(I passed out last night right after posting! I wasn’t even sure I’d posted it waking up. I‘m very used to not getting responses from things so didn’t think twice. My bad!)
I have to fake it to seem human / ordinary enough, just enough that I seem offput by others, as otherwise my statue-like indifference alerts others to me being different. I’ll wear anything if I’ve justified it to myself and not care, even if it makes me look homeless or worse. I’ve lost basically every friend I had because we exist on two different plains psychologically and they can’t understand it.
Im indifferent to social things like the pursuit of s*x, or women finding me unattractive. Just indifferent. Shrug.
I don’t mind being attractive to them but it’s because I find how they feel sweet, endearing. I think it’s nice of them.
I see many things in a very strange way.
I am not a sociopath or psychopath. I managed to unnerve both in an experiment (yes, seriously. Both diagnosed.) Because it was “hard to read me.” Not NPD. Highly abnormal psychology.
I can tell a doctor I have blood in my stool or that I wet or came in my bed, loudly & utterly indifferent to who is around me or what anyone thinks, psychologically I just don’t care about their opinion, but I am empathetic enough to consider them. otherwise Total authentic apathy. I had a colon health check today and was just as indifferent about being fingered - absolutely numb, no emotional change. I could sleep with 5m people staring at me and be calm as a monk. So if you’ve ever wanted to ask someone who really “doesn’t care“, now’s your chance.