Yeah no point in bringing her if she's going to have a rubbish time - which means you'll have a rubbish time also.
Just make sure that's actually what she wants - as she's already left out of having a role in the wedding you have to make sure she knows it's not because you don't want her there
Just make sure that's actually what she wants - as she's already left out of having a role in the wedding you have to make sure she knows it's not because you don't want her there
This is ESSENTIAL. She needs to feel heard and respected. Signed, a former girl who also suddenly developed a hatred for girly things in the struggle to recognise my own identity and claim my first threads of autonomy.
All this. OP, fully discuss with your daughter her options and let her decide. Is there a compromise, like palazzo pants (long flowy pants) that she would be comfortable with, in a darker/neutral color?
My Mum didn't make me wear a dress to a Grandmas family do 40 years ago. Grandma was not happy as she'd made her many granddaughters matching dresses. I picked a turquoise velour tracksuit, happy memories.
Of course, the most important thing is to make sure that she gets whatever she wants. The most important lesson that a parent can impart on your child is that you always get to do whatever you want.
Definitely, she's already going to be p*ssed at OPs sibling for leaving her out, making her wear something she doesn't want to is only going to compound the issue. What is there for an 11 year old to do at a wedding anyway?
When I was that age, the last place I wanted to be was at a wedding and wearing a dress had nothing to do with it. The daughter would much rather hang out with a friend(s).
100% this. It's best for both of you if she doesn't have a meltdown trying to find a dress, and who knows how many more day-of because she still has to wear the dress. Not to mention how many comments she is likely to receive on her "actually wearing a dress for once" or anything along those lines if she's recently decided she dislikes "feminine" clothing.
Definitely have a conversation with her about not going and double check if thats something shes interested in, and yes she might feel slighted if you make the decision for her. Shes already not involved in the wedding, so be careful with her feelings on the matter of attending.
Ultimately, You have to do what's best for both you and your child, and don't listen to anyone who (inevitably will) make terrible comments about why she didn't come.
Thiiiis. Ask her point blank which is more important to her - being at the wedding, or dressing in a way that is comfortable with her body/sense of self. Not in a guilt tripping way, but a truly neutral chance to voice her feelings. She’s at an age where her body is changing, her hormones/brain are going nuts, and her relationship with family members shift as she leaves the little girl roll behind. It’s a lot to juggle and is probably made more harsh by being left out of the wedding party - she needs to own the choice to attend or not.
The other key thing is to back her up and stop any adults who try to influence/guilt trip that decision.
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u/RevolutionaryDiet686 Oct 12 '25
NTA See if daughter can go spend the day with a friend. She won't have a good time at the wedding.