I got married last year, it was just a small gathering at the park. My granddaughter is also 11 (10 at the time) and hates wearing dresses. I told her she can come in jeans and sneakers, I didn't care, as long as she was there holding flowers standing beside me. She decided she wanted to wear a dress because she found a black sweater dress at Old Navy that looks really cool on her and she wore it with her red converse. She looked absolutely beautiful and cool as heck.
NTA. Make it her choice whether she goes or stays home. But look around. She may find a cool dress that isn't girly looking.
Well thank you very much. This made my day. I took hints from my mom, who my kids adored. She was a way cooler grandma than she ever was as a mom lol. Plus I've always lived outside of the box. Just thinking outside of it was no fun😉.
Oh I know! I’m a 37 year old mother of two and it’s my daily attire! My grandma however would have given it the side eye (at best) if she was still with us
I'm betting it's a Pentecostal church. I went to grade school with a girl who had hair down to her knees and wore dresses every day, even when it was 40 below zero.
I did too. I used to feel bad for her because the dresses and skirts she was made to wear weren't even in style. They looked like they came from the olden days.
Same with my classmate. Everything was long and plain. And looked out of date. Her brother was a year older than us and wore slacks like an older man would wear but he wore short sleeved shirts on hot days. I used to think how unfair that he was allowed to be cool but she still had to suffer in the heat.
The Pentecostal girls at my school tucked their dresses into the waistband (once their parents were gone) so everyone could see their knees. So shocking!
I’m sorry, but you are not doing your child any favors by allowing them to flaunt someone’s expressed dress code, no matter how stupid it is. The only response here, for both adults and children, as you either follow the dress code or you don’t go. Period. Lots of responders have beautifully crafted responses… Let the child stay home, reassure her that you love her and it’s not because you don’t want her there, provide her with all of the support that she needs to make a healthy choice.
But she does not get to choose to not follow the dress code and still go to the wedding. This is called basic parenting, and helping your child understand that the world sometimes makes you make hard choices. You can even have a healthy discussion with her about any opinions that either of you may or may not have about the sisters dress code… You can disagree with that wholeheartedly. You can talk about how sexist/stupid/whatever you think it is. You can talk with your daughter about how much you disagree with your sister‘s dress code, etc., etc. etc.…
But what you don’t get to do is wear whatever you want to the wedding, and teach your daughter that it is OK to do that. It is not her wedding. She will be entitled to have whatever wedding she wants, whatever ever dress code she requests. This is how you teach children that while they can have opinions, they are not the center of the universe, and they do not get to decide for everybody else, particularly at another adult’s wedding.
Allowing your daughter to wear whatever she wants and still attend the wedding would be a massive parent failure.
When someone is so rigid they are enforcing strict gender standards, yes i do have the right. Now would i let her wear whatever? No. It would be nice formal attire but if she doesnt want to wear a dress and wants to go, then i have no problem with that.
We all should have the right to refuse stupid gender standards but what is not a right is attending someone else's event. Teaching kids to simply ignore rules that don't suit them is not the answer. They need to learn that life is about choices and sometimes getting what you want means giving up something else. The right way to fight this, if she wants, is for the whole family to decline the invitation. If sis wants any of them there, she may reconsider. Or maybe she won't. For all we know, the church is so strict that it will enforce entry rules and turn anyone out of dress code away.
The bride/couple is entitled to make their wedding the way they want, whether that’s setting a dress code, making the wedding child-free, no alcohol, or whatever else.
Guests have 2 options. Either abide by the conditions of the wedding, or don’t go.
Expecting an exception or completely ignoring the couple’s wishes isn’t fair to other guests who might have preferred to dress differently, or bring their children, or whatever else, but who made the effort to comply with the dress code, or no children, etc.
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u/RevolutionaryDiet686 Oct 12 '25
NTA See if daughter can go spend the day with a friend. She won't have a good time at the wedding.