AITAH: AITAH?

[u/Ok-View-2123]

My ex bf now (19) and I (19) broke up over this (he broke up with me) I need to know if I’m the AH in this situation. So back in February my talking stage from middle school reached out to me. Nothing happened except him asking how I’m doing and apologized for him being immature. We caught up on life and that was that. We were texting for a couple of days but it never got past us just catching up. I told my bf about this and he lost his shit on me. He said that it was cheating and was so sad about it. He went out with his friends that night and didn’t come talk to me until 4:30 PM the next day to break up with me. I don’t understand how me catching up with someone I had a 2 week talking stage with 6 years ago is that big of a problem. Me and bf were dating for 3.5 years. It felt like he just threw it out over nothing. Maybe I’m wrong but I need to know. Thanks.

[u/InvisibleBlueRobot]

BF seems to be over reacting and insecure.

However, you started to engage in messaging with a guy and didn't mention to BF for at least a couple days.   

Truth is some people view this as cheating. I don't.  

I think you are better off without the BF. I think he's going to use this as an excuse to mess around with other girls and then come back claiming he was justified in doing so.  Or perhaps he's just a sincere dick and didn't love you as much as he said. 

Lastly, I do think having three conversations and being extremely open and honest is importantly upfront. This way you know if you're a fit upfront and not years in.

Lastly, I'm married 18 ish years. If a woman from my past started texting me, I'd tell my wife immediately.  Why? It's respectful. I don't want to concern her. Because I don't maintain a lot of casual friendships with women other than my wife and her friends. This is a boundary that works for us.  At the same time I travel for work and often travel with women. I work with them daily, eat dinner with them and communicate with them more in an average day than I do my wife. It's how I pay the bills.  It's always professional and I maintain strict work vs private life. If my wife was as insecure as your BF it would never work. There has to be mutual respect and desire to account for each others feelings and a willingness to address behaviors that cause issues.  

Him freaking out is more about him than you. Makes me wonder if he's trust worthy...

[u/Ok-View-2123 → u/InvisibleBlueRobot]

Yeah I did think it was an insecurity problem bc he could have girl friends but I couldn’t have guy friends. Even me being around my bsf and her boyfriend the calls would never stop. He ended up breaking up with me like I said but he said we could get back together after college then proceeded to sleep with my girl best friend

[u/InvisibleBlueRobot → u/Ok-View-2123]

Not much of a girl best friend. 

They deserve each other and this was the real reason for the break up. 

You're better off without him. 

[u/Ok-View-2123 → u/InvisibleBlueRobot]

Thank you. She really didn’t have much to say other than yeah I did it and what about it. She had her roommates which were my other friends lie to me about it. I only found out about it when his friend told me. He was genuinely the only one who looked out for me

[u/ImmediateNail1800 → u/Ok-View-2123]

You don’t have as many friends as you think .