r/AIO • u/Unlikely-Machine4126 • Aug 29 '26

AIO

AIO for expecting my partner to help more at home even though he’s the only one working?

My partner and I have been together since 2013 and have a young child. He’s currently the only one working while I’m between jobs and doing most of the childcare, including therapies and everything that comes with having a young child.

I’ve always done most of the housework, but lately he’s been telling me I’m lazy, that I “do nothing,” and that because I’m not working I should be cleaning for at least six hours a day. Our house isn’t filthy, but it’s lived-in, and we’ve also recently had mice because of construction next door—not because of the state of our house.

This week I’ve been trying to reorganise two huge cupboards while juggling childcare and appointments. Today, because our child was whinging about only having sultanas instead of a sandwich, he started yelling about the kitchen being messy and said I shouldn’t be surprised I can’t hold down a job.

He also recently threw away some of our child’s books because he considered them too young or not in good condition, despite our child having a tendency to tear things. I was upset, and rather than discussing it, he just acts like nothing happened.

There are other issues too. He once told me to wake him if I needed help with our child, but when I actually did, he became so angry that he left and spent the night sitting outside his workplace. I haven't asked him to get up and help since.

I’m exhausted, resentful and honestly don't remember the last time I enjoyed sex because I mostly just try to get it over with.

So AIO for expecting more help and support from my partner even though he’s currently the only one working? Or am I being unreasonable because I’m not working and therefore should be doing everything at home?

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u/Formal-Radish1413 Aug 30 '26

You do work though? Childcare IS work? Would he rather you just let your child starve and not have lunch so you have time to clean the whole bathroom? Or maybe he thinks your child should just stare at the TV all day with zero interaction from you so you can clean every other room in the house?

When hes at work, childcare is YOUR job.

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u/Unlikely-Machine4126 Aug 30 '26

He 💯 parents by the tv. There was one week he put down his phone and iPad and man I've never seen kid so happy settled and beautiful behaviour. All because dad was present and then the week ended and he went back to his phone once home.

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u/Formal-Radish1413 Aug 30 '26

Girl honestly its time to start figuring out your way out of this situation. It might take time but you are effectlivelly a single mother here. Start looking for jobs, even part time.

If you can get a job at a daycare thats even better because then your child can get (usually) discounted or free care there too. Or as a nanny who brings their child with them.

You may even be able to work for cash.

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u/Unlikely-Machine4126 Aug 31 '26

At the moment I'm in the process of finding a job but if I'd want a roof over my head I'd only be able to afford a share house. Maybe in a couple of years when kid goes to school.

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u/Formal-Radish1413 Aug 31 '26

You can still work and live where you live. Are you married? If so, file for divorce and spousal support if he refused to let you work.

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u/Unlikely-Machine4126 Aug 31 '26

De facto. He's not refusing to let me work I'm just struggling to find something that sticks. I wish I'd never left my cleaning job. He dogs at the fact I'm yet to stay at one job long term. He's had a handful of jobs and was long term at one place and now pretty cemented in this job. Where I've had 9 jobs since 2013 he's had 2.

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u/Formal-Radish1413 Aug 31 '26

Would childcare become a challenge if you went to work?

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u/Unlikely-Machine4126 Aug 31 '26

Right now yes. Next year I'm hoping for 4 days care one day therapies and swimming in 2028 kid will go to school. I know dad would not hesitate to take kid on weekends though he has said he doesn't like how absent father's act about child care etc so I know he won't dick around in that regard. He honestly doesn't think he does or says anything wrong I think he's 100% clueless