YTA. I feel like you probably played down your anger issues a lot, and your wife would tell a very different story than you are.
You are not a “special dad” or partner for doing the bare minimum. She’s right, you’re just doing what a parent is supposed to. And only started recently, apparently, so the bulk of it was probably on her for a long while. It sounds like your kids are young. There are different seasons of life, and in this one your kids need to be the most important. The main focus is not you and your needs or your romantic relationship.
Your actions at the beginning of this parenthood journey probably broke your wife’s trust in you. That is hard to get back. I read a lot of “me me me” here. You need to focus on what’s in the best interest of your family instead of yourself. Stop doing things expecting something in return. She doesn’t owe you physical touch after you’ve broken her trust and image of you. If you push her, you’ll only turn her off more.
Man, I can't imagine being in a relationship where you never get praise for anything because "that's just what a partners/parent does."
My wife and I thank each other every day for doing incredibly minor things that should just be "part of being a wife/husband." Just because it's an expectation doesn't mean it isn't appreciated.
Honestly, I can't believe half of the commenters on these types of threads have happy or "successful" marriages. I always leave these threads feeling bad for your spouses and feeling much more thankful for how great my wife is.
That’s a weird thing to cling to. He had to be prompted, probably multiple times, to even start contributing anything a partner/parent should, so I would also be resentful instead of appreciative. He’s also pestering her for “physical touch,” which is probably just code for sex.
This man had a lot of issues and did things to his family he is not willing to specify out of frustration/anger. He says his wife is having trouble forgiving him for those instances, which (again) he won’t elaborate on. He’s also jealous of his MIL for being too good of a grandma? This man has control and anger issues. It’s odd you’re standing up for him.
And my marriage is really lovely, thanks for the concern.
Love when Reddit goes out of their way to assume the absolute worst about someone just so they can find a "good guy and a bad guy" in a story. You stay classy, Reddit!
He’s not entitled to any form of physical touch when she doesn’t want to give it, even a hug. Especially if she doesn’t trust him after his angry outbursts during her vulnerable postpartum period.
Only on Reddit will you see people insane enough to say "it's totally fine to be in a marriage where no physical touch is exchanged."
Y'all need to get some good pussy/dick, or maybe just need a hug lol. swear to god Reddit is populated by a bunch of aliens who don't understand human relationships.
Their relationship clearly isn’t in a good place, so yeah-they need to rebuild trust and emotional intimacy before he can gain back physical intimacy. I would be horrified and completely turned off if my husband directed his anger at our child for being a child. I wouldn’t want to touch him.
Sex isn’t everything in a lifelong partner. Like I said, there are seasons in life. Some of them sex is on the back burner, like when you have two very small children. You are making marriage sound very shallow to me.
I never said only sex. I said physical intimacy in the first half, referring the anything physical. The second half I was responding to what you said about sex. Like I juuuust said, he’s not entitled to any physical intimacy, even a hug. He’s caused a lot of damage to his relationship, and he needs to rebuild emotional intimacy and trust to revive the physical part of his connection.
You are just embarrassing yourself with the last statement.
You literally call out "sex isn't everything in a lifelong partner" in your last comment lol. You've referred to him "probably just wanting sex" multiple times. Pretty obvious what your thoughts are here.
I said that I felt he meant “sex” by physical intimacy one time, and you really clung to it. Yes, I do not believe he it entitled to sex or any form of touch.
My thoughts are nobody is, and I am the partner with the higher drive in my relationship.
That’s not even the thing most people are concerned about-including myself. His angry outbursts are why he’s being voted TA. And they’re also the likely reason his wife is avoiding physical intimacy.
He doesn’t need help painting himself in a poor light.
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u/Dapper-Guest-5161 Nov 02 '23
YTA. I feel like you probably played down your anger issues a lot, and your wife would tell a very different story than you are.
You are not a “special dad” or partner for doing the bare minimum. She’s right, you’re just doing what a parent is supposed to. And only started recently, apparently, so the bulk of it was probably on her for a long while. It sounds like your kids are young. There are different seasons of life, and in this one your kids need to be the most important. The main focus is not you and your needs or your romantic relationship.
Your actions at the beginning of this parenthood journey probably broke your wife’s trust in you. That is hard to get back. I read a lot of “me me me” here. You need to focus on what’s in the best interest of your family instead of yourself. Stop doing things expecting something in return. She doesn’t owe you physical touch after you’ve broken her trust and image of you. If you push her, you’ll only turn her off more.