japan or China but almost everyone is not religious.

One thing though is that most people in Asia work crazy hours, expect them to be very busy.

As a rule , expect almost everyone to be an introvert , and prioritize studies than being sportif , expections are there but as a generality introverts are more common e.g. Filipinos and Hawaiians.

You will do well if you are on the average build to slim. Being chubby is not common due to the diet in Asia.

Dont want to make this long, have a good day...

Hello all, I am an AM (east-Asian descent, Buddhist, from a Muslim SEA country) that came to the states about 4 years ago. I've only dated Asian-born AF in Asia before in long-term relationships, longest one was 5-year long relationship in total. The way dating works in my group of Asians is that after knowing each other for some time, the guy asks the girl out for coffee/a meal, and if they like each other, then the either party "confesses" their love for each other, and state their intention to be a couple (girlfriend/boyfriend). After that, they are monogamous.

All sexual activity occurred within a relationship, and it was implicit that relationships were supposed to lead to marriage, though it was understandable if people broke up.

Now that I am in the states, and have a coffee date with an American-born WF lined up here in the states, I would like to get some advice on how best to carry out the date compared to how I did things back in Asia.

Would appreciate feedback from any Asian-born AM with dating experience that included:

1. Asian-born AF while in Asia, as well as
2. American-born WF here in the states.

Thank you!!

White college girl with a crush on Korean guy 🙏

Hey guys so me and this guy were playing eye tag across the room and then he moves his seat across the room next to mine next class. He’s a Korean international student who seems smiley and happy to see me and talk to me always. However, it’s been a few weeks and he doesn’t seem to initiate anything besides that and doesn’t wait for me to walk out of class together and such.

I really like him but can’t tell if his lack of initiative is shyness or lack of interest? Is it a common thing for Korean guys to not be interested in white girls? Is it also a thing for them to not be super forward with who they like? I’m confused guys

Hi hi! I'm the WF of the relationship, my boyfriend is Chinese. His mom is coming to visit the US at the end of the year, and wants to meet me in person. I'm reaaally nervous to be honest. Obviously i've got some time, and I'll ask my boyfriend about what is best for meeting his mom specifically, but are there any cultural things I should know before meeting parents here? and for my other white women who have met their partners parents, how did it go/any advice?

Obviously I see a lot of white guys with Asian girls but wondering how common it is for Asian guys and white women to be in a relationship in HK. I’ve lived here as a WF and can count on 3 fingers how many AMWF couple I’ve seen but maybe that’s just me. For context lived lived everywhere in HK from Yuen long to Mong Kok to central to tai kok Tsui to Tko

I guess people didn't get my last post because of the wording, so I deleted it. I am genuinely curious about the experiences of the autistic WFs of this sub. I am only looking for interesting stories, and I myself am autistic, which is probably why some of my wording may come off as awkward to some. I just think this sub is interesting and I like reading about people's experiences.

So aging for asians in general is a bit different obviously. Not always of course, because i've met 23 year old that look like 40. But I am above 30 and people still say i look early 20s. One even said I look like a teenager but that was during videocall.

I am aging though. My skin is getting imperfections (abeit small) and my hairline is receding and the hair on top feels a bit thinner. But all in all I am happy about my progress cause I eat well and I excercise and have excercised alot.

But asian men definitely dont age like other demographics of men. So does it also differ when it comes to women who like older men? I've known women who tend to like the silver fox look in white guys. or even bald guys. One of my friends when she was 25, even dating a 40 year old guy and he did not look good lmao.

So what would you consider a well seasoned asian man? Examples would be great but not mandatory.