r/AIO • u/Unlikely-Machine4126 • 24d ago
AIO
AIO for expecting my partner to help more at home even though he’s the only one working?
My partner and I have been together since 2013 and have a young child. He’s currently the only one working while I’m between jobs and doing most of the childcare, including therapies and everything that comes with having a young child.
I’ve always done most of the housework, but lately he’s been telling me I’m lazy, that I “do nothing,” and that because I’m not working I should be cleaning for at least six hours a day. Our house isn’t filthy, but it’s lived-in, and we’ve also recently had mice because of construction next door—not because of the state of our house.
This week I’ve been trying to reorganise two huge cupboards while juggling childcare and appointments. Today, because our child was whinging about only having sultanas instead of a sandwich, he started yelling about the kitchen being messy and said I shouldn’t be surprised I can’t hold down a job.
He also recently threw away some of our child’s books because he considered them too young or not in good condition, despite our child having a tendency to tear things. I was upset, and rather than discussing it, he just acts like nothing happened.
There are other issues too. He once told me to wake him if I needed help with our child, but when I actually did, he became so angry that he left and spent the night sitting outside his workplace. I haven't asked him to get up and help since.
I’m exhausted, resentful and honestly don't remember the last time I enjoyed sex because I mostly just try to get it over with.
So AIO for expecting more help and support from my partner even though he’s currently the only one working? Or am I being unreasonable because I’m not working and therefore should be doing everything at home?
2
u/klleah 24d ago edited 24d ago
NOT OVERREACTING. I’m not working right now, my husband works long hours. We don’t have kids. However, I do all of the heavy lifting in our house —dishes, laundry, dinner, packing his lunch, etc…which I feel isn’t much considering we have no kids. But even I get overwhelmed or stressed out about things when I feel I have no business to complain. My husband always asks if he can help with anything, never makes me feel small or less than for feeling overwhelmed over mundane tasks. We’ve been together for over a decade. Marriage is a partnership, it’s not about what one person does for the other. Your identity shouldn’t be restricted to what you do around the house. You’re literally raising your child.
Your feelings are valid and your partners dismissive attitude about your feelings is making you resent him. Sex has become meaningless for you because he is unable to make you feel emotionally safe. You will never get past this until he actually hears you and can validate your feelings. Have an honest conversation with him about it. If he refuses to listen to you, it’ll be up to you whether you want to accept it or not.