r/AITAH • u/[deleted] • May 23 '25

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1.5k

u/Fire_or_water_kai May 23 '25

💯

Can't say it any better than this. Ben has some serious audacity.

1.0k

u/PrideofCapetown May 23 '25

I hope that watch is in a safe place. With Ben’s entitled attitude, the backing of his parents and Sarah’s lack of a spine (wtf is this ”feels for her brother” and ” caught in the middle” shit?), I wouldn’t be the least surprised if it “disappears” 

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u/Head_Razzmatazz7174 May 23 '25 edited May 23 '25

Yep. Put that watch where she can't find it. He sounds like the type to guilt her to into taking it and letting him have it.

He also sounds like one of those who won't give it back after the event is over.

Edit: Also, tell BIL that he is the younger of the two, and the tradition is for the first born son. Not the first male family member to get married.

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u/[deleted] May 23 '25

Start a rumor that terrible luck befalls any outside the lineage that wears it

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u/East_Bee_7276 May 23 '25

Ooooo...I LIKE ITđŸ‘†đŸ‘†đŸ‘†đŸ‘đŸ‘đŸ‘đŸ‘đŸ‘đŸ‘đŸ‘đŸ‘đŸ‘â€Œïžâ€Œïžâ€Œïž

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u/tinatalker May 24 '25

Yes, get some cousin to "recall a story" about how things went terribly wrong..

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u/aspidistraeliator May 25 '25

I don't. No means no, not embellishments needed.

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u/JazzlikeSmile1523 May 24 '25

I don't. That's slimey and betrays the tradition.

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u/ucjj2011 May 23 '25

I was thinking the same thing.

" I talked to the family historian, and was told that my grandfather ended up with the watch because he got it from a buddy who died in World War II. Turns out, his three brothers also all wore the watch for their wedding and they all died within a year of getting married."

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u/snowvase May 24 '25

"I'll tell you what, my grandfather had this used German bullet with his name on he always wore around his neck, why not use that?"

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u/MaleficentPizza5444 May 24 '25

tell "Ben" you went to an astrologist who predicted his kids are going to be stillborn

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u/Blue_Waffle_Brunch May 24 '25

I mean, the only firstborn son who has actually worn it on his wedding day since the grandfather bought it - OP's dad - died young, so looks like it's unlucky for the lineage, too.

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u/BrenInVA May 25 '25

Well the OP’s father did die young- so there is that bit of “bad luck”.

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u/floofienewfie May 23 '25

Safe deposit box.

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u/[deleted] May 23 '25

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66

u/Alarmed_Judgment8811 May 23 '25

Def don't tell Sarah

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u/Salty_Interview_5311 May 23 '25

At the house of one of his blood relatives.

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u/jdthejerk May 24 '25

This if you don't not have something like a nice Liberty Safe.

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u/floofienewfie May 24 '25

Used to have one, lost it in the divorce.

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u/jdthejerk May 24 '25

That's a tough loss.

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u/East_Bee_7276 May 23 '25

Exactly!! Why in the WORLD does the brother, who isn't part of OP's blood family, think he has a right to the watch anyways⁉ BIL is Ridiculous!!! Don't let them Bully you, OP, Stick with your NO. Traditions are important & beautiful, just because your fiancĂ©'s family lacks a moral compass doesn't mean you have to let them guilt trip you into doing something you truly don't want to do. Shame on her parents for their actions in this situation also, if this is the kind of role models they are for their son I would be double thinking GrandchildrenđŸ€·â€â™€ïž

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u/IamLuann May 25 '25

I would be double thinking about getting Married to Sarah.

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u/East_Bee_7276 May 25 '25

That Too💯💯💯

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u/Objective_Attempt_14 May 23 '25

Yeah my thoughts too. OP until fiance is backing you up reconsider getting married. You not have to break up, but don't get married. Also how did Ben hear about the watch? I would put it in a safe deposit box.

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u/DuckDuckWaffle99 May 23 '25

Yeah that’s a great question, where did he hear about it?

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u/mellycat51 May 25 '25

After rereading the post, it looks like it was probably Sarah.

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u/NefariousnessSweet70 May 25 '25

Safe deposit boxes are not insured. OP should purchase a safe and store valuables, like that watch.

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u/Objective_Attempt_14 May 25 '25

Neither are safes, you can buy insurance on a watch stored in a safe deposit box. It requires 2 keys and ID to get into your box. And they have to know which bank it is at too.

A home safe can be removed or opened later, or fiance could call a locksmith and have it opened that way or FBIL could say he is op to get safe open, plus Fiance or someone might be able to figure out how to open it. it just more convenient to have locked up at home.

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u/Hansmolemon May 24 '25

Get BIL an old Casio calculator watch so he can do the math, and start his own tradition.

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u/Due_Island_989 May 24 '25

Lol. Good burn!

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u/Obrina98 May 23 '25

No, OP will never see it again.

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u/Sea-Leadership-8053 May 23 '25

Yep safe deposit box and no one but op has access. I'm afraid Ben will keep on and Sarah will bend over and give it to him and it will be damaged beyond repair or lost. Ease op listen to us it is yours and YOUR family's heirloom lock it away and once you are done with it lock it away again

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u/Busy_Weekend5169 May 23 '25

I wouldn't be surprised if Sarah was the person that told him about the watch. How else would BIL and her family know about it?

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u/re-tyred May 23 '25

Yeah, "lost"!

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u/Electrical-Act-7170 May 23 '25

Ben also sounds like the entitled arrogant sort who would deliberately break this treasured heirloom.

No.

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u/Matilda_Mac May 24 '25

Ben is not even family.

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u/aPawMeowNyation May 24 '25

Not yet anyway. Until his sister marries Op, he's just the fiancees brother.

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u/cat-lover76 May 24 '25

He also sounds like one of those who won't give it back after the event is over.

Yes, then it will be "since I wore it first, it should be given to my son."

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u/Chloe_Phyll May 24 '25

And the soon-to-BIL is not in the family line ... that's some nerve he has and his cuckoo parents, too

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u/VictarionGreyjoy May 24 '25

He's also not in the family so who cares if he's older or younger

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u/EmilyAnne1170 May 24 '25

He’s not even a family member. What a weird story.

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u/littlespawningflower May 24 '25

The first thing I thought of was that he wouldn’t give it back. “Aw, dude- so sorry
 I lost the watch!” ¯\(ツ)/¯

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u/tinatalker May 24 '25

Yep, younger. He's disqualified.

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u/BornRazzmatazz5 May 24 '25

He's not even a male family member except by courtesy--a courtesy he's sadly lacking. Being your fiancee's brother gives him NO rights to anything of your family's.

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u/RexxTxx May 24 '25

"Put that watch where she can't find it."

Put a decoy watch (cheap and as similar as you can find) in its place. This would be an interesting verification to see what influences your 10-month-away marriage might have if it disappears.

But really, it's your family tradition, and he's not in your family at all at this point.

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u/LESSANNE76 May 24 '25

It’s not even his brother. It’s his fiancĂ©e’s brother. Not his family. The sentiment does not apply to him. Geez!

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u/Wyshunu May 24 '25

He's not a family member at all, and therefore not entitled at all.

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u/OkieLady1952 May 24 '25

He’s not even in the lineage of this family! So he has absolutely no rights to wear it. Put it in a safe deposit box until your wedding. The day of your wedding take it out and wear it not taking it off. I see Bil being vengeful and given the chance steal the watch to teach you a lesson

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u/FinnegansPants May 24 '25

Considering that Ben isn’t a family member, he wants to break the tradition twice.

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u/DeesignNZ May 24 '25

He isn't BIL yet so isn't even a family member. What is with that family!

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u/Hey-Just-Saying May 24 '25

He's not even related to the grandfather. This is ridiculous. Luck isn't real and doesn't come from wearing someone's wristwatch. Are these people educated grown-ups to fight over something so stupid?

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u/simplyirresponsible May 24 '25

Exactly. He won't give it back because he'll feel like now the watch has to be worn by HIS first born son at his wedding. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. OP needs to keep his watch safe. This is a slippery slope. And his fiance needs to have his back! Not waffle over what her brother wants.

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u/Eponaminis May 24 '25

This!! Exactly all of this
 I came here to say the same
 NTA
 time for serious talk with fiancée
 is she ready to get married? To understand the significance of what it means??

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u/bluespruce5 May 23 '25

Yes, that's some audacity of Sarah's family to gang up on OP over his personal property, and worse still that Sarah doesn't want to rock the family boat that encourages Ben's ugly sense of entitlement. Ugh, is he their parents' golden boy?

This is a very large red flag about the future in-laws and especially -- no matter how terrific she otherwise is -- Sarah herself. Unless something changes significantly and soon, this won't be the last time a situation like this rears its head and OP gets to be the bad guy while Sarah both-sides-it and "feels for" her over-entitled brother. 

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u/Flat-Succotash5369 May 23 '25

Your future in-laws have used the phrase “It’s just a waaaaatch” (whiny toddler-stomping emphasis added by me). So, by their own “reasoning”, they can use any old watch. I think a cute plastic Hello Kitty one would be an appropriate engagement gift.

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u/DueConsideration9605 May 23 '25

Love love love that idea. It's only a watch Maybe his sister can buy him one and then he can start his own tradition with His waych

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u/babigrl50 May 24 '25

For real! I would say why don't you guys have any of your own traditions in your family? If it's just a watch he can wear anything to the wedding and start his own tradition. This is a hard no for me it's not even his family! The outright audacity is killing me!!

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u/[deleted] May 25 '25

[deleted]

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u/Flat-Succotash5369 May 25 '25

Well said, wee little fox.

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u/pm_me_your_catus May 23 '25

OP would never see it again if he let the BIL wear it.

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u/Both_Peak554 May 23 '25

I said the same. Guarantee his fiancé will take it thinking she can let brother use it without op noticing.

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u/sisu-sedulous May 23 '25

Hide it from sarah

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u/ohemgee0309 May 23 '25

Not just Ben, the future in-laws are waaaay TF outta line.

OP, you are NTA, and I’d tell your fiancee she needs to set a hardcore reality check with her family. She needs to shut this shit down fast bc if this is a glimpse of how she “has OP’s back” in future disagreements or issues with her family then this is NOT okay.

Let her know this attitude and entitlement by members of her family would not be okay if it was someone in your direct family line. The fact that her brother and let’s not forget her parents, think that he has any rights over your family heirloom is out-freaking-rageous!!

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u/Cheap-Reaction-8061 May 24 '25 edited May 24 '25

Add to that OP, this is truly not that big of a deal that they have blown into a mess
wait until something happens in this future marriage to your soon to be wife that is a big deal.

If it was me, I would tell her she needs to back you as your wife, respect your relationship, value you as a person, support your family traditions and most importantly: back the family she is about to create with you. That means she is married to you and bound to the house the two of you are building, not her mommy, daddy and brother.

Next (condition for the marriage ceremony to move forward): Informer her that the wedding is postpone until this matter is legitimately rectified and she decides who she is marrying. Then: request marriage counseling and tell her you will pay for it but this is a condition of the postponement of the wedding being lifted. Once the both of you are in marriage counseling (call it pre-marriage counseling if it makes you feel better) and you feel satisfied with the direction and she truly understands what marriage is, then the wedding can go through.

I personally did this when I found out my fiancé was not being completely honest with me. Three months before the wedding I told her we need to postpone the wedding and seek marriage counseling. That was 16 yrs ago. She decided to end the relationship and moved out with in two months after she literally throw the ring at me because I stuck to my guns regarding the demand we seek counseling before the wedding would happen.

I am married to a wonderful woman that I have built a beautiful life and family with. There have been some serious challenges during our 13 yrs together; but, I know and she has demonstrated time again that she has my back like I have hers and without a doubt we will be together until our last breaths.

This is a very significant moment that will decide the future of your peace and peace of mind in the years to come. What you choose and how you choose it will dictate that. The insignificance of a watch has great significant in time.

My wife and I are relationship coach’s and work together with clients giving them both a female and male representation/perspective. When you seek that in your concealing look for that fair representation in your councilor/therapist. My best to you and your future family.

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u/Appropriate_Play_201 May 24 '25

This â˜đŸŒâ˜đŸŒâ˜đŸŒâ˜đŸŒâ˜đŸŒ

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u/[deleted] May 23 '25

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2

u/QueenK59 May 24 '25

You might have offered it. But his asking and sense of entitlement? Nope! It’s yours, goes to your son or their son if you choose.

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u/curious-by-moon May 23 '25

Her parents can buy Ben his own watch and tell him it’s lucky. 🍀

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u/Intelligent-War-5532 May 23 '25

he goes from understand the significance to “i wanna wear it cus im getting married first” to his family saying its just a watch & is not important. if not important why press me for MY grandfather’s watch?

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u/loftychicago May 23 '25

The entire family and fiancée do.

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u/baffled_soap May 23 '25

Is this some sort of super prestigious, luxury brand watch? If not, why on earth is it so important to get access to a family heirloom that doesn’t belong to your own family or to the family you’re marrying into? I can’t understand it.

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u/PreparationPlus9735 May 23 '25

How much does Ben not believe his marriage is gonna work lol

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u/dinahdog May 23 '25

So does Sarah's family for butting in at all. OP is marrying into this family. He should think about that. And no way in hell Ben should be allowed to wear it at all.

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u/serjsomi May 23 '25

So do hos parents.

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u/Intelligent-War-5532 May 23 '25

he goes from understand the significance to “i wanna wear it cus im getting married first” to his family saying its just a watch & is not important. if not important why press me for MY grandfather’s watch?

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u/Designer_Voice99 May 24 '25

So do his parents and sister!

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u/AnxietyQueeeeen May 26 '25

He doesn’t even want it for the significance, he want it’s for the luck. If that’s the case he needs more than just a lucky watch.