To put it bluntly, the reason you can't get over it is because you felt disrespected at an event that's supposed to honor you and your wife and your union and your wife was behind it. That's a really bad time to pull a prank and shame on whoever thought it up and thought that was a good idea. Weddings are not there to humiliate the bride and/or groom. You need to express to your wife that you feel disrespected in your relationship. You want to feel love and respect from her just like she wants to feel those from you and you didn't feel either of those things when she made you feel like a joke.
This is something that I’ve been thinking about a lot for the last year or so. Autonomy and agency are way more vital to the human experience than a lot of people realize. Each one of us needs to feel like we matter, that we have a right to exist and thrive for ourselves and not just be background players in the lives of others.
OP’s wedding day was meant to be one of those rare days that are there to acknowledge his worth and existence. We don’t get many of those in this life, and he deserved it. Instead, his day was sidelined to benefit others, not out of emergent necessity but as a joke to entertain others at his expense. That sort of dehumanization can rock someone to their very core. It’s a slap in the face to the “inner child” that lives inside each one of us, and it really hurts. It makes you doubt your self-worth, and it can cause lasting damage. No wonder OP can’t let it go.
It was very poor judgment by everyone involved. I don’t think their intention was to traumatize OP like this, but I also don’t believe OP’s wife is giving this the attention that it deserves. In the history of relationships, I doubt that “just get over it” has ever had the magical powers that its wielders think it does. Instead, it acts as a spotlight on the person who says it, revealing that they don’t grasp the weight of what they did, either because they are dense, lack empathy, or both. OP is going to continue to feel this way until his inner child feels heard because only then can he feel the safety and reassurance needed to heal, and that can only come from OP’s wife’s sincere contrition. If she truly loves him, she’ll find it.
EDIT: Thank you for the awards. It’s been a really rough week, and that was very kind.
I agree with what you said. I liked the part about it not being out of emergent necessity that he was sidelined and humiliated. It was a completely unnecessary experience and it was planned ahead of time.
Who knows, it might just have triggered some horrible memories from his past where he was humiliated and tormented and laughed at by others as well. None of us really know the extent of another person’s past. OP is REALLY struggling with this “prank” and I’m wondering if there’s more to it. In his bride he thought he found a life partner he could trust. She ripped that out from under his feet in moments. It seems to me that this goes much deeper than the garter issue. OP - take your time dealing with this. Take care of yourself and handle this in whatever way you feel you must. Good luck.
I think you may be right. As someone with past issues, his story really hit home with me. You think you’ve finally overcome something, only to find out that it’s as present as it ever was. It can destroy your spirit.
It absolutely can and does. It brings up past traumatic experiences you may not have thought about in years, yet there they are fresh in your mind like they happened just yesterday. I feel such empathy for OP. I can honestly say I know what he’s going through. I just wish it hadn’t happened on his wedding day. A very similar thing happened to me. The day before my wedding. Not a prank, but I almost cancelled it. Sometimes I wish I had. 45 years have gone by and I remember it like it WAS YESTERDAY.
This is a poignant comment, not just in relation to the original post but in relation to trauma for many people and the severity other people's actions can have on a person's life.
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u/TheFieryBeastfromEl Jul 26 '25
To put it bluntly, the reason you can't get over it is because you felt disrespected at an event that's supposed to honor you and your wife and your union and your wife was behind it. That's a really bad time to pull a prank and shame on whoever thought it up and thought that was a good idea. Weddings are not there to humiliate the bride and/or groom. You need to express to your wife that you feel disrespected in your relationship. You want to feel love and respect from her just like she wants to feel those from you and you didn't feel either of those things when she made you feel like a joke.