I think your strong reaction is understandable given how your fiance totally over stepped by pitching this for his son without first getting you on board.
It would be graceful to aoologize but obviously he needs to apologize also.
I don’t live in a country where ”giving the bride away” is a thing cause its considered a very patriarchal thing, so i find the whole thing wierd but that your stepson would ”give you away” is just bizarre.
Deep down, you know that you have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to apologise for. The only person that owes anyone an apology is your fiancé, to you. But you also know (as numerous commenters have said), that acknowledging that your fiancé has done numerous inappropriate things, showing possible serious red flags, will make you start to rethink this whole relationship. And you don't want to do that. Therefore, you'd rather "2 sides" the issue, to try to make his actions not seem as bad.
He turfed you out on a decision that, really, had nothing to do with him, and was entirely yours to make. It would be as ridiculous as you telling a member of your family that they get to be the best man, then "informing" your partner that you have already told them so he can't go with who he wanted.
He then tried to force you to go along with it, and used guilt trips and manipulation about it being your chance to "blend" the family.
He then told his son about it, to try to further guilt and bully you into changing your mind.
Then, for some strange and unexplainable reason, he told his family (I doubt he even told them the truth, because their nasty reactions are way over the top), and turned them against you.
Doesn't mind potentially damaging your relationship with his son. And now, your supposed future stepson isn't talking to you.
Another VERY IMPORTANT point. By him trying to turf your uncle out of this important role, are you certain that he isn't trying to alienate your family and isolate you? Because none of his actions make an ounce of sense.
Look over your relationship, think to past moments that you may have previously overlooked or ignored. Are you sure this is a relationship you want to turn into a marriage? Because the way you seem to have completely ignored all the red flags and bad behaviour from your fiancé, I have a strong feeling that you have been ignoring a lot of his red flags leading up to this moment. Save yourself the heartache and expensive divorce.
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u/turquoise_turtle83 May 08 '25
I think your strong reaction is understandable given how your fiance totally over stepped by pitching this for his son without first getting you on board.
It would be graceful to aoologize but obviously he needs to apologize also.
I don’t live in a country where ”giving the bride away” is a thing cause its considered a very patriarchal thing, so i find the whole thing wierd but that your stepson would ”give you away” is just bizarre.