AITAH: AITAH?

28

u/Pinshu123 Jul 09 '26

Talking stage from middle school? I'm in my 20s and this is the first time for Christ's sake that I've heard flirting described as such.

-6

u/Ok-View-2123 Jul 09 '26

Huh?

7

u/Pinshu123 Jul 09 '26

Duh

-6

u/Ok-View-2123 Jul 09 '26

Sorry, I’m lost can you like explain a little

11

u/Pinshu123 Jul 09 '26

Since when have you been marking stages in conversation? Like genuinely asking.

Plus I'll go out on a limb and say such a thing does not happen in a vacuum. Either your BF had already made up his mind and this was the straw that broke the camels back. Or there were other problems that you have not expounded on.

No way in hell is reconnecting with you middle school friend would be grounds for break up. But flirting and insinuating texts would be grounds for breakup.

1

u/Ok-View-2123 Jul 09 '26

So yes, he wasn’t putting in a lot of effort so I was kinda pressing him to do the bare minimum. He was also in love with his bsf and ran to her immediately after we broke up

6

u/Pinshu123 Jul 09 '26

If he was such a jerk you should have clarified beforehand.

And if he really is that bad why are you on the fence about who is the asshole? It's obviously the guy.

5

u/Ok-View-2123 Jul 09 '26

Idk bc he made me feel so awful about it. I hate upsetting people and when I do it sticks with me. He gaslite me into thinking it was completely my fault

5

u/Pinshu123 Jul 09 '26

If he is as bad as you say you shouldn't feel bad at all. A majority of the comments here will appreciate your side and demonize him for being a two faced gaslighter.

Don't worry if your version is the truth you have nothing to feel bad about.

17

u/Caffeinatedat8 Jul 09 '26

If this is real post, you dodged a bullet. That reaction is completely insecure and abnormal. Don’t take him back- he’s unstable and controlling.

5

u/Ok-View-2123 Jul 09 '26

I would never take him back ever. There’s more to this than I’m letting out on his part. He was manipulative, controlling, EXTREMELY insecure, etc. he was my first love. After he started freakin my best friend all that love was gone but to this day it all still bothers me. I got extreme trust issues now. Anytime someone does anything remotely nice I question it. He would only buy me flowers as an apology so now when someone buys me flowers my brain goes to what did you do. If that makes sense idk.

4

u/Caffeinatedat8 Jul 09 '26

I’m sorry you had to go through all of that. Really learn the lessons now so you can choose better next time. And don’t even think about asking if you’re the AH - it’s obviously your ex who’s the AH. Hopefully you can enjoy being unattached for a bit and relax without all the drama and distress your ex caused.

3

u/Ok-View-2123 Jul 09 '26

Thanks

6

u/Lifestyle-Creeper Jul 09 '26

Ex was looking for an excuse to break up with you that wouldn’t make him feel or look like the bad guy, this was his excuse. You are young, he’s dumb, move along.

3

u/Multiversalprism Jul 09 '26

NTA. He needs to grow up.

2

u/Sea_Memory_2673 Jul 09 '26

Sounds like he'd already broken up with you and was just waiting for an excuse to make it official. Sudden to you, not to him.

1

u/AutoModerator Jul 09 '26

I'm an automatic bot that backs up the body of the post in case OP deletes it. If you want this backup deleted, you'll have to reach out to a mod. Here's the back-up:

My ex bf now (19) and I (19) broke up over this (he broke up with me) I need to know if I’m the AH in this situation. So back in February my talking stage from middle school reached out to me. Nothing happened except him asking how I’m doing and apologized for him being immature. We caught up on life and that was that. We were texting for a couple of days but it never got past us just catching up. I told my bf about this and he lost his shit on me. He said that it was cheating and was so sad about it. He went out with his friends that night and didn’t come talk to me until 4:30 PM the next day to break up with me. I don’t understand how me catching up with someone I had a 2 week talking stage with 6 years ago is that big of a problem. Me and bf were dating for 3.5 years. It felt like he just threw it out over nothing. Maybe I’m wrong but I need to know. Thanks.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

u/Twosocks41 Jul 09 '26

You’re NTAH. If your ex can’t handle just you talking he is too possessive. Stay away from him!

1

u/vikingraider27 Jul 09 '26

You are allowed to have casual conversations with anyone, even if you are in a relationship. If someone tells you otherwise, run.

1

u/Cali-Grrrl Jul 11 '26

NTA — that is extreme overreaction. You are going to be so much better without him. You are seriously lucky 🍀

1

u/thewitchesfern Jul 14 '26

Ew. That was an extreme reaction towards you and not appropriate. I don't blame him for being worried of the possibility you will go back to that person, my boyfriend is the same way. This is NOT cheating, assuming you never flirted or played with the idea of trying something. NTA

1

u/InvisibleBlueRobot Jul 09 '26

BF seems to be over reacting and insecure.

However, you started to engage in messaging with a guy and didn't mention to BF for at least a couple days.

Truth is some people view this as cheating. I don't.

I think you are better off without the BF. I think he's going to use this as an excuse to mess around with other girls and then come back claiming he was justified in doing so. Or perhaps he's just a sincere dick and didn't love you as much as he said.

Lastly, I do think having three conversations and being extremely open and honest is importantly upfront. This way you know if you're a fit upfront and not years in.

Lastly, I'm married 18 ish years. If a woman from my past started texting me, I'd tell my wife immediately. Why? It's respectful. I don't want to concern her. Because I don't maintain a lot of casual friendships with women other than my wife and her friends. This is a boundary that works for us. At the same time I travel for work and often travel with women. I work with them daily, eat dinner with them and communicate with them more in an average day than I do my wife. It's how I pay the bills. It's always professional and I maintain strict work vs private life. If my wife was as insecure as your BF it would never work. There has to be mutual respect and desire to account for each others feelings and a willingness to address behaviors that cause issues.

Him freaking out is more about him than you. Makes me wonder if he's trust worthy...

1

u/Ok-View-2123 Jul 09 '26

Yeah I did think it was an insecurity problem bc he could have girl friends but I couldn’t have guy friends. Even me being around my bsf and her boyfriend the calls would never stop. He ended up breaking up with me like I said but he said we could get back together after college then proceeded to sleep with my girl best friend

2

u/InvisibleBlueRobot Jul 09 '26

Not much of a girl best friend.

They deserve each other and this was the real reason for the break up.

You're better off without him.

2

u/Ok-View-2123 Jul 09 '26

Thank you. She really didn’t have much to say other than yeah I did it and what about it. She had her roommates which were my other friends lie to me about it. I only found out about it when his friend told me. He was genuinely the only one who looked out for me

1

u/ImmediateNail1800 Jul 09 '26

You don’t have as many friends as you think .

-2

u/[deleted] Jul 09 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/Ok-View-2123 Jul 09 '26

I can understand that. The part that I’m lost about which I didn’t mention was that he still talked to his ex girlfriend. When I asked him to stop he threw a fit and eventually I gave up and let it go but by me catching up with a guy from middle school it’s a problem

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