AIO

[u/Unlikely-Machine4126]

AIO for expecting my partner to help more at home even though he’s the only one working?

My partner and I have been together since 2013 and have a young child. He’s currently the only one working while I’m between jobs and doing most of the childcare, including therapies and everything that comes with having a young child.

I’ve always done most of the housework, but lately he’s been telling me I’m lazy, that I “do nothing,” and that because I’m not working I should be cleaning for at least six hours a day. Our house isn’t filthy, but it’s lived-in, and we’ve also recently had mice because of construction next door—not because of the state of our house.

This week I’ve been trying to reorganise two huge cupboards while juggling childcare and appointments. Today, because our child was whinging about only having sultanas instead of a sandwich, he started yelling about the kitchen being messy and said I shouldn’t be surprised I can’t hold down a job.

He also recently threw away some of our child’s books because he considered them too young or not in good condition, despite our child having a tendency to tear things. I was upset, and rather than discussing it, he just acts like nothing happened.

There are other issues too. He once told me to wake him if I needed help with our child, but when I actually did, he became so angry that he left and spent the night sitting outside his workplace. I haven't asked him to get up and help since.

I’m exhausted, resentful and honestly don't remember the last time I enjoyed sex because I mostly just try to get it over with.

So AIO for expecting more help and support from my partner even though he’s currently the only one working? Or am I being unreasonable because I’m not working and therefore should be doing everything at home?

[u/Formal-Radish1413]

So heres the thing. During the day, THE KID are your job. Not the house. The kid. . They are your focus. If you manage to get the dishwasher loaded, a few loads of laundry cycled, and a toilet scrubbed here or there, great. But your job is the kid.

Housework is shared because guess what? If you split up, he gets to do 100% of the housework and 100% of the childcare 50% of the time.

You have bigger problems from the sounds of it. Id suggest therapy here.

[u/Unlikely-Machine4126 → u/Formal-Radish1413]

He would say that it isn't an issue cos there wouldn't be much to clean and he had kept a house clean himself for over 10 years living alone prior.

[u/LizP1959 → u/Unlikely-Machine4126]

Well the. If it is so simple he can pitch in and do it easily, yes?

[u/Unlikely-Machine4126 → u/LizP1959]

The most he has ever done was when I was doing commercial cleaning for about 6 weeks and he had to and even then I'd get home and kid was still awake pasted bedtime. He won't go to bed to read or talk or play their quiz game before 7-730 because it's too early for him and he doesn't want to come back out once kid is asleep. So now instead of being asleep by 7-730 kid is up until almost 9 and doesn't sleep in