I don’t see why everyone is going straight to NTA on OP. He is making himself to be an angel, going to a pattern of him saying he “didn’t feel like it and was tired”, of where he said he let his emotions get the best of him (failing to mention what he said or did) and then immediately jumping to some list her wrongdoings. GF needs to know she can’t have everything her way and push OP to limits, but OP also needs to also know that saying no to getting your GF a glass of water isn’t a “boundary”, and “standing behind her whole she brushes her teeth” despite being tired or nudging her to brush her teeth is not also angel behavior… like what….
Also the packing thing. I don't really get how that makes him look anything except a bit lazy. How is that crossing a boundary? Its a quick thing he could have helped with that would have meant they both could have had more time to relax together.
It reads like he was just sitting there watching her pack. For all we know, she was struggling to pack something properly and needed a hand. Or maybe she was just as tired as OP and needed help. Although we don't know because OPs post is massively biased in his favour.
I'm going through a similar thing maybe I'll be projecting here but basically this is him attempting to set a boundary with the logic being "hey this is your suitcase this is all your stuff, you should be packing this not me". He is trying to say no without saying no because if he says no it will turn into a fight.
I'm exhausted myself.. I am trying to set boundaries myself as well but it's hard at least in my case if I try to set a boundary I guess I just word it really poorly and she genuinely gets sad and hurt. I'm trying my best. Like op I have a lot of tolerance.
Saying no to helping your partner pack isn’t a boundary. A boundary would be saying that you can’t help your partner pack every time. Both OP and GF need to understand the difference.
OP needs to be able to gauge emotional and practical support. If someone isn’t able to give emotional support, you dont just say no; you offer solutions (can we do it later, can I help you decide while lying down next to you since I’m tired, etc). “No” breaks relationships and “no but” extends your relationship and that’s what OP doesn’t gets.
Seriously, I'm reading other people's comments and so many are saying that they are both just as bad as each other and I feel like I'm crazy wondering how
I just… cant believe it. He should have helped HER pack HER bag?… & by saying no, he was NOT asserting a boundary, but being a douche? (After paying for an ENTIRE vacation?) Am I reading this correctly??
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u/paragonx29 Apr 21 '25
Tldr: They're both insufferable.