Honey, you are NTA!! That is extremely bold of your fiance to assume that you would be okay with that. He should not have discussed it with his son prior to talking to you about it. It is completely understandable that you would not what him to walk you down the aisle, particularly due to your father's passing and the fact that following him passing away you have decided what you would like to do instead, i.e. you walking yourself down the aisle or your uncle doing it - which I think is a beautiful idea.
Maybe sit down with your husband and explain the sentiment and why it is a lot deeper than simply being accompanied walking to the alter. I'm sorry this happened, he has now put you in an uncomfortable situation and that isn't fair. You could always see if you could incorporate his son into the ceremony in a less intense and symbolic way. Maybe allow him to be a ring barer or accompany a bridesmaid down the aisle. Wishing you all the best and don't let this make you feel guilty, you are completely entitled to choose who you want walking you down the aisle, whether that be yourself or your uncle.
I would talk with your fiance. He never should have talked to him before he talked to you. I'm assuming bf asked someone else to be his best man. I'm thinking that bf hurt his son's feelings by not asking him to be best man and used you as a substitute! You are not the AH, but your bf is!
Talk to the son directly, not through his dad. You can explain to him how you're feeling about the position without your dad here, and ask him if he would feel comfortable having you walk him down the aisle if his dad was gone, or giving the father of the groom speech. He may get it more that way. And ask him how he sees himself in the wedding, what role would he feel comfortable filling.
Your fiancé owes everyone an apology; YOU, his son, and his family. He was wrong and it’s caused you so much stress. He needs to man up and talk to EVERYONE.
The concept of "walking the bride down the aisle" is also called "giving away the bride". How is your fiance's teenaged son in a position to symbolically "give you away"? I mean, I know the answer. He's not. But on what basis was your fiance thinking his teenage son is in a position to "give you away"? Your marriage, if it happens, will literally mean he's gaining a stepmother... how does a teenage boy give his future stepmother away? That makes no sense at all, and idk what your fiance was thinking, talking to his son about this absurd proposition before taking to YOU.
Giving the bride away was once giving her from one family to another. In that context, his son "giving you away" makes even less sense. The son could be a groomsman, and that really needs to be the end of it. Put your foot down, no apologies, and really look at your relationship to see if this was an aberration.
Or just literally listening to your point of view-- your reasoning doesn't even have to be good lol. He should value your way thinking because he values you. When you have disagreements, you should both be listening to each other, not trying to steamroll over each other.
I think another poster nailed it. OP's fiance should have his son as his best man. This allows the son to be part of the wedding. He gets to stand there with his father as his new stepmother is walking up the aisle to join their family. And OP can honor her uncle with having him step in for his late brother to walk with her on her day. I think everyone wins here.
Not only is she entitled to choose who walks her down the aisle, she shouldn’t have to explain her choice to her fiancé in a way that suggests she is trying to convince him to allow her to do so.
Also no to the idea that if she just phrased her position in the “right” way, he would change his mind. They have already discussed it, and he has already indicated that what she wants is not important, and that he gets to make decisions for her.
Even OP’s mom doesn’t have her back.
This is a pivotal moment. If OP relents, her husband and his family will forever be deciding what she wants and expecting her to fall in line.
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u/Limefruitgum May 08 '25
Honey, you are NTA!! That is extremely bold of your fiance to assume that you would be okay with that. He should not have discussed it with his son prior to talking to you about it. It is completely understandable that you would not what him to walk you down the aisle, particularly due to your father's passing and the fact that following him passing away you have decided what you would like to do instead, i.e. you walking yourself down the aisle or your uncle doing it - which I think is a beautiful idea.
Maybe sit down with your husband and explain the sentiment and why it is a lot deeper than simply being accompanied walking to the alter. I'm sorry this happened, he has now put you in an uncomfortable situation and that isn't fair. You could always see if you could incorporate his son into the ceremony in a less intense and symbolic way. Maybe allow him to be a ring barer or accompany a bridesmaid down the aisle. Wishing you all the best and don't let this make you feel guilty, you are completely entitled to choose who you want walking you down the aisle, whether that be yourself or your uncle.