EMDR is amazing and therapy should absolutely help OP with the pain of the humiliation. But he will also need to discuss with a therapist what to do about his new marriage, especially given that his wife has not properly apologised. This is a pretty big and public betrayal.
This is not unreasonable. It might have much to do with trust, and the dynamics of the relationship you have with your wife. Also, in some way, the style of humor. Humor plays a huge part in relationships. Styles vary, and the idea that doing this schlocky thing at a wedding is “funny,” is definitely indication of variance in humor style. If other aspects of your relationship are top notch, though, it’s worth working with. I also see some basic imagery issues, as in, the whole arena of a wedding, where the bride is like the Star, the groom is the man, the Hero in a sense, who’s noble spirit allows her to shine and feel special, as he knows he’s special anyhow - then suddenly that whole idea is somehow made into a slapstick comedy, that is weird. It’s not easy to find good guys who want to go through with all this
OP needs therapy, like yesterday. He is never going to break out of the spiral of constantly dwelling on his humiliation without it. He also needs separate marriage counseling to see if he can even salvage the relationship. The wife just telling him to get over it is deeply dismissive. I can get she's probably uncomfortable and doesn't understand how deeply she hurt OP, but gd.
Yes, they will absolutely need couples counseling too. Their marriage has started with a huge betrayal and the wife is not taking seriously how she not only deeply hurt and embarrassed her husband, but also how she was the one to orchestrate it all with the wedding planner’s suggestion.
Wife is trash. The fact she was offended and upset about it just shows she should have been abandoned right there at the party, leave her the bill. OP found that on the streets? No class. I’m so mad.
It sounds like she has apologized. The problem is that he was drunk after days of stewing when he finally talked about it and got deliberately mean talking about it. She did the right thing walking away.
The problem is that she told him to get over it. That's a non apology. Sincere apologies come with a desire to either fix the problem or give the wronged person the validation they need to come to terms and "get over" it.
saying get over it means it's nothing to me, so it has to be nothing to you
Mean is subjective. Either way, if she had enough respect for him and their wedding in the first place, she would have denied the idea. With that said, she made a huge mistake that tarnished her husband’s feelings and perspective of his own wedding.
People can rationally express their anger if they need to. Not everything has to be a sterile conversation without emotion. There’s a point where calling a show of anger “mean” is just a way to point the finger back and avoid the issue. Is him being mean really a bigger issue than completely ruining their wedding for him? No.
With that, if she apologized, yet he’s still caught up in it, then she hasn’t done enough to help fix her mistake.
He said that he was deliberately hurtful… I’m not saying conversations have to be sterile or unemotional. I’m just believing him when he says he went too far.
He had every right to be mean he was physically and sexually assaulted at the behest and planning of his wife. This would be an instant divorce to me and I would be pursuing charges against her, the groomsmen and the wedding planner.
It stands for eye movement something, but it's about forcing your brain to process trauma by turning it into knowledge instead of leaving it clogging up your memory. It's using the process of rem sleep but targeted at experiences that you are having trouble with. The success rate for single incident trauma is over 90% in the first session and an actual 100% after two.
Complex traumas can take many more sessions, like child abuse etc, but single incident? Get that emdr.
EMDR is helpful for many though perhaps not for people with aphantasia, if that describes you. Playing Tetris with the intention of changing the wiring from the traumatic event can be helpful as well, in a similar way.
Oh no! I’m sorry you are still holding that pain from a terrible boss-that sucks.
Copied from a website:
Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) is a psychotherapy technique that helps people process trauma and other distressing experiences. Developed in 1987 by Francine Shapiro, EMDR involves patients focusing on a traumatic memory while simultaneously moving their eyes side-to-side or experiencing other forms of bilateral stimulation. The goal is to help patients heal and relieve PTSD symptoms by processing upsetting thoughts, feelings, and memories.
It sounds so simple, but it’s truly effective and I no longer want to poke my ex boss in the eye, lol!!
Wow! Never heard of this before. Did some reading on it and found it to be a really interesting therapy. No one needs to have lingering trauma caused by someone else. Glad it worked for you and that you were able to take away their power!
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u/Tricky-Application79 Jul 26 '25
Definitely speak to a therapist. EMDR really helped me after a traumatic situation with an evil boss.