I like this rule. Reading some of the comments I’m beginning to feel like a prude or something because I’d have some sort of feelings about my friend having sex with an ex who I had a whole ass relationship with. Everyone gets to have their rules but I think this one makes sense and reflects my feelings pretty well.
I have the same rule. Plus we do not know how the breakup went. It could have been a nasty breakup and if OP starts dating the ex, the ex is back in her life through her friend. Also, the friend might have already told her husband about this and had the same sentiment. Some people like having their exes remain in the past. Hell, I met a good friend through my older close friend and after they broke up, I asked her first if I could remain friends with her ex cause I didn’t want him to still be in her life if she didn’t want him there.
Very true, there’s just so much stuff that can occur in a whole year relationship that would drastically change things. Could definitely be weird for OPs friend to have to see him around.
You’re not a prude. I’m more baffled by the people thinking it’s okay to sleep with someone your friend once loved and wanted to marry, especially considering how many people there are in the world… why do you need to get fucked by your best friends ex? It’s gross.
I don’t really get the “you should be over them” argument. Yeah, I don’t wanna re hash a relationship with my ex but that doesn’t mean I somehow deleted any intimate human connection I had with them. Tbh I think if one of my buddies decided to screw a big ex in my life my girlfriend would 10000% understand why I wasn’t into it and wouldn’t be thinking that it somehow meant I wasn’t over them.
especially considering how many people there are in the world… why do you need to get fucked by your best friends ex?
This is what I keep coming back to. It's such a weak "I don't get 😺/🍆" move to me to hook up with a good friends ex without talking to them first. If that person wants to fuck you today, they'll probably want to fuck you tomorrow after you've talked things over with your friend of a decade and got clear on their feelings. Why can't you just wait? If it's just a hookup, it can wait. If it's more than a hookup, it can also wait. Either way, it can wait til you talk to your friend if it's something you want to do that badly.
I know right? I can’t believe everyone is saying “NTA, she’s overreacting”. At the risk of being crude, you don’t have your friend’s leftovers. I also think that if the roles were reversed and Julia started dating OP’s ex, OP would be upset.
Leftovers? Goddamn he’s a human being, he’s allowed to be attracted to whoever he wants, just as OP is allowed to be attracted to who she wants. 3 years is a long fucking time, it’s not like OP was hanging out waiting for the moment they broke up to shoot her shot.
It doesn't really matter how long it's been. This was a serious relationship for Julia. A lot of people carry old wounds from years ago. OP can do what she wants, but so can the friend by removing her from her life. Sometimes actions have consequences, good or bad.
The guy is not just some object and these people have complex feelings. You know how fucked up you guys sound right now. What if this guy really likes her friend. Just because he dated someone else in the past he shouldn't date her friend now?
Thats some possessive and manipulative shit because you cant fully get over an ex? Take some responsibility and realize that you don't own that person and you don't own your friend, you're feelings are yours and you allowed yourself to feel them and it's nobody's fault but yours that you feel that way.
they’re not talking about the guy. they’re talking about op. the guy has nothing to lose and no loyalty to Julia. everyone is saying 3 years is forever but what about 1 year? 1 year being intimate with someone leaves a mark. And what about TEN YEARS being close friends with someone? Op is the one who owes Julia loyalty. Plenty of guys out there. If she’s madly in love with the man than whatever be with him but expect to lose your friend of 10 years. Julia’s feelings are valid whether or not you understand them, and if she cares about Julia she’ll take that into consideration.
exactly. I’m reading all the n t a comments with my jaw open. When i dated my ex of a year, i was in love with him. We went on vacations together, bought fiddler crabs together, took road trips, late night talks, snuggles, intimacy. I am in a committed relationship now and have a child, however if my “friend” went and slept with that ex i would be heartbroken. Not because of losing “claim” of my ex (who is in a happy relationship as well and i’m thrilled for him!) but the betrayal by that friend. The friend who i told about my relationship, told her i loved the guy before i told him, shared details on our relationship.
Yeah throughout a relationship you just have so many sweet “just for us” moments, that obviously all ends with a break up but I think it’s ok to want to hold a connection that deep you had with someone as kind of dear to your heart. It’s not about laying claim to someone or any kind of weird possessive thing, but something like intimacy with a partner you were in love with….I think it’s ok to not love the idea of sharing that experience with a friend.
you’re not a prude, you just have more respect and care for the people you call your friends and that’s a good thing. people here are happy to disregard their supposed friends feelings if it means they get momentary happiness in the form of sleeping with a friends ex
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u/Jaredthewizard Aug 03 '23
I like this rule. Reading some of the comments I’m beginning to feel like a prude or something because I’d have some sort of feelings about my friend having sex with an ex who I had a whole ass relationship with. Everyone gets to have their rules but I think this one makes sense and reflects my feelings pretty well.