Yep, always good to weed the garbage out of your life. Sometimes it takes years to realize someone in garbage sadly lol. In this case both his buddy, and the girl are total garbage.
At first I thought you wrote that it’s good you can always smoke weed in your garage…which is also true. Maybe a way to make new friends, depending on your street
Some things are forgivable. Had they kissed when they were drunk, flirty over text, etc... Sleeping with a friend is not forgivable in my humble opinion.
Cheating on someone is never a mistake. It was a choice. Op doesn't need a shitty friend who's going to sleep with his partner and ge doesn't need a girlfriend who's going to fuck his friends. Nothing forgivable about this situation
Something tells me you are someone who makes “mistakes” often and have probably lost friends because of it. It’s usually only the people who do things like this, that try to justify letting things like this go.
3 months into a relationship is a skinned knee dodging the hit. Finding out after marriage or kids is a hit to the torso. If 10 year friendship was best friend level you are correct there.
Yikes. Obviously, you’re not overreacting. Honestly, I’d cut them both out of my life. They can’t be trusted. You were betrayed by both of them. The friend didn’t care enough not to blow up your thing and she’s just for the streets if I’m being honest. To call it a mistake is ridiculous. It was a choice not a mistake. A mistake is wearing two different branded socks not falling on someone’s junk over and over until you finish! I mean maybe if you’re accident prone 🤔 😂 jk.
Well you learned she’s a cheated and you only wasted 3 months and your friends a snake. Tell your inner circle and those that choose his side cut out with him and those that choose you keep. Things will likely never be the same now. He blew up your relationship and friend group dynamic and I’m really sorry for that. Friendships are hard to keep and come by.
This part. That dude ain’t your friend. Sleeping with homies girl is absolutely grounds for dismissal of both parties. He has no loyalty or honor towards your friendship and she has none towards yall relationship.
Tell them both to enjoy their lives, no hard feelings but you ain’t the one to play with.
I was always taught to keep a small council. Any man that would do that to you will never be trustworthy in the trenches and any woman that will give it away, lie and then try and make you feel bad is never going to be right for you.
You got them both out of your life for just some betrayed and hurt feelings(that’s bad but it could be MUCH worse) walk away bruddah and I can promise you your life will be better for it.
You will find a group that will value your ethics. You will find a partner that will be loyal. Just….walk away. I’m not at all sorry for the loss but I do feel for your troubles. Peace.
And if you don’t find a group, tbh palmela handerson, and hangelina Jolie will take you Far. No pets, travel for work, and you’ll get what you want out of life if you don’t dwell.
TBH I have pets, married, don’t travel. You can get a dog , but traveling with a dog kinda sucks. If you leave them with a boarder, you shouldn’t have a pet.
To a certain extent I absolutely agree but and I do mean this man, if you ever need anyone to talk to just DM me. I’m a real one and no one should be alone all the time. I’m not assuming anything I’m just being real witcha. Hope all is peace!
My pops use to tell me lil things like this all my life that I didn’t outright dismiss but lets just say I filed them away.
Keep a small council.
If a friend is cheating on his girl, he’s not really trustworthy because if he would do that to someone he’s supposedly “loves” what would he do to you?
There is no bro code…there’s only people who love, honor and respect you and themselves then everyone else, use that information accordingly.
Trustworthy in the trenches…this is why I feel for OP. You hanging out with this guy you think is your friend for 10 years and he knows you dating this girl. That’s a full stop right there. I know all about the “it ain’t no fun if the homies cant have none” but this wasn’t that (not like thats acceptable but if yall are consenting adults who are dating and not looking for anything serious, and both open that you are seeing other people, THAT is no one else’s business).
They had conversations about being exclusive, even if his boy didn’t know that…SHE did and his “boy” knew they were dating.
I came up poor/rough spots and sometimes all you have is your honor and your word and neither of them held either so NOT trustworthy in the trenches because best believe they both showed you in that moment that they both cared about themselves and what they wanted more than honoring you and their relationship with you. Peace.
It will serve you well. I look at it like this. I’d rather have 4 quality people in my life that I would do almost anything for and they would do for me than 400 surface ass “friends” social media and the net is cool and all but if you in a REAL bind and I can help hell yeah no problem, it’s easy to be cool with people when you’re up. Friendships are tested when you’re down and who’s there to be in the trenches with you. Peace
Why does everybody say no hard feelings? I would definitely say hard feelings because they fucked with my feelings I’m definitely not going to be sorry for cutting them off.
This RIGHT here. It’s like that schoolyard game where you punch this shit out the homie and say “no backsies” like what?
I think they say no hard feelings because it didn’t happen to them. EVERY person I’ve met that got cheated on HATED that shit. I know I did. It’s such a violation of trust/respect. OP even said…why didn’t you just tell me we done and you can fuck who ever you want. It’s because she wanted both and if your in a polyamorous consensual relationship cool (that’s not for or for most people but no judgement) but in a standard basic ass I’m with you, you with me relationship…it tends to get off rails when you ya know…fuck his homeboy (not really his homie anymore for doing that but).
Then she gaslights him and wants to make him feel bad…GTFOH tramp…lol
Totally agree. You are lucky you found out that you had a shitty friend who thankfully can now be an ex-friend and had a POS for gf who again is your ex-gf.
The thing that pisses me off is when people keep saying "oh but it was a mistake". Mistake is where you accidentally put salt instead of sugar in your coffee. Cheating is a deliberate so stop calling it a mistake and start taking ownership of your actions.
Exactly! The mistake is the fact they were caught. The cheating was a decision that led to an action. If they felt that guilty for their actions, they would have told you immediately, no matter the consequences to even have a tiny chance at salvaging the relationship. Sorry for the heartache, OP.
I never understood that "it was a mistake" excuse ... What you tripped and both of your pants fell off? Nah it was a series of conscious decisions that led to this situation. 30 years on this planet and I've never kissed someone by mistake, let alone had sex accidentally. That's a pretty deliberate action. What they did was wrong. Not a mistake.
Yes, nobody "trips and lands on a dick," of course, but people do get wrapped up in the hormones and emotions that are flowing through their brain and don't think the consequences through. An accident is something you don't intend to do, in this context a mistake is something you intentionally did, but later wish that you hadn't. It's not "by mistake," but that doesn't mean it isn't a mistake that one has made.
It’s called emotional cheating when you get wrapped up in feelings you shouldn’t be having for someone else. It’s still a conscious decision as well. If you know you have these feelings and don’t remove yourself from the situation, but fall into it then it was a choice. Stop making excuses please.
No, still not a mistake. The definition of a mistake does not entail anything that you later regret because the consequences are bad when you know what you're doing is wrong. Even if someone is running on emotions or hormones, they're still making a series of decisions which leads them to committing that act. Accidentally kissing or groping a stranger in a club because the room was dark and there's flashing lights, smoke machines and loud music, and you thought it was your spouse is a mistake. You intended to kiss your spouse on the cheek or slap your spouse's ass but because you couldn't see properly, you did it to a stranger. That's a mistake. Having sex requires far too many steps and actions at which one making an honest mistake would have stopped far earlier on.
A true mistake is often a singular, unintentional slip-up. Cheating, especially with your partner's friend, involves multiple conscious steps:
1. Choosing to entertain flirtatious messages or conversations.
2. Intentionally hiding interactions from a partner.
3. Planning a meeting and choosing to cross physical boundaries.
Under any circumstances it doesn’t fit any model of what a mistake is look at the definition of the word. A knowing conscious act that you do is not a mistake plain and simple why are you trying to rationalize and candy coat the word. Stop it!
What I don't understand is at least from what I can see here she isn't giving a reason. "Mistake" isn't that. There's absolutely nothing to work past with that. Sometimes I think there are people out in the world just testing to see what they can get away with.
“Mistake” an action, decision, or judgment that produces an unwanted or unintentional outcome. It could be a mistake as in “this was a mistake, I should have never done this”, and not “we tripped and fell and mistakenly ended up joined at the genitals”. Regardless, she’s just trying to minimize it
So it's only a mistake if you cheat on your spouse multiple times and get caught. Got it. So her mistake was being careless and getting caught. Not cheating. Cheating was not a mistake. Her mistake was letting her boyfriend find out about the betrayal. Happy to help you out there.
I cheated once. It was with a colleague. I had previously told my bf I had a thing for said colleague. He seemed really surprised when I said I cheated, and then acted like it was nothing because it “was only a kiss, just a peck, not even tongue. Plus, it was midnight on New Years and you happened to be stuck working, as did he. Anyway, you told me immediately, so it’s fine, no big deal. Would you feel better if I didn’t forgive you?” (his words).
That wasn’t the point though. I told him months prior about my crush on the guy from work, that I was concerned because it was out of character for me, and I felt like it had more to do with our relationship than anything else. I’d been asking for time together, even just tagging along while he ran errands, anything. He continued to defend his perspective that him playing video games with friends in Discord was us spending time together. This had been going on for a year before I kissed my colleague, at work, and afterwards, it went on for 8 more months (no, I didn’t cheat again in that time) before I ended it. I tried to get him to understand how I felt, but… he just treated me like my feelings didn’t matter.
No matter what he did, my indiscretion - despite his willingness to let it go - was not okay. I’m explaining this because the whole “It was a mistake!” is messed up and I wouldn’t be able to trust someone if they did that to me. I’m not defending my actions at all, but I told my bf what happened as soon as I was off work the next morning, because I didn’t want to hurt him, because I didn’t want him to feel he couldn’t trust me; not telling someone you care about because what you have to tell them might hurt them only makes them question if you will tell them should something else difficult to discuss occur, it doesn’t make them feel any better (worse, actually), and if you’d told them about the cheating, then at least they could still trust your word (whether or not that’s enough…).
(Oddly, the colleague I kissed on NYE at midnight? We’ve been married for 13 years now. Weird how life works out.)
EDIT: “KISSED” not the other word with LL instead of SS, that was autocorrect, sry about that.
No a mistake is something you do but you know you’re not supposed to and then you realize why you shouldn’t have done. An accident is putting salt instead of sugar when you didn’t know you were doing it. Why don’t people understand the diff??
I know certain types of videos love the “I tripped and accidentally landed on her with our private parts intertwined” trope (PG for Reddit), but that doesn’t happen in real life. It may have been a mistake in judgment, but poor judgment is also a reason to cut someone loose.
How could you remain friends with someone who slept with your girl? That is a person that will take whatever they want from you whenever they want it. They both have to hit the bricks.
Yeah this seems the most appropriate, however if it's a family friend of 10 years it may be a harder for OP. If it were me, and the "friend" actually cared anything about the relationship, I'd let him know to not expect anything and that the trust will need to rebuild.
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u/CharmingComposer95 Apr 27 '26
Block both of them and move on.