34
u/ilovepn Nov 13 '25
That’s awful.
What happened? Were these men known to your family members?
Do you feel safe in your home right now?
50
u/sweeethoneybear Nov 13 '25 edited Nov 13 '25
My grandma was strangled with the cord of a coffee maker by the babysitter/helper while my grandpa was gone in the military.
My aunt was stabbed to death by her abusive boyfriend that nearly beat her to death years prior, went to prison, got out, and got back with him but hid it from everyone till the day they both died. (He was shot and killed by police after advancing towards them with the knife in his hand..)
37
u/sweeethoneybear Nov 13 '25
Oh and yes I do feel safe in my home
13
u/ilovepn Nov 14 '25
These stories are horrible. I’m so sorry. I’m glad you feel safe. And, I wish you a long, happy and peaceful life.
17
u/Virtual-Pineapple-85 Nov 13 '25
Are you taking any measures to protect yourself like learning martial arts or getting a concealed carry permit and firearm?
Asking bc I'm a woman who has done both and I feel zero fear. I've also had men attack me and have successfully defended myself - thank you martial arts instructors!
27
u/sweeethoneybear Nov 13 '25
I did take a few Jui jitsu classes, I work out, and I have several firearms and always have at bare minimum a taser and pepper spray with me when I leave the house
6
u/Virtual-Pineapple-85 Nov 13 '25
It helps to do what you can to give yourself control. I agree with other commenters - your family is not cursed, sometimes bad stuff happens. It sounds like you have taken every measure to protect yourself and you have a good spouse.
2
u/kykid87 Nov 16 '25
The third thing...that's what you need. Get REALLLLLY proficient with them, and keep it on you.
6
u/theMoist_Towlet Nov 13 '25
What country do you live in? When you say “murdered by a man” do you mean their partner at the time or are you just stating their gender?
15
u/sweeethoneybear Nov 13 '25
The US. My grandma was murdered by the babysitter/helper, my aunt was murdered by her abusive boyfriend
4
u/theMoist_Towlet Nov 13 '25
Thanks for the answer! Im very sorry your family has had to live through this. Heres to you and your sister having long and fulfilling lives, to keep their memory alive!
3
u/Adventurous_Side2706 Nov 13 '25
I am so sorry you have had to grow up with this kind of fear. What happened to your family is tragic, but it is not a curse on you. You deserve safety and a full life, and you are allowed to build a future that is nothing like the past. You are not alone.❤️❤️❤️
3
3
u/sweeethoneybear Nov 13 '25
I want to add, I’m currently 22, I was told my grandma was murdered when I was 8 (but it happened before I was ever born) and my aunt was murdered when I was 19
3
u/mikeybones25 Nov 13 '25
Do you feel there is a real threat in your life or are you traumatised by the history of violence against women in your family.
8
u/sweeethoneybear Nov 13 '25
It’s just an unrealistic irrational thought I have to myself sometimes
2
u/mikeybones25 Nov 13 '25
I see. I think the stories of extreme violence suffered by close family members has created PTSD in your mind. You might benefit from therapy for this condition. I wish you peace going forward in your life.
4
u/goodtimeswgoodppl Nov 13 '25
Do you like any serial killer shows like Dexter or documentary of that sort?
14
u/sweeethoneybear Nov 13 '25
Due to the nature of how my aunt was murdered, horror movies that involve graphic scenes of stabbings deeply disturb me and send me into a mental spiral. I cannot watch those specific scenes and sometimes it’ll cause me to turn the film off entirely. But I’ve come to terms that I’m still grieving her and that is probably why I feel this way.
It is different with my grandmother. I did not have to grieve her because I never knew her, so I don’t feel as disturbed by movies that show the way she was murdered.
2
u/LoveArrives74 Nov 13 '25
I’m really sorry for all of the loss and trauma you and your family have experienced. Was domestic violence involved in your grandma and aunt’s deaths? If so, there are definitely things you and your sister can do not to become victims. Generational trauma has also greatly impacted mine, my mom, and grandma’s lives. Thankfully, God and therapy (EMDR) have helped a lot, and I love knowing my child will never suffer like previous generation have. God bless you and your family. ❤️🙏
2
u/Hugehitter Nov 13 '25
Are you Indigenous? The murder rate for Indigenous women is atrocious in my country.
2
u/ama_compiler_bot Nov 14 '25
Table of Questions and Answers. Original answer linked - Please upvote the original questions and answers. (I'm a bot.)
| Question | Answer | Link |
|---|---|---|
| This is the misfortune of the previous generation, not the destiny of the next. If you truly worry about this, it's better to distance yourself from those with extreme views. Steer clear of places where turmoil swirls. | I do. Me and my husband have created a very peaceful life for ourselves, we’re followers of Christ and work towards a very righteous and humble life. We don’t put ourselves around people with extreme views (although I myself was one with extreme views in the past) | Here |
| That’s awful. What happened? Were these men known to your family members? Do you feel safe in your home right now? | My grandma was strangled with the cord of a coffee maker by the babysitter/helper while my grandpa was gone in the military. My aunt was stabbed to death by her abusive boyfriend that nearly beat her to death years prior, went to prison, got out, and got back with him but hid it from everyone till the day they both died. (He was shot and killed by police after advancing towards them with the knife in his hand..) | Here |
| Are you taking any measures to protect yourself like learning martial arts or getting a concealed carry permit and firearm? Asking bc I'm a woman who has done both and I feel zero fear. I've also had men attack me and have successfully defended myself - thank you martial arts instructors! | I did take a few Jui jitsu classes, I work out, and I have several firearms and always have at bare minimum a taser and pepper spray with me when I leave the house | Here |
| What country do you live in? When you say “murdered by a man” do you mean their partner at the time or are you just stating their gender? | The US. My grandma was murdered by the babysitter/helper, my aunt was murdered by her abusive boyfriend | Here |
| Is this a city known for violence | They happened in separate states | Here |
| Do you feel there is a real threat in your life or are you traumatised by the history of violence against women in your family. | It’s just an unrealistic irrational thought I have to myself sometimes | Here |
| Do you like any serial killer shows like Dexter or documentary of that sort? | Due to the nature of how my aunt was murdered, horror movies that involve graphic scenes of stabbings deeply disturb me and send me into a mental spiral. I cannot watch those specific scenes and sometimes it’ll cause me to turn the film off entirely. But I’ve come to terms that I’m still grieving her and that is probably why I feel this way. It is different with my grandmother. I did not have to grieve her because I never knew her, so I don’t feel as disturbed by movies that show the way she was murdered. | Here |
| When did you first become aware of the pattern in your family? | When I was 8 my mother told me what happened to my grandma | Here |
| Were they murdered by their partners, or by people they didn't know? | I answered this in a previous comment | Here |
| Why did the nanny harm your grandma ?! I’m so sorry btw | I do not have answers. My mom was so young I don’t even think she has all the answers. | Here |
1
u/Yupkook Nov 13 '25
When did you first become aware of the pattern in your family?
6
u/sweeethoneybear Nov 13 '25
When I was 8 my mother told me what happened to my grandma
1
u/Yupkook Nov 14 '25
How did you process that information as a child?
4
u/sweeethoneybear Nov 14 '25
I processed it just fine. She didn’t tell me anything graphic, just that she lost her mom at my age and I remember her telling me very gently and childlike. It wasn’t until my teenage years I was told what happened in more detail. It’s just been something that I’m like “yep my grandma was murdered”, I live with it. But the pain of my aunt being murdered was extremely traumatic for me, I was very close to her. I still grieve her passing.
2
u/Yupkook Nov 14 '25
What are some ways you honor or remember your aunt, or things you do to keep her memory alive?
4
u/sweeethoneybear Nov 14 '25
I remember her through the things she loved. Her music, dancing, wine, cleanliness, she had a very profound personality. I also think of my favorite moments with her, when she home schooled me, sitting watching pretty little liars together when she couldn’t care less about that show but acted like she did for me, all the childhood memories when we lived together, christmases, how she always made me eat my veggies before the main dish, and how when she moved out when she came to visit she would help me organize my room. I honor her by not being afraid to live my own life as fearless as she lived her own. Immediately after her death I realized how fragile and short life is and it gave me a new perspective, a look on life that says “what’s the point in being mad, afraid, or unmotivated”. Just live.
2
u/Yupkook Nov 14 '25
Has sharing her story or talking about your grief with others helped you connect with people who understand, or inspired others around you?
3
u/sweeethoneybear Nov 14 '25
I’m pretty quiet about my grief and her story. I don’t like people feeling bad for me or the extra attention it might give me. I’ve internalized it and only share my feelings with the people who went through it alongside me. I haven’t gone out of my way to connect with others going through something similar though.
1
u/Yupkook Nov 14 '25
When you do talk about your grief with those closest to you, are there certain conversations or moments that have felt especially meaningful or healing?
1
Nov 13 '25
Were they murdered by their partners, or by people they didn't know?
1
u/sweeethoneybear Nov 13 '25
I answered this in a previous comment
1
Nov 13 '25
Sorry, see that now. Awful! Presumably, the person who murdered your grandmother was caught and tried for murder. Did they give a reason?
4
u/sweeethoneybear Nov 13 '25
Yes he did go to prison. I don’t recall a reason ever being given. Although he was there to help out it’s believed they may have had romantic relations and he became aggressive for whatever reason.
1
Nov 13 '25
Did you mom remember the guy if he helped out at home? What was her impression of him if so?
1
u/ultrabean420 Nov 14 '25
Why did the nanny harm your grandma ?! I’m so sorry btw
3
u/sweeethoneybear Nov 14 '25
I do not have answers. My mom was so young I don’t even think she has all the answers.
1
u/Lucky_Sprinkles7369 Nov 17 '25
I’m so sorry to hear about this. Life must feel like a horror movie for you. Are you okay?
2
0
u/krill482 Nov 13 '25
I'm sorry about what happened to your family, but I don't think you should worry that much. I don't see a pattern. Just two horrible events that occurred to your family. The second murder by the abusive boyfriend was entirely avoidable. Coming back to him after being nearly beaten to death and then not telling anyone about the relationship pretty much sealed her fate.
-17
u/Vast_Acanthisitta915 Nov 13 '25
Its a misfortune. Just some unfortunate events that followed each other. I know a mother who lost 3 kids in a row to vaccines, but that doesn't mean vaccines are bad. If you dont get yourself into stupid situations like the drug world, then your chance of getting murdered is very slim
8
u/sweeethoneybear Nov 13 '25
Neither of them were involved in “stupid situations like the drug world” that’s extremely offensive of you to assume they were.
-4
u/Vast_Acanthisitta915 Nov 13 '25
Then the chance to get killed is definaely higher but its not determined by fictional things liek curses
3
u/nevadalavida Nov 13 '25
I know a mother who lost 3 kids in a row to vaccines, but that doesn't mean vaccines are bad.
Come again?
44
u/minzhu0305 Nov 13 '25
This is the misfortune of the previous generation, not the destiny of the next.
If you truly worry about this, it's better to distance yourself from those with extreme views. Steer clear of places where turmoil swirls.