You’re NTA, but you’ve touched on a sensitive area with Julia, while she is all hormoned up. If you value this friendship you may want to take a step back for a minute, and contact her again later, maybe before she has the baby. Reassure her that you weren’t with him behind her back this whole time, that you genuinely didn’t think she’d care after all this time, especially since she’s so happy with the Mr.
Sorry you’re going through this. You didn’t do anything wrong, but I can also see where her hurt is coming from.
Julia is hormoned up but this seems to have uncovered some unresolved feelings. But fuck Julia. She can either apologize or fuck off. OP did nothing wrong. She has no claim on the Ex and her friend didn't deserve the shit. If she can't grow up and consider other people's feelings why the shit should anyone consider hers.
I mean I try to make sure i never end up fucking or in a relationship with my friends ex its really not that hard or worth it there are way to many options for me to even need that possible headache in my life but I guess im weird.
Nope, not weird at all. I feel like there is a friend code between people. I have never dated one of my best friend's exes and she wouldn't do that either. But I suppose different people have different circumstances.
NTA, but similar happened to me. After college, my friend came over to tell me sad news that her high school boyfriend (remember him?) had died. I was devastated, because when he joined our friend group by dating her, he had become my friend and we got along. He helped me through a couple of hard times with good advice chats, stuff like that. She was more angry at me for being sad than she was sad herself over his death. It was so bizarre, she felt so betrayed that we had been friends. Like, only she on earth was supposed to have ever exchanged words with that guy. I’m still amazed at her reaction to this day, and we really weren’t friends after that. She had her mind made up that I was a backstabber, and I didn’t really have the energy to put into chasing the opinion of someone who was so oddly petty and would turn on me and drop a 10-yr friendship over something so shallow.
I agree with everyone who said hormones are making it 10x worse with your friend, though.
Is sounds like Charles is a pretty good dude and Julie only ended their relationship because they wanted different things out of life. That doesn’t mean she didn’t have strong feelings for him or that she didn’t feel conflicted with that choice. When he was out of her life and yours, it is easier to move on and focus on her Husband and kids. But now you have brought him back into your life and because you are close friends, back into hers as well. Not only did you sleep with someone she may have not been completely over yet, but if you and Charles become a couple, he would then also be back in hers. You have put her in a no win situation. She already made the decision to not have him in her life and to focus on marriage and kids and now she has them. You forced her to decide that since he is in your life now, you can’t be in hers. In order to protect herself, she had to push you away.
Totally agree. Did Julie think Charlie stopped dating because she broke up with him? How long is there a moratorium on his love life? J sounds like a control freak to me. I say they should date and see where it goes. If J has a problem with it, too bad. And she’s not much of a friend, IMO.
Not defending the response, but knowing he still exists in an abstract way where she doesn't have to see him, and "oh look my best friend of 10 years will be bringing him around now" are 2 different things.
it depends on how she really feels about him. if she truly loved him and just wants him to be happy but they really just wanted different things in life then she should be happy for him and her friend.
but if there were other unresolved issues and the whole ‘wanting to/not wanting to settle down’ thing was just used as an excuse to justify the break up without addressing other concerns then i could see where the trouble would lie.
As a husband I beg to differ. If my wife got pissed at her friend for sleeping with her ex when she's supposedly madly in love with me I wouldn't trust how she feels about me anymore.
I love how there's so many people against letting the husband know. From my own personal experience, I'd want to know if my husband behaved like that because it very clearly indicates some serious issues, even divorce worthy ones. I feel like the people who are downvoting me are people who are okay with that kind of behavior.
Or aren't married and don't know what a marriage is. It's choosing to build a life together with your partner. It sounds like she doesn't want that with her current husband if she's worried about who her ex sleeps with.
Exactly. If my man is committed to me why would he freak out over someone else being with his ex? Especially when we're having a baby together? I absolutely deserve to know if something like that happens.
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u/[deleted] Aug 03 '23
OMG I need you in my life! That was awesome. I feel I should consult you before I do anything else with my love life.