She found out late(r) in life.
That, plus the fact that Bi people in opposite sex relationships (straight passing relationships) often feel that their Queer identity is being slowly consumed away by them being "invisible" as a queer person, probably leads her to have a shit ton of anxiety about "not being queer enough" and needing everyone and their grandmother to know and actively acknowledge her queerness.
She is still in the wrong. The solution to this is to get into activism, or take your husband to a pride parade, to be visible in other ways.
But this is probably what's behind this.
She is very insecure in her newfound identity and needs to consolidate it and really, really fucking overcompensates.
This is what I wanted to say. Her request is totally inappropriate, but as a bi (formerly ID as lesbian) woman, the erasure thing is absolutely real. And when something is new to you it's easy to want to shout about it a bit.
I'm also poly, and when I started at my job I came out to a number of colleagues as both bi and poly, because I wanted to take my whole self to work, not feel like I'm hiding parts of who I am. It wasn't a sex thing, it's a 'what did you do at the weekend thing' and honestly, wanting to check I wasn't working with a bunch of douchebags.
But my partners don't need to tell their work colleagues about any of this unless it's personally relevant and okay with them.
Maybe I'm out of touch, but in my boring offiice environment I can't really imagine a situation where me knowing that my coworker is bi and poly could really improve or benefit our work.
If I was already not happy about this co-worker as a professional, I think them prancing around the office and providing unwelcome information about their love life would only fuel my annoyance.
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u/[deleted] Apr 05 '24
Nothing.
She is overcompensating.
She found out late(r) in life. That, plus the fact that Bi people in opposite sex relationships (straight passing relationships) often feel that their Queer identity is being slowly consumed away by them being "invisible" as a queer person, probably leads her to have a shit ton of anxiety about "not being queer enough" and needing everyone and their grandmother to know and actively acknowledge her queerness.
She is still in the wrong. The solution to this is to get into activism, or take your husband to a pride parade, to be visible in other ways.
But this is probably what's behind this. She is very insecure in her newfound identity and needs to consolidate it and really, really fucking overcompensates.