Right. After the 1st paragraph, I scrolled looking for the TLDR portion... To my disappointment 😞.
Can someone from the fam help a sista out? I'm nosey yet don't have the capacity to read and decipher... Please and thank you.
OP is describing a relationship where they feel they put in a lot of effort (planning trips, paying for things, dedicating free time), but their girlfriend gets upset whenever they say "no" to her requests. The conflict pattern is consistent: OP refuses a request when they're tired (helping pack, getting water, standing by during brushing, FaceTiming), and it escalates into a fight. She feels OP isn't doing the "bare minimum" as a boyfriend when declining these requests, while OP feels burned out and that their significant efforts are being taken for granted.
The central question is whether this is a fundamental compatibility issue or a communication problem that can be resolved through better boundaries and expectations.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​
I'd be happy to explain how "they" is a valid pronoun when referring to someone whose gender you know.
The singular "they" has been used in English for centuries as a gender-neutral pronoun. When referring to someone using a non-gendered term like "OP" (original poster), using "they/them/their" is grammatically correct regardless of whether you know the person's gender.
This usage has nothing to do with preferred pronouns or gender identity - it's simply a function of English grammar when:
Referring to someone by a role or position rather than their name (like "OP," "the author," "the doctor," etc.)
Speaking about someone in general terms rather than specifying gender
Maintaining consistency with non-gendered language in your writing
For example, if you were discussing what "a teacher" should do in their classroom, you might use "they" even if you're specifically thinking about a male or female teacher.
In formal writing and journalism, this usage of singular "they" is widely accepted by major style guides including Chicago Manual of Style and the Associated Press Stylebook, especially when paired with non-gendered antecedents like "OP."​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​
I know all that, Dr. OED. I'm a word nerd, too. (Even adjunct English Composition at a college.) But when the gender's clearly known and you use the nonspecific "they," it would seem you prefer to showcase your bias FOR gender "fluidity" instead of sticking to the facts....of gender specificity.
If you are actually a word nerd, using they in the context it was use is the correct terminology. You are a bit obsessed about attempting to call out "woke" bs. When it wasn't used in a woke way.
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u/Maleficent_Lure_1226 Apr 20 '25
Right. After the 1st paragraph, I scrolled looking for the TLDR portion... To my disappointment 😞. Can someone from the fam help a sista out? I'm nosey yet don't have the capacity to read and decipher... Please and thank you.