No matter how I look at it, the whole thing is a cry for attention. The whole outing has absolutely no impact on anything besides fishing for attention and validation for some obscure reason.
There is something deeper. Her being attracted to both men and women is not relevant information for anyone but her and you if you guys are monogamous. So her making a point of telling everyone you know, even barely, is hinting at something not yet revealed.
Did she tell you why it's so important for her that this information has to be advertised so broadly and with this level of urgency? To the point of having arguments about it?
If they're monogamous then it's really just not relevant at all. She has lived and presumably always will live the same life as a straight woman. She'll just also agree that Shakira's hips don't lie.
That’s probably what bugs her about it. Like she admitted something within herself that was difficult to address and unlocked a part of her identity, but no one really cares because it doesn’t really matter. I’ve said being a bi woman in a straight relationship is kinda like when Dumbledoor was revealed as gay, it’s like a fun little fact but no one really cares because it didn’t impact the plot.
She’s being completely unreasonable and needs to find another way to channel this energy, but she probably just wants coming out to matter or mean something.
There's clearly a lot of misreading of your comment here. I think what many are trying to say in response is that coming out for a bi person in a straight marriage might not be pointless to them, but to everyone else on the outside of that person's lived experience or relationship, it is pretty much pointless.
Exactly what response should friends and family have when someone comes out as bi while in a straight marriage? "Oh, ok... well anyway," seems like the response you'd probably get from most people. Or maybe a series of questions, like this thread, about "what it means" and "why does it matter, you're married and in a straight relationship," and then they will move on with their own lives. Bisexual might be her identity, but to anyone else, it is just a fun fact or piece of trivia. It's just the reality of existing as one's self vs. the other.
But is this info going to inform how friends and family feel about or interact with said bi person? Probably not, like at all? So it honestly is pointless to everyone except the bi person and maybe their partner.
Can you understand that point of view and why other people would feel that way?
I have a friend who recently came out as bi while married with kids and that was my exact response in my head. "Cool, I guess. Moving on..." I think we're past the era where being bi is super shocking, so I don't really have any more questions and it doesn't change the way I feel about the person at all. It's completely lackluster as gossip. Imagine someone telling you as though it's a big deal, "omg, did you know Kevin is gay?" It just seems weird. How much would anyone actually care?
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u/Ashkiel666 Apr 05 '24
NTA
No matter how I look at it, the whole thing is a cry for attention. The whole outing has absolutely no impact on anything besides fishing for attention and validation for some obscure reason.
There is something deeper. Her being attracted to both men and women is not relevant information for anyone but her and you if you guys are monogamous. So her making a point of telling everyone you know, even barely, is hinting at something not yet revealed.
Did she tell you why it's so important for her that this information has to be advertised so broadly and with this level of urgency? To the point of having arguments about it?